Author: Jen Rios

Mike pulled me in to Barwis when I got there after I got out of the car by myself.  I was a bit early and I wiped the snow off of my wheels as I waited.  I talked with Connor a little and he was excited for me as I told him of my little victories of my trifecta of pain, the charley horses I’ve had in my right foot, and my tub being cold the other day as I got in.  I could ACTUALLY feel it!!!  It was pretty cool!  All the guys here can appreciate the small things that won’t impress able-bodied people.  I REALLY dig that!!!  Mike came over to get me and I told him as he pushed me to the blue table that he HAD to take my shoes off so I could show Megan my socks because it was “Wacky Sock Wednesday!”  He told me that he wouldn’t and that if Megan wanted to see my socks, she would have to take my shoes off herself.  I told Megan this and she ran over (she was working with Garret) and pulled one of my shoes off.

Mike told me that I would have to be stretched with one shoe on and one shoe off.  I told him that he was, “Bumming me out!” so he is pictured here taking my other shoe off.  He told me that my socks weren’t wacky and I told him that I didn’t really have wacky socks and I had just ordered a few so they’re on their way.  Then he said that me and Megan are the ONLY two people who do this.  I told him that I didn’t care but I tweeted this pic so wouldn’t it be great to start a movement?!  EVERYONE wear wacky socks EVERY WEDNESDAY!!!

He stretched me like crazy!!!  He told me that we’re in “Maintenance Mode” right now because of the weather and the constriction of my blood vessels or something but I understood what he meant.  This winter has been SO much better than last!  I don’t know if it’s because last winter was ABSOLUTELY horrible or because I have 19 months of work under my belt.  This time, I again refused to say “Ooh Doggie!” Even though the stretch was INSANE!  When I got home, I talked to my Mom and told her she that my butt was KILLING me! (It still is this morning) and she suggested that I don’t challenge Mike any more.  But, I kind of dig challenging him with the raise of one eyebrow and the assertion that, “I can take it!” through gritted teeth even though it IS pretty tough at times!  In my refusal to submit and say, “Ooh Doggie!”, I tell him to “Do your worst!”  I think he did do his worst this time but I’m okay with it because I KNOW that it HAS to hurt if it’s to heal!  All signs point to walking… Eventually.

I got out of my car alone yesterday and when I opened the door, Deeds pulled me in.  When I got into Barwis, Mike asked me how I was feeling and I told him that, “My quads are KILLING!”  I had awakened the night before in the middle of the night with my quads hurting really badly!  He thought for a moment and when it was my time, he sat me on the table and made his hands into fists again and pressed them on my quads.  He knuckled my thighs.    “Knuckled” IS a word (I looked it up at Merriam-Webster online).  It means: To press or rub with the knuckles.  That was what Mike did.  I remember Phil doing this also.  My Mom doesn’t think it’s a word but it IS!

After he knuckled me, he stretched me.  The stretches STILL have NOT gotten easier but I feel that my body has loosened up a bit in spite of this bitter cold.  I still protest and by that I mean that I gasp, yell, and scream.  Luckily, I still HAVEN’T said, “Ooh Doggie!” again though. When we were almost done, he asked how my quads felt.  I furrowed my brows as if to say that they were still tight.  He asked if I wanted him to work on them further and I nodded.  He pressed harder this time and I told him that he better not bruise me.  (He didn’t but it would be okay if he did).

He put me in the car a little clumsily.  I wonder when we will get it down.  But, maybe I’ll be walking before then so it won’t matter.  My legs stayed relaxed the ENTIRE way home and I fell asleep easily.  I laid on my stomach at 9:51 and woke up a little after midnight but on my side so I don’t know how long I was on my stomach but my body STILL felt relaxed.  I awoke just before my alarm with a dull pain in my quads.  It hurt but not as much.  The hot water of the shower relaxed them so my drive in to work was tolerable. It’s progressive I suppose.  I’ll take it!

