Author: Jen Rios

When I laid on the table at ATI, my legs were extremely tight.  I laid there and closed my eyes trying to will my legs to loosen up.  My legs were so tight, I could feel them shaking.  It almost felt like a shiver.  As if I was shivering inside but I wasn’t cold.  It frustrated me and I tried to will my legs to chill out even more.

Luba was having a hard time with my right leg.  She told me that she could feel the tightness in my legs and asked what was going on.  I kind of shrugged and blamed the weather or something.  She continued to work and told me the importance of becoming aware of things that were bothering me.  She said, “that when I become aware, I can start releasing what is bothering me.”

I took what she said to heart and started searching my soul as to what was going on.   I would like to say I figured out what it was that was bothering me and my legs loosened right up.  That is NOT the case!  The stim helped my leg to relax and I was tired.  I fell asleep on the way home and when my Mom woke me up, I was completely disoriented.  My legs were tight again as I tried to fall asleep that night.

My legs were pretty tight on Thursday.  Luba rubbed and worked slowly to get them loosened up.  She told me more about her vacay because our conversation was cut short because we talked with Megan about my transition back to Barwis. After my legs were loose enough, I did some PNFs.  I think I will like working on those with resistance once I’m back at Barwis.  Luba hooked me up to the stim machine and Brad came over.

When I spoke with him before, conversation switched (I don’t know how) to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  He was aghast that I don’t eat them.  Just peanut butter. I’ll have jelly on toast but no PB&J for me.  He told me that peanut butter & mayonnaise sandwiches are good too.  Now that sounds DISGUSTING!  I made a face, he laughed.  Then Luba came back over.

My stim was almost over and Luba began talking to me about deep breathing exercises.  She told me that she could feel the tension in my legs and I need to relax.  She talked me through the exercises.  I didn’t hold the deep breath in for 3 counts before I exhaled.  Look at me STINKING at relaxing!  We tried a few more times and Luba told me to do them often because that would put me in “a healthy state-of-mind.”  My stim was over and Luba took the patches off and put them away.  Just as she walked over to get my chair and wake my Mom up, I asked Brad if he liked creamy or crunchy peanut butter.  He said, “crunchy.”  Oh GROSS!

Since I’ve been coming to ATI, I always enter through the back so I can wheel through Barwis.  I miss being there SO MUCH even though I love going to ATI as well.  Each time I enter through Barwis’ doors, I see Deeds, Mike Morfitt (who has since shaved his beard), or Nick Montoni.  One person I haven’t seen is Megan.  I started getting nervous after a few weeks.  Everyone has left Barwis so suddenly, I got nervous that maybe she may have left too.  My Mom opened the door and I wheeled around it to see Megan.

She had just finished barking a directive to her group and turned her head as I came through the door and saw me.  We smiled broadly to each other and she jogged the short distance over to me and gave me a great big hug!  I told her I missed her over my shoulder as my Mom pushed me over to ATI because it was about my time.  My Mom pushed me through he door and just Luba was there.  I wanted to talk to Brad about Martavis Bryant or Ohio State’s Pro Day but I didn’t mind at all.  I wanted to hear how Luba’s ski trip was anyway.

As Luba was telling me about her time, Megan came in and gave me another hug.  She stopped in for a minute and us three talked about my transition back to Barwis.  (I see Dr. Frush next Thursday) Megan told me to call Elle to get things squared away with getting back on the schedule.  It feels good that I am in such good hands!  Both at Barwis AND ATI.  My leg is healing nicely and it feels great to get such warm hugs!

Sean had a confirmation meeting Tuesday so I was unable to go to ATI.  Luba was back on Thursday and she worked with me.   She asked me about agreeing to talk with Brad and I nodded. Brad brought over a clipboard as Luba stretched my leg up, I recounted a few of the facts I share with my students in the beginning of the year as they fill out a questionnaire.  Mint Chocolate Chip is my favorite ice cream.  U2 is my favorite band.  I LOVE football. When I said that, Brad stopped me and we talked about football for a while.  He asked if I liked college football and I told him that I didn’t watch as much as I wish I did.  I LOVE talking about football!

Next, he asked me about my diagnosis.  I’m pretty comfortable talking about it and I recounted the appointment with who would be my first internal medicine Doctor, the ER visit, the hospital stay, and not being able to walk.  Then I talked about breaking my ankle and my Dad dying.  I told him about how “easy” it was to teach from a chair and how now I work at Barwis Methods to try to get OUT of my wheelchair.  Brad scribbled things down as Luba pretty much just listened quietly and worked my leg.

Then we changed gears a bit and Brad explained questions he’d be asking from a questionnaire and based on my answer he’d ask a follow-up question.  Brad explained that my answers would help them (OT’s) know how to help me.  It was how impaired certain abilities have become and how important that ability Is to me.  As the questions progressed, it started to get difficult for me.  A LOT has become impaired and those things are VERY important to me.  It was DEPRESSING!  It was depressing but illuminating for me.  At the end, I told Brad that he could best help me by getting me a maid and a chef to help with my impairments at home.  I explained that I’ve been coming to Barwis for over 2 1/2 years.  I’m a distance swimmer.  In reality, I’m patient.  I’ve lost some of that wanting to walk so badly, but it’s not TOTALLY lost.  It’s worth the wait.

It seemed like forever since I had been to ATI.  Just Kristen and Brad were there because I forgot that Luba was on vacay.  Once on the table, Kristen grabbed the goop and began rubbing my leg out.  As she rubbed my leg, I began to ramble and I pretty much didn’t stop.  I asked her how my leg felt and she told me that she could feel my leg becoming less “grainy” and that my bruise has really begun to fade.

My leg doesn’t hurt constantly like it used to.  It only hurts a little bit when I transfer out of my chair which unfortunately isn’t very often.  We were having constant conversation that I can’t even recall what we talked about but the conversation was continuous.  My time was up and Kristen went over to wake my Mom up (seems the ATI tradition that she takes a seat and falls asleep).  Luba marvels at it because you can hear the blaring music from Barwis but she puts her head down and has to problem falling right to sleep.

As Kristen did that, Brad came over and told me overheard our conversation.  He’s in OT (Occupational Therapy) school and he asked if I wouldn’t mind being interviewed as a subject for a paper he’s doing.  Sure! I don’t have a problem with that!  It’s only taken 15 years, but I’m comfortable talking about my disability.  I told in that I’m here Tuesdays and Thursdays so we would talk the next time I came in.

Well, I felt HORRIBLE on the 23rd and 25th so I cancelled ATI.  That horrible feeling continued on the 1st of March.  These 3 cancellations were completely weather-related.  They were frustrating but necessary.  My body hurt so badly!  These ATI cancellations were frustrating because I feel it’s hindering my progress but it can’t be avoided.  I wish it could, but that’s not the case with having MS.  There are ups and downs.  These were “downs.” ???