Bittersweet

The evening before yesterday, both of my headlights went out on my car.   My car is a 2012 Malibu and it’s the first car I have owned. It’s been paid off for a couple of years now and my Mom drives it back-and-forth from her house to mine to assist with my care. As I have written before,  I have stopped driving.

I texted Dan right after the Les Stanford Service Department opened up.  After exchanging a few texts with Dan, it was arranged that my Mom would take my car there to get new headlights. We figured out that it has to be taken in to get new headlights because the entire bumper has to come off  before the headlights can be replaced.

When my car was there, it also needed an oil change. My Mom told Dan that the chair topper was rusting the roof of my car. Dan said that he would have it sent over to the body shop to have them take a look at it.

Dan texted me to let me know when it was complete.

There needs to be a little bit of a backstory here:

My Dad leased me a 2000 Malibu when I was in college. It was electric blue and it’s name was, “Bess” because I wanted to get cow seat covers back then.  I totaled it early one winter morning on my way to work.  It was my first time driving on Detroit roads after it had snowed. Up to that point, I had completely been spoiled by Dearborn roads that are nicely plowed for my whole life!

It was after that, that I leased my first car from my Dad’s car salesman. It was a 2006 Malibu. It was silver and had a sunroof.  Her name was, “James.”   Even though it was a girl, the first song I heard after I signed the papers was James Blunt.  When that lease what’s up, I leased my second car from Ali Reda who was at the same dealership. My Dad‘s car salesman had left.   When that lease was almost up, Bill wink, the dealership by my parents’ house, had closed and I followed Ali Reda  to Les Stanford.

I leased a 2009 Malibu. It was black. Her name was “Natasha.”   She was named after Natasha Bedingfield.  Toward the end of that lease, I killed that car too. I was driving to work in the rain and Dix was flooded.   I didn’t know it was the as flooded as it was until the car in front of me‘s rear lights went underwater!   I shoved my car in reverse but it was too late to get out of the water. Apparently, cars don’t float!

I had a chair topper and hand controls put on, “Natasha” because I was in a wheelchair full-time and was driving with my hands at that point. I had the lease changed over to a purchase of the car so the chair topper could be bolted onto the roof.

I had my dead, “Natasha” sent over to Advantage Mobility so they could remove the chair topper and hand controls and Ali Reda was able to sell that car and have me purchase a new 2012 Malibu. Her name is, “Bea” She is named after Colbie Caillat.  After I signed the papers at Les Stanford, Ali arranged for the car to be sent directly to Advantage so they could put the chair topper on.

When Advantage was finished with it, I picked my new car up from there. I have never seen my car without the chair topper.

When my Mom went to pick up the car, this is what she found!:

I was completely shocked! My car looks so beautiful! I had never seen it without a chair topper and I own that!

Saundra will scrap the chair topper because Advantage won’t buy it back because it’s a pretty old model.  They filled the holes that the bolts Left on the roof and covered it with Saran wrap stuff that’s really tough!

I stared at these three pictures that my Mom sent me and my eyes kind of teared up! My car looks so pretty!   It’s kind of bittersweet! I will never be able to drive it again. I own it. I have never owned a car before!  I especially like this last picture because you can see the dent I put in the rear driver’s side door.   I also like it because if you zoom in on the rims, you can tell how often I would bump into curbs toward the end of my driving days.

I will drive this car until it dies, or rather, my Mom will drive that car until it dies because it has a lifetime XM radio in it!

Christmas Chronicles

Yesterday, I made a Christmas playlist on Apple Music of all my favorite Christmas songs. My Mom and I listened to it as she washhed my legs and put my tens unit on.  In  addition to all of my Christmas faves, I put Wham! on it four different times! I put it on shuffle and was surprised  and delighted each end every time it played!

My Mom has been telling me about a Christmas movie that she saw a Netflix for a few days now. She’s been telling me to watch it. Well, I watched it today. I absolutely loved it! It was called, Christmas Chronicles.

I know that I have written before that when I was 16, I worked at Fairlane mall in a sports apparel store that was called Superstars.   I remember one time, just before Christmas and after the mall was  decorated for Christmas, Santa had just arrived for pictures. I walked to the common area  where Santa was with Don (the manager’s nephew).   He worked there too and we were both on break.

It was the first year that Fairlane mall had a Santa Claus who  actually looked like an authentic Santa Claus. We were on the second floor and we walked to the glass ledge so I could get a better look. Before I even realized it, out yelled, “Santa!”  Santa looked up in my direction, right at me and slowly raised his hand to wave at me. I gasped and smiled  widely and waved back excitedly!

I’m sure that Don made fun of me for doing this but I was so excited that I couldn’t help myself! I didn’t even care because it was actually Santa! I felt like I was a little child and NOT 16 years old!

I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone who sees it but I felt the EXACT same way watching this movie!  I’m pretty sure that I’m going to watch  it again, probably today but it was so nice to remember that excited feeling I had when seeing Santa when I was a teenager!

