Author: Jen Rios

Dan pulled me inside after I got out of my car on my own.  Mike pushed me to the blue table and sat me on it.  He asked how my legs were feeling while he kneaded my calves.  I thought for a minute about how to answer him as he said that they didn’t feel as tight.  I told him that they didn’t feel tight but felt weaker than they normally have as of late.  He nodded and had me stay seated and lift my left leg, “Up and out.”  I did so after I sat up straighter and took a deep breath.  I closed my eyes and when my left leg raised and moved outward with ease, they flew open and I said, “Boop!” as I put my foot back on the floor.  He had me do the same for my right leg.  “Boop!”  He had me repeat the process one more time.  The right leg was difficult to move and I just barely did so.  I told Mike, “I did 4 ‘Boops!'”  He looked at me and clarified that I did 3 ‘Boops!’ I told him that one was just practice and I repeated the right leg movement.

He had me lay back and stretched my legs a bit.  Then he crossed my legs and took a step back.  He does this often and it is my job to uncross them by myself.  I sat up a little so I could see my legs and worked at uncrossing them.  Once they were uncrossed, I looked at him and beamed.  He asked, “No ‘Ta-Da’?”  I continued to look at him with my expression changing to determination.  I sat up straighter so I needed to adjust my hands and once I did so; I yelled, “Ta-Da!”  Mike just closed his eyes and shook his head.  He had me lay back again and he stretched my legs some more.  This time he crossed my legs tighter and stepped back.  Trying to uncross them was DIFFICULT!!!  I almost gave up but then I felt my legs begin to loosen and I knew I was going to uncross them.  Once I did, this time, my, “Ta-Da!” was louder and accompanied with my arms raised in the air in victory.  Another trainer (I think his name is Mike also)looked at us and kind of chuckled.  I told him, “I just uncrossed my legs!  That’s a big deal!”

Mike had me lay on my stomach and when he stretched my heel to my butt and pushed as I gasped and grunted, he assured me that THIS was his worst.  I was glad because I didn’t think I could handle much more!  Then he had me lay on my back and he pulled me until I was in the very  center of the table.  I didn’t know what he was going to do because I never have been in the very center.  He placed his hands on my knees and told me that he wished he had 3 hands.  He pushed my knees down (they were a little bit raised off of the table) and told me that he would sit me up with his third hand.  I put both of my hands on the table and pushed in an attempt to sit up.  Each time I re-adjusted my hands to sit up further, Mike pushed my knees down.  I don’t know how long we did this but the intensity of the stretch was almost too much for me.  The second he lifted his hands off of my knees because we were done, I moved my hands so I immediately collapsed down on my back onto the table.

My entire body was Jell-O and Mike said that I would feel it in my trifecta (he didn’t call it a trifecta but that is how I refer to my but, quads, and hamstrings) as he put me in my car.  Oh, I felt it!!!  I woke up to the familiar burn of when Jesse stretched me the first day I cried because it hurt so badly.  The burn was familiar only because I will NEVER forget how that feels.  It wasn’t a trifecta but mostly in my quads and hamstrings.  Instead of the pain being from my hips to I my toes, it cut-off at my knees.  I called in to work yesterday because the pain was too much.  I feel better today (Wednesday).  I go back to Barwis today and I wonder how many times will I have to feel a burn like that before I am walking.  I will endure it though.

The guy with Chris pulled me into the gym (I don’t know his name) and I waited by the chairs for my time.  Mike came to get me and pushed me to the blue table and put me on it.  He kneaded my calves and had me lay back as is the routine now.  After a really good stretch, he had me sit at the edge of the table and he pulled a stool right in front of me and sat facing me.  He told me that I was going to move my legs.  I asked which one first and then asked for clarification of how exactly he wanted me to move them.  The last time we did this, I didn’t move so well or AT ALL regardless of how hard I tried.  I overcompensated with my upper body (my shoulders and back) to try to get my legs to move.  They didn’t.

I was a bit nervous at trying this again.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  I told my left foot to move outward and leaned my shoulders back a little too much but my foot moved!!!  My eyes flew open and I was SUPER EXCITED!  I may have gasped a little and Mike told me to move it back to its original position.  I did that TOO!!!  I was SO excited!!!  I did that 5 times and asked if that was good.  It was more of an exclamation rather than a question and Mike responded by closing his eyes and humming, “Mmmm-Hmmm!” like he was in church.  Then he opened his eyes and smiled at the same time I busted out laughing!  NOw it was time for my “poop leg” to show its stuff.  I don’t think it did AS well but it did pretty good so I had to ask/exclaim that it was good again just to get Mike to hum again.  He had good form and humored me for a second time which made me laugh equally as much.

