Category: Tunes

This morning, well, actually, this afternoon (we got a late start!), My Mom changed my compression socks. As she peeled my left sock off, we noticed a very dark, silver dollar sized bruise on my upper shin, on the almost medial side. She looked at it because it is such a stark difference from my white legs ( they haven’t seen the light of day since I was pregnant, 18 years ago).

She told me that it looked like it hurt and asked me where I got it from. I looked from the bruise to my Mom and shrugged. I had no idea! She told me that it must have hurt and I shrugged again. I told her that I didn’t remember.

MS brain REALLY sucks sometimes! I stared at the bruise trying to remember where I would have hit my shin so much so that I would have left the very dark and large bruise. I really had no idea! As I stared at that bruise, I thought back to a few times when I had some pretty big bruises! I didn’t think about the bruise that Adam wanted to press that was on my upper arm when I got run into a door knob in my manual wheelchair until I began to write this post.

I thought of two instances where I had numerous bruises on both of my shins. I think I must’ve been a Junior or Senior in high school. I remember putting my makeup on in my parents’ bathroom and my brother walked by and I looked at him and asked him how I looked. He looked me over and said that I’ve looked good except for my, “abused legs.” I had probably five or six very dark, silver dollar sized bruises on both of my shins the too. I kind of laughed because I had no idea where those bruises came from. This was just before I had it been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

Another time I had multiple bruises on both of my shins was when I must have been three or four months pregnant. I had already been diagnosed with MS and I was in the emergency room for some reason. I can’t remember, (this was 18 years ago). I sat on table and was kicking my legs back and forth out of boredom. It must’ve been summer because I remember being bare foot.

I remember a young intern came in and had a clipboard in his hands. He asked me a bunch of questions and wrote down my answers. I continued swinging my legs, unconcerned. I will never forget that he held the clipboard closer to and just about in front of his face. He peered at me and asked me very seriously what happened to my shins.

As soon as he asked me this, I stopped swinging my legs and raised both of my bare feet so I could look at my shins. I told him that I didn’t know in an unconcerned voice and continued swinging my legs. It wasn’t until after he left that I realized he must have thought that I was being abused! Pregnant and being abused! That was just terrible!

When my Mom asked me about the bruise I have today, I have no idea how I got it and I was reminded of these two instances when I had large bruises down both of my shins. Why were both of my shins full of bruises?! One time, it was just before I was diagnosed and the second time, it was just after I was diagnosed. There must be some kind of correlation there! My Mom and I examined my left shin once she took my sock off and there were no bruises. I just had the one.

I told my Mom to remember this the next time she changes my socks to see if more bruises are showing up (I know that with my MS brain, I will forget!). If they are, I will definitely have to go in to see my neurologist or go to the ER. I am sure they are MS related! If not, I guess I must have hit my leg on something. I’m just not sure what I would have hit it on though.

When I thought about writing this blog post, a Train song popped into my head from Wayback in 2013. I remember it being spring time and driving to work then. This song is why I named this blog post what I did. The song is STILL in my head! I chose this version of the song because I didn’t like the video that popped up on YouTube.

My cousinT, Shannon, posted a video on Facebook. It was from the musical, Carousel and she talked about, “June busting out all over.” I’ve never seen that musical so I asked her instead, why she didn’t post a video of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?The girls sing a song about being a June bride in their underwear.

We watched and sang along with this movie in her basement probably about 1 million times growing up! We began conversing about that movie back and forth on Facebook. My former colleague also weighed in. I posted the video on Facebook that I posted here. We laughed back-and-forth discussing all the crazy things that we remember from watching that movie together!

So naturally, that movie was in my head all last night and as soon as I woke up this morning! I checked my TV and I would have to rent it for $3.99 or buy it for $12.99 because it was not free right now. I watched the trailer just to see if I still loved it! I did! That did it for me! I HAD TO buy it! But could I really afford it? As my Mom and I completed my morning routine, I thought about it.

I wasn’t sure if I could wait another three weeks to order it after my next disability check. My Mom kind of laughed and told me that if I DID order it, she was certain that I would watch it 1 million times!

That is a trait that I have inherited from my Mom! Both of us can watch the SAME movie, OVER AND OVER, 1 million times! I didn’t order the movie until after I watched one of my favorite Hallmark movies, Love on the Sidelines.

I have already watched and sang along with it one time and I’ll probably do the same tomorrow. Now, I am currently watching  The Accountant with Ben Affleck because that one is free OnDemand right now and I love that one too! That will probably be my routine tomorrow after I watch GMFB (if they are back from vacay) and check which movie is showing on the Hallmark channel!

Sean was eight years old at my cousin, Jessica’s Quineañera. He presented her high heels to her and my uncle Ted before their dance. The Quineañera was it in Grand Rapids. My brother, Jimmy, drove Sean and me out there from Dearborn. I think my nephews drove in my car as well.

Jimmy and I were jamming to 90s on nine on the radio. That’s our music! This song came on:

As we were driving, there was a bridge toward the end of this song after Nate talked about the next step being the Eastside Motel. Sean chimed in from the backseat by letting us know that he didn’t think the Eastside Motel was a very high quality.

My brother and I laughed hysterically! ! I think I told him that was a good deduction or something like that. Sean hates that story but I can’t forget it!

I thought of that story and this song yesterday. I was cold in my house so I told Sean to turn the air conditioning off for a little while. It wasn’t until I was uncomfortable that I realized I was too warm.

The uncomfortableness I felt yesterday was that my legs felt terrible, like they were on fire, because my compression socks made them feel extremely warm. When I overheat, I lose all function and control in my limbs and I become extremely fatigued and lethargic.

