Author: Jen Rios

I was just thinking about this today and this started in our second apartment so Sean was five or six. My mobility was beginning to diminish and it was unbeknownst to me that my disease was progressing. I would ask Sean to retrieve things for me often if I was in a different part of the apartment. So he would get them for me and bring it over.

But here’s the thing about Sean, he is slower than molasses in January when it comes to doing things. I used to tell him when I would ask him for something, I would add the phrase, “With urgency!” I would tell him that but he never did ANYTHING with urgency EVER!

When he was taking too long (which was all the time), I would call to him from the living room or my bedroom wherever I was at in the apartment and he would retrieve whatever from the kitchen or somewhere else. I would say, “You’re killing me, Sean!” (and, yes, I have used the Sandlot reference often with him) but when he would answer from wherever he was at in the apartment, I would say after I told him that he is killing me, I would say, “I’m dead!”

I have often told Sean that it was fun growing up with him because I had him so young. We laugh about it now! So, the issues I’m having with my feet.…

This has been going on since mid April and I tell my Mom all the time that this is killing us because it is!!! She is doing so much extra work but that is to keep my feet from getting terribly infected.

I have not put my contacts in today because we were so late getting ready to get out of bed. I bought two pair of size 1 compression socks that is the size that I wear now. To give both of us some breathing room because we are close to death now, my aunt Lola, my Mom‘s sister ordered us two more pair of compression socks. I am wearing new compression socks right now! My Mom was able to wash two pair last night and they’re hanging to dry so I will have socks to wear tonight when my Mom washes my feet again.

I swear that my feet are so clean but holy Thursday has always been my favorite day of the year as a Catholic! Today, my Mom took pictures of my feet and as she handed me her phone, she told me that it’s going to get worse before it gets better. Because my feet look TERRIBLE right now!!!

My Mom is resting right now before we have dinner and then we will start the night washing. This is really killing me! I am so close to saying that “I am dead”…

I was talking to Sean not too long ago on the phone and he told me that he would live back at Fairlane East again. I told him that they have bad plumbing and I reminded him of the sewer back up in our second apartment.

He told me that he would just put a backwater valve in his unit and I laughed and told him that he can’t do that! He was asking me how much I paid for both of our apartments and then he told me that the price has not gone up that much!

He told me that he could get an apartment there for $1390 a month. We continued talking and then he said to me, ”Nevermind. That’s the price for a one bedroom and one bathroom apartment. I started to laugh and I told him for our first apartment, it was $780 a month.

He started to laugh really hard and said that was, “The most 2007 thing“ he has ever heard me say. I started to laugh with him and I clarified by saying, “ it was 2005!“ we both laughed hysterically!

For me, my Mom has always been the most optimistic person I have known! After all, her favorite movie is Pollyanna. Me and all of my brothers can quote that movie almost Word for Word!:

I really needed that this morning and let me explain why:

Not too long ago, my Mom and I were talking and I told her the last time I really woke up feeling rested from night sleep was probably back in high school. Back when I lived with my Parents. My brothers and I refer to that as, “6020.”

So, ever since I moved out on my own, my MS has been progressing so I do not sleep well at night. I don’t even dream anymore. I just wake up and I’m always tired but. That’s just the way it is and I have accepted it.

But now… I am awakened in the morning by pain in my feet! I really can’t get over the fact that I haven’t felt my feet for 20 years but now they wake me up out of my sleep! This morning, my Mom took my socks off to tend to my feet and she took a picture of my sores before she cleans them.

I’m not going to post these pictures here because that is not what kind of blog this is but when she showed them to me I thought that they looked awful! As she washed my feet, she told me that they are healing and it was just going to take time.

She looked up at me as she was washing my feet and with tears in my eyes, all I could do was say, “Your optimism-“ before I had to stop talking for fear that the tears would come out of my eyes and I shook my head. I have since told her that it is her optimism that is going to get me through this because it is seriously killing me!!!

I didn’t a cry yesterday and my Mom tells me that my feet are getting better so I felt a little better. That is until Sean came over today. She has been taking pictures of my feet for the past month and it takes FOREVER to heal anything! She showed him the pictures And he said, “ that’s disgusting! It looks like a hole?!”

Sean told me that it looked painful and it is but I guess they are not as better as I thought they were…