Sean and I were at Southland Mall a couple of years ago with my Mom. Sean and I had just taken our Christmas pictures and we were going to eat at Olga‘s Kitchen. Santa had just sat down and they were getting ready to start taking pictures. As Sean pushed me past him, I raised my hand and frantically waved as I yelled, “Santa!”

I’m not sure if it was just because I was in a wheelchair but he waved back at me and smiled which STILL made my day!

All-Time Christmas Faves 2018

Yep, still NOT Christmas without these tunes! Even though I heard  this first song which is my ultimate, favorite Christmas song EVER a few days ago…

“Last Christmas” Wham!

“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”  Gayla Peevey

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”  Judy Garland

“Merry Christmas, Darling”  Karen Carpenter

“All I Want for Christmas is You”  Mariah Carey

“Feliz Navidad”  Jose Feliciano – DUH!!!

“Christmas Shoes”  Alabama

“Shake up Christmas”  Train

“Please Come Home for Christmas” Bon Jovi

“O, Holy Night”  Jon Secada

“River”  Sarah McGlachlan –  ALWAYS makes me think of Parker and I smile!

“Baby, Please Come Home”  U2

“Mary, Did You Know?”  CeeLo Green

Songs added in 2014:

“Underneath the Tree”  Kelly Clarkson

“Do They Know It’s Christmas?”  Band Aid 1984

“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings”  Barenaked Ladies Feat. Saran McLachlan

My Mom played this one for me just after Veteran’s Day in 2015:

I cried.

“A Soldier’s Christmas Poem”

I added the songs in 2016 because I was watching Ellen a lot when I first  was off work and even though I am not Jewish, I love Adam Sandler and Sean does too!

“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”  Andy Williams

“The Original Hanukkah Song”  Adam Sandler

“The Hanukkah Song – Part 2”  Adam Sandler

“The Hanukkah Song – Part 3”  Adam Sandler

“The Hanukkah Song – Part 4”  Adam Sandler

Sleeping Babies?!  I LOVE it  and it’s just a Pampers commercial but can fit in with Christmas songs because, “Silent Night” is a Christmas song!

Added in 2017:

I dig this version too!

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”  James Taylor

“Christmas Lights”  Coldplay

A friend of mine gave me these suggestions for 2018:

John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album.  I can dig these too!

”Christmas is Coming”  Miss Piggy

“A Christmas Wish”  Kermit the Frog

“We Wish You a Merry Christmas” The Muppets

The same friend suggested this one and I kind of dig it too!

“Yule Shoot Your Eye Out”  Fall Out Boy

My Song

Saturday night and last night after my Mom had left and I was tucked nicely into my bad, she called me.   She doesn’t usually call me after I am in bed unless there is something wrong. I mediately answered! She told me that, “My song” was on.

Granted, it was a little bit early because Thanksgiving is not until Thursday but it IS my ultimate, favorite Christmas song EVER!!! She turned it up and I HAD to sing along at the top of my lungs! Both times, it was at the verse, “Once bitten and twice shy…”

Having heard this song twice and given the fact that I have already started watching Hallmark Christmas movies this year, Christmas is being celebrated a little bit early!

I’M DOWN!!!

*As I dictated this blog post  into my phone , I pulled up the Wham! video on YouTube, Turned the volume on my phone all the way up and started singing  along with  the song at the top of my lungs!. Sean was in his room and began saying something so I stopped the music and he was singing along! He knew all of the words!

I have succeeded! I told him that his kids will know that this is my ultimate, favorite Christmas song EVER!

YAY!!!

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #37

I heard this song on Friday as they waited in my Mom‘s driveway after my Neurology appointment.  It was definitely a throwback.  Whatever happened to this guy?!

I saw this video show up in my YouTube queue today.

So this is what he’s been up to!

“Whoa-shin”

My Mom showed me her hands the other day and they were rough and in need of lotion.   As she showed me her hands, I told her that she needed, “Whoa-shin”  and I started to laugh.

When Sean was little and when we still lived with my parents,  he used to say, “Whoa-shin”  instead of lotion. Now, when I was little, my Mom used to always lotion her hands before we went into church on Sundays because they were rough. She needed to soften them up for the,  “Sign of peace” hand shakes.   I have never liked the feel of lotion on my hands since Sean has been alive so he had to hear that word from my Mom.

I remember when I taught English, I had expensive natural lotion that didn’t feel greasy when I put it on my hands. I needed to find lotion because my hands would get dry, crack, and bleed in the winter. The lotion was expensive and before I was finished using it up, the container cracked  and it began to leak out. I didn’t want to waste it so I put the bottle of lotion into a gallon Ziploc bag so it could leak out into the bag and I would just put my hand inside the bag and get some lotion out before I started work.

