Category: Tunes

I think it was a couple weeks ago, where my feet ached whole bunch as I was sitting in my chair. That ache has not gone away since. I think that my neuropathy is getting pretty bad.

I first experienced this in the summer. My feet were freezing and I couldn’t understand why. It felt like my feet were an ice cold water to my shins as I tried to sleep. It was terrible and I had my Mom cover my feet because they could not get warm. Or at least, that’s what I thought.

I remember that my friend Suzie told me recently that her late father told her that neuropathy is a pain he could not get used to. My Dad had neuropathy, but he never talked about it. I remember my Mom using my Dad socks in between his toes before she helped him put his shoes on.

I don’t remember the last time I put my shoes on myself. And I never thought that neuropathy would be a part of my life, but it is. It hurts and there’s nothing I can do about it. Actually, my Mom uses a massage gun that brother got me) at night before I fall asleep.

She rubs it on the soles of my feet and recently, I fall asleep while she’s doing it. I don’t stay asleep, but I sleep while she’s doing it because I am relaxed. ‘Sleep don’t come easy’ for me and of course, I thought of this song:

It’s just another part that always hurts. It does. It always hurts. I noticed that a couple weeks ago and it hasn’t gotten better and I don’t think that it will. My nerves are just getting more damaged by the day.

I think a little bit before the summer when my feet were in ice, I felt pinpricks in my big toes. That’s what it would wake me up. I don’t wear my compression socks at night, so that’s why they feel like needles in my toes. Not the wake up call that I wanted, but it’s the one that I get 25 years in… #MSsucks… 😒😒😒…

I seriously have the same exact day now that I am homebound. Today was the same as yesterday, but yesterday, I was more accepting and today it’s a little bit more mourning. I did see this video that popped up on my phone yesterday:

I am pillaging tomorrow, so my day is a little bit different, but I’m not leaving the house until September 15 for a dentist appointment.

I thought of this song last night as I was going to bed and once in bed, I could not fall to sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about the video. I saw myself in my Parents’ front room with the green carpet. I was five years old when this song came out. Still a jam!!!:

I have been thinking about this song for two days and I could not remember who sang it. This was a post that made me think of it:

I can’t remember what the meme said that was so apt for me, but I found the song, it’s Caitlin Crosby:

This one reminds me of another song… i’ll find it tomorrow. Regardless, #MSsucksInthisHeat!!! 😒😒😒…

This one just showed up in my feed and reminded me of our second department. I don’t even know that guy anymore:

I wanted to post this yesterday because yesterday was the final ‘outing’ of July. I had to postpone my Dr. Clark appointment by a week because he fell and hurt himself. I think the saddest thing is that I COULD NOT even tell that his face was injured! I couldn’t see it! My Mom had to tell me about it today.

While we waited for him in the room, I heard Aerosmith. I could not even remember which song it was. It was one of the videos that Alicia Silverstone was in so I had three to choose from and I kind of think it was Amazing, but I’m not sure.

Dr. Clark changed up one of my supplements, but Savannah told my Mom that I should keep my leftover pills of the supplement he switched me off of. he switched me because I told him that I smell. Because I do. It’s like coming out of my pores. He told me that I am detoxing from something. The smell is that I am finished with it. On Saturday, I will make the change when I pillage.

I was seated out front when my Mom was paying for my appointment and getting my new supplement and supplement schedule in order.

I do remember clearly hearing this song because it was my jam!!! This was the summer after my Dad died and my Mom and I had gone to Florida for medical treatment. I thought of that when I heard the song that was playing:

Now, I am holed up in my house until August 11 (my nephew, Steven’s Birthday) for my appointment with Dr. Harris, my optometrist and then on the 12th, I’m going downtown for another procedure with Dr. K.

One observation that I will make for this summer so far is that I am more sensitive to temperature. My nerves are a whole lot more. I freeze with the quickness and I overheat just as quickly. I am looking forward to seeing my optometrist only because I’m sure he’s going to say NOT good things because I can tell how quickly my eyes are fading, but I’m not blind yet! I don’t think I will be ever, I just can’t see things now. My Mom tells me that I look normal all the time and I flatly tell her that I do not feel it Because I don’t! I’m finding that smiles don’t come as easily as they used to. After 25 years, and closer to 26 now, #MSsucks!!! 😒😒😒…

I heard this song today listening to my Mom’s playlist that I made for her 45th birthday and Sean was going to be 16. The party didn’t come to fruition, but I still have a great playlist!!!

I was completely blown away by hearing this song and I remember 25 years ago that I held my six month old child above my head and danced in the living room of my Parents’ house when the carpet was still there. It was beige at that time because the green carpet had been retired for a long time!!! Now, there are hardwood floors.

So many of my abilities have changed in the past 25 years, and I COMPLETELY forgot about this memory, but it came back IMMEDIATELY when I heard this song!!!

I didn’t even want to just give it a mundane number of a Rando tune because this one IS huge!!! I listened to this song twice and have cried BOTH times!!! Like, tears rapidly streaming down my face and all!!

So, last night as I was getting ready for bed and my Mom took my socks off, I didn’t look at her when I said it but, I said, “ I never thought that this would be my entire life.” And I began to cry. Slow, fat tears, spilled out of both eyes.

I’ve written before that wasn’t ready for this, but it is happening. I did not post yesterday because I had my own mini ‘pity party.’ This is difficult and this heat is making it so much more unbearable!!! I saw this meme today:

It is so BEYOND true except ‘clinic visits research.’ Regardless of how I feel, I still go to the doctor because I make the appointment six months in advance and I rented a van. I was so glad that my haircut didn’t involve fire smoke, but I think seeing my naturopath on Tuesday will and that makes me a little bit nervous.

I’m singing this song because I cried yesterday and because this is always been me. I’m old:

So, my Mom watched a video and this song was playing, and I started to cry. I remember that Ms. Kneffel (she was the piano player for the plays) just before my graduation asked me if there was a song I wanted to sing for the ceremony and she would play it for me.

I thought about it for a moment, and I told her, “Ms. Kneff (that’s why I used to call her) I can’t sing for it, I will be a blubbering mess because I will be too emotional. Thank you, but I can’t do that.”

In retrospect, I should’ve just sucked it up and tried my best to sing it because I didn’t know that I would lose that ability as I have now.

My Mom told me that we should watch this movie and I stayed silent because there was a lump in my throat. It just hits differently now for me. You know, being a teacher annd all with a short stint that I was.

It’s really bothering me that I can no longer sing. I can still feel the air filling my lungs as I belted words out, but I can’t do that anymore. Additionally, I used to sing that song with my cousinT Shannon in her basement when I was like 17.