Author: Jen Rios

S’More Camping Fun

I think it was a couple years ago when Sean commented on the fact that was a good idea that I have always gotten sentimental ornaments each year for our tree. It kind of felt cool to hear him saying that! I am a very sentimental person and I didn’t specifically for him to notice but I just didn’t think that he noticed for his entire life. I was just doing it because I wanted that great memory!

Over this past weekend, I was able to take advantage of the Black Friday specials in terms of ordering ornaments online. I picked out all of the ornaments that I wanted but the one that I wanted the most was only available in stores.

I called three local hallmark stores and by chance, the third store had one ornament available still! I told them that I will have my son come pick it up that day, yesterday. After I spoke with them, I called Sean to ask him to pick it up. He did but he had plans for the fight so he was not able to bring it yesterday so he dropped it off today.

When I called him yesterday, I told him about the ornament and how that was the special one for this year. And as I spoke with him, I sent him a picture of it:

I told him that that was us from so many years ago and we both laughed about my marshmallow falling into the fire! He now knows how important these ornament choices are for me and I appreciate that he went and picked it up from Woodhaven. My tree is still bare but I can’t wait to put it up on my tree! I have to find a spot for it because most of my ornaments have assigned seats.

“And Push on Through the Pain”

Well, it’s the end of Thanksgiving weekend and even though I am still eating leftovers, my back is still hurting me. I guess it is stress! And even though I wrote that in my life it’s a bowl of cherries, it’s really not. Feel free to CashApp me $50! i’m kidding!

this morning as I tried to gather myself, I thought of it Gavin Degraw song. A song that I listen to when I was living in our second apartment in lot. It doesn’t really go with how I am feeling but there is a line that I am hearing over and over in my head. I no longer drive but I’ll post the entire verse here:

So that is what I am doing right now, I have to push on through the pain because I have a tree decoration to supervise! And I still have to post my All-Time Christmas Faves this year. So, I just need a minute to, “Grab my guts” and to put on through the pain!

here’s the whole song anyway even though it does not fit with how I’m feeling today:

Thanksgiving 2020 OR #MyGirlL: Sympathy Groans

Thanksgiving 2020 was extremely different from my family. Somehow, I liked it though. Because my Mom is staying with me at my house, each one of my brothers stopped by to pick up pies that my Mom made for each of their families. My Mom made two pies for each family. One apple and one pumpkin. My Mom has five children so it was a lot of baking!

Because she was doing so much baking, my brother came over to pick up our turkey to make in his house. Another brother brought over deviled eggs that my Mom doled out to the other brothers picking up their pies. My Mom said with each brother picking up the pies that she was grateful that our family was well. We are going to keep them well by celebrating separately.

It was different but the same. Another brother brought plates for my Mom and me because my oven was occupied with the pies. It was a family affair and I really dug it!

But I posted on Facebook at about 1 o’clock in the morning that night about it being time to listen to my FAVORITE Christmas jam!

I was still awake that early in the morning because Thanksgiving 2020 for me was the MOST, “MS-y” day for me to date! I was in so much pain that I reclined my wheelchair and tried to get through it. I was very grateful that I did not have any responsibilities in terms of mail preparation. I just laid in my living room groaning in pain!

That part was terrible so that made the plates we received from my brother even more fortuitous! And yes, I was able to get the most excellent green bean casserole! It was toward the evening where I started to feel a little bit better so I was able to enjoy the food. I thought that when I woke up the next morning, I would be able to post my all-time favorite Christmas jams. But,

If Thanksgiving was the most, “MS-y”day to date, The day after was a close second. I must’ve slept wrong or something because my back was killing me just above my left shoulder. My Mom says that it’s just stress but what do I have to be stressed about?! My life is a bowl of cherries!!! That is COMPLETE sarcasm because I spent Thanksgiving in so much pain but with my back hurting so much the day after Thanksgiving was also spent laying in my chair groaning and popping pain pills.

That’s where #MyGirlL comes in, as my Mom put her in Sean‘s room to go to sleep in her bed, she groaned just like I did. My Mom laughed when she told me about it and I told her that Leah has sympathy Groans!

Today was not much better but I hope to feel better soon because I need to post my Christmas faves and I need to start watching Love Actually into days!

The Smell of my Mom’s Pie!”

A few years ago, my Mon used my oven to cook our family’s turkey because I live so close to her and her oven was being used to make the pies. My Mom makes the BEST apple and pumpkin pies!

Although they are a staple in our family’s holiday dinners, I cannot make them. With my diminishing abilities, it just is impossible. About a month ago, Sean asked me what we were going to do for Thanksgiving while he sat on our front porch and we talked through the door. I looked at him and said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m all set!“. We both laughed. I suggested it might be like a drive-through or something.

With the virus NOT letting up, At least it’s a drive-through to get my Mom’s pies! My Mom has five children, my four older brothers and me. She also is the guardianship over my two nephews. She has been making pies all day long!

I feel terrible that I cannot physically help her make them but I have been able to enjoy the smell of my Mom’s pies for this entire day! I have lived in my house for 11 1/2 years and I never thought it would smell like it does today! My brothers and I are celebrating Thanksgiving with our individual families but we all will have her pies!

I am reminded of my childhood with the each pie she makes that I smell! I am not sure how much pie I will eat, and if at all, but the smell has been divine!

Shaken

So, I am thinking about my next blog post as my Mom is in the kitchen baking pies. I am half watching Hallmark movies I have seen before and absentmindedly scrolling through my phone.

