Category: Barwis Methods

As I laid on the table, Luba commented that my leg looked smaller.  That was good t hear.  So this is progress.  My leg is slowly on the mend and that makes me feel better.  My legs don’t curl up as badly as they once did and I understand why now.  Luba slowly stretched my leg outward and just as slowly brought it back in.  After some time, she pulled my leg out ward and held it there.  She asked me to pull my leg inward and she had to help me get my leg next to my left one.

That really stunk for me.  I immediately wondered if I had lost what I had gained at Barwis.  That was a pitiful PNF!  She pulled my leg out again and asked me to pull it back in.  I gritted my teeth and pulled with all of my might.  Once my leg was in, Luba told me that that one was A LOT better.  I let he know that first is ALWAYS the worst and the second is the BEST!  We did this a few more times and then she had me push my leg outward a few times.

I tired out and she put the patches on my leg for stim.  She started the machine and told me that it was good to get activation.  That activation was different from Barwis activation because she didn’t offer tons of resistance as Mike Rhoades, Nick Montoni, Mike Morfitt, Megan, or Sue did but I held on to the fact that I still was able to activate my legs and that to me felt good.  I was tired and laid my head back grateful that my progress to date wasn’t lost but just on hold.  My brain can still communicate with my leg muscles.  I had just re-learned this in the past two years but I haven’t forgotten in spite of my torn groin and hamstring because Luba and I were able to get some activation today.

In order to get an evaluation done, I saw Luba on Friday the 19th.   As I laid on the table, Luba asked me a bunch of questions and took measurements of my leg.  She told me that wasn’t going to be a lot of difference from yesterday but there was progress from the first day I came here after I saw Dr. Frush.  The progress is evident to me.  My leg is not as swollen and most of the pain is gone.

Getting activation back in my leg yesterday helped me so much!  This activation was different from the activation I’ve felt at Barwis but it WAS activation.  I haven’t lost that.  Seeing that my brain still communicates with my lower extremities is huge!!!  I never banked on regaining that communication (2 1/2 years ago) and once I did, I also never thought it would take so long.  I’m glad the communication was found again!  (In the beginning and I am even more glad to see that my torn muscle did not lose that communication completely).  This tear as well as the other one, hampered my progress a bit but I see that I am STILL progressing even with this latest drawback.

Luba stretched my leg outward and then upward putting my leg on her shoulder.  I did some PNFs while she stretched them and I was content.  Tired but content.  Luba hooked me up to the stim machine and when the stim was finished, Luba took the patches off of my leg and my Mom came over to help me off of the table.  Unfortunately, it’s a two person job now with my injury but as we were getting situated for the transfer, my Mom noticed Luba’s bracelet and commented how pretty it was.   She told us she had gotten it from a patient.  It had a charm on it that said, “Guardian of Healing.”  That was a perfect bracelet because that is exactly who she is!

Well, I felt HORRIBLE on the 23rd and 25th so I cancelled ATI.  That horrible feeling continued on the 1st of March.  These 3 cancellations were completely weather-related.  They were frustrating but necessary.  My body hurt so badly!  These ATI cancellations were frustrating because I feel it’s hindering my progress but it can’t be avoided.  I wish it could, but that’s not the case with having MS.  There are ups and downs.  These were “downs.” ???

It seemed like forever since I had been to ATI.  Just Kristen and Brad were there because I forgot that Luba was on vacay.  Once on the table, Kristen grabbed the goop and began rubbing my leg out.  As she rubbed my leg, I began to ramble and I pretty much didn’t stop.  I asked her how my leg felt and she told me that she could feel my leg becoming less “grainy” and that my bruise has really begun to fade.

My leg doesn’t hurt constantly like it used to.  It only hurts a little bit when I transfer out of my chair which unfortunately isn’t very often.  We were having constant conversation that I can’t even recall what we talked about but the conversation was continuous.  My time was up and Kristen went over to wake my Mom up (seems the ATI tradition that she takes a seat and falls asleep).  Luba marvels at it because you can hear the blaring music from Barwis but she puts her head down and has to problem falling right to sleep.

As Kristen did that, Brad came over and told me overheard our conversation.  He’s in OT (Occupational Therapy) school and he asked if I wouldn’t mind being interviewed as a subject for a paper he’s doing.  Sure! I don’t have a problem with that!  It’s only taken 15 years, but I’m comfortable talking about my disability.  I told in that I’m here Tuesdays and Thursdays so we would talk the next time I came in.

