Author: Jen Rios

I got to Barwis and Nick told me that we would be on the shuttle and I was REALLY happy because I hadn’t been on the shuttle in SO LONG!  He also told me that he would force my knees to bend by loading three bands onto the machine.  The pressure would cause my legs to bend because there was NO WAY I could fight it and I knew that; I was cool with it.  Austin helped Nick get me onto the shuttle and Nick loaded the pressure bands on.  My knees bent with ease.  My knees had no choice but to bend because the pressure was too great.

Nick told me that we (or rather I ) would just hang out there for a bit.  It did feel kind of good to have them bent so much with no choice but to bend much further than 90 degrees.  Nick told me to try to push.  I knew I wasn’t going to move but he wanted me to activate my muscles anyway.  I pushed two or three times; I held it and kept pushing until Nick told me to stop.  I didn’t move upward but I felt my muscles activate and my quads and hamstrings felt warm.  He took a band off and I repeated my muscle activation, this time with slight movement upward.  We did this a few times and he removed another Banda.  We repeated this process until there were no bands left.

Just as I began pushing upward, Elle came by and sat next to me and we started talking about the upcoming MuckFest.  She was doing it with her family as well.  We talked for a while and I continuously repeated the motion upwards and down while we talked.  When she left, I looked at Nick and noticed that my quads were burning.  He kind of laughed and told me that he just let me keep going as I talked.  I did a few more before I stopped and Nick and Austin helped me back into my chair.  I LOVE leaving Barwis with my legs feeling loose but I ESPECIALLY LOVE feeling the warmth and tiredness in my legs from muscle activation!

Well, I didn’t make it to Barwis on Thursday.  I’ve decided that this heat is tiring.  I’ve also decided that I’m tired of having MS.  So, I was just TIRED.  With the heat and having had MS for 15 1/2 years, I was just tired.  Nick could see my tiredness on my face.  He loosened my legs in my chair and helped me onto the table.  He told me that we were going to do something,  “a little different.”  

He slowly stretched my leg as far as I could take it and pushed just a little bit further and he told me that he would just “hold” it there. It didn’t hurt and I liked it a lot.  Him pushing it just a bit further and holding it allowed for me to feel a good stretch and for blood to flow freely.  My legs started feeling warm and they loosened up nicely.  Both of my legs stopped hurting and felt loose and I wished I could have that feeling all the time.

Nick is SO GOOD at his job and understands what he needs to do with me.  He knew that I just needed to chill out today.  I thought about Brock telling me that sometimes all I need is a stretch.  That was the case on this day and I felt a little bit bad that it wasn’t going to stay but appreciated that I had the feeling at all.  My legs felt warm and loose and I liked that!

• So, I thought a lot about my “”Debbie Downer” anniversary last week and it got me thinking.  A catalyst that really got me thinking about this was the music at Barwis.  An Everlast song came on and I remembered a conversation that I had with Mike Rhoades back when I worked with him just after Adam left.  We had just heard the House of Pain song, “Jump Around.  Just after I started working with Michael.  Now, I LOVE music and can talk about it constantly, Michael asked if I knew that it was Everlast rapping and I told him that I had kind of heard that maybe.  Michael told me about one of his favorite songs by Everlast; “The Lonely Road.”  I’ve never heard that song at Barwis but when I heard that Everlast song with the ‘Fit Club” controlling the music; I thought of that conversation with Michael.

I could have such long conversations with Michael because that was back before I was doing the REAL work of PNFs.  I remembered Michael telling me about what a PNF was.  He didn’t actually tell me but made me find out myself.  (I just texted Nick Lucius and asked him)  but when I came back and told him what PNF stood for, (Proprioreceptive Neuromuscular Facilitation) he told me what it entailed and demonstrated it for me.  Now, this was back when he used to “Oh Doggie” stretch me and I couldn’t do much else but let myself be stretched.   I couldn’t even do PNFs then.

That is not the case today.  PNFs for me now are almost a daily routine.  I do multiple reps and multiple forms of them.  So, I’m a lot further in my progress than I was almost a year ago.  I couldn’t believe that it had been 3 years and I STILL wasn’t walking, so much so that I couldn’t see my progress.  I couldn’t hear all of my trainers’, “Hell yeah’s” or, Beautiful’s” when I was focused on what I couldn’t do but the fact is that they happened.  I leave Barwis now SO tired because I am actively doing stuff!  Stuff that will eventually get me walking  and I’m grateful that at this moment I can see that. I’m reminded of a quote I saw in a tweet not too long ago, I see it often  and I’m not quitting.

So this particular Tuesday was three years to the day that I have been training at Barwis.   I thought it would be some  monumental moment.  Jesse told me a long time ago that I would be a “life-er” at Barwis and I get that but I had hoped I would be walking by now.  I thought I would be.  I was tired and it was hot outside so I was having a hard time.  I was tired of my disease.

Nick stretched me out nicely in my chair and then we worked on the table.  We did our normal PNFs and I was quiet.  My legs slowly started feeling better and I appreciated it but silently wished it wasn’t fleeting.  I knew that my legs would go back to feeling like neatly packaged sticks of clay that aren’t meant to be used for anything.  In order to be used for anything, these sticks need to be taken out of the package and kneaded and squeezed and rolled into something that is soft and malleable.

For the time being, my legs felt good. But I was just in a bad spot.  Rather than basking in the good feeling in my legs, I mourned for the fact that this feeling was going to go away way too soon and was irritated that I had to deal with that fact.  My time was up but I was grateful that I at least I would sleep well.  I was quiet on the ride home and was frustrated that this feeling was going to go away.  It was my anniversary!  I was supposed to be happy!  Today I was not diggin’ having MS!

Nick would not be there on the 5th because he was still out-of-town from the holiday so I was scheduled to work with Megan.  Megan started at Barwis shortly after I did and she’s been there the longest beside Dan and Deeds but I don’t talk to those guys so much.  They work with athletes opposed to injury recovery clients.  I’m comfortable with Megan but I rarely work with her but she gives me hugs and we would compare our socks for “Wacky Sock Wednesday.”

She started stretching me out and I asked how she is doing.  Conversion flowed easily between us because I don’t really get to really talk with her for extended periods of time.  It felt like to old friends catching up.  I asked about the baby she works with (Emerson) and her apartment.  We started doing PNFs and she was impressed.  It had to have been over six months since I worked with her so the fact that she was impressed proved to me that I am progressing.

I rolled over on to my stomach and she bent my right leg and pulled my knee up away from the table.  On her command, I would push my knee down and then she would pull my knee back up and we’d do it again.  So,she pulled my knee up and told me to “push.”  I like doing these because by now, I’m pretty good at them.  When I’m told to, “push” I do it immediately and with purpose.  My quads burn in like a “muscle-ache-because-I’m-using-them” type of way and I like that.  So when I pushed and the movement was immediate and with purpose, Megan reacted with an immediate exclamation of, “Beautiful!” and that made me feel good!