He put me into my car and wished me a good weekend.  I drove  home with my legs relaxed and tired.  I thought about how I was so excited about something so small as moving my legs in the slightest 5 times a piece.  I wasn’t embarrassed by my elation over something seemingly so small because for me, it’s NOT small!  My brain told my legs to move and they did.  That is HUGE!!!  New connections are starting to form.  My spine is figuring out a way to tell my brain HOW to tell my legs to move like Mike Barwis told me almost two years ago.  I know it may be fleeting and I may not be able to do it again for a while, but I did it now and that feels good.  Mmmm-Hmmm!!!

I got out of my car by myself and opened the door and this time, Dan was closer and pulled me in.  I was a bit early and sat by the chairs and talked with Darren’s mo m as I waited.  Mike came to get me and pushed me over to the blue table when it was my time and put me on it.  He kneaded my calves and I asked how I felt.  He said that I felt tight but not as tight as Monday.  I told him that I felt WORSE than I did on Monday so I was surprised at what he said.  He knuckled my thighs and had me lay back.   Recently, when he tells me to do this, my legs bend up and my back hurts. I tend to make a face when this happens and if Mike asks me if the pain is too much. Her motions I always tell him no and I think of this Rocky clip. After I saw this clip, I searched for a clear clip. I found a more complete clip so I guess if you want to just watch the good part of Rocky IV you can just watch the clip I found.  Here is the complete clip.

Once my back and legs relaxed, I could show him my socks because it WAS “Wacky Sock Wednesday” #8.

The more my legs relaxed, the easier it was to get a good stretch. Mike folded my legs like I was sitting like a man and I HAD to take a picture!

My legs felt like Jell-O than.  I think it is better to feel relaxed than to feel SUPER tight!  I guess the Jell-O feeling will lead to better things down the road.  I’ll wait for it!

The roll-down door was completely open so Mike came over and pulled my feet out of the car (he’s faster) and he sent Joe over to continue to help me.  After my feet were out of the car, I usually can do everything myself but I talked with Joe as I did this.  Joe is a new intern and I told him that I have met MANY interns but I am still NOT walking.  I told him that hopefully he will see me walk.  Mike pushed me in to the chairs when I was all ready.  When it was my time, Mike came over and got me.  He pushed me over to the blue table and put me on it.  I sat as he kneaded my calves and knuckled my thighs a little bit.

Just after he did that, he asked me what PNF stood for.  Proprioreceptive Neuromuscular Facuilitation.  I told him that I am NOT going to forget!  As if I could forget?!  It is an important step in getting me up and walking which I have said all along that that is my goal.  He had me lay back and began stretching me.  I asked him if I am progressing.  He told me that if by progressing I mean that the stretch is easier than I am.  The stretches he does feel A LOT better in terms of them not hurting as much.  I feel that my body is starting to limber up nicely.

He put me back in my chair.  Dan had mostly closed the roll-down door but I was JUST able to limbo under it as Mike pushed me and let go of my chair.  He put me in my car and my body felt relaxed and I slept well.  I woke up Tuesday morning with my lower body NOT hurting but I felt that I had done work.  It felt like your body feels after a workout before the pain sets in.  My body felt happy and warm and that is such a good feeling!!!

Just as I pulled up to Barwis, Chris and his girlfriend, Emily were coming out of the door.  After she got Chris all situated in the car, she came over and asked if i needed any help.  My legs were STILL not out of the car.  I asked her to pull my legs out and explained that I have Multiple Sclerosis and how the “meltdown” is effecting my body and it is stiffening up with all of the precipitation in the air.  We talked for a little bit and she told me of Chris’ sporting accident.  I told her that having MS, (Jesse told me) is like having an accident every day.  I often remind myself of what Jesse said almost 2 years ago.  Chris has been coming to Barwis since January and I told her that I have been coming for 20 months.  She asked if I needed any more help and I told her that I had it and that Deeds will pull me into the gym.  I thanked her again for her help and transferred and opened the door.