Sean had a confirmation meeting Tuesday so I was unable to go to ATI.  Luba was back on Thursday and she worked with me.   She asked me about agreeing to talk with Brad and I nodded. Brad brought over a clipboard as Luba stretched my leg up, I recounted a few of the facts I share with my students in the beginning of the year as they fill out a questionnaire.  Mint Chocolate Chip is my favorite ice cream.  U2 is my favorite band.  I LOVE football. When I said that, Brad stopped me and we talked about football for a while.  He asked if I liked college football and I told him that I didn’t watch as much as I wish I did.  I LOVE talking about football!

Next, he asked me about my diagnosis.  I’m pretty comfortable talking about it and I recounted the appointment with who would be my first internal medicine Doctor, the ER visit, the hospital stay, and not being able to walk.  Then I talked about breaking my ankle and my Dad dying.  I told him about how “easy” it was to teach from a chair and how now I work at Barwis Methods to try to get OUT of my wheelchair.  Brad scribbled things down as Luba pretty much just listened quietly and worked my leg.

Then we changed gears a bit and Brad explained questions he’d be asking from a questionnaire and based on my answer he’d ask a follow-up question.  Brad explained that my answers would help them (OT’s) know how to help me.  It was how impaired certain abilities have become and how important that ability Is to me.  As the questions progressed, it started to get difficult for me.  A LOT has become impaired and those things are VERY important to me.  It was DEPRESSING!  It was depressing but illuminating for me.  At the end, I told Brad that he could best help me by getting me a maid and a chef to help with my impairments at home.  I explained that I’ve been coming to Barwis for over 2 1/2 years.  I’m a distance swimmer.  In reality, I’m patient.  I’ve lost some of that wanting to walk so badly, but it’s not TOTALLY lost.  It’s worth the wait.

Since I’ve been coming to ATI, I always enter through the back so I can wheel through Barwis.  I miss being there SO MUCH even though I love going to ATI as well.  Each time I enter through Barwis’ doors, I see Deeds, Mike Morfitt (who has since shaved his beard), or Nick Montoni.  One person I haven’t seen is Megan.  I started getting nervous after a few weeks.  Everyone has left Barwis so suddenly, I got nervous that maybe she may have left too.  My Mom opened the door and I wheeled around it to see Megan.

She had just finished barking a directive to her group and turned her head as I came through the door and saw me.  We smiled broadly to each other and she jogged the short distance over to me and gave me a great big hug!  I told her I missed her over my shoulder as my Mom pushed me over to ATI because it was about my time.  My Mom pushed me through he door and just Luba was there.  I wanted to talk to Brad about Martavis Bryant or Ohio State’s Pro Day but I didn’t mind at all.  I wanted to hear how Luba’s ski trip was anyway.

As Luba was telling me about her time, Megan came in and gave me another hug.  She stopped in for a minute and us three talked about my transition back to Barwis.  (I see Dr. Frush next Thursday) Megan told me to call Elle to get things squared away with getting back on the schedule.  It feels good that I am in such good hands!  Both at Barwis AND ATI.  My leg is healing nicely and it feels great to get such warm hugs!

My legs were pretty tight on Thursday.  Luba rubbed and worked slowly to get them loosened up.  She told me more about her vacay because our conversation was cut short because we talked with Megan about my transition back to Barwis. After my legs were loose enough, I did some PNFs.  I think I will like working on those with resistance once I’m back at Barwis.  Luba hooked me up to the stim machine and Brad came over.

When I spoke with him before, conversation switched (I don’t know how) to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  He was aghast that I don’t eat them.  Just peanut butter. I’ll have jelly on toast but no PB&J for me.  He told me that peanut butter & mayonnaise sandwiches are good too.  Now that sounds DISGUSTING!  I made a face, he laughed.  Then Luba came back over.

My stim was almost over and Luba began talking to me about deep breathing exercises.  She told me that she could feel the tension in my legs and I need to relax.  She talked me through the exercises.  I didn’t hold the deep breath in for 3 counts before I exhaled.  Look at me STINKING at relaxing!  We tried a few more times and Luba told me to do them often because that would put me in “a healthy state-of-mind.”  My stim was over and Luba took the patches off and put them away.  Just as she walked over to get my chair and wake my Mom up, I asked Brad if he liked creamy or crunchy peanut butter.  He said, “crunchy.”  Oh GROSS!

