Yesterday was my invasive appointment downtown and I didn’t understand what was going on while I was going on until today.
Making my way through a busy hospital is difficult given my failing eyesight. I told my Mom when we leave for places in public, I am just looking at her. I am just following her. I can’t focus on all the people around me anymore.
She wears a shirt with a color that Ithat I can see so it’s easier for me to follow her. With the renovations that I’ve taken place at Henry Ford hospital downtown, Things have changed in the past thirty years, but our references still go back to my Dad.
Yesterday, before we left the house, she told me that we were going to go in, “Daddy’s entrance.” She meant the West entrance. That used to be the entrance to the Cardiac floor. We have spent years there!!! But now, it’s a straight shot and it’s easier for me when my Mom drops me off there and parks the car.
I didn’t understand why I was so nostalgic yesterday, but I was! My Mom came in and she was wearing a butter yellow shirt, so I knew what I was looking at. I followed her to the main elevators to go up to the ninth floor for Urology.
Just as I got in to the waiting area, I was going to wait for her to come in after parking in the car, I heard the lullaby so a baby had just been born and I think that’s beautiful! I always think about Sean when we go through the hallway from the West entrance to the main hospital because I remember when the tile was unfinished for the duration that he was in the hospital. I think there was some kind of labor dispute with the contractor.
It’s all finished now so I changed my thoughts to going down that hall when we were waiting for news about my Dad. I think that it was it the chapel when I began to cry. I remember my Mom going there to pray for my Dad.
I still wear a face mask in the hospital because there are sick people there and I am very vulnerable so the tears just started coming down and I didn’t try to stop them. We got to the main elevators and I got in and so did a bunch of other people so Mom just punched in everybody’s floor as I sat in the back corner and the tears continued.
It wasn’t until we got into the Urology clinic where my eyes started getting super blurry as I was crying, and I ran into chairs on my right side. My right side is my ‘poop side’ anyway. After my Mom checked me in, I asked for a tissue and a new mask because I blew my nose and my mask was wet.
I was going to be called back soon for my appointment so I stopped thinking about my Dad. The appointment was just as invasive as I remember it being We had a great tech working with us, Shayna. I don’t need to see Dr. K for another year, so that’s kind of exciting. Shayna told us that she will see us next year, but then she told us that she won’t forget us because we laughed a lot!!!
But it’s not until now that I understand why I was so nostalgic. It’s August. Yesterday was nine days until it’s 20 years that my Dad has been gone. It can still feel like yesterday and that’s how it felt yesterday. Tears can come so easily and they did yesterday.
I get a haircut next week Wednesday, but I’m done until September 16 for a haircut and September 22 for my six month check up with my internist. I get weighed then.
I am positive that this will not be the last tears leaning up to 20 years. I really can’t believe it’s been that long But sometimes it feels like it just happened.