The commercial break started and I started to pay more attention to my phone until I heard, “Auld Lang Syne.” That is definitely a song that gets me in my feels so I looked at the TV.

I gasped and immediately started to cry! It was NOT a, “Feel Good” Christmas commercial that I expected. In fact, I was so shaken that it took me a couple commercial breaks to compose myself.

As a word of warning: I would brace yourself before you see this commercial if you even do:

1/2 of Phase 1 Continued…

My Christmas tree still looks the same! I’m not really in into it BEFORE Thanksgiving?! The good news is that Leia really doesn’t care! She likes the fact that with the tree up, she can put her face through the blinds in front of the house to see what’s going on! She does that every day!

It kind of makes me nervous to decorate the tree because I don’t think I can handle her messing with my tree no matter how much I love her!!!

I did get a package yesterday and it was from a friend’s Thirty-One party. The consultant helped me out with designing them but I think they look great! Even before putting lights on my tree or even opening up the branches, I put them on the tree to see how they will look.

They look beautiful! It’s 2020 in a nutshell. I was holed up in the house and therefore did not go to Sean’s abridged graduation ceremony and I got him Leia! At least I have beautiful ornaments to commemorate that time forever now!

I’m not sure where they will end up on the tree but they will look beautiful regardless of where they are!

My NEW, “Fold-Over Pony”

I’ve written about this so many times lately but I first cut my hair so there was no hair on my neck 12 years ago. With my hair growth since I’ve been in my house since the first lockdown, it has grown considerably. I have been wearing a winter hat in my house for a while so far this year because it regulating my body temperature is getting more difficult.

Yesterday, I discovered that my hair, even in a ponytail, rested on my neck with my hat on which is kind of uncomfortable. I vaguely remember putting my hair into a ponytail when it was really long that once I would get my hair into a ponytail holder, I would straighten my left arm completely with hair still in my hand before I would pull the hair back into the ponytail holder and because my hair was so long, I would fold it over by just pulling the hair halfway through the Ponytail holder. I wore my hair in a, “Fold over pony” often in high school!

I did not think my hair was long enough to even have a miniature, “Fold over pony.” I tried it last night and it was successful! So, this morning, I had my Mom take a picture of my NEW, “Fold-over pony!:

It’s pitiful but it DOES the trick! And just so you know, when I saw my tag sticking up in the picture I DEFINITELY had to rectify that situation! My winter hat is comfortable now because there is no hair on my neck!

1/2 of Phase 1

So I think this is weird but it HAS to happen. The Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving?! Leia seems someone unfazed by it which is good. I can’t Bring myself to start listening to Christmas carols just yet so silence is golden?

This all feels weird! Michigan one but three overtimes?! I didn’t even catch the Lions game but Sean told me it was bad. I am just not feeling it right now… must be 2020! I have half of phase 1 complete:

Living in my Memories

This morning, when my Mom had Leia on a walk, I put some Gavin DeGraw on my Apple Music on my phone on shuffle. Has he played on my phone and I absentmindedly played solitaire, my mind shifted to our first apartment. I vividly remember washing dishes standing at the sink. Even in my second apartment, I still did dishes at the sink but this time, I sat in my, “Cooking chair.” That was an Amish stool that I bought from Art Van after my Mom let me use hers and I had to have one for myself!

I can vividly see both of our apartments and I am somewhat saddened and how less, “Able” I am now. When my Mom got back into the house after Leia’s walk, I just started thinking about living in our house and cleaning up the kitchen and Saturday mornings back when I still used to work and how different things are for me now in terms of mobility.

My Mom walked by me and she saw my face. Apparently, me being lost in my memories showed on my face. She commented on it and I told her that I was lost in my memories. Deeply! At this point, when I am that deep into my memories, I don’t cry but rather, it is an ache in my chest. And ache of longing. After I got ready for the day, my knee started hurting really badly!

With all of these thoughts swirling around in my hand, my knee started to hurt excruciatingly! That is a whole ‘nother layer of things. After my Mom turned my tens unit on, I asked her to get me a mug of milk. The milk was for me to take with the pain pill and I decided that I needed two pieces of chocolate to eat to finish the milk as I started to cry a little bit. I cannot always live in my memories but I spend an awful lot of time there when I think of my current inabilities.

Stop Talking!

Recent events have made me think about living with my parents when Sean was about two. I was in school full-time then and working part-time at a credit union. Regardless, every night, I HAD to read Sean books! And I say bookS because we read multiple books every night! Sometimes, when I would be extremely tired and Sean would want to read another book, I would offer to just sing him a song back when I could still sing. Most nights, it was this song:

I told Sean that my Parents listened to that song before my Dad went off to war so that was, “‘Abuela and Gandfadders’ song.” I knew all of the words and it was in my key so I would sing it with my eyes closed. It always took Sean a while to fall asleep and he would, “Jabber” on until I would tell him with my eyes closed, “The time to stop talking is now!”

I remember singing to him sometimes and our first apartment. I’ve been thinking about that because my mornings now or a whole lot different!

Now, I need help getting out of my bed each morning. My Mom will help me get out of bed and transfer me to my wheelchair. I am more of a, “Night owl” But my Mom on the other hand, is a HUGE morning person! I let her know that I am awake and she will come into my room and start, “Jabbering on.” With my eyes semi-closed, I will just mumble, “Stop talking.” We will laugh about it later in the day as I wake up but just like I couldn’t handle Sean talking when I was tired at night, I can’t handle my Mom talking as I’m trying to wake up in the morning now, when she is Wideawake!