So, last night as I was getting ready for bed and my Mom took my socks off, I didn’t look at her when I said it but, I said, “ I never thought that this would be my entire life.” And I began to cry. Slow, fat tears, spilled out of both eyes.
I’ve written before that wasn’t ready for this, but it is happening. I did not post yesterday because I had my own mini ‘pity party.’ This is difficult and this heat is making it so much more unbearable!!! I saw this meme today:
It is so BEYOND true except ‘clinic visits research.’ Regardless of how I feel, I still go to the doctor because I make the appointment six months in advance and I rented a van. I was so glad that my haircut didn’t involve fire smoke, but I think seeing my naturopath on Tuesday will and that makes me a little bit nervous.
I’m singing this song because I cried yesterday and because this is always been me. I’m old:
So, my Mom watched a video and this song was playing, and I started to cry. I remember that Ms. Kneffel (she was the piano player for the plays) just before my graduation asked me if there was a song I wanted to sing for the ceremony and she would play it for me.
I thought about it for a moment, and I told her, “Ms. Kneff (that’s why I used to call her) I can’t sing for it, I will be a blubbering mess because I will be too emotional. Thank you, but I can’t do that.”
In retrospect, I should’ve just sucked it up and tried my best to sing it because I didn’t know that I would lose that ability as I have now.
My Mom told me that we should watch this movie and I stayed silent because there was a lump in my throat. It just hits differently now for me. You know, being a teacher annd all with a short stint that I was.
It’s really bothering me that I can no longer sing. I can still feel the air filling my lungs as I belted words out, but I can’t do that anymore. Additionally, I used to sing that song with my cousinT Shannon in her basement when I was like 17.
I got super uncomfortable this evening and I couldn’t understand why. Until I checked the weather and I could not believe that it wasn’t still 95° at like 7 o’clock. This heat is horrible!!!
My house is probably around 75° even though it’s set at 70°. I am just trying to endure this heat wave! I watched Voicemailsfor Isabel again today. That’s my fourth time and I think I’m understanding a little bit more, meaning that I can see everything a little bit better. I do that. I watch the same movies over and over again. My eyes take a few I can really get what’s going on.
After seeing it so many times, I get what’s going on. I NEVER planned on being in my homebound life, but this is how it is. Sean watched it with me for a little bit today when she bought the food truck. I remember that song was my JAM in high school!
I could sing along a little bit because I know all the words, but I can’t sing anymore. My lungs can’t handle that anymore and it’s too warm for me to bust out my breathing exerciser to work on that.
I absolutely LOVE the ending bridge, “I love you, I miss you…” I still remember belting that one out! It sucks that I can’t anymore. Maybe in the fall, I can bust out my lung exerciser breathing tube thing and maybe it will come back. but if not, I still have my memories… those have not really faded that much. It’s kind of painful for me when you think about it…
It has been 17 days since my wheelchair has stopped responding. Well, I can move it backward and forward, but I can’t extend my legs or give my back some relief. 17 days! That’s a lot! It’s 17 days and not so much ann end in sight. Dujuan is coming on Monday so maybe something will happen but I’m really not banking on it.
My Mom got a text saying that the parts ordering is on step four of six. That might be a good thing and maybe we could take my chair in next week as I had planned. But, I had a development today…
My Mom had to leave for a bit and I was seated in my wheelchair. I had my Medical Guardian device on which is what I wear anytime I am home alone even for a short while. You can never be too sure! Sitting in my broken wheelchair is quite uncomfortable because I cannot recline at all. It has been 17 days?!
I was sitting in my chair and listening to the Catechism in a Year when I slipped. I slipped forward, so much so that my butt was almost off of the seat, and the belt was just under my armpits. It did not feel good at all!!! I had just called my Mom and told her that I had slipped a little bit. I was a little slouched. I told her that before I got really slouched annd almost off the chair!
At that moment, I pressed the button on my Guardian Medical device. Avery answered and he asked if I needed help. I have had this device for about six or seven years. I have never had to admit that I needed help Like this. I had called before when we were at the dentist in the parking lot and the wheels on my wheelchair got messed up on the ramp. I also called when my wheelchair got stuck on the porch.
My Mom called 911 when I slipped in the bathroom and I was wedged between the toilet and the tub. I cried then, but I did not call them. My Mom did. Well, today, I was home alone and I had to call them. I told Avery that sometimes they take 10 minutes to get here and he offered to stay on the line with me until they get here. I told him that wasn’t necessary and he told me to call them back if they are not at my house in five minutes.
