Author: Jen Rios

Monday was the first time I was at Barwis with Nick Montoni not there; he’s back at school.  I told him that when he’s gone, I won’t have to wear my “Chips” shirt anymore.  We laughed and I told him that I’ll wear it again when he’s back – as a graduate and that I’ll be walking.  I will work primarily  with Mike Morfitt now.  I’ve worked with him before and am comfortable.  He’s joked with me before, teasing me when I see him when I go to ATI.  I have to wear shorts at physical therapy so they can put the patches for the stim on my hamstring.  I haven’t worn shorts since high school!  He tells me that my legs are pretty white (they haven’t seen the sun for 15 years!).  No wonder!  I told him that I wear sweats to Barwis and shorts to ATI.  It’s kind of silly to make that distinction because they are basically in the same place but it makes sense to me.  Sweats = Barwis and shorts = ATI.  Except for Monday.

I had to wear shorts to Barwis because I got something on my pants at work and needed to change them before I went to Barwis.  My dryer is broken right now so I dry my clothes at my Mom’s.  I didn’t have any sweats at my house so I had to wear shorts.  I told Mike Morfitt that he had to stretch me on my chair because I did NOT want to lay on the table in shorts.  He laughed but agreed to do so.   We did PNFs and he  had me push my leg down from the spot where he held it  in the air and a few times, I could push but then it would feel like my leg was “lost in space” and I could neither push nor pull.  I asked him about it and he told me to slow my movements down and would press where I would need to fire from.  I closed my eyes and would think about firing from the spot he pressed.  It was like my muscles were turned back on and I could push again.  My eyes flew open an I exclaimed, “I re-found it!” with a smile.  Mike laughed and we repeated the process a few times on each leg.

He held my right ankle and had me push my toes down.  He was surprised at how much I could push! (I was too!) It seemed like such a LONG time since I had worked SO hard at Barwis.  It felt REALLY GOOD!!!  He told me to keep pushing and I told him that I was speeding now (the motion replicated pushing the pedal down even though I do not drive with my feet any longer).  My Mom wheeled me out to the car and transferred me in.  I felt good on the way home and my hamstring didn’t even ache!  Mike and I laughed and I showed him pictures I sent to Jesse and Adam and told him why and I dug that!:

i sent these to Jesse as proof that I used to have ankles (in high school!):

And this picture to show that my legs look like mannequin legs now that I wear compression socks ALL THE TIME!:

I sent this picture to Phil because he used to call my long nails, “claw nails.”  Michael used to make fun of them too.  I attribute them to all of the vitamins I take.  I just let them grow.  When one breaks, I cut them all.  My middle finger nail broke so they are short now:

 

 

My hamstring ached as my Mom drove me to Barwis.  I was going to ATI Friday and as we got closer, I was a bit relieved.  My hamstring hasn’t ached in a while!  The ache just proved to me that my hamstring has NOT healed yet.  Dr. Frush said that it would take 3 months for my hamstring to heal.  I doubted him at first but when my leg continued to constantly ache for another two weeks – I believe him now.  Now, my hamstring would BARELY ache (usually only sometimes after ATI or Barwis).

It was a bit unsettling that my hamstring ached before I even got to Barwis.  My Mom rolled me into ATI and I reported my ache to Greg.  My Mom transferred me onto the table and Greg started stretching me out.  It hurt, so I saw his mind working with the thoughtful look on his face.  He eased up a little and told me that he’ll just massage me.  I was happy to hear that and attributed the ache to me going back to work.  Summer is over and maybe it was the change in routine that made my hamstring ache.

Greg rubbed my leg and had me turn onto my stomach to continue the rub.  It felt SO good!  As he finished and help me turn back over to my back, I told him that he had “Magic Hands” because my hamstring didn’t hurt anymore!  My Mom helped me back into my chair and I saw Nick Montoni as we were leaving.  He waved to each other and I drove home thankful for Greg’s “Magic Hands” and looked forward to my hamstring healing.  I train with Mike Morfitt Monday so we’ll see how that goes…

It felt strange to be at Barwis to TRAIN at Barwis (it had been a week!).  A scheduling conflict caused me to have to reschedule my time at Barwis.  I was seen earlier in the day (at 11:00) but I was still with Nick Montoni.  It was the last time I would train with him before he goes back to school (he has one more semester).  I wore my Central shirt for the occasion and I was a little sad to see him go.  I waited by the chairs and I heard my name so I turned my head.  It was Jon working with Kaitlin.  It had been awhile since I saw him and I smiled.  Kaitlin is a first stepper and I had never seen her workout.

Megan came over and hugged me and we compared socks because it WAS “Wacky Sock Wednesday” #27.  She pushed me over to the blue table and sat on the table as I told her my torn hamstring story.  Just as I finished the story, I heard, “Ms. Rios!”  I start work tomorrow but I won’t have students until after Labor Day.  It was Michael.  I smiled and told him that I thought I would see him (because I was at Barwis early in the day).  I told him that I did my make-up for the occasion and then laughed and shook my head.  I don’t wer make-up in the summer (barely during the school year).