One student, I don’t even remember his name, but he made a comment about my, “Bag  of lotion” and it made me laugh because he said it like it was a normal thing.  Thinking about Sean saying, “Whoa-shin”  add my student talking about my, “Bag of lotion”  made me realize that my hands no longer get dry, crack, and bleed  because I rarely leave my house now so I’m not exposed to the cold.  When I do, I wear gloves from late September until February or March anyway. I don’t need any, “Whoa-shin” now but I When I remember Sean saying that when he was little and it makes me smile.

“Butt or Bun?”

I don’t like to eat the end pieces of a loaf of bread. I have passed that distain down to my son. I call them, the end pieces, “Butts.”   When Sean and I lived in  both of our apartments,  we would bring the, “Butts” over to my parents’ house because we refused to eat, “Butt sandwiches.”    My Mom always told me that it was still bread so it doesn’t matter that it was the end pieces. I still gave her the, “Butts!”

I haven’t eaten bread for a long time now so I had stopped sending the, “Butt” pieces over to her.  Now that it is so cold, my Mom brings hot cereal over to make and I will have toast with either my Cream of Wheat or Coco Wheats. It has been so cold that sticking to, “no carbs” doesn’t really have a place for me right now!

My Mom brought over more Cream of Wheat today so that is what I ate for breakfast.   Today, she told me how to make it. For my entire life, I never knew how to make it!   I sat in my kitchen with my mug and stared out the window as it started to snow. I started to eat my cereal and my Mom handed me a piece of toast.

I have always eaten Cream of Wheat or Coco Wheats with toast, that’s probably why I never made it myself.   I finished up my piece of toast and still had cereal left over to eat. I asked my Mom for another slice of toast.

She asked me, “Butt or bun?” I started to laugh and she told me that there was only one more, “Butt” piece of bread so I could eat that or I would have to eat a toasted 1/2 of a hamburger bun.  I started to laugh! At least she called the, “Butt” what it really was!

I continued to laugh because my Mom called it a, “Butt.”   After I was done laughing, I chose the 1/2 of a hamburger bun because I STILL don’t like to eat the end pieces of a loaf of bread!

Coco Wheats

This morning, as is my routine now because it is so cold, I sit in my living room in my wheelchair and after a bit of time, I put my contacts in. My Mom brings me my garlic tea and I try to warm up.  Once my contacts are in, my Mom will make some breakfast.

Because I have been so cold each morning, my Mom will make hot cereal. We ate all of the Cream of Wheat hot cereal that she brought over so she made Coco Wheats today. It’s easier for me to eat when it is in a mug.

As I was stirring the cereal, I started singing the song that my Mom used to sing to us when we were kids every time she made it.  I had wheeled into the doorway of the kitchen as my Mom stood at the stove and I stared outside at the snow in my backyard.   Just the smell reminded me of playing the snow when I was a kid and my Mom making this for us so we could warm up after we came into the house.

I told my Mom that I sang this song to one of my former colleagues years ago and she laughed and laughed when I sang it for and to her. She had never heard the song before and I told her that my Mom sang it every time she made Coco Wheats!

So, you know I had to send her the picture of the Coco Wheats in my mug and I told her that of course I had to sing the song!   She responded with, “Lol”  and that made me relive that day in the teacher’s lounge  years ago all over again and it made me smile! As I finished the cereal, I could feel myself warming up.    Natalie, that song has been in my head ALL DAY LONG!!!

12 Years

Today, this morning, wasn’t any different from yesterday. However, I sat in my wheelchair and put Good Morning Football on.   I took my time to put my contacts in and wasn’t really paying attention to the TV. I stared off into space and tried to gather some strength. My Mom brought over my garlic tea because it was warm and I drink it every morning.

She made Cream of Wheat and even though I had my contacts in, I could not get warm. She brought a blanket over to cover me and I ended up reclining in my wheelchair and falling back to sleep. I just did not feel well!

I am not sure how long I slept for but I slept so deeply that I even started to dream. My Mom and I were at a movie theater with Sean between us and he was small, probably about three years old. I thought this would be a dream about Happy Feet because that was the first movie we took Sean to see and there is a funny story surrounding it.

That probably will be a story I wrote about at a later date but as we sat in the theater, over my right shoulder, I heard my Dad!

I had a dream where I saw and heard my Dad speak just after he died. I haven’t heard his voice in 12 years! My brothers sound like him and even my son will say things like him but they’re not him!  I didn’t know how much I missed hearing his voice until I heard it! He was calling my Mom.  He said, “Mary Ann” twice. It was the unmistakable tone of his voice that is just the tiniest bit different than my brothers or my son.

I’ve never heard my Dad call my Mom by both of her names but as I recounted the dream to her she said that he did sometimes. Usually when he wasn’t happy with something she had done. She  said it in the exact tone that he used in my dream. She totally knew what I was talking about! She told me it was an authoritative tone and almost sternly. That was exactly what it was!

When Sean got home from school, I told him about it and had wistful tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. I was so excited to have had that experience and, “encounter”  even though I did not see him, hearing him was just as good!  It had been so long since I heard him and now, I am so grateful to have had that experience and his voice is re-etched into my memory now. I  was so good to hear him and I am SOgrateful!