Author: Jen Rios

Driving to Barwis is now an hour-long ordeal because I-96 is closed and it will be for a while.  As I am driving to Barwis it begins to rain.  In spite of the rain, my body feels okay.  I had already made the decision to make the best of things in spite of the weather last week and I also believe it that I felt good in comparison to how I felt the previous weekend.  I had the flu.  Bodyache, headache, sick to my stomach, the whole 9 yards.  I spent Sunday in and out of coherency and I went to work on Monday, yesterday.  I was also going to Barwis.  But I was feeling good so BRING IT!  I get into Barwis and Phil begins stretching me and tells me that I feel pretty good to which I reply, “RAIN-SHMAIN!”

We head over to the Keiser machine and I get set to stand.  I stand and give it my all.  When I finally sit, Phil shows me the timer on his phone which reads 40 seconds and some change and he tells me that it was over a minute because he didn’t start timing it right away.  My second stand was over a minute as well so I am feeling pretty good.  But then comes my third stand in which I feel GREAT!!!  I stood and my legs were beginning to shake and I thought I was going to fall into my chair but then I got my second wind and stood fully upright again!  *BINK* after which I made some kind of excited yelp! I thought I was collapsing again but then I see Backey come in and I got a THIRD wind!  How unheard of!!!  Phil timed me and when I finally sat, he showed me the timer and it was 2:38 and some change!  I was SUPER excited and Phil had his hand palm up on his thigh.  I told him to give me his fist and he just shook his head and smiled.  I told him that he stinks and he said it was because he was ,”smart.”  I stood over a minute two more times and then we were finished.

I felt REALLY good!  After my last stand, Phil put his fist out so OF COURSE I grabbed it and yelled, “Joystick!” As he pulled his fist away he told me to, “Get out of the gym!”  He smiled and Backey congratulated me and told me what a good job I did and Phil agreed and said that he was “proud of me.”  Thanks Phil!!!  I’m proud of me too!!!

Backey took me out to my car which I got in ALL BY MYSELF!!!  EVEN MY LEGS!!!  Backey DID have to help me adjust my feet a little bit because I was tired.  I texted Phil that I got into the car ALL  BY MYSELF!!! RAIN-SHMAIN!!!  Leaving Barwis, I have to turn left instead of right.  Right gets me onto the freeway and left gets me into a subdivision in Plymouth.  I TOTALLY got lost.  It was raining, Onstar had to reroute my car TWICE, and my butt really hurt from standing but I still was smiling!!!  Phil sent me these:

    2nd stand

   3rd stand

  4th stand

  5th stand

That’s A LOT of standing!  No wonder my butt hurt!  It STILL hurts as I write this.  I still am smiling about my stands and am excited for “Walking Wednesday” #23.  I think it really IS starting to happen and that feels REALLY GOOD!!!

 

I got into Barwis by myself yesterday. I made a conscious decision yesterday as I opened the door to my office as I got to work. This weather stinks! (It was raining at the time). But regardless of this horrible weather, I was going to make the best of it and try to control my body.   I was going to “just” and “relax” as Phil always says.

I asked Phil how my body was feeling as he was stretching my left leg. He nodded and said it felt good. I told him as I snapped my fingers that I just flipped the switch.  He said something like it was about time!  I tried my best to stay relaxed and it’s not as if my body didn’t put up a fight because it did!