Deeds pulled me in as he ALWAYS does. When it was my time, Mike pulled me over to the blue table and sat me on it.  He had me remain sitting as he kneaded my calves and then had me move my left leg and foot outward 5 times.  Now, normally, first is ALWAYS the worst but in this case – first was the BEST because my legs tired VERY QUICKLY!  He had me do the same for my right leg and then had me lift my left knee up 5 times.  My legs tired just as quickly but I did it for both sides and tried my best NOT to use my upper body to over compensate for my legs.  Then he had me lay back and as I did, I told him that PNF stands for Proprioreceptive Neuromuscular Facilitation.  He looked surprised and pleased that I knew it and he asked if I looked it up and I shook my head and smiled.  He thought Jesse told me and I shook my head again.  He asked, “Mike?” and I shook my head again.  I waited to build suspense and then I told him that I texted Nick.

He asked me again what it meant and I repeated it.  I told him that Phil told me all about proprioreceptors.  He asked what he told me and I kind of shrugged and told him I didn’t remember.  I thought and remembered it was a science-y and didn’t make a lot of sense to me.  I also remember failing that online test.  I asked him when we were going to work on PNF and he again asked me what it stood for.  I told him that I wasn’t going to forget and told him what it stood for again.  Then he told me to push into him with my leg as he was stretching it.  I tried with all of my might and remembered doing a form of this with Phil.  We’d do manual leg curls and I remember pulling my leg down well (I thought) and I would smile and kind of raise one eyebrow and ask him, “How you like them apples?!”  He wouldn’t say anything and then would tell me to do it again but would hold my foot where no matter how much I pulled my legs down, it wouldn’t move and he would give me a look similar to the one I gave him to tell me how much he liked those apples and then we both would laugh.  I asked Mike if he felt my pushing and he said, “a little bit.”  Well that’s poo!!!

He had me roll over onto my stomach and commented on my mobility.  It IS getting easier to control my body.  The cold is not arresting it so much!  He put me back in my car and took me outside.  He put me in my car and wished me a good weekend.  But I guess I see progress.  It has taken 20 months but it’s there, “a little bit.”

The sun was shining when I pulled up to Barwis so Dan was training someone outside and Megan was using the table just inside the door.  I showed her my socks and wheeled inside.

(Mike took this picture for me at the end of my session.)

There were 3 other wheelchairs inside.  NICE.  I waited by the chairs but all of the doors were open so it got a little chilly after a while so I moved to just across from the blue table.  Someone in a wheelchair left and another wheelchair came in.  When it was my time and Mike took me to the blue table and kneaded my calves.  I told him to look at my socks (they had flying pigs on them) and he told me to show Megan.  I told him that I already did and started laughing.  He asked where I got them and I told him TotallyRadSocks.com.  He told me it was more like TotallyStupidSocks.com and I corrected him.  He asked if me and Megan shopped there together and I told him that we shop separately.  I looked around at the wheelchairs and told him that I used to be the only “First Stepper” who came in the evening.  I told him that right now, I felt like in order to be cool, you had to be in a wheelchair.  Last winter, a man with a camera came up to me as I got into Barwis and greeted my and told me, “Hi, you must be Jen.”  I wasn’t sure how he knew my name but then he explained that he was going to take pictures for the First Step Foundation and most of the First Steppers came to workout earlier in the day but he waited for me.  Then it made sense.  I was the only one in a wheelchair so of course I was Jen.  I am a First Stepper.  But now, I felt like  it’s a wheelchair club right now.  I took a picture of the new decal that was on the wall because of it.

Mike stretched me really good but it wasn’t as painful as it has been.  I snapped this picture as he was doing this. Just to be sure I had a pic of my totally rad socks.

When he had me lay on my stomach, I asked him how I felt.  He told me that my range of motion was great and soon we would do some TNF stretching.  I asked what that was and he told me to look it up.  I texted Nick yesterday to find out what it was.  He told me that he had no clue and asked if I meant PNF.  I told him that I didn’t know and told him that Mike told me about this after he told me that my range of motion was great (I REALLY liked hearing that by the way!).  Then he texted back with the explanation.  Apparently:

PNF stands for Proprioreceptive Neuromuscular Facilitation which is a way [Mike] can modulate the central nervous system to improve not only activation but inhibition of movements.

I thought of Phil and I was just happy that I knew what “proprioreceptive” meant.  I can’t wait to tell Mike that I know what it means but I’m NOT sure I’ll tell him that Nick told me.  I let that text sink in and I read it a few more times.  I think this means good things for my walking and that excites me!!!  My legs were relaxed when I drove home and my butt feels like it did some work but doesn’t hurt so badly like it did before.  Just as the weather is breaking, I feel that progress is evident and that feels good!!!

