Author: Jen Rios

No Espace

So, it’s common knowledge that I like to watch the same movies over and over again which I think is a trait I learned from my Mom. It has worked out with her staying with me throughout this pandemic because we have a very similar taste in movies. A few weeks ago, we saw, Spanglish, and my Mom and I have quoted it often! Last night as I was drying my hands, I was clearly reminded exactly why we “it!

The quote we say from the movie is toward the end and it is when the mom speaks to the daughter. The mom does not speak English very well and the daughter is growing up in the United States. She tells her that she needs space from her mom and turns away from her. The mom looks at her, grabs her shoulder, and tells her that,There is no espace between us.”

Last night, as we were completing our routine to get me ready for bed, I was staring off into space and drying my hands when I said with a far away look in my eye, I said, “I wish…” and a good deal regret in my voice as I thought of all of my limitations that have come about in the past five years. But before I could finish that statement, my Mom simply said, “Me too.

I looked at her and we met eyes and in those moments without speaking so much, we realized, (REALLY I realized) that there REALLY is no espace between us.

Random Tune #76 in my YouTube Feed

I took notice yesterday that a lot of Sara Bareilles songs were showing up in my YouTube feed because I posted my faves for August and they’re all her songs. I never saw this video and I watched it in its entirety.:

I was never a great dancer but I could keep time but what I really wish is that I still had freedom of movement like that now!

This Lyric…

This month, I am re-immersing myself in Sara Bareilles’s musi.c and even though I can no longer sing along with her, I am completely blown away by her lyrics!

One song that I enjoy listening to has a great lyric but by no means is it autobiographical! I no longer allow myself to be put in positions to have my heart broken but this song is one that I like to listen to but this lyric blows me away!:

“He’s the air I would kill to breathe“

Really?!… Really? That sentiment is kind of unhealthy thinking about it but the song is great! At least it’s really in my head these days!:

“I’m Doing This for Free!”

I posted this quote on Facebook a couple days ago:


Today was, ”Leg Washing Day” end it was the first time my Mom changed my socks to a smaller size I had just bought. The previous size was not tight enough on my leg so it was leaving marks.


I had called earlier when I started getting marks on my legs but they told me it was the humidity that was causing my legs to swell so these marks weren’t a problem but they didn’t feel very good:


But when she saw the lines on my leg that would happen when I was sleeping, she told me that I needed a smaller size. They recently came so my Mom put them on me today and they feel great!

So, these socks are a bit more snug than my previous socks and I have known of people NOT wearing compression socks because they’re too hard to put on! My Mom has been excellent at putting compression socks on me and she always has done it since I started to wear them. She struggled a bit at the smaller size and it kind of hurt my leg as she was pulling the socks up.

I kind of groaned and told my mom it was hurting. My Mom shifted her gaze to look at me from my feet and told me,” i’m doing this for free!“ As soon as she said it, I started laughing hilariously! She started to laugh as well which was those if we were both laughing at the absurdity of it all!

She really is the BEST caregiver and if I could, I would pay her but instead; I am lucky that I can cash in on the fact that she loves me!!! I really enjoy how we can laugh together so much of the time!

My Civic Duty

Today was voting day in my city I really take voting seriously and have participated in almost all of them. I have only had two mayors for my entire life living in the city. I voted for a third one today:


I was not able to vote absentee so my Mom took me to my precinct to vote. But, it’s August. and therefore extremely warm outside! I noticed the woman who checked me in, who has checked me in for years, noticed that my disease has progressed. I was in my motorized chair and was wearing glasses.

it didn’t take very long to vote but I am grateful that I did! I was number 703:


My Mom told me to throw away the tab on the top of my ballot. I laughed and threw it away but before I did, I told her I still have the bell tab from the first time Sean and I voted together!:

Okay

J

This Gem OR “They’re Old!”

Sean came over and I was talking with him recently, I had my phone in my hand and I told him that when I scroll through my YouTube feed, (I scrolled through), and showed him my phone and told him that randomly I will get things like, “This gem!” I gave him my phone and he watched the video:

I’m not sure if he was just patronizing me because this is MY band but he watched it and was appreciative of the orchestra accompaniment which I really liked! When the video was finished, Sean looked at me and said, “They’re old!” I just took my phone from him, shook my head, and kind of smirked.

August 2021 Faves

Since I have already established that I am, “Old,” it’s about time for Sara‘s turn. If I’m thinking about when I used to be able to sing I think of her. I saw her when she opened for Maroon 5 just before she got big. I heard her perform these first two songs and I definitely took notice! Within a few weeks, she was on the radio!:

Effortless

I reposted a blog post from July of 2019 on Facebook and Twitter. In it, I talked about the fact that I miss singing because I no longer can do that! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and last night, I looked at my Mon and told her that I couldn’t believe that I no longer have the ability to sing. Something that was so effortless is now impossible. I used to sing so effortlessly! I never thought that that would happen!

Right now, I am just wallowing in that fact. I absolutely love music and I can’t jam out anymore which makes me sad… all of these thoughts were prompted by this song. I wish I could still jam to it and belt it out:

My CousinT, Shannon

I’ve known my cousinT, Shannon for all of my life! She’s not even really my cousin! Our mothers were best friends (s are!) in high school. Her mom was concerned that she would not be an aunt for a long time because she only had a younger brother. My mom told Shannon’s mom (my Aunt Linda) that she could be her kids’ aunt. I have tons of fond memories that involve my CousinT, Shannon. Hey

I have written about her often in my blog and I thought of her as I watched All Together Now last night. I reposted a post on Facebook from September 4, 2020 but because the link was so old, it did not show up. This is what prompted me to think specifically of my CousinT, Shannon:

My cousinT, Shannon and I would constantly sing at the top of our lungs whenever we were in the car together! Driving to 7-Eleven, going to the Handy-Dip, and driving to her boyfriend’s house (now, her husband). The best time I had with her was our road trip to Shippensburg Pennsylvania!!! She made the bEST mix for our drive!!! We sang the entire time!!!

Shannon also has long dark hair and she is the sweetest person I know but this song especially reminds me of her because she would sing it BEAUTIFULLY!!! In high school, she participated in tons of things in the performing arts department and she sang in the choir and was in tons of musicals! She is my FAVORITE singer!!!

I can clearly remember going to Meijer with her and with Sean in the backseat. He was still in a car seat and was about 18 months old. I think we were singing to RENT and once we finished the song, in the moment of silence between songs, he began clapping his hands and kicking his feet and yelled, “YAY!!!” I remember us both laughing at that!

But, if I am going to say anything about my cousinT, Shannon, it is going to be that we went to DTE energy music theater to see Train. The first time, Maroon 5 opened for them and the second time we saw them at DTE, The Script and Gavin Degraw opened for them. They were excellent concerts and back when I could still sing and enjoy an outdoor concert. This is my ultimate, favorite picture of us and I have shared and so many times! I was still in my 20s then:

I love her so much!!!

Bonus!

Today, When I opened my eyes, I called to my Mom to help me get out of bed. She was finishing up a phone call so I scrolled through my YouTube feed to discover this gem:

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE This song and I had never seen this live performance before. I stopped watching the video halfway through as my M Mom helped me out of bed and into my wheelchair. I listened to it twice more as I drank my water, took my vitamins, and drink my protein shake. Because my hands were involved when the video stopped, I was not able to get out of my YouTube app.

But then this song started, BONUS!