Just then, Nick came over.  He began working my calves while I sat in my chair as I snapped this pic:

He asked about my hamstring and I was happy to report that it hadn’t been aching at all really.  We were able to REALLY work.  I hadn’t done PNFs in SO long and it felt REALLY good to be able to do that again!  I knew that this wasn’t the “comeback” I’ve been dreaming about but it was a beginning!  When my time was over I hugged Nick and told him that the next time I see him (December) that I will be walking and he will be a graduate.  We laughed and he told me to stay positive and to, “keep doing what [I’m] doing.”

As my Mom drove me home, I felt like I was going to throw-up!  I said it a couple of times which alarmed my Mom but I told her that it was a GOOD thing.  I told her that to work your body THAT hard, to the point of throwing up was applauded.  It made me feel good that I DIDN’T feel good because it was proof I was working HARD and it’s been AWHILE since I’ve felt that I worked that hard and that REALLY felt good! (even though it felt like wanting to throw-up!)

I went to ATI instead of Barwis yesterday.  Deeds waved as my Mom wheeled me in and I returned the wave.  She helped me onto the moveable table as I waited to be stretched.  The tone In my legs was evident when I got onto the table and I kind of groaned to myself.  It gradually eased up a bit but its presence in my legs scares and discourages me and my hopes of walking.  I left feeling temporary relief from the tightness but I felt a pit in my stomach.  My hamstring is getting progressively better but I still felt disheartened.  Mike Morfitt smiled and waved as I left and I smiled back.

I was quiet on the ride home and felt uncomfortable.  Then it dawned on me!  Ask Jesse!  Jesse was my first trainer and I needed to get his take on things because my mind was feeling cloudy.  I’ve told him before that he is my “Obi-Wan.”  He laughed and agreed.  When my leg first swelled and hurt before I knew that my hamstring was torn, I texted Mike Barwis a picture as well as Jesse.  Now, I didn’t want to put these pictures on my blog but I think it kind of shows how much I trust in Jesse.  I texted Mike the first picture but kept sending Jesse pictures to show my progress and to laugh about it as well.

WARNING:  These pictures are pretty GROSS!!!  My leg was REALLY fat and bruised and my legs lack color.  I haven’t worn shorts since high school.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!:

Then I sent Jesse a picture of my legs as my Mom drove me to the orthopedist:

I had to/have to wear compression socks (on both legs now) to get rid of the swelling.

It started getting better but I had cankles (in both legs, hence – compression socks on both legs now).  Jesse joked that I ALWAYS have cankles so I sent him this picture:

This was me in high school (proof that I DID have ankles once upon a time…):

See?!

In our text conversation, Jesse calmed my somewhat frazzled mind and gave me assurance that I would bounce back from the torn muscle and tone.  I texted that now I thought that I would overcome it (given the encouragement he gave me – he’s REALLY smart about this stuff) and he replied, “You always do.  That’s what you do.”

THANKS JESSE!!!  He REALLY is my Obi-Wan.

Continue reading 8.14.15 #FamilyFirst… Still.

Elle had called me Monday to push my time back on Wednesday.  I pulled up to Barwis and my Mom was on the phone so I started wheeling myself in the rolldown door.  I saw Mike Morfitt and talked with him as I pushed myself up the ramp.  I hadn’t done that since a little bit before I tore my hamstring so I struggled a bit.  Connor was also coming in the door so he pushed me just inside.  I looked to my left (where the blue table is) and to my right and I didn’t see Nick.  I wheeled to the door that separates the front desk from the gym.  I pushed it open with my footrests and then got stuck.  I laughed to myself and luckily; Elle saw me and came over to help me.  She agreed to look for Nick as I was able to turn around.

I wheeled to by the chairs as Elle went the other way to look for Nick in the break room.  I took a deep breath to breathe in the ambiance.  It had been 1 week since I had been to Barwis to workout and I missed it.  I don’t remember which song was playing but I remember the smell!  It smelled like it ALWAYS has – like turf and hope.  Just then, I see Nick waving his arms by the blue table out of the corner of my eye.  I rolled over to there and he asked how my leg was.

He stretched my legs carefully while I sat in my chair and stretched me equally as carefully as I laid on the blue table.  It felt good to be stretched out but I  wasn’t pushing myself SUPER hard.  I watched as Garret walked all the way from one end of the gym to the other.  Nick told me that he was a quad.  I thought all along he was a para so his strides are that much more impressive to me now!  I’m GENIUNELY happy for him but get a a tinge of sadness (or longing) because I WANT TO do that!!!  My Mom took this pic because it WAS ‘Wacky Sock Wednesday” #26:

Nick put me in my chair and my Mom wheeled me outside.  As I was about to get into my car, I heard my Mom say, “Hi” to someone so I turned my head.  It was Mike Rhoades.  I used to call him Michael.  (He didn’t like it – but I did it anyway).  We talked briefly and I told him that I tore my hamstring.   I told him that it hurt and I can FEEL it.  I’ve gotten used to the “trifecta of pain” (butt, quads,  and hamstrings).  But this wasn’t a “sore muscle” pain but a “hurt”pain.  He agreed and said that anyone who tears a muscle says it hurts.  My Mom helped me get into my car and I was tired because I hadn’t worked at Barwis for a week but quiet and couldn’t quite figure out why.  I miss Jesse and Phil.  I KNOW that but I don’t see them.  I told Mike that him leaving hurt my heart (in jest going along with the playful banter we always would engage in) but I guess it really DID and seeing AND talking with him made me realize that.