After Phil stretched me for a while I attempted some stands. It was a bit of a fight but I did end up standing. I stood for a long time. I sat down and was SUPER excited and looked at Phil and said, ‘I stood for ever!” and he smiled and said “and ever.” I tried a few more times but I was unable to *BINK.*  Then Phil said it was my last attempt to which I was victorious in standing. He put his fist out to which I grabbed it and yelled “joystick!” He said that didn’t count but he’s wrong.He took me out to my car and grabbed my hand and said “joystick” and shut my door. I re open the door and told him that totally didn’t count! He said it did over his shoulder and then opened the door to go back into Barwis.  that Tanzanian proverb kept resounding in my head. I didn’t stand a bunch but I was really working hard and little by little DOES become a lot. It will.  It IS! … and Phil is a sore loser! 😉 

Driving to Barwis, my legs felt really relaxed.   They felt good, even.  It had been SO long since my legs felt this good.  I was even wiggling my toes.  The weather was finally breaking and it felt REALLY good!  I even had my back windows down a bit.  But then I pull up to Barwis.  I don’t know what happened but as soon as I pull into the parking space, my quads tighten up.  I get my chair down and get set to stand and transfer and it is a no go.  I try 5 or 6 times but I can’t fully straighten my legs to stand up.  I didn’t want to risk it and end up on the ground outside so I call Dusty.  He doesn’t answer so I text Phil.  He told me that he couldn’t come out to get me just as Grady comes over to my car.  Grady offered to help me.  Great!  ANOTHER person is going to know how much I weigh!  So Grady helped me get into my chair and he brings me in.  NOTa good sign for “Walking Wednesday.”

Phil stretches me out and my right leg really didn’t want to cooperate.  I told Phil that I miss Jesse.  I looks at me and says “OH?!”  As if I miss Jesse so he’s not good enough.  That’s not the case at all and I tell Phil that I didn’t give Jesse a nick name (Phil smiled a little at this).  I just miss him.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen him and I would like to get his take on my progress.  I was only able to do 4 *BINK*ing stands before we head to the turf.  Again, NOT a good sign for “Walking Wednesday.”

My first down, I couldn’t get anything.  My right foot did NOT want to join the party so I sat down again.  Phil stretched me out a bit more and for my 2nd down, I got 5 yards and then collapsed to the turf.  Phil stretches me some more than for my 3rd down I get 3 more and then collapsed.  Phil said it was time to end and I protest that I only got 3 downs.  He gives me one more (I swore I was going to get those 2 yards that I needed for the conversion).  I didn’t.  I was denied.  I only got 1 more.  Phil had someone after me so Mike was taking me out, we were still on the turf and he put his fist out.  This was my opportunity so I took it, grabbed his fist, and yelled, “Joystick!”  He smiled and pulled his hand away.  I KNEW I’d get him eventually!  We talked some more and then I was deciding if I was going to put my fist out or not and Phil just grabbed my hand and shook it saying “joystick” and walked away.  That DIDN”T count!

Mike took me out to my car and I told him that I was denied and I only got 9 yards.  He asked how many yards I got when Jesse was here.  Jesse’s last day, I was at 101 yards.  Then he asked where I was at now.  I told him 239 and 2 steps.  He was amazed and told me that even those 9 yards were a lot farther than I had walked before.  He put me in my car and we said our goodbyes.

I drove home thinking about why I was NOT satisfied with 9 yards.  I think it was just because I had come off of my last “Walking Wednesday” getting 35 yards.  I KNOW that walking IS possible for me.  I just have to wait for it and that is SO frustrating!  I thought about a tweet I retweeted and Jesse favorited not too long ago.

          Jennifer Rios‏@jenrios0945

“@Vuible: Little by little, a little becomes A LOT. -Tanzanian Proverb    http://Vuible.com/?p=438 ” 230 yards and 2 steps, baby! & counting…

I guess my “little” is in the process of becoming “A LOT.”  I’m grateful for it and I KNOW more is on the horizon.  I just have to get there.  Maybe next “Walking Wednesday”…

TOTAL YARDAGE = 239 AND 2 STEPS.

I woke up yesterday in pain as well.  I got to work and couldn’t transfer out of my car to my wheelchair.  I tried though and ended up sitting on the asphalt right outside of my driver’s side door.  I called the school and Mr Curl came out to get me.  I told him that I was beyond embarrassed and he told me not to worry about it.  He asked if I needed any help carrying in anything but I have that routine down very well so I declined.  But I told him that now I have “man smell” on me.  He laughed and told me that he just shaved.  I smelled that “man smell” all morning.  It wasn’t all the time though, it was just when I would turn my head away from my computer after doing attendance or something to wheel back to my table where my students sit.  It was a reminder of how I failed to transfer on my own in the morning.  I didn’t so much dig that.

