Author: Jen Rios

My 8th and 9th Covid-19 Tears

I shed my 8th Covid tears on Christmas Eve and my 9th were on Christmas Day. I did not see Sean on Christmas Eve which was so different from what our Christmases have been for the past 19 years.

The whole Christmas season was so strange for me that I think it kind of calminated over the past two days and resulted in my tears. Normally, the traditionally started with Sean when he was 11 or 12 and we lived in our house. I told him one Christmas Eve as we got home from my Mom’s family’s hall party that if he stays awake long enough on Christmas Eve, Santa will come and it is technically Christmas Day so we could open presents then. Sean would go to his room and read a book or something while I got the presents ready.

I did that because I did not want to sleep in my contacts (like I always did because I broke my glasses years ago) and I didn’t want to wake up early in the morning as my disease was setting in unbeknownst to me.

Sean would open his presents and we would leave all of the wrapping paper and boxes in the living room and go to sleep. We then would wake up on Christmas morning, put all the wrapping paper in a garbage bag, and I would save the boxes (because my Mama didn’t raise no fool) and we would go see a movie before we went to eat dinner at my Mom’s house.

This picture predates those Christmas memories and it is from our second apartment’s Christmas. We had three Christmases there before I bought our house but finding this picture just in time for throwback Thursday:

really made me miss him on Christmas Eve! I cried about that because we would not be staying up past midnight to open his presents and things were so different now! Because of my tears, my Mom set this up on my desk beneath the TV to make me feel better:

I did not see Sean until the evening of Christmas day and it was NOT normal. He sat on the loveseat as I sat on the other end of the room in the doorway to the hallway. We all were masked up and he appreciated everything he got. He told me that he wanted to give me a hug after each present but that’s just not how things are right now.

I cried at the vast differences on Christmas day too and will be happy when things return to normal. In the meantime, I have a book to read that Sean got me for Christmas!

Voice in my Head OR Stronger Isn’t Necessarily Better

I am haunted by the doctor who told me 20 years ago almost to the day that I am going to go blind and then I am going to die after she told me that I had MS.

I have heard that voice in my head quite clearly as I tried to make sense of my extremely strong prescription in the contacts that I just got. I couldn’t figure out why I was not able to see clearly! I was nervous and made a return appointment with a woman to adjust my contacts if necessary. Her name was Liz and she was lovely!

She had me try to see the letters on a computer screen similar to the eye chart in the doctor’s office hand to hand me red letters off of a card that I held in my hand. I had to hold little lenses in front of my eyes to see if I could see it better. I had visions of having to have a monocle to see and that made me really nervous.

She went into a drawer and got different lenses and told me to put them in instead of the contacts I was wearing. I definitely could see better immediately! She then told me that it is a lower prescription and that sometimes, stronger it’s not necessarily better!

My eyes have worsened from my contact prescription that I had from a year and a half ago but they’re a little bit better than the 8s I had in my last prescription. 7 is NOT great but I definitely will take it! I have to! I’m not blind… yet!:

You Know What I Miss?! Volume 9

Continuing with the focus on things that people don’t realize I can no longer do. 

I miss, “Stand up” hugs and hearing someone’s heartbeat on the side of my face.

I completely forgot about this. It’s not even a Covid thing because I haven’t been able to do that in a long time anyway. Now, when I saw this, they were dancing and dancing is so far in my rearview I can’t even remember that. I can’t even remember the body control I used to have but seeing this was something so familiar I used to do all of the time because I am only 5 feet tall.

I’m this short to everyone. To guys anyway. Hmmm… Seeing this made me think of my past life, when I lived in the land of the “Able-bodied” and it’s coming in 20 years since I lived there.

I vaguely remember someone’s chin on my head.

10 years

So, I normally don’t write blog posts in the morning but yesterday my eyes were really wonky even with my contacts so I didn’t post yesterday. I have an appointment tomorrow to talk about the contacts but I think it’s more of an MS thing with my vision and I have an appointment with Dr. Skarf in the new year. He is a neural ophthalmologist.