 

I went to Barwis right from work.  Connor just happened to come out as I was getting out of my car so he helped out and pushed me in.  I saw Megan as Connor pushed me in and she stopped, hugged me, and pulled up a chair to chat.  We talked of the progress Claudia and Garret have made.  She works with them and it was good to hear a trainer’s perspective.  I’ve only had trainers who were dudes and they don’t talk so much.  We talked about how the progress is a slow process.  I told her that I read the Barwis Methods website regarding injury recovery and what to expect.  I can’t paraphrase this so well so here it is:

“It may take some real time and a great deal of effort to overcome your injuries or motor difficulties, often depending on your initial condition, attitude and effort. For others, your change will be much faster, coming in with a cane and leaving it behind. Some people train 3-5 times per week, others come in for a short period and go home with specific exercises to work on their own before returning for a reevaluation. Depending on the nature of your injury and your current condition, it is possible to have you training along in a group environment just with specific, calculated exercises to assist your recovery. If you are seeking help, it is very important that each you come into our programs motivated to work hard, determined to keep a good attitude, and a steadfast belief that you will recover as your body conforms and adapts. With these character traits in combination with the world-class training, almost everybody comes through the program as a dramatically different person!”

I train 3 times a week and am motivated to work hard and determined to keep a good attitude.  I’m working on keeping a steadfast belief that I WILL recover.  I waiver sometimes.  We ended our conversation with me telling her, “Little by little…”  It IS a SLOW process!  Then Mike came to get me.  He stretched me like CRAZY!  My Mom took a pic last time of one of the stretches Mike did last time:

Mike did this stretch on Friday.  He’d get my leg set, would look at me, and then lean.  After I would gasp, he’d ask, “Ooh Doggie!”? Then he’d remind me that all I had to say was, “Ooh Doggie!” and he would stop leaning as he leaned in a little more.  I wouldn’t say it for a couple of reasons though!  1.  I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of saying it and 2.  I knew that if I endured even this for a little bit longer, it will make walking that much closer.  Each time he leaned, I gasped, and felt an almost searing pain in my butt and hamstring.  The pain continues today; it’s the trifecta of pain (butt, quads, and hamstrings) for sure but, it’s got to hurt if it’s to heal.  I have to keep that “steadfast motivation and determination” and walking won’t be that far off.  Right?!

My Mom drove me to Barwis AGAIN yesterday. I had ANOTHER snow day even though Sean had school.  With the traffic and snow, I was late to Barwis.  I FINALLY get in there and Mike thought I wasn’t coming.  He wiped the table down and put me on it.  He didn’t put me in the “Ooh Doggie!” stretch but they were hard-core stretches just the same.  They were familiar stretches but familiarity did not make them hurt any less!

During this one, I think that an, “Ooh Do-” slipped out involuntarily but I told Mike that it didn’t count because I didn’t say the whole thing.  I STILL won’t give him the satisfaction of saying it again but it was CRAZY!  Instead, I told him to do his worst.

We ended with this one and I think it was proof that this might be his worst… at least that is how it felt!  I like this picture because you can see my socks.  It WAS “Wacky Sock Wednesday #2” and these socks were my FAVORITE shade of purple!

He talked with my Mom about the cold weather causing my muscles to constrict.  And it is COLD now!   I fell in and out of sleep on the drive home because my Mom was driving.  I was SO tired so I went to bed early.  It was 8:55 when I laid on my stomach and I woke up at 10:55 to check my phone to see if we would have ANOTHER snow day.  We didn’t.  When I woke up to get ready for work, the trifecta of pain was in FULL EFFECT!!!  My butt, quads, and hamstrings were killing me!!!

I texted Jesse about how cold it was here and I began to doubt walking.  If the cold makes my muscles constrict, am I going to be like this EVERY winter?!  He calmed me down by saying that it’s better this year than it was last year (which is SO true!).  Then he texted, “Yes U will still walk for sure.”  I responded, “Okay.  Sometimes I waiver.”  To which he replied simply, “Dont”. Those two texts gave me the reassurance I needed.  He’s been constant in his belief of me walking since I came to Barwis.  From literally day one.  Since I couldn’t stand up from my chair and had to be harnessed at the Keiser machine.  I responded, “Thanks!  I won’t!”  I just wish he could say something to make my butt stop hurting so much!!!

With all of the snow yesterday, my Mom drove me to Barwis.  We both are teachers and both had a snow day.  (We have one today too!). She said that she didn’t want me getting stuck somewhere with no way to get myself out.  She helped me get out of the car (it’s ALWAYS weird transferring from the passenger’s side!) and she pushed me in.  I forgot that my Mom hasn’t been back to Barwis with me since that first summer and it was a bit strange explaining what I do in the snow but she has NEVER seen me wipe my wheels off or take an interest in Claudia’s work.  (She did awesome!).  It was a nice reminder that Barwis is my home.