I get out of work and I am talking with my friend by my car and the weather was SO nice; I thought about transferring back into my car and was a bit trepidatious because of my fail this morning.  But then my brother pulls up and came over to talk with us so I told him to “spot” me and I was able to get into my car and he helped me with my feet and I was good to go.  I get to Barwis and get set to get out.  Or nah.  I wasn’t feeling very confident so I sat down with my legs out of the car and my wheelchair across from me.  I ended up calling Dusty.  Phil was training someone so Mike came out to get me.  It’s interesting how I don’t like to take help from people and usually I just thank them and tell them, “I got it.”  But today I had TWO different men pick me up!  They weren’t strangers but it still was SO uncomfortable for me.  I’ve gotten better at telling people the best way to help me in this situation though.  I think it’s because Phil does it most times so I tell them how he does it and so far that works for them too.

My legs were really tight and Phil said, “Shhhhh” and “Just.” many times.  I told him that he can’t change-up the catch phrases like that though.  I ended up doing 2 standing *BINK*s and we didn’t use the “stand-er upp-er blocker” yesterday.  Phil told me to head over to the table.  He stretched me some more and we did manual leg curls and extensions.  Then that was it.

I tried to get into my car but I couldn’t and Phil got me in.  I asked how I did today and he nodded and said it was a good stretch.  I want more than just a “good stretch” though.  I want to walk a million steps and not hurt so badly.  I think our fist bumps now are just Phil and me both trying to grab each other’s hands so it’s a weird, grab-y high-five in which both of us laugh because neither one of us were able to “joystick.”

I drove home thinking about today and the help I needed getting into and out of my car and the difficult time I had with stands.  But I was able to get out of my car by myself in my driveway when I got home.  I checked my twitter account and I saw this:

 Barwis Methods‏@BarwisMethods

Katie is working on walking so she can walk down the aisle! She is such a sweetheart! Check it out! #MiracleMonday http://bit.ly/1ojQuX7

I watched it a number of times and I know how hard Katie is working and how hard it is!   Then there was the video of me that I have never seen.  I clicked on that.  I’ve watched these videos many times.

If you stay watching me (with my summertime non-blowdryed hair) 2 video segments after that is me walking on July 29, 2013 (first time in YEARS).  I think I feel steadier now than I look on that day.

I meant it when I told Jesse that I’ll do anything to walk and I still do!  I guess that “anything” involves asking for help when I need it.  So bring it.  I’m grabbing my guts and swallowing my pride and I’m looking forward to “Walking Wednesday” #22.

Instead of “Walking Wednesday” #22, I went to a meeting with my niece for her confirmation.  She asked me to be her sponsor to which I replied “Of course!”  It was a meeting for confirmation candidates (my niece) and their sponsors (me).  It was at my church (we go to the SAME church).

I was lamenting NOT going to Barwis earlier in the day; but, given how I’ve been feeling since the “infamous stretch” Phil gave me on Monday, I didn’t think that I would put up a good showing.  I texted Phil on Tuesday that it felt like I have been shot on the outside of my left thigh (I have NEVER been shot but I am reading the 3rd Divergent book so I was thinking about people being shot and I imagine hurts this badly).  Last night, I texted that the gunshot is gone but it has been replaced with a Charley horse in each leg.  So I guess I needed the time off from working but, I thought I might lose momentum from my 35 yard drive.

I’ve really been thinking since Tuesday morning about how much my legs have been hurting.  My legs have NEVER hurt like this before Barwis.  But, before Barwis, I couldn’t feel my legs.  AT ALL.  So this is progress.  I’ll take it.    That joke I’ve heard about Christmas morning and the little kid who finds big piles of horse poop under the tree comes to mind.