I arrived to ATI for therapy and I worked with Nick.  I remained in my wheelchair and he REALLY worked my left leg.  He told me that my tone was better and that made me feel good.  The tone has been concerning to me and to hear that it was better was promising.  I am working with my doctor to remedy it naturally at this point.  I hope I can come to this resolve in the near future.

Nick was pleased with my showing in my muscle strength at that made me feel good too.  We talked about the slow progress I’ve made.  It HAS been slow and I spoke of “Nay Sayers” who I seem to be surrounded by.  I take A LOT of solace in the fact that EVERYONE at Barwis believes that I will walk again.  Nick told me that there will be hiccups.  I told him that this (my torn hamstring) was a big hiccup.  Nick told me that I am mentally tough enough to take this and talk about my transition from a wheelchair to crutches.  This conversation and him being pleased with my leg’s progress was what I needed.  My hamstring hasn’t ached painfully during the day.  It did last night after physical therapy because I worked it.  I can take that!

Another thing that I needed happened when I finished at ATI and my Mom pushed me out of the door and into Barwis’ gym.  Deeds caught my eye and waved to me.  I smiled and waved back just as Megan (who was a little further away) waved also.  I returned her wave and Nick (who was nearby) waved and came over to ask how my leg was.  I gave him a thumbs up and smiled. All of this (my hamstring) may be an unwanted hiccup but it also has allowed me to appreciate my Barwis family which is PRICELESS!!!

I went to ATI opposed to Barwis again on Friday.  I was working with Greg.  I had seen him many times while I was at Barwis so I already felt comfortable with him even though I had never worked with him.  He asked about my leg and how Nicole and Nick had worked with me.  Nicole and Nick had worked my leg while I sat in my wheelchair but Greg said that he preferred to work on me on a table.  I was comfortable with that having had Parker work on me for a few years while I was on a table.  My Mom transferred me onto the table and Greg tried to stretch my legs straight out.  Both of my legs (my left more than my right) wanted nothing to do with that.

Greg talked about the tone in my legs.  I’ve heard that word a lot lately but my Mom asked A LOT of questions.  Tone is the stiffness in my legs that resist movements that people (ATI and Barwis) want my legs to make.  My legs used o be able to complete these movements naturally but now it is so much more difficult to mimic these natural movements.  It’s frustrating that this is happening but I attribute it to the progression of my disease.

Greg told us what ATI stood for, “(Athletic a and Therapeutic Institute”) and showed my Mom how my leg had relaxed by him massaging and stretching it.  It MOST CERTAINLY did and it was really nice!  He put the stim patches on and iced my leg.  He told me that it was most likely the tone in my legs that resisted against the movements that tore my hamstring while I squatted.  That was a bummer to hear but it made sense.  I told Greg that I worked so hard that I tore my own muscle.  That sounds pretty hardcore!  It stinks that MS has caused all this tone in my legs and consequently my torn muscle.  Yeah well, MS sucks but I am fighting against this degeneration every time I am at Barwis (and ATI for the short-term).  I will go to therapy twice a week and to Barwis on Wednesdays(GOOD THING I won’t miss “Wacky Sock Wednesday”)!!!

I was BEYOND “Jessie Spano” excited to be back at Barwis.  It had been TWO WEEKS to the day (AND it was “Wacky Sock Wednesday”) since I had been there to work with Nick.  I believe that has been the longest stretch I have been away since I have started coming here two years ago.  I used to think a week was WAY LONG but two weeks was just TORTUROUS!  I waited by the chairs and Nick came over to ask if I was here to see him.  I nodded and he pushed me over to the blue table.  On the way, Mike Morfitt came by to give me “five” and I told Nick how Mike made fun of my white legs.

We got to the blue table and I told Nick all about my hamstring and I told him how it STILL hurt.  Nick stretched my legs out gingerly.  He told me that it (my hamstring) was too bad because I had just started squatting again.  He helped me on to the table and my stretched my legs out by crossing my them across my body.  I had my Mom take this pic of my socks for “Wacky Sock Wednesday” #25:

Then he had me lay on my stomach and I did some PNFs. My legs were tired!  I didn’t work my hamstrings but REALLY worked my quads.

My Mom put me in my car because I was SO tired!!!  I fell asleep on the way home.  It was like my first summer working at Barwis, when I used to nap after I worked out.  I’d wake up from my nap with TONS of turf pellets in my bed.  I noticed turf pellets on the table when I was laying on my stomach.  I was disappointed with my setback but I KNOW I will comeback from this setback.  Just have to wait for it.