It was posted from my, “Spoonies” group. It is a post about people with chronic illnesses. I read what it said and that feels extremely true especially after 20 years with this disease! For the past couple of days, it seems like the stream is getting the best of me!
This is a very sad fact and something that really frustrates me! But yesterday, I couldn’t even chew my dinner. It seemed a low point for me and I thought I would just have to drink protein shakes for all of my meals. I’m kind of bummed about that so today, I didn’t even feel well enough to wash my hair!
I added the words, “Pretty much… 😒😒😒” it stinks how new things keep popping up even after 20 years but this is how things are now. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be able to get my hair washed!
I was talking to my Mom about the specific YouTube video I saw and I shared it with her. I am posting this on my blog now because my YouTube feed will be refreshed with U2 songs which I really enjoy!
Back when I shared this video with her, another video popped up that I thoroughly enjoyed and shared with her as well:
I shared this video with her because she really likes the, “Where the streets have no name“ video and that is a song she will listen to with me because she likes the video so much!
So now, I think my YouTube feed will be filled with U2 videos which I like a whole bunch! And, I need to add (which I overlook too often) but I think it is because I love Bono so much! But Adam Clayton is so cool! I remember seeing a video and they were playing their instruments and he was just nonchalantly plucking his base with a cigarette between his lips!
Big Brother it’s definitely trying his hardest to trigger tears from me! It’s in my Facebook feed that these songs show up. I’ve been thinking about the latest song that showed up for a few days now. This morning, I checked my phone to see what time it was because it was still dark outside and I saw this:
Seeing my Dad eyes staring back at me was extremely startling while I was half asleep and laying in my bed in my pitch black room.
Today, I have constantly been thinking about this song and remembering sitting in a booth at a restaurant whose name I cannot remember right now but I heard this song. It was kind of soon after my Dad’s death and it always makes me think of him.
back then, this line reminded me of him most:
My Dad has only visited me in my sleep a couple of times in the past 14.75 years that he has been gone but as I hear this song and searched the lyrics for this blog post, Big Brother has succeeded in making me cry but I can ALWAYS cry when I think of my Dad, just not immediately. Well you played, Big Brother!:
I received some news today at 1:36 p,m, that I have been having difficulty processing! I think I am overwhelmed. Since receiving this information, I have teared up and began crying with no way of stopping it. The tears just began streaming down my cheeks! I think if I write about that, that will help with my processing.
I changed my profile picture on Facebook yesterday to this because it was Mother’s Day:
I like this picture of us because in it, my Dad is sitting in his chair at the dining room table and my Mom is standing next to him and both me and Sean are next to them. I am Mexican and I come from a family of huggers!!! I have also made Sean a hugger as well!
During this pandemic, I recall very vividly when he was called back to work and had to leave my bubble with my Mom and me. In order to keep me safe, he was moving in with my nephews as he began to work again. I remember hugging him very tightly and crying because once he left my house, I wasn’t sure when I would be able to hug him again!
We talked on the phone and FaceTimed constantly after he left. Or, as much as is acceptable for a young man to talk to his mother. It has been frequent enough to satisfy me. I remember crying when I got vaccinated because I was safe from dying and I was one step closer to hugging him again! I wasn’t sure when that day would come because this pandemic has been stretching on forever!
But today, at 1:36 p.m. I received a text. Actually, this text was sent to both my Mom and to me from Sean:
Sean received his second shot today which means in two weeks, I will be able to hug him again!!! I sent this text to him with tears screaming out of my eyes:
We will have to coordinate the day with his work schedule but as of May 24th, I will be able to hug him again! So these tears have been tears of joy and while writing this, I still am super overwhelmed and still continue to cry in anticipation of hugging him again!
My internal clock is so messed up that I just woke up! It is 1255 p.m. I am still in the process of drinking my protein shake but I am done taking my vitamins. As a way to wake up, I scroll mindlessly through Facebook. I saw this meme from a friend:
And I loved it and thought of this song:
It was a good way to wake up. I better drink my shake before it gets warm…
My Mom and I figured out that we could buy the movie, Miss Potter, OnDenand. I have since watched this movie three times since I bought it so it was pretty cheap! We split the cost and bought it for ourselves for Mother’s Day. I absolutely love this movie!! I definitely suggest it to everyone!!!
Last night, my brother, Jimmy quoted this specific part of this movie during his Facebook live: He asked if I remembered it and of course I do! It’s Mike TV!:
And this song was posted in my MS Music Lovers group, they posted this song and then all came together and I think I will have to watch this movie even though I am 39 years old!
I think the Big Brtother does not want to get off of my back, that #SlyDevil!!! I saw this tweet and forgive the foul language!:
But I am, “Stong like bull!” No tears here but I thought of chocolate glazed Tim Bits! (Sean will know). Things are different now that I thought of this song and seeing this version of it kind of squeezed my heart a little bit:
I temporarily changed my Facebook profile picture to this:
I bought these buns after I spoke with the woman from the rescue that we were going to get her from. We were not going to get her for a week but Sean and I decided that we would keep her name that she already had which was, “Leia.” Amanda, the woman who runs the rescue we got her from when I asked her her name through email, she told me it was, “Leia, like the princess.” So for me, the buns seemed extremely fitting! They arrived to our house before she did and Sean shook his head at me. I laughed and didn’t care at all! It was going be cute because her name is “Leia.”
I took this picture of her on June 27, 2020 before her first vet appointment. My Mom also thought the buns were dumb and me putting them on her was even dumber! I told her that I just need, “One good picture!” Leia probably had these ones on for 30 seconds before she knocked them off. I sent this picture to Sean this morning and he told me that it was really cute but she will never let me put these buns on her again! I completely agree but I did get one picture. I’m not sure if it’s a, “Good picture” but that’s what I got. My Mom took this picture of her today. What a difference ALMOST a year makes!:
I think that Big Brother is trying to kick me when I’m down! But it’s not gonna work this time! This song showed up in my Facebook feed today and for the first time in 20 years, I did NOT. I can still see myself in my mind’s eye driving down E. Pond Dr. on WMU’s campus back to my dorm but no tears came.
Look at me being all healthy and stuff! Not really… there is still plenty of dysfunction to go around!