I found it online if you haven’t heard it:

There is a famous joke about a child who wakes up on Christmas morning and is surprised to find a heap of horse manure under the tree instead of a collection of presents. Yet, the child is not discouraged because he has an extraordinarily optimistic outlook on life. His parents discover him enthusiastically shoveling the manure as he exclaims, “With all this manure, there must be a pony somewhere!”

I think about how all of this pain HAS to be muscles activating and finding that new pathway to my spine to tell my brain how they are moving!  So, that means that something is cooking in my legs which means that walking can’t be that far off.  Score!!!

I was tired and still sore from Monday after work yesterday but now I am SO happy that I went to this meeting!  It proved to be really good and I very much enjoyed seeing my niece!  I tweeted this pic last night, but I REALLY need to get my eyebrows waxed!

Sunday, I went to the ER with my son.  He fell and smacked his head and ended up getting 2 staples in it.  We left and went to brother’s house (2 of my other brothers and their families were there) to hang out.  As we were driving home, I told Sean to wake me up during the night if he feels sick.  He held his stomach and told me that he thought he was going to wake me up and then he burped.  I asked, “Do you need me to pull over?!”  He nodded and when I did, he got out of the car and yacked.  We didn’t go home but went back to the emergency room instead.  His CT scan was normal and they gave him something for the nausea and some more pain medication because his headache had intensified after getting sick.  The ER doctor told me before we were discharged that he should not go to school on Monday and told me of his other restrictions until the staples were removed  Sean was sleeping as she told me all of this.  Lovely, he gets excused from school but I still have to go to work.  It was after midnight before we were discharged.

When I FINALLY get home and Sean is situated and asleep and I get into bed, I realize how much my quads hurt.  I had them tensed the ENTIRE day!!!  When Sean hit his head, the first stay in the ER, and the second trip to the ER.  I fell asleep grateful that the next day was Monday and I would be going to Barwis.

I woke up SO tired and my quads were still KILLING me!!!  At work, I told all of my students about my son being hurt and how sleep deprived I was as a result.  They we great yesterday, thankfully!  It was as I was getting ready to leave work that my tiredness really began to catch up with me!  Ms. Donna (my brother’s fiance) had to help me get my legs into my car.  I drive straight from work to Barwis.

When I got into Barwis Phil asked me what was wrong and I just smiled and said that I was tired; I would explain further when we begin working together because he was working with someone else.  When Phil called me over to the Keiser machine, I showed him a picture of Sean’s head and told him all about Sunday and the ER visits.  I told him that my legs were killing me.  He couldn’t really straighten my right leg.  He stretched me awhile and I attempted 3 stands.  I couldn’t stand straight up but I gave it the college try!  Then Phil told me to head to the table and he was going to stretch me.  To say the stretch hurt a little would be a GROSS understatement!!!  It hurt SO badly!!!  I asked him what I should do.  Just breathe through it?  He told me to but I promise that I couldn’t!  I kept gasping and grunting to which Phil would just respond “Shhhhh.”  About the 500th time he did that, I told him that it was not helping and that it was NOT soothing.  I grunted that I was going to call him “Adam” because “Phil” doesn’t hurt me like this!  At one point I grabbed his forearm and squeezed  with buggy eyes because it hurt so much (to which he just laughed).  A yelp even escaped from my mouth at one point because it hurt so badly.  Phil ended up popping both of my hips which DID make both of my legs feel better because neither of them have popped in a while.

Phil took me out and put me in my car.  He put his fist out and I started to put mine out too.  He grabbed it, yelled joystick, laughed, and shut my door.  I drove home thinking how much the stretch hurt. “It’s got to hurt if it’s to heal,” I thought.   When I finally arrived home, I texted Phil, “Ya know, my legs feel pretty good actually.  Did you know what you were doing when you were hurting me so badly?!”  He responded, “Shhhhh.”