I have been thinking about my recent post about my random tune #6 in my Facebook feed, and I kind of want to post a different song. I am so far removed from that Matchbox 20 song that I feel this one is a better song for me now:
There are a number of reasons that I like this one better and there are lyrics that stick out in my mind! (I was an English teacher and words were my job!) No more tears at all anymore. The first lyric that sticks out is:
But I am happy to say that if that whole has not healed enough yet, it has calloused just enough so it doesn’t hurt or matter anymore. And the second lyric in retrospect is:
I remember when Sean was still very young, this lyric hit home for me! I have felt they were talking about me because I have a scar but I don’t talk about my C-section scar. I never really did…
This video showed up in my Facebook feed last night:
I think that Big Brother was just trying to mess with me. Normally, the song one strike a chord with me and I would be reminded of playing basketball in someone’s backyard and I was still a bright-eyed, high school graduate and not yen diagnosed with MS. This song would normally have filled me with regret but I was just checking one I liked the song and before things got real once I was diagnosed.
I think that Big Brother put the song in my Facebook feed to serve as a deep dive from days when I was still able-bodied. But it didn’t work because I’m still in a Different place from hearing Kings of Leon. I was less disabled than I am now but I was still an adult back then. Sadly, I don’t even recognize the child I was before I was diagnosed anymore.
I think my tenth Covid tears were the result of a build up. Things that built up that I did not even realize. I would call my tears Covid tears because I am still in my house with my Mom during this pandemic. I think my tears this morning were an overflow of my feelings last night. I really lamented the life I was supposed to be leading. I was thinking of the accomplishments I should have had but in dealing with MS for 20 years, those accomplishments have not been obtained.
I watched a little bit of the NFL draft on Thursday. I saw Kings of Leon performing and I could NOT get over how old Caleb Followill is!!! I texted my friend and told him as much and he reminded me that WE are old too!!! I was reminded of a song but I couldn’t quite remember it. So in order to find it, I just did a search of a line of the song that I remembered and then I was able to find the Kings of Leon song I was looking for;
In my head, when I hear this song, I am in my mid-20s and living in my second apartment. I am still driving and as I looked out the window today, and saw what the weather must be like, I remembered I was able to enjoy that weather myself back then. As I listen to this song, all these memories came to mind and the tears begin to flow! Back then, I didn’t think that I would be more disabled than using my Canadian crutches most of the time. I never dreamed it would be like it is now!
I also think that my tears were a combination of really thinking about how things have become. My abilities are diminishing constantly! I could not even put toothpaste on my toothbrush last night! I had to ask my Mom for help because my doTERRA toothpaste changed the tubes they use and it is too difficult for me to squeeze them. That fact also hurt and I think remembering a time when I could do that on my own easily and still drive was a little bit too much!
I am so very much into this song. All three versions of it! :
But then I saw Kings of Leon playing at the NFL draft and I thought of this song and I had to listen to it. I cried a little bit and I think I will write about that exclusively:
I was hesitant to watch the first night of the NFL draft yesterday. I am currently at an impasse right now because I don’t know if I have been a Lions fan since 2009 or if I have just been a Matthew Stafford fan since then! I haven’t even been able to watch GMFB a for a long time now since my sleep schedule is so off! I can’t fall asleep till early in the morning until about two or 3 o’clock therefore, I can’t be up at 7:00 am to watch GMFB. I can see highlights on Twitter but it definitely is not the same!
Previous drafts, I have known all of the top draft picks and have seen their highlight reel‘s on GMFB. So much so that I have cried with the prospects once they get drafted (Jadeveon Clowney)! I’m not sure if it’s Covid that took away my football watching or the progression of my disease. It’s probably both because my disease is definitely progressing and my Mom who has been living with me since the beginning of Covid. I know she doesn’t like it at all so I have cut my football watching.
So, as I was texting with a friend, I turned it on and I see Kings of Leon playing this song!:
This song reminds me of a time when I was still able to drive and I lived in my second apartment back then. I could not believe how old he looked! I texted my friend that it was insane how old he looked and he said that WE are old!!!