I felt surprisingly calm throughout this whole thing, but when I heard the firetrucks coming, I began to cry a little bit. I heard the Alanis Morissette in my head as I heard the firetruck coming:
Jared and Keith cut me up in two shakes and they loved Leia up like crazy! Jared said that they both are dog people! Jared had all the information on the iPad and I had to sign. I have never had to do that before. My Mom usually does that.
I did not write a blog post yesterday because my chair has been broken since May 24. Today is June 8. I’m pretty miserable! My ankles are swollen, even though I am wearing compression socks My left foot and seems to be popping off of the pedal because I feel terrible I’m without my legs extended.
I thought that I could just endure it, but this is kind of rough guys! I started my Spring/Summer chapstick and my new Chapstick for Saturdays this Was going to be Wild Cherry. I was looking forward to it because not too long ago, it was Valentine’s Day and Sean brought me a baby Red Velvet blizzard. He brought us all a doughnut as well. He got me Chocolate Glazed because that used to be my favorite, but now I have to eat Chocolate Dip because it’s softer. He got my Mom a glazed doughnut.
I thought it was a very odd thing that he got a cherry doughnut, but he said that it looks good and he wanted to try it. I was reminded of my Dad because he used to like chocolate covered cherries that we used to get him for Fathers Day. I asked Sean if he liked it and he said that he did. I told him that it was genetic because grandfather liked cherry stuff too.
I needed a new flavor for my Saturdays this Spring/Summer So I searched on Burt’s Bees website. I was going to get four of my Cucumber Mint anyway. It went back-and-forth from being available to not available and when I get paid, it was not available so I decided to get it from Amazon. One tube of wild cherry was nine dollars, but you could get a four pack for 13. I went for the deal.
Well, that didn’t work out so well! It does NOT taste like cherries at all. It taste minty to me. I asked Sean to smell it yesterday and he said it smells a little bit like cherries, but he can smell the mint as well. He said that that’s the base they use. That makes sense because I didn’t like the Apple Cinnamon Crisp once I got for last winter. I still have three tubes to use. I had my mom’s apple pie in mind when I got it, but it missed the mark. I will be using it regardless this year after Thanksgiving.
When it arrived to my house, Katy Perry was playing in my head. That’s kind of an old reference because that song came out my first year teaching. I don’t kiss girls either so it wasn’t a fitting song.
The song I changed to, even though it does not taste like cherries, was a Sara Bareilles song that I love! She says ‘cherry blue skies’ in it. Because I don’t particularly like this chapstick, it taste minty so I guess I don’t mind it a bunch. I have made it a Wild Cherry Weekend this Spting/Summer!:
it kind of really stinks sitting in this broken chair, but my Mom talked to Ray this morning and Jujuan is making a house call on the 15th. It does not look like my chair will be fixed on June 17. That stinks!!!
Yesterday, I was loving watching Labyrinth and it took my mind off of my aching body and I was taking back to childhood. I wanted to have a continuation of that feeling today so I was going to watch Willy Wonka, and the Chocolate Factory but I do not own it yet. So instead, I watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
It had the same effect! That is another movie that me and my cousinT Shannon watched 1 million times:
We loved singing this song so much! I never got married and she did not get married in June but that’s how life works out sometimes. I think I might watch Willy Wonka tomorrow..
Today,my Mom came back with my chair and we still had time to get in the restroom and make it to my haircut! As I was transferring from my manual wheelchair to my power chair, my Mom said something about my big wheels being the problem.
She called Ray before we got started and left a message to see if I need doctor’s approval for work on the motor and my big wheels. I have no idea why but Tina Turner popped into my head, immediately! I started to laugh!
It wasn’t until after my haircut when my Mom sat in the van after she went in to order our pizza when I played her this song:
Of course, as my Mom does, she asked if she was living or dead and how old she was when she died if she was dead. I looked that up with my contacts in. I can kind of see. She was 83 when she died and she died in 2023. She insured her legs for $3.2 million.
Oh, one thing that I thought was cool before we left the haircut place was that Lady Gaga started playing and that’s my Mom’s jam! I was invited to my friend Shelby’s wedding and it was a summer when I started getting pretty bad so I was not able to attend, but I got the save of the date card and she asked, “What song is going to get you on the dance floor?” Of course I said this song because my Mom was going to come with me.
My health didn’t allow me to attend but so special to me I always am reminded of my Mom, ‘Proud Mary!’:
Seeing that Janis Joplin got on the list made me think about the Jennifer Love Hewitt cover of Me and Bobby McGhee
I reposted a blog post I had written 5 years ago. This memory has to be from 2013 or 2014. I reread the post. I remember the day I wrote that post! I should go back to see an acupuncturist. I’m going to start looking into that! Anything to make me feel better!!!