 

I smelled Spring when I got out of school and I was really excited!  It will be nice for this Winter to FINALLY be over!!!  That being said, this Winter was NOT 1/2 as bad as last Winter!  I’m a bit amazed that I don’t feel as badly as it did last year.  Almost 20 months of working will do that to you  I suppose.  When I got to Barwis, I saw that they opened. One door a little less than half-way.  Just big enough for me to squeeze under!  I’m only 4’1 when I’m seated so you KNOW I had to roll under while tilting my head back as if I were participating in a limbo contest.  Mike was just on the other side of the door and was surprised to see me.  I told him that The Eagles weren’t very good limbo music (that was what was playing through the speakers) but I didn’t mind so much.   As I waited for my time by the chairs, I took this picture that shows Megan talking to a woman.  I don’t know who she was but she wasn’t there to workout.

Mike pushed me to the blue table, put me on it, and started kneading my calves and knuckling my thighs.  Then he had me lay back and he stretched my legs.  Then he had me lay on my stomach and stretched my legs back and told me that I felt good when I asked.  The stretch has REALLY been feeling good and it is nice to see progress toward walking amid this cold and snow.  But, maybe Spring is on the horizon just like walking is for me.  He had me lay on my back and started doing some abducctor work.  He said something just like my Dad used to and unexpectedly, it squeezed my heart a bit.  I knew I couldn’t talk about it lest I cry but I said the bare minimum.  He put me back in my chair, I got my jacket, and he let me limbo out of the door to my car.

He put me in my car and I began to drive home.  The radio was on but I can’t say which songs were playing.  I was deep in thought about my Dad, the events right before and after his death, and how little my son was and I began to cry.  I cried the entire ride home.  I remembered that Jesse told me in the beginning of my work to walk that lots of emotional things will be stirred up.  Perhaps it is to derail me from my goal?  This is NOT to say that I am NOT a sissy, cry-face baby because I AM.  I KNOW I am. But it surprised me how these particular memories came up right now.  I keep thinking 8 and a 1/2 years removed that things will be easier.  They’re not.  A friend told me that in the beginning.  He was right.  I think of that The Script song and I wonder, “If he (my Dad) could see me now” and all my work at Barwis. ???

 

 

 

Deeds pulled me in to Barwis but once inside I asked Madison to help me find my phone.  I lost it somewhere in my car so she took me back outside and called it.  She crawled into my car into the driver’s seat and listened.  It ended up being behind the passenger’s seat on the floor.  I could NEVER have gotten it!  I was SO grateful that she got it for me and I got that familiar pang of irritation/sadness with the knowledge and realization that I physically couldn’t do that myself.  At least not NOW anyway.  But, one day soon I hope.  I LOVE that everybody at Barwis are like family now and anyone of them would help me out (EXCEPT Mike Rhoades – just kidding).  She pushed me back inside and I waited for my time.

Mike pushed me over to the blue table and sat me on it.  I told him that I slept HORRIBLY the night before and that my legs felt pretty tight.  He kneaded my calves and knuckled my thighs.  He told me to lay back and as soon as my shoulders hit the mat, my back painfully arched and I sat up.  I saw Mike get that look in his eye, the one that Jesse and Phil used to get as well.  It was as if Mike was mentally flipping through his kinesiology rolodex deciding on how he was going to stretch me.  He told me to lay back again but this time raised my legs over his right shoulder.  He pushed my knees against him to straighten my legs.

My back felt better but then he had me bend my knees with my feet on the table.  He bent my right leg over my left knee like I was sitting like a man and told me that it was a “modified pretzel” that he was putting me in.  I didn’t think it was any different but he stood on my right side and leaned in.  Searing pain ripped through my right hamstring straight through my right buttcheek.  I screamed, “You’re going to rip off my leg” five or six times.  He didn’t ease up and I endured as best as I could.

My legs were Jell-O and Mike put me in my car.  I fell asleep easily and slept well.  I woke up in the morning and realized a couple of things:  my legs felt tangled and I couldn’t untangle them and my Mom hadn’t gone to work yet.  I called her and asked her to stop by to help me get out of bed.  I couldn’t move.  My house was on her way to work (she is a preschool teacher) and has a Saturday “Baby and Me” child and parent class.  She came into my house (she has a key) and found me laying in bed with my son asleep in his room.  My back was to her when she came into my room.  Before she touched me, asked her to uncover me and untangle my legs and to do it fast because it was going to hurt.  She replied that I should have just said, “Ooh Doggie!”.  I laughed and once I was in my chair explained to her that it has to hurt if it’s to heal and assured her that I would be better as the day went on and I was.