Mike came over to the chairs to come get me.  I told him that my Mom was here and he went over to her, introduced himself, and shook her hand.  He told her she could come over to the blue table where we would be working.  Before getting on the table, I showed Mike that my legs being tight was only a little bit sticking out as I sat in my wheelchair opposed to sticking straight out as they historically have been.  I thought it was nice that after 19 months of working, to see some progress.  He put me on the table and worked my calves first.  He said they weren’t too, too bad and told me to lay back.  He started by putting both of my legs over his left shoulder, grabbing my knees to stabilize them and leaning forward.  Man, that is an INTENSE stretch but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of saying, “Ooh Doggie!” regardless of the stretch.  This time when he put me in the “Ooh Doggie!” stretch to the left, I had to gasp, close my eyes, and remind him to do his worst in a whisper.

This time we did something new. He had me sit on the edge of the table with my feet touching the floor.  He held my hand out and had me bend so my left shoulder went toward my right knee.  He said it was to strengthen my lower back (I feel the burn today!).  We  did this a few times and then he switched hands and told me to bring my right shoulder to my left knee.  I could do this.  Simple enough.  BUT, I wasn’t seated in the center of the table so when I brought my right shoulder down to my left knee, I just about fell off the table.  I squeezed his right hand and put my right hand behind his right knee.  So here I am, looking at the turf, laughing, and expecting Mike to pick me up with only one free hand.  I eventually got back on the table and he scooted me more toward the middle before we continued the stretch.

He asked me if my Mom could get me in my car and then told me that we would end a little early so he could get me in.  My Mom CAN do it but she is shorter than me and putting me in the passenger side is tricky.  When we ended and headed back to the car. My mom brought it up closer to the building where there was no snow and  Mike helped me get into the car and then  push behind my knee to get my legs to bend easily. Once I was in, he said goodbye to my mom and told us both to have, “safe travels.”

I got out of the car by myself, opened the door, and Deeds pulled me into the gym.  I took off my sunglasses and heard familiar music playing.  It’s got to be 90’s Pop again.  Just then, The Backstreet Boys came on and Megan screams and begins dancing.  Just after she gets really into it, Nick has his phone in his hand, says her name, and the radio falls silent.  Megan grabs her phone out of her pocket and the song comes back on just a bit louder.  I enjoyed watching this “song war” as I have witnessed it a few times before.

Mike and I have talked about music a lot.  I dig it because it takes my mind off of the pain of the intense stretching he does.  But I would say for about the last two weeks, my legs are feeling looser in spite of the really cold weather.  I’ve been sleeping better and during my waking hours, they aren’t as stiff.  Mike put me in the “Ooh Doggie!” stretch and it didn’t really hurt.  He asked if I felt the stretch and I told him that I did, a little so he pushed further.  I gasped and asked how I felt.  He kind of frowned and nodded.  Typical guy way of answering.  I even remember my Dad answering in the same manner.  So I guess he can feel the improvement too.  That’s how I’m taking it anyway.

He got me in the car and my legs felt relaxed.  As I drove home and was stopped at a light, Alanis began to play.  I smiled because it reminded me of Mike (we’ve talked about her).  We’re just about the same age even though just like Jesse he reminds me that I am OLDER than he is. When the song ended, I changed the station and Marcy Playground had just begun.  That song was playing the first day I walked with my crutches again at Barwis.  I laughed and decided that I would press my luck and each time the song ended, I would change the station on my way home, I would hear a good tune.  I heard Berlin, Lenny Kravitz, and Sir Mix-A-Lot.  It was a random group of songs that I dug.  It sure sounds like an eclectic group of songs but I dug all of them for different reasons.  I pulled up into my driveway as Sir Mix-A-Lot ended and I turned the radio off so as not to end my string of good music.

