Month: September 2026

Continuation

Today was a continuation of handling my sh*t. I received a message at 7:12 this morning from Dr. Chamas’ office. I was able to get all the things I wanted done. After I made my mammogram appointment, I called my dentist to schedule my January appointment:

I can’t believe I’m already scheduling 2027 and it’s only the beginning of September?!

I think I can schedule my state ID renewal in October? I will look into that. It is a lot of strange that it’s a continuation of #HMS but I’m so grateful that I can STILL do that. I remember when my mind went blank when I was paying my bills right after I got paid. I stopped doing everything and then I had to break up how I pay my monthly bills so I can keep it straight in my head. I am so painfully aware that MS is a neurological disorder. I feel that now 25 years and nine months in…

Yesterday, I told my Mom that I am getting a little stir crazy and that concerns me a bit. Dentist on the 15th. Get weighed on the 22nd.

STILL #HMS.

Today, after I stretched my hands and arms and drank my breakfast and lunch, I called Dr. Clerk’s office and ordered my September supplements. Then I called Henry Ford billing because I have a new charge. It’s a $300 charge. That was my endocystoscopy that I had in August.

I did feel accomplished after I did all of that. I also messaged Dr. Chamas’ office to get a referral for my mammogram for November and I requested a flu shot for my appointment on the 22nd.

I really can’t believe this is my life now but it is. MS 100% of the time. I can’t believe it is so hot still!!!

This prolonged heat is affecting me. Yesterday, I woke up and it felt as if I had a vice on my head. I took one of my 500 mg of Tylenol yesterday morning. I take them in the night to help my knee to feel better when I sleep. I no longer can take the ibuprofen 800 because it gave me gastritis. It was eating my stomach lining. It DEFINITELY took away the pain though. I will get an endoscopy when I have to get another colonoscopy. That’s not for a few years. 2032?

I have always said that I, ‘HMS.’ I think that I have been saying that since was about 13. It stands for Handle My Sh*T. I added the hashtag a few years ago and I only text that to my Mom and to Sean.

I’m trying not to swear so much now. It feels good that I still can do this. I can still handle my sh*t. I think that it’s too bad that it’s ALL Medical and ALL expensive!!!

Today was second day that I wore my -8 contacts. My vision is getting a little wonkier and it’s starting to make me nervous. I remember, I knew a young woman who wore contacts in a -10 prescription so I’m not nervous about that but I am a little bit nervous about my dry eye disease… I cannot believe that I still hear that HORRIBLE doctor who told me that I had MS In such a HORRIBLE way!!! I was seriously just a kid. I hate that I have that memory, but it is seared into my brain forever. It really sucks that it’s true!!!

NOT the Wake Up Call that I Wanted

I think it was a couple weeks ago, where my feet ached whole bunch as I was sitting in my chair. That ache has not gone away since. I think that my neuropathy is getting pretty bad.

I first experienced this in the summer. My feet were freezing and I couldn’t understand why. It felt like my feet were an ice cold water to my shins as I tried to sleep. It was terrible and I had my Mom cover my feet because they could not get warm. Or at least, that’s what I thought.

I remember that my friend Suzie told me recently that her late father told her that neuropathy is a pain he could not get used to. My Dad had neuropathy, but he never talked about it. I remember my Mom using my Dad socks in between his toes before she helped him put his shoes on.

I don’t remember the last time I put my shoes on myself. And I never thought that neuropathy would be a part of my life, but it is. It hurts and there’s nothing I can do about it. Actually, my Mom uses a massage gun that brother got me) at night before I fall asleep.

She rubs it on the soles of my feet and recently, I fall asleep while she’s doing it. I don’t stay asleep, but I sleep while she’s doing it because I am relaxed. ‘Sleep don’t come easy’ for me and of course, I thought of this song:

It’s just another part that always hurts. It does. It always hurts. I noticed that a couple weeks ago and it hasn’t gotten better and I don’t think that it will. My nerves are just getting more damaged by the day.

I think a little bit before the summer when my feet were in ice, I felt pinpricks in my big toes. That’s what it would wake me up. I don’t wear my compression socks at night, so that’s why they feel like needles in my toes. Not the wake up call that I wanted, but it’s the one that I get 25 years in… #MSsucks… 😒😒😒…