I was late to Barwis so I called and Connor came out to get me when I got there on Friday.  He originally was going to push me to the blue table but I had to take my jacket and hat off so he pushed me to the chairs.  Mike came over to get me as I was taking my jacket off.  He started pushing me over to the blue table but I was side tracked by Megan.  She asked me what I wanted to listen to.  I told her 90’s Pop but I don’t think that is what she put on.  Mike and Megan were talking and the conversation ended with Mike challenging Megan to a llip-sync Battle which she accepted jubilantly.

We ended up at the blue table and I talked about the ONLY lip–sync contest I saw on Jimmy Fallon.  It was the night of the Super Bowl and I was bummed that the Seahawks lost but Kevin Hart and Will Ferrell were funny.  Mike told me that the funniest lip-sync contest was Paul Rudd.  He pulled it up for me on his phone.  I watched it and laughed A WHOLE LOT as he stretched me.  Then he told me of another funny battle and pulled that one up too.  It was Joseph Gordon Levitt and Stephen Merchant.  This one too, was also VERY FUNNY!  I had never seen them before, I told him that I am never up late enough to watch them.

Then he had me lay on my stomach and I told him that this wasn’t such a stretch as he bent my foot back toward my butt.  But, just as I said this, he leaned in and I grunted, “Now, this is a stretch!”  i asked him how it felt and he told me that my range of motion has really improved which is exactly how I felt too.  It was good to hear it.  He put me in my car and I was relaxed driving home.  It wasn’t until Saturday morning when I realized how BIG of a stretch I received on Friday because my butt hurt A LOT!  But those videos were absolutely hilarious!!!

 

Deeds pulled me into Barwis.  I was exhausted as I waited for my time.  MS Awareness Week has taken its toll on me both physically and emotionally.  I was relieved that I was at Barwis.  I feel safe when I’m there.  It’s my second home.  I’ve been coming here for nearly 20 months now.  Almost 2 years.  It gives me hope coming here and working SO hard to walk.  ALL of the trainers here reinforce my hope.  They believe in me too.  So, Mike walks over and tells me that he has my shirt here and that he will wear it when it is my time.  I got SUPER excited because I gave him an MS Awareness Week shirt from my school.  I was wearing the semi-matching sweatshirt so we were going to be sort of “matchers.” I told him that we would have to take a selfie which he refused.  Hmmm. I’ll have to work on that.  In the meantime, I showed Megan my socks.  It WAS “Wacky Sock Wednesday” #6.

When it was my time, Mike came over, pushed me to the blue table, and put me on it.  Then he went to change his shirt from his Barwis Methods shirt to his CCA-MS MS Awareness Week 2015 shirt.  I had my phone with me because I had to take a picture of my socks (they were MS Awareness Week influenced).  Mike isn’t too keen on taking pictures (like Phil) so I snapped this one as he came out and walked to the blue table where I was sitting:

I was SUPER excited to see him and let my excitement that we were almost “matchers” be known pretty loudly.  Nick heard me and took this picture and sent it to me (probably, mostly to annoy Mike but I didn’t mind.   My room is pretty cold so I learned last year that I needed a sweatshirt in addition to a t-shirt.

My right hand was weak and numb because I was pretty stressed this week so Mike kneaded my forearm and showed me how to stretch it out to make it feel better.  It felt better so he had me lay back.  He stretched my legs up so I was able to get a picture of my socks for “Wacky Sock Wednesday” #6.  They are orange tie-dye because this week is MS Awareness Week and the national color for MS is orange.

He stretched my legs for a long time like this.  I snapped the picture before he had straightened both of my knees.  After we did this stretch, he sat as we rested a bit. But then, I was able to snap this one:

This picture seems like an advertisement for my school.  I tweeted it asking if we had a new Aztec Eagle.  It was just after this picture that Mike took my phone.  He put it on my wheelchair so there was NO WAY I was getting it back.

He put me in the, “Ooh Doggie!” stretch and had me lay on my stomach and stretched my legs so my heels  were  close to touching my butt. The stretch is not as intense and I have a much better range of motion.  Then my time was up so he put my shoes back on, pushed me over to get my coat, and put me in my car.  I  had gotten my phone back and snapped a picture of him stowing my chair in case the other ones weren’t good.

So, we didn’t take a selfie but when it is a “Wacky Sock Wednesday” as well as a “Walking Wednesday” one is coming.  So, be warned Mike!  My butt hurt on Thursday.