Month: April 2026

Not to be Borne

The song randomly showed up on my Apple Music:

I was actively working out at Barwis when this song came out. That was more than a decade ago. I really thought that I was going to walk I was trying my hardest. But I guess it was not to be borne.

Hearing this song right now made me bawl my eyes out!!! It’s all different now. Homebound-ness takes his toll for sure… I don’t leave my house until May 20 for a haircut, May 22 for an ultrasound on my legs and May 27 for an appointment with my neural ophthalmologist before I get my Covid shot.

To Suffer

My Mom spoke to Befitting You today. They do not have an email to send the script to. We just have to wait for the fax to come through. Sean thought that was crazy, but I told him compression socks are for older people so they can deal with that delay.

I remember my first year teaching, I asked where the fax machine was, and my colleague, Mrs. Cochran told me that that was nothing anymore.

Well, it looks like I will not get my socks before Monday. They will ship out on Monday… maybe… in the meantime, I will just have to suffer with my throbbing legs!!!

Throbbing

So, yesterday when my Mom ordered the socks for me, she was told if she gets a script from my doctor there would be a small discount. The podiatrist prescribed that in January. His office called my Mom today.

The woman she spoke to put the script on MyChart for me so I have a copy as well. So, tomorrow my Mom will call Befitting You to see if they’ve shipped my socks out.

So maybe I’ll have socks by Friday. But it really doesn’t matter because my legs have been throbbing so much! My Mom asked me how long they have been throbbing, and I told her since Dr. Thibodeau told me not to wear them so my toe would heal. So it’s healed, but my legs are throbbing!!!

Modified

My brother, Ray, bought me and my Mom Girl Scout cookies when it was cookie time. It was during Lent. I did not eat my cookies. That is until last night.

But my Girl Scout cookie eating is modified now. I remembered that I would buy them from whomever’s daughter was a Girl Scout when I was working and I would get three or four boxes of Thin Mints. I would put them in my freezer. And save them for emergencies.

When I would have a pretty stressful day, I would pull out a box of Girl Scout cookies, and take out one roll of the cookies. I would eat the entire roll in one sitting!

I no longer can eat like that being a power chair user. I don’t move all day so I can’t have that much sugar. But I have decided to just have three cookies a day. I don’t get weighed until September so I think it will be okay.

But, in full disclosure, I had six cookies yesterday.

Rando Tune #86

I saw this email yesterday when I woke up:

I couldn’t remember why that line was so familiar. I thought it was a Pink! song but it turns out it’s Natasha Bedingfield:

So, I had a bunch of memories with this song. But it didn’t come out until 2004. I was still living with my Parents then and I was still an undergrad in college. This song wasn’t even written when I think about what it makes me think of:

Sean was young. Still in a car seat carrier. So he was less than 20 pounds. I placed the car seat on the porch of my Parents’ house and I fumbled with the keys just as it was starting to rain.

I covered Sean with the hood of the car seat as I was trying to open the door. Well, some raindrops landed on his legs and he was so young he could not understand what was going on! He just let out a soft whine. I assured him that I was trying to open the door and then we got into the house.

I’ve never forgotten that moment when he startled at notwanting to feel the rain on his skin. That’s why I was thinking something was important with that line. That seems so long ago! I was still driving and I was still walking back then. And that feels so far in the past it kind of hurts I think but I remember that it happened.

Joaquin Phoenix’s Lip

As for the pock in my Chapstick:

I’m surprised to say that it wasn’t bumpy at all! It kind of compressed itself and I barely felt any difference. I am almost finished with it and I can’t take a picture because at this point, I cannot control my hands enough to do that.

I actually have been thinking of it as Joaquin Phoenix’s lip. I didn’t even realize anything was wrong or different about his mouth until I was teaching! I didn’t notice anything when he was a kid in Parenthood or even in Gladiator.

So, my chapstick is no big deal. I will change over to a new Pomegranate when it’s finished.

This weather is absolutely terrible for me and I’m having difficulty dealing with it. My internal temperature does not know what to do right now and that confusion is painful I think.

But, on a happier note, my Mom ordered toe-less compression socks for me on Monday. I’m excited that my legs will stop throbbing but I am a little bit concerned about my exposed toes?!!!

“Stop It, Jen!”

Okay, here is the deal. My niece had her first communion yesterday at 12 o’clock. My job was to get my Mom there. I knew that. I told myself that I was just going to, “Push it!!!”

Things have gotten more difficult in these past 25 years but I still figured I could do it. I set my alarms and I woke up at 6 o’clock. I got out of bed at 6:30. I had put my contacts in by 8 o’clock in the morning.