I got to see Amanda doing squats at the Keiser machine on Wednesday.  I watched her body react to standing and I’m pretty sure that I know how that feels.  Everyone’s body with MS reacts differently and MS effects everyone differently.  I tried my best to not make comparisons.  I’ve had MS longer and I don’t know where her lesions are located.  But it seemed so familiar the way her back bent.  It’s the way my back bends in resistance.  I shook my head and tried to look away.  I got lost in conversation with her caretaker and then she moved over to the blue table.  I tried focusing on how GOOD my body has been feeling lately and how well I’ve been sleeping in spite of this cold weather.  My legs were relaxed with my feet on the floor opposed to sticking straight out.  Megan may have seen the look on my face trying to convince myself to be positive and she came over and gave me a hug.  I told her to look at how relaxed my legs were and told her that my next stop was walking.

Amanda’s dad came in and he remembered meeting me at the “American Muscle” premiere.  We shook hands and Mike came over to get me.  Nick was working with Amanda on the blue table so Mike and I waited.  I saw Nick grab Amanda’s hands and she stood up and walked to her chair.  It was a shaky walk but steps just the same.  I was envious and it may have shown on my face.  Amanda’s dad told me that, “with a smile like that, you can’t give less than 100%.”  I smiled and responded, “For sure!” as Mike put me on the table.  My left shoe was untied so he just took both of my shoes off so as to expose my red and white striped socks.  (I don’t like matching socks and those obviously match in the basket of mismatched socks).  He told Megan to look over (she was working with Garret on the white table nearby).  Apparently, it’s “Wacky Sock Wednesday.”  Oh, I can dig this FOR SURE!!!

Mike stretched me differently than he did on Monday but just as intense!  My butt and hamstrings hurt really badly on Thursday and even a bit today as I write this.  He didn’t get an, “Ooh Doggie!” out of me but instead got a WHOLE LOT of, “Oh My Gosh!”es.  He had me roll over on my stomach just as I looked at the clock. I mumbled that I could do ANYTHING for 10 minutes.  He asked what I said so I repeated it louder.  As I laid on my stomach grunting because it hurt so badly; I tried to recall a time when this felt normal and I couldn’t.  Mike put me in my car kind of smoothly.  My legs felt relaxed and I felt tired.  Before I fell asleep for the night, I laid on my stomach and this must have been almost what it felt like.

I got out of my car by myself and Nick pushed me into Barwis yesterday.  Jon was there from the Canton gym and it was nice to see him!  I haven’t seen him in a long time.   My legs were kind of tight as Mike pushed me to the blue table.  He squeezed my calves a bit before he told me to lay back  on my back.  He grabbed my right leg and put my foot over his left shoulder.  Jesse and Phil have stretched me like this and I think I have pictures of them doing this:

But, they NEVER stretched me this much!  Mike leaned in and grabbed my knee to hold my leg straight.  I gasped, squeezed my eyes shut, and reached for his hands.  I felt the stretch in my hamstring and I felt warm tingling in my toes.  I leaned my head back and grabbed both sides of the table and squeezed.  He leaned in a little further and asked, “Ooh Doggie!?”  I took a deep breath in and through gritted teeth told him to do his worst.  I didn’t think he could do any worse, but he did.  As he put my leg down, he told me that he was impressed as he grabbed my left leg and did the same.  He told me that my butt would hurt tomorrow (today).

When he was done, he told me to lay on my stomach.  Once I rolled over, my legs curled and my back arched but I grunted through it, forcing my body to lay flat.  Then he started the stretch. I put my hands on either side of my face with my palms down.  I pressed them down and kept repeating, “I didn’t give up!” over and over.  When he was done I was exhausted and my legs felt like Jell-O.  I kept thinking of and repeating The Never Ending Story quote in my mind.  It’s got to hurt if it’s to heal.

Mike wheeled me to my car and put me in because I could barely move.  He got me in pretty smoothly and he told me that it was the best try to date as my legs bent to get them in the car.  We HAVE had some technical difficulties getting me into the car so far.  I told him that I just need to sit there and rest for a while.  He told me that he had to go back in and told me that I did a good job and that he was proud of me.  When I DID eventually drive home, I went to bed early and slept well.   I laid on my stomach for 53 minutes before kind of turning to my side with my legs still mostly straight.  This morning, my butt did hurt but I think my lower back hurt more, I’ll ask Mike about it tomorrow and my legs stayed relaxed and didn’t stiffen so they were straight out until lunch and even then, they weren’t completely straight.