That was me yesterday before I told Sean to turn the air conditioning back on. My Mom came over to help me to bed and I was spent! I was extremely uncomfortable as I was going to bed. I missed my old life and my ability to regulate my own body temperature. I was miserable last night and there was nothing I could do about it except wait it out. It really made me miss my old life, before MS!

This morning, I awakened to check the time because my compression sock was twisted and it hurt my leg. I grabbed my phone to check the time and once I looked at it, the light from the phone sent a huge pain like a lightning bolt straight to the middle of my brain through my right eye. My right eye is my, “Poop Eye.” I have had Optic Neuritis in it since I was pregnant with Sean, so for about 18 years. It was still kind of early and I heard Sean rustling around getting ready for school.

I felt like the white walker giant and Lyanna Mormont had just shoved that blade into my eye socket. It was killing me! MS sucks!!! I just shut my right eye which is habit for me now because my eye was killing me! I was absentmindedly scrolling through Facebook as I was trying to wake up. I came across someone’s forehead that looked familiar and when I continued scrolling down, I saw it was a post from my aunt wishing my Dad a Happy Birthday. I gasped and tears immediately began screaming out of both of my eyes!

I miss him so much! Just as my tears started screaming, my Mom came in. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I missed Daddy. Today is his birthday. The last birthday we celebrated with him was his 55th. I made him a mixed CD. (This was 13 years ago and before streaming.). I titled it, “The Daddy Mix” and a friend of mine helped me collaborate it.

When we were making it, he told me that this was the worst mix he has ever made but I didn’t care because it was really sentimental to me! It was all the songs that reminded me of my Dad. My Dad listened to it often before his death.

My Mom had to run an errand quickly before we began our morning routine today so she left. I wheeled myself to the hallway between Sean‘s room and the bathroom because there is no light there and my eye was still killing me! I tilted my wheelchair back, put my Dad’s playlist on my phone, leaned back, and closed my eyes. My Dad’s playlist has all of the songs I included on the CD I made him plus 2 more songs that I added after his death.

As the songs played, I could feel hot tears running out of the corners of my eyes and into my ears. When my Mom got back, before we began our routine, she said, “Happy Birthday, Husband!” I told her that I couldn’t believe my Dad was 68! I told her that I couldn’t imagine him old with more white hair and sallow cheeks.

She told me matter-of-factly that he is not 68 and that he stopped stopped aging at 55. That statement was almost sad for me until she added, “I’m a cougar.” Of course, that statement made me laugh and it lightened my mood a little bit.

I miss you so much Daddy! I can’t believe that it hurts so much 13 years later! Something tells me that you won’t mind being with a cougar who is 12 years your senior though as long as it’s my Mom!

My Mom called me this morning to tell me that she woke up late. I heard Sean rustling around getting ready for school and asked him if he could get me out of bed. He agreed and then continued getting ready for school. My body spasmed and I let out a loud, involuntary grunt. He came to my room when he heard this and told me that it sounded like I had to get out of bed!

With Sean at school, my Mom finally showed up. She opened the door and walked in and once I turned around, she greeted me by saying, “Good Morning beautiful girl!” I immediately thought of this song:

My Mom has always called me, “Girl.” I remember I tried to change that once when I was about 30. She would always call me, “Little girl.” And I would respond with, “ I’m a woman.” That didn’t change the fact that she ALWAYS called me a little girl. I changed my strategy and I started to call her, “Lady.”

She told me one day, “Don’t call me lady, little girl!” I responded with, “Don’t call me little girl, lady!” and we both burst out laughing! I just understood that she will ALWAYS call me, “Little girl” because I AM her ONLY little girl.

It probably was about a five or six years ago when she was at my school to pick me up. I wasn’t driving even back then. The staff I had just had a meeting and I wasn’t completely ready to go. My Mom addressed me with the normal, “Little girl” and I didn’t think anything of it until both of the social workers at my school started to laugh hysterically!

I didn’t really think anything of it because that is what my Mom always calls me but they have only known me as an a teacher and an adult. It wasn’t until then that I kind of thought that it must sound funny!

She STILL does it and I’m pretty sure she will ALWAYS do it. It doesn’t matter that I am close to 40. I don’t argue with her anymore and don’t even really notice it. I’m not sure why she edit in the, “Beautiful” part today but I think it’s probably because she knows I’ve been having a rough time lately! Especially with the weather getting warmer now because I had just awakened so I don’t think, “beautiful” was NOY accurate in how you would describe me!

This evening, as Sean and I finished eating dinner, he took the plates and rinsed them off in the sink. I asked him for a sliver of my birthday cake. (We only have about half of it left to go!). I’m not sure why this song popped into my head but I began to sing it.

My cousinT, Shannon, introduced me to this play when I was in the high school and we listened to it often as we drove around. We saw it before I got pregnant with Sean at the Masonic Temple, I think? We were with my Mom and I know that she really didn’t like it very much. I loved it!

I’ve known all the words to this play for a long time but it has been a while since I sang any of them. It was a perfect time I guess because I sat in the kitchen as Sean cut me a sliver of my birthday cake and begin to sing it. I was just beginning to get into Kim‘s part when is Sean stopped cutting the cake and looked at me and told me to, “Quit being weird!” Then we both busted out laughing!

I told him that I was going to write a blog post about this because this song is REALLY in my head! As I searched for audio of the song that I was singing, I came across this one;

Sean was in his room when I called to him and asked if he remembered me singing this song to him which he did not. I sing it to him when he was really small! Probably well we were still living with my parents. OF COURSE, I CRIED!