My aunt came to pick my Mom up and it worked out. I just settled in to watch Hallmark movies. I saw the second half of one movie that I’ve already seen before just in time for another movie that I’ve already seen before to come on. I was totally okay with it!

A third movie started and it was one that I had seen advertised, but I had not watched it. I was interested. It was an okay Hallmark movie but I didn’t really dig the prince. I had seen the heroine in a Christmas movie before.

My Mom had already come home and she was laying down. I’m sitting there watching the movie when my right eye began to resist my contact. It completely moved and it kind of hurt. My Mom awakened to help me.

I remember when my contacts moved with my cousinT Shannon and I’m pretty sure I wrote about it before. Well, it was a little worse than that time. My Mom decided to use a Q-tip to pull the contact down that was on the top. That didn’t feel really good, but I was able to get the contact out of my eye. I thought to just put it back in my eye. But trying to do that my eyeball consciously resisted and it scared me.

I was just about to throw my right contact out when my left contact did the same exact thing! We did the same things for my left eye as well. After I had taken both of my contacts out, it was about 7 o’clock? I told my Mom that I put my contacts in super early this morning and I guess I only have about 10 hours of contact wearing time.

The fact that my eyes were consciously resisting my contacts made me afraid and I said to my Mom, “I don’t want to go back to glasses.”

I was 8 when I got glasses and I got contacts in sixth grade when I was 12. When Sean was probably in fourth or fifth grade, my eye doctor was the same as my nephew’s eye doctor. I did not have glasses then. I broke with them when Sean was probably about six. That eye doctor told me that it was better that I were contacts because my prescription was so high. (I think I was at -5.75 at that time.)

I kind of like the idea that I wear $9.99 glasses that I got from Amazon and Dr. Skarf put the prism in. It’s just a sticker on the lens in front of my eye.

So my mind is heavy with thoughts right now regarding my eyes. I will see my optometrist in August after I see my neural ophthalmologist in May. My current optometrist wants me to wear bifocals.. And not Invisalign bifocals. I will look so in-firmed like that! I have so much to think about! I had a really difficult time ‘pushing it’ this time and I don’t think that’s a thing anymore. I told myself as of this stuff played out. I tell myself, “Stop it, Jen!”

I really can’t do things like that anymore. It’s too difficult, sadly.

Ghirardelli Commercial

I watched three Hallmark movies today. Well, 2 1/2. A couple things I will say about watching the Hallmark Channel. It has been a really long time and there are a bunch of commercials about food or medicine and that stinks! I felt really snacky today and I had three of the mini Twix chocolates that I had.

I saw this commercial a few times as well. I really liked it because it referenced SpongeBob and Patrick. That’s a thing now! Every time I think of put those two, I think of my Dad and little Sean.

Ghirardelli with caramel is NOT my favorite. I can’t even eat Ghirardelli anymore because I cannot control the soft filling. I prefer dark and mint anyway! That’s pretty hard to come by.

Sean was on a recent Target run and he asked me if I needed anything and I said that if they have the dark and mint Dove chocolates, I will love them! They had space for them, but they were not there. I ate three Twix instead. I better not do that very often! Here is the commercial:

A Pock

I noticed this when I moved the plunger all the way up when my chapstick got weird. I had to go with a bag-o-chapstick. And that’s when I noticed the pock:


I’ve never seen this before but they just pour liquid into these tubes anyway. I remember one time when I was at an in-service teaching at CCA and we had a catered lunch. I opted for a delicious chicken salad. I felt a little differently when I noticed the pock there. I knew it wasn’t real chicken anyway.

I’m sure this will feel a little bit weird on my lips when I use it, but I’m going from Pomegranate to Pomegranate and then when I get paid in May, I will order the Cucumber Mint for summer and I’ve opted to go with a Cherry for Saturdays as an homage to my Dad.

“Stirring in the Cinnamon”

I woke up this morning and I was not even out of my bed yet and I heard in my head in Sara Bareilles’s voice, “stirring in the cinnamon.” Now that lyric is completely NOT true!!! She sings it like it’s something good in her coffee and I have a mouthful of cinnamon every morning and I must tell you that it’s terrible!!!

It’s like a mouthful of dirt. It used to be really hot but now that I’ve done it so much and for so long it’s just a month full of dirt, which is still disgusting.

So of course, I had to hear this song:

But searching for this song on YouTube give me a live version which I had to hear!

I don’t know the guy I went to this concert with anymore, but I remember her saying, “Hi, I’m Sarah. And this is my band.” She sang two songs and we could tell she was the real deal! About two weeks after the concert, I heard her on the radio.

That’s what I thought about this morning and cinnamon really is disgusting! When I was thinking about reading the post I thought about it and I listened to this song:

The song was big in my second apartment. I thought of this one too after I listened to Sara Bareilles and cinnamon so gross!!!