Month: July 2026

A 9 Year Old Memory

I saw this picture on Facebook yesterday, it was a nine year-old memory:

Seeing that picture brought back so many memories!!! I remember that was just after I lost my job and Brock Mealer shared his tickets with me and my Mom so we were able to go because I was no longer going to Barwis to work out.

I found the blog post I had written about my first day at Barwis Methods. I clearly remember Larry Foote introduced himself and how I had so much nerve to talk about his Super Bowl loss and the fact that he was not as big as I thought he would be. He told me that he would get bigger closer to the season and sure enough, he absolutely did!!! I remember he fist bumped me when I was doing leg curls.

I remember that I saw him often when I first started going to Barwis, it was summertime and Sean came with me. He was 11. After a few times, Sean told me that I’m friends with Larry Foote! I laughed, but the fact that when I saw him so many years later at The First Step Foundation Golf Outing, I guess we were friends. At least friendly. He was coaching at U of them at the time and I hadn’t seen this picture in a super long time and I loved seeing it yesterday.

Pity Party

So, last night as I was getting ready for bed and my Mom took my socks off, I didn’t look at her when I said it but, I said, “ I never thought that this would be my entire life.” And I began to cry. Slow, fat tears, spilled out of both eyes.

I’ve written before that wasn’t ready for this, but it is happening. I did not post yesterday because I had my own mini ‘pity party.’ This is difficult and this heat is making it so much more unbearable!!! I saw this meme today:

It is so BEYOND true except ‘clinic visits research.’ Regardless of how I feel, I still go to the doctor because I make the appointment six months in advance and I rented a van. I was so glad that my haircut didn’t involve fire smoke, but I think seeing my naturopath on Tuesday will and that makes me a little bit nervous.

I’m singing this song because I cried yesterday and because this is always been me. I’m old:

Sauna

I left the house today for a haircut. It was 98°. My hair is cut and my eyebrows are waxed. Next week, I’m going to see Dr. Clark. Hopefully it won’t be as warm. Sean came by just before we left and he helped me get into the van. I was strapped in two shakes. I know he would hate me sharing this photo because he just got back from work; but this is what we did because it’s too warm outside for me; it felt like a sauna:

I Just Exist.

My chair is still ‘zippy’ and that’s going to take some time to get used to. My Mom is NOT used to it. I just calmly tell her, “These are brand new motors, it’s going to take some time for them to slow down.”

I am not the least bit concerned because I will be living in this chair for the next three years. I hope it doesn’t get wonky again. That really stunk!

My Mom, called the woman to pay for the repairs to my wheelchair, but she has not called back. That’s interesting! I’m sure it will get paid this week. Thankfully, I have money to do that because of all of the supporters of my GoFundMe account.

I’m holed up in my house now Because it’s 1,000,000° outside. My air conditioning has been set to 70° for a number of days. I am very concerned that I have to leave the house on Wednesday, And then I will leave again on the following Tuesday. It’s a haircut on Wednesday and then I’m going to see Dr. Clark on The following Tuesday. He has to dose me for the latest supplement that I have been prescribed.

My life is very small now and I think that I’m OK with that. Especially in this heat. I know what to expect each day. I wish this pain would go away though!!! It’s comfortable in my house so that makes it a little bit better. I wonder how my body will react when I leave the house on Wednesday. After 25 years, it stinks, but I can NEVER tell how my body will feel and that really stinks!

I’m just handling it though. I just exist.

‘Zippy’

I pillaged today and yesterday, my chair got fixed. Dewan arrived to my house at nine and he brought my chair back by noon. I had to sit in my manual chair while I waited. It was tough waiting those three hours in my manual chair. My neck hurt yesterday and the heel of my left foot ached this morning as well.

As for my chair, it’s ‘zippy.’ It kind of reminds me when I got my hand controls adjusted and the following morning, on my way to work, I got pulled over because I was driving too fast.

I explained how my hand controls were adjusted the day before and I did not get a ticket but I think that was because I name dropped my brother because he is a sergeant in that precinct.

My Mom wanted me to call Ray about how sensitive my chair is, but I told her that these are brand new motors and it will just take some time to slow down a little bit. I’m not concerned!

Last night, when I was just about ready to go to bed, my Mom moved my joystick and they had to interrupt her because it was moving too quickly back-and-forth, which was making me dizzy!

I remembered a Disney short me and my brothers, Jimmy and Dave, used to watch when we were kids. I kind of felt like Susie at the end yesterday and I’m a little bit cautious today as well:

“What Takes the Place of Climbing Trees and Dirty Knees in the World Outside?”

So, my Mom watched a video and this song was playing, and I started to cry. I remember that Ms. Kneffel (she was the piano player for the plays) just before my graduation asked me if there was a song I wanted to sing for the ceremony and she would play it for me.

I thought about it for a moment, and I told her, “Ms. Kneff (that’s why I used to call her) I can’t sing for it, I will be a blubbering mess because I will be too emotional. Thank you, but I can’t do that.”

In retrospect, I should’ve just sucked it up and tried my best to sing it because I didn’t know that I would lose that ability as I have now.

My Mom told me that we should watch this movie and I stayed silent because there was a lump in my throat. It just hits differently now for me. You know, being a teacher annd all with a short stint that I was.

It’s really bothering me that I can no longer sing. I can still feel the air filling my lungs as I belted words out, but I can’t do that anymore. Additionally, I used to sing that song with my cousinT Shannon in her basement when I was like 17.

This is the Day.

Okay, my chair broke on May 24. On June 24, Dewan came and adjusted things on the back of my chair so I could move my legs, but it still was broken and still hesitated upon moving forward or backward.

Today, July 10, Dewan picked my chair up to get it fixed So I didn’t need to rent a van and this is what I think:

He said that he will have it back here well before 5. He arrived to my house at about 9 o’clock and that’s usually when my Mom gets to NSM. Previously, when my chair has been worked on, she’s usually home by 2 o’clock.

With the utmost gratitude, I am most thankful that because of my supporters of my GoFundMe account, I can pay for these repair repairs!!!