Category: A Bit Of Randomness

The van is in my driveway my eye appointment with my optometrist tomorrow and my procedure on Wednesday with my urologist. I am not looking forward to either one of his appointments because I KNOW what I see and urology is a little bit invasive but it has to be done. #MSsucksTwentyFiveYearsAndCountingIn… 😒😒😒…

I finished both of my appointments for yesterday and today. As usual, it was brutal! Absolutely brutal! But, I got through it.

I told my Mom on Sunday or Monday that it is absolutely brutal looking through that view finder, and seeing nothing when I know for certain that there are letters there! I was talking to about my eye appointment that was coming up.

My eyes have been feeling wonky lately and dry because I need eye drops pretty much all of the time! Something was telling me that there is something going on with my eyes at the same time I’m hearing that damn doctor who told me 25 years ago that I’m going to blind and then I’m going to die after she told me that I had MS.

Well, Aaliyah, the tech who checked us in for my eye appointment Henry Ford Optimize had me do a bunch of things after I took my contacts out.

I couldn’t see anything! That’s probably because she started with my ‘right eye’ and that’s my ‘poop eye.’ When she switched over to my left, I still said, “Oh, there are the letters!” I couldn’t see them with my right eye.

I told Dr. Harris I needed a ‘bigger’ prescription. I don’t even know why I said it like that?! I have been a -7.5 for three years now and I told him that when I watched church, things are a little blurry. I now wear a -8 contact. I’m still going to finish my -7.5 contacts before I go to a -8. I need to call there and talk to the contact lens person.

I talked to Sean after my appointment and he asked how it went and she told him fine. Today, I told her it was NOT fine, anything but!!!

When we got home from the appointment, I passed out in my chair because it is kind of difficult seeing what I see now. I really can’t talk to anyone about that. That kind of stinks!, Or, a whole lot of stinkyness!

So, for my appointment today, Shayna was my tech and she was absolutely wonderful! When Dr. K came in, she looked into the scope and then told me that I will not need to see her for another year.

Hearing that excited me because I don’t need to see my neural Ophthalmologist until 2028, and now instead of having two appointments a year, I just need to see my Urologist once a year?!!!!!!!!!

Looks like I will be saving money next year!!!

Yesterday was my invasive appointment downtown and I didn’t understand what was going on while I was going on until today.

Making my way through a busy hospital is difficult given my failing eyesight. I told my Mom when we leave for places in public, I am just looking at her. I am just following her. I can’t focus on all the people around me anymore.

She wears a shirt with a color that Ithat I can see so it’s easier for me to follow her. With the renovations that I’ve taken place at Henry Ford hospital downtown, Things have changed in the past thirty years, but our references still go back to my Dad.

Yesterday, before we left the house, she told me that we were going to go in, “Daddy’s entrance.” She meant the West entrance. That used to be the entrance to the Cardiac floor. We have spent years there!!! But now, it’s a straight shot and it’s easier for me when my Mom drops me off there and parks the car.

I didn’t understand why I was so nostalgic yesterday, but I was! My Mom came in and she was wearing a butter yellow shirt, so I knew what I was looking at. I followed her to the main elevators to go up to the ninth floor for Urology.

Just as I got in to the waiting area, I was going to wait for her to come in after parking in the car, I heard the lullaby so a baby had just been born and I think that’s beautiful! I always think about Sean when we go through the hallway from the West entrance to the main hospital because I remember when the tile was unfinished for the duration that he was in the hospital. I think there was some kind of labor dispute with the contractor.

It’s all finished now so I changed my thoughts to going down that hall when we were waiting for news about my Dad. I think that it was it the chapel when I began to cry. I remember my Mom going there to pray for my Dad.

I still wear a face mask in the hospital because there are sick people there and I am very vulnerable so the tears just started coming down and I didn’t try to stop them. We got to the main elevators and I got in and so did a bunch of other people so Mom just punched in everybody’s floor as I sat in the back corner and the tears continued.

It wasn’t until we got into the Urology clinic where my eyes started getting super blurry as I was crying, and I ran into chairs on my right side. My right side is my ‘poop side’ anyway. After my Mom checked me in, I asked for a tissue and a new mask because I blew my nose and my mask was wet.

I was going to be called back soon for my appointment so I stopped thinking about my Dad. The appointment was just as invasive as I remember it being We had a great tech working with us, Shayna. I don’t need to see Dr. K for another year, so that’s kind of exciting. Shayna told us that she will see us next year, but then she told us that she won’t forget us because we laughed a lot!!!

But it’s not until now that I understand why I was so nostalgic. It’s August. Yesterday was nine days until it’s 20 years that my Dad has been gone. It can still feel like yesterday and that’s how it felt yesterday. Tears can come so easily and they did yesterday.

I get a haircut next week Wednesday, but I’m done until September 16 for a haircut and September 22 for my six month check up with my internist. I get weighed then.

I am positive that this will not be the last tears leaning up to 20 years. I really can’t believe it’s been that long but sometimes it feels like it just happened.

I have been working on accepting how small my life is for a while now. How I feel about it vacillates daily, I believe. my life is pretty small! Doctors appointments and pillaging. That’s about it. I never thought that my life would be as small as it is now but MS has dictated that I’m afraid.

As I was finishing my procedure, my Mom was putting my shoes on and Shayna asked me, “What size shoe do you wear?” I kind of smiled because I’ve heard that question so many times from everyone!!! I answered her. I told her that I wear a size 6. She asked me if they were orthopedic and they I told her that they were and she told me that they look like ‘baby doll shoes.’ I laughed when she said that and I told her that my son says that they look like tap shoes as she agreed.

I told Sean that she asked me and he kind of shook his head and told me that they are little.

I think that I get them from my grandma. She had little hands and feet as to my aunts, my Dad’s sister’s.

i’m startled that Dr. Harris suggested this to me, but he did. I didn’t take him up on the suggestion though:

I wasn’t about having to have these airdrops twice a day for the rest of my life. He kind of saw that I bristled at it and said that I can keep using my current ‘Renu for contacts’ drops. Just use them more often. I feel that for sure and I have them three or four times before I take my contacts out.

I’m having a problem with with my eyes and I am a -8 now. We are going on Wednesday to get fitted for them Before I get my haircut. And then that’s it for this month.

I just read that those eye drops are for dry eye disease. My Mom asked if that’s what I have and I said, ‘probably.’ Almost 26 years with MS. Dr. Cerghet did not tell me that I had SPMS (secondary progressive multiple sclerosis) until I asked. I guess that these labels really don’t matter all that much this far in. I just have to endure, but my eyes still feel a little bit wonky though… I absolutely hate that I hear that doctor so many years later…

i’ve been watching the Hallmark Channel a lot and so I have seen a bunch of Commercials and I have decided that I really like these:

But I guess I can’t seem to share these videos. They amuse me kind of like the Khol’z Mom one or both from progressive. This one made me laugh:

A Trilogy. I saw this one today:

I watched TWO Hallmark Christmas movies today and I thoroughly enjoyed them!!! I think I saw Holiday Crashers for the first time a couple years ago and I had to watch it three different times to get see whole movie. It usually goes ending, beginning, and then middle. Then I understand what’s going on! I first saw it a couple of Julys ago Then I won’t went right into Single of the 25th.

I watched two Christmas movies and it’s August?! This change of season is horrible, and my house is cold most of the time because if I overheat, I won’t be able to see, and that is terrible to go through!

This was an impromptu Christmas in August?! but I don’t think I minded it so much! I liked both movies so that’s a plus!!! I’ll see them again at Christmas!