I felt even older as I watched how young these prospects were! I felt a little uncomfortable because I did not recognize any of them but then Jim Brown started speaking with a U2 song playing in the background:
It was comforting to hear my favorite band also involved! I ended up watching the first 15 picks even though I did not know any of them because Mac Jones caught my eye! I had to wait until he found a home. I had to watch previous NFL draft until Johnny Manziel found a home. (That was a long night
I don’t know how long my Mom will be living with me because we have Leia now and Covid has really showed me how disabled I am now. I’m not even sure what I’m going to do this coming season for football anyway. I don’t even have a team!
My Mom was on hold again today. And I heard the perfect music and I was completely aghast! This is the song that played while she was on hold with GM Finianxial. I don’t have any car payments so I would not speak with them but this is what I heard:
My sentiment continues that I am completely old!!!
My Dad read the entire paper every single day! On Sundays, he would take all of the sale papers out and put them on the floor in the living room while he sat in his recliner and read the paper. On lazy days, I would walk into our living room and sort through the pile of sale papers. I made two piles. One pile for things I wanted to look at and the other pile was to discard and put into the recycle bin.
I remember one time laying on the floor in the living room on my stomach with my knees bent and my feet lazily kicking behind me that my Dad looked up from the paper and asked me what I was doing. My answer was short and direct. I didn’t know why it was not obvious but I just said, “Shopping.”
I remember him kind of chuckling a bit at my answer but it made complete sense to me! I was not old enough to drive back then so I was entertaining myself by shopping from my house. I never really thought that would actually be a thing but, it is!
I thought about this today because I am not feeling well and it would be a good day to go shopping laying on my stomach on my living room floor with my feet kicking behind me. But, first of all, I am not physically able to do that anymore.
I am really not feeling well because it’s raining and I even opted to NOT wash my hair. Seems like it is another another #DirtyHairDontCare day for me!
So, dental hygiene has been huge for me for my entire life. It became more important to me once a had Sean! We have cleanings every six months and I looked into getting braces for him when he was seven. He didn’t get his braces on until he was 13 after for teeth extractions. While he had braces, he needed a second mouth surgery!
So, I made his teeth a priority as well as mine. For my last cleaning, my dentist told me that I have, “Good teeth.” So, I find it really funny (my mom does too) that Leia likes to get her teeth brushed as well! I guess it’s through osmosis that she wants ‘good teeth’ too!
I can clearly remember some 16 years ago of hearing this song in a car during the summer and feeling vastly contented. It was warm and I probably was wearing still able to wear my Doc Marten’s. I started to feel overwhelmed when I heard the beginning guitar chords I and I began to cry! Hearing all of these people sing-along made me cry this morning again and remembering that memory and I’m sure I have seen this in my YouTube feed and shared the song but to hear all of those people sing it made me cry as well as I remembered that day in the summer so many years ago!
I saw this meme and shared it on Facebook yesterday:
I posted on this song on my blog yesterday:
it got me thinking about a very long time back when I worked at dfcuu financial. I looked through my tunes tab and checked what I wrote about Matty. I wrote this post a couple years ago so the video for, “Electrical Storm” is no longer available so I will re-post the video for that song here:
This song always reminds me of working the drive-through with Matty because his sister like that song. But another memory of Matty I have and clearly remember this day because it was the first time I fell in public. It was before I started using crutches and was still walking on my own. It was the first time my legs just gave out in public! I was walking behind the teller stations and I don’t know how but they just gave out and I fell. I was walking with another woman and she helped me up. This was the beginning of balance issues so I didn’t know anything about see it. I just knew that I was really embarrassed! I could feel my face ignite into flames!
I think it was a couple weeks later that Matty and I were working in the drive-through (a different time) and he started to talk about seeing me fall. I was completely mortified with a branch full of members and everyone I worked with there! He started to chuckle and told me, “You were so cute!” I disagreed with him and I started to laugh too. I’ve been thinking about that time of my life and it makes me a little bit sad. Even with that being the case, I always have some great music to listen to and to remember!
