Author: Jen Rios

So, this was the moment of truth.   I was still on leave from my work and I finally was going to see Dr. Frush.  He was going to  read my MRI scan and tell me if I needed surgery or not.   I swore that I did! He and Jen came in to see me and he sat next to me.  He paused for a moment and my heart was in my throat, he said, “No  surgery yet.”   He poked around at my knee and I told him that it still hurt everywhere he poked.

He had Jen pull up my MRI on the computer and explained it to me. On the screen, I could see what I call a “Pac-Man” chunk  taken out of my MCL.  I was surprised to see that because my MCL has not hurt as much as the outer portion of my knee. He pointed out what looked like fuzzy static  This was  exactly where my pain was. That was cartilage damage.

I told him that the pain is a constant throbbing. Sometimes (very rarely) it  will change into a lower instance (not such a fast throb) but it is there.   It hasn’t gone away since I was injured.  This was over three months ago. As I explained this constant pain to him he got a thoughtful look on his face and told me that I would get a  Cortisone shot today.

When I heard the words, “Cortisone shot,” I immediately thought of  The movie Varsity Blues.  I was in high school when this movie came out and I remember a player was injured and he got a Cortisone shot  in his knee so he was able to play through the injury and ended up completely screwing his knee up.

This shot must be the “numb-all” that I was looking for!   If a football player could play through injury after getting this shot, I was golden and excited! Maybe now the pain would stop! Jen  sprayed my knee with numbing  spray as Dr. Frush injected me.

The above picture was a screenshot I took of the “My hero” video by the Foo Fighters.   It has clips of the movie in it and this was the exact scene I saw in my head when Dr. Frush said, “Cortisone shot.”   He didn’t shoot me at the bottom of my knee  is this kid is being shot, but rather, on the outside near the top where it has been hurting so badly.

I absolutely LOVE this song, I used  to play the song in class when I used to teach the novel, The Outsiders.    I had this really cool extension activity  about “heroes” and I got to hear that song five times the day I taught that lesson. One year the schedule changed and I got to hear it seven times. I can’t hear this song without thinking of teaching English,  Varsity Blues, and Cortisone shots.

Well, as it turns out, the Cortisone is not a magic “numb-all”  for me and the pain returned the next day. I started thinking more about the fact that  Dr. Frush  used the qualifier “Yet.”  Because the Cortisone didn’t work at all for me, does this mean I’m going to need surgery?!   I go back to see him again in January.  He extended my prescription for physical therapy so I will see how my knee does  until I see him again.

I changed my physical therapy appointment from Thursday (which was Thanksgiving) to Friday. I worked with Luba. After conversation about our Thanksgivings she pulled the star off of my knee  that Kristen had put on my knee the last time I was at physical therapy. Before she started working on me, she examined my knee. When my leg is straight out, there is a peak on the  lower outside of my knee cap.   It has been there since I started physical therapy, pretty much since I was injured. It has lessened some but is still there. However, Luba examined it and told  me that it was big.

I’m not sure if it was her or me who dubbed it as being “Mount Kilimanjaro.” We both kind of laughed about it.   She said that she wanted to climb Mount Kilimanjaro one day and I told her that I will just live vicariously through her  because I could not see myself climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in the near future.  She worked the outside of my knee just above  Mount Kilimanjaro and worked my quad a lot.   It felt really good!  Just before she hooked me up for stim and put ice on my knee, she asked about my  taping preference.   I didn’t have one. I know that my knee feels a whole lot better when there is tape on it but did not know  what difference   It made as to how it was taped.  It all feels good!

Luba asked if I preferred the star that Kristen put on me the last time or if I wanted something different. I just kind of shrugged and shook my head because I had no idea what I wanted.   I told her that my knee feels cradled whenever I have tape on it and it really didn’t matter.

In our conversation earlier that day I had told her about being awakened with pain specifically on the top of my kneecap.   Since my injury, waking up in pain is an everyday occurrence but recently, I was awakened with pain specifically  at the top of my kneecap  where it hurt the most.   I didn’t know how to answer Luna  so she finished hooking me up with a thoughtful look on her face and went  Beck to her  work station.

When she came back when my time was up for ice, she told me that she was going to tape at me differently. She told me she would put a cross on my knee. I was game   And just kind of nodded in agreement.   She put one long strip of tape  vertically on the outside of my knee   And a Nother piece that crossed over the top of my knee. Now, I have always felt cradled whenever I have tape but this  taping, the cross, felt WONDERFUL!!!  I really dug it and hoped that Mount Kilimanjaro would lesson. Maybe  it could be just a hill…

I worked with Kristen on the Wednesday after my MRI. I told her all about the music and being  transported back to my high school years. I told her that I was really happy that they were able to keep my  knee taped  while I had the MRI.   The MRI tech gave me a disc but did not tell me about anything that she saw. I told Kristen how nervous I am about surgery. My knee still hurts so very badly! I  can’t really imagine me NOT  needing surgery because this really hurts!

I couldn’t tell Kristen enough about how my nerves were going crazy!   I know that whatever is wrong with my knee is wrong with my knee and there is nothing I can do now but it still made me crazy nervous!  As my return appointment with Dr. Frush  gets closer, I am getting more nervous because my knee is not feeling any better. I’m so concerned!

She worked my knee and my quad as we talked. She told me that I am doing everything I can do to make my knee feel better (physical therapy three times a week and the MRI) so I just have to wait  and see what he says. I know that all of this is true but I can’t seem to get my nerves in check!    I think this is because I know how much my knee hurts and how long it has been hurting but I also know that any kind of knee surgery to make that pain go away will be the most pain I have ever been in in my life  because it was just that! It has been 16 years since I had my knee surgery and I cannot forget how badly that hurt!