But one thing I noticed probably the second time I saw this movie and definitely the third. My mom suggested this Netflix movie that we have watched three times so far:

It showed me the difference 10 years makes. I saw a Train with my cousinT, Shannon, right after I bought my house. I think it was the following year.

This is my favorite pictures of us and it’s from about 10 years ago when we went to the Train concert. Pat took his shirt off and he had a hairy chest. I didn’t really dig that. He sings about it and I think that’s gross!

At least I did 10 years ago. I never liked hairy chests on men growing up and my dad had a hairy chest. Fast forward to 10 years later and I see this:

but it wasn’t so bad. What a difference 10 years can make. The 38-year-old woman I am now doesn’t really mind it so much…

A California Christmas

So, my Mom did it again. Last year she suggested a Netflix Christmas movie for me to watch:

I actually really dug it because I really dig elephants!:

It was the reason why I bought one of my Christmas ornaments for my tree last year:

I originally ordered one but one of the ears had fallen off so Sean called for me because I was having difficulty speaking and they sent another one so now I have two!

Last week, she suggested a new one for me to watch:

I also really dug this one but for different reasons. I have never gotten into wine and I always thought that I should but the only wine I have ever purchased is Boonesfarm so you know what that means. Sun Peak Peach and Strawberry Hill! Two for five dollars! How disgusting?!

I know that I dug the movie because I have already seen it three times. I’m not even embarrassed to say that I have cheesy taste in movies but I dig it and that’s all that really matters! I would suggest people watch both movies!

In my Basement

My Mom wrapped my presents today that I have for Sean. It has become increasingly difficult for me to do this by myself so, she offered and I took her up on it! Because I don’t have ornaments on my tree this year, all of my Christmas boxes are back in the basement. We needed a box to wrap one of the presents. My Mom went downstairs to try to retrieve one.

She could not find the boxes I was speaking of but she found a good and sturdy box that I hand pictures stored in. She brought it upstairs to show me what was in it and we ended up using the box to wrap Sean’s present. I was so excited to see the two picture frames I had in this box! I had all but forgot about these pictures!

I will give you a taste of what I was so excited to see. The picture on the left is of my neighbor’s plant who my Mom is plant sitting for because they are went to Florida. This plant is beautiful and it is definitely NOT mine because my thumbs are black and I don’t even think I could keep a Chia pet alive! But, I did grow The stud on the right!

4 Days is the Key!

Even though my eyes are still a little bit wonky, today is the first day I can read my phone! I’m kind of excited about it but looking at my Mom in the distance is a little bit wonky but I’m excited that four days MUST be the key! I guess my prescription changing by 1.5 REALLY is a pretty big deal!

#MyGirlL: Two Little Paws

So, I went out for the third time last Wednesday for an eye appointment. I still haven’t processed everything and I will write about it when I get there. I do have to say one thing about #MyGirlL though. It was a rough day for me for many different reasons!

When we got home, my Mom told me to turn my wheelchair around so she could hug me. She stood on my left and gave me a hug. I started to cry as we hugged and then I felt two little paws on my right thigh. I chuckled through my tears and put my right hand on top of her paws.

After a little moment, she came around to my left side to stand next to my Mom with her hands on the armrest of my chair so we both could hug her too! She wanted to offer comfort and wanted in on the love as well! It was the sweetest thing for me to feel those two little paws on my leg! #MyGirlL is the best and I love her!!!

I texted Sean this picture not too long ago. She hadn’t been outside when she put her paws on my leg so I didn’t get an a paw prints but it was like this:

Just a Little Bit Wonky

My eyes are still a little bit wonky and we made an appointment for next week if the wonkiness continues. It’s lessening every day and I’m still having difficulty seeing my phone. Putting my contacts in this morning was super easy and my Mom said it was, “Magnificent“ so of course, this song popped into my head because I am me;

No Words

So, this happened. I just put them in:

My eyesight is still a little bit wonky this morning. Have to get used to it I think? If you can see the picture, that’s correct. The new power I need is 8. I have no words regarding this and I am trying desperately to grab them!

This song popped in my head and I know the sentiment is not the same but I keep hearing it over and over again in my head;