When I laid on the table at ATI, my legs were extremely tight.  I laid there and closed my eyes trying to will my legs to loosen up.  My legs were so tight, I could feel them shaking.  It almost felt like a shiver.  As if I was shivering inside but I wasn’t cold.  It frustrated me and I tried to will my legs to chill out even more.

Luba was having a hard time with my right leg.  She told me that she could feel the tightness in my legs and asked what was going on.  I kind of shrugged and blamed the weather or something.  She continued to work and told me the importance of becoming aware of things that were bothering me.  She said, “that when I become aware, I can start releasing what is bothering me.”

I took what she said to heart and started searching my soul as to what was going on.   I would like to say I figured out what it was that was bothering me and my legs loosened right up.  That is NOT the case!  The stim helped my leg to relax and I was tired.  I fell asleep on the way home and when my Mom woke me up, I was completely disoriented.  My legs were tight again as I tried to fall asleep that night.

I’ve been EXTREMELY hesitant to write this particular blog post.  The 24th was my return appointment  to Dr. Frush.  It had rained all night and I went to work in the morning and it had rained all morning.  I worked a 1/2 day and my Mom picked me up and together, we picked Sean up (he also had a 1/2 day) to come with us because after Dr. Frush, I was going to ATI.  The rain continued and I felt it in my body.  Dr. Frush approved me to go back to Barwis but he talked about how tonic my legs were.  I admit they were pretty tight but the suggested solution is prescription medication.  Given the side-effects I’ve experienced I’m hesitant to go down that road but when I hear that that may be the only way for me to get up and walking; that gives me reason to pause and really think.

The rain continued as I got to ATI and Brad had another questionnaire for me as my mind was heavy with thought.  Brad came over and leaned against the table next to the table I was laying on.  He had a clipboard.  The questionnaire that Brad had for me asked questions about my abilities, abilities that I used to be able to do on my own.  The choices of answers I could give ranged from “no difficulty” to “completely unable to do so.”  The first question asked if I could open a lid to a jar.  I laughed and said, “That’s why I have a 14-year-old.”  I knew that wasn’t a real answer so I thought about it further and the answer was that I couldn’t do it by myself at all.  The questions continued as Luba stretched my leg up.  My answers varied but they were mostly that I couldn’t do it or it was extremely difficult for me to complete.  Luba was able to stretch my leg upward almost easily because I was concentrating on Brad’s questions.  My answers depressed me.

Brad finished up the questionnaire and Luba tried stretching my leg outward.  It might have been the rain, my mind heavy with thoughts of medicating myself in order to walk, or my answers to the questions that brought the realization of how my disease has progressed but after a while, I looked at Luba and asked how she was progressing with getting my leg to stretch outward.  She looked and me hesitantly and I asked, “Not very far?” She kind of nodded slowly.  I was quiet on the way home.  My Mom kept asking me what was wrong and I didn’t answer.  I didn’t really know.  It took until Saturday and after some tears that I started to understand that I had to admit how disabled I have become.  I’m still am fighting everyday to deal with my MS but Easter weekend was a tough one for me.

Even though Dr. Frush had approved me to go back to Barwis, Luba and I talked about it and it would be an easier transition to Barwis if I started at the beginning of the month.  Elle agreed and is working on putting me back on the schedule because it’s been awhile.  I was still kind of “down” when I got to ATI.  Luba stretched my leg out and that felt nice.  My leg no longer hurts like it used to.  It was a constant ache.  I didn’t even get excited because I had feeling in my leg because it ached so badly.

Luba has helped that pain go away but with that pain leaving, I wondered if my brain’s ability to communicate with my leg muscles had left too.  Neither of my legs have gotten the major workout I would get at Barwis since the tear.  I wondered if I could get that back. Luba told me that she was excited for me to back to Barwis and continue my work toward walking.  I feel the EXACT same way (not that I don’t like ATI)!  I worried because my attempts at moving my leg when Luba stretches me are SO pitiful!

Luba put my leg over her shoulder and told me to push down.  I tried with all of my might and Luba’s eyes brightened and she said that my leg muscles were saying in a small voice, Hey, it’s me.”  This made me smile and like ALL hope wasn’t lost.  The connection was still there even if it was just in the slightest.  I’ll take it!  With as determined as I am to walk, I’ll work with it!