Just before Kristen hooked me up to the stim machine and iced me, she asked me if I preferred the tape that Luba I had put on me on Friday opposed to the stars. I told  her  that it really didn’t matter and ANY tape feels so good on my knee!  She ended up putting  a star on the outside of my knee because that is where it really hurts!

I didn’t go to ATI because I had my MRI for my knee scheduled.  I was nervous about what it would show because my knee STILL hurts so badly two months after my injury.  I wondered if surgery was going to be necessary and I know first-hand that knee surgery hurts MORE than having a baby!  I have to admit that I cheated and had a C-section but that hurt too, cutting through my guts!… Anyway, we had a little trouble finding the place because we had never been there before.

Once in the office, I filled out some paperwork (rather, my Mom did and I just signed it).  The MRI tech wheeled me out the back doorway of the office through a long hallway with what seemed like a lot of turns.  She told me we were going back outside   We got to a door to the outside so I put the hood of my sweatshirt onto my head.  She pushed me through the door, outside, and onto a platform.  It was a mobile lab.  An older guy with big muscles pressed the button to activate the lift so we could get into the lab.

It was small and the MRI machine was to the left.  The guy with the big muscles carried me to the table and helped me lie down so the MRI tech could ready my knee to get my MRI.  She unsnapped my pants and folded the unsnapped part above my knee and clicked a kind of cage on my knee.  She put headphones on my ears and left to control the machine. As the table moved into that tube, I heard Aaliyah in my ears.  I was immediately in high school again!  I tried to commit to memory all the songs I heard but couldn’t.  I know that it made a little more comfortable trying to see if I remembered all the words to these songs from my high school years, the last time I had problems with this knee.

My MRI was done and that big-muscled man put me back in my chair.  I commented on the music I heard and the tech told me that was the only radio station that came in this morning.  She gave me the disc that had my MRI pictures on it and she wheeled me back o the office.  Once outside and in my car, I realized that I was in my MRI for an hour.  I’m comforted knowing that whatever is wrong with my knee is documented.  Dr. Frush already has access to them because this place was part of the DMC.

Luba looked over my knee after she unsnapped my pants once I was on the table.  She furrowed her brow and put on the “thinking face” that I’ve seen at Barwis so many times. She looked at me and kind of asked, “Traction?”  I shrugged a little and told her whatever she thought.  She looked at my knee longer and then nodded and got off the table to get the “seat belts.”

I call them “seat belts” because that is exactly how the look.  Beige seat belts.  I think she had two of them.  Seeing them immediately reminded me of the first time I saw Parker, the first time I went to Whittker Therapy. My first naturopath referred me to him to help with my spasticity.  My legs were SO tonic then that while he worked on one leg, he strapped my other leg down.

Luba fastened one end around my ankle and I assume she attached the other end to something under the table.  Then I felt the seat belt pull and it felt REALLY GOOD on my knee.  I was in traction for a while and Luba rubbed my knee out the rest of my time before she set me up with ice and stim.  Luba told me that when my stim. was up, she would tape me again.  I really liked the thought of that!

I wouldn’t be at physical therapy on Monday because I had my MRI appointment scheduled so I looked forward to having tape on my knee again and would wear it all weekend!  Luba taped my knee up as I laid back feeling relaxed after the traction, rub, ice, and stim.  It wasn’t until I changed at home that I saw that this time, I had two octopi.  They started high up on my quad and cross-crossed over my IT band to my mid calf.  I really admired Luba’s handiwork!  She hoped it would help with the swelling.  I do too!

Wednesday, I was with Kristen.  She pulled my tape off as I reiterated my growing concern for my knee to her.  After telling Brad about my Dr. Frush appointment, I haven’t been able to STOP thinking about it.  I thought about how both Dr. K AND Dr. Frush poked my knee in the EXACT SAME spots.  It hurt in EVERY spot they poked and I told both of them that.  I told her about Dr. Frush’s look of concern at seeing that my knee was more swollen than it should be as she methodically rubbed my knee.

I told her that my MRI was scheduled for November 21st and my return appointment was set for November 28th.  I told her about Dr. Frush letting me know that my return to work was, “tentative.”  After telling her all of this, I felt that I adequately reiterated my concern.  I told her that I felt Dr. Frush knew something.  He knows what he’s talking about.  I really felt that something is wrong with knee.  I was nervous now.  My knee has NOT stopped hurting since I was injured.

As Kristen worked my knee, she said that maybe Dr. Frush was covering his bases just in case.  Then she told me that I am doing everything I can.  I’m going to physical therapy, I’ve made both my MRI appointment and my follow-up appointment with Dr. Frush after the MRI.  She told me that I have a game plan.  Whatever is wrong with my knee, is wrong with my knee.  Until I know for sure, I’m doing everything right.

As I got hooked up to stim. and had my ice on, I thought about how this knee injury is just about breaking me.  I’m not at work teaching kids to read and dealing with worker’s comp. payments is more than taxing, not to mention that I’m NOT at Barwis.  I miss it more than ANYTHING!!!  With all of this going on, I’m STILL in pain!  I wake up in pain and go to sleep in pain.  Oh yeah, AND I have MS!

The timer went off for my stim. and Kristen and I decided that she wouldn’t tape me today so I can get tape tomorrow.  I’d have it for the weekend and I’ll remove it before my MRI on Monday.  I cancelled my ATI appointment for Monday because I will be getting my MRI.  Kristen snapped my pants and her and my Mom helped transfer me back to my chair.  Man, this ALL is A LOT! ???