Author: Jen Rios

Deeds pulled me into Barwis after I transferred and opened the door on my own.  I just can’t seem to get all the way in on my own!  It’s a little bit frustrating but it’s good to know that I have people there who will help me out.  My legs were pretty tight yesterday.  The humidity was at 65% so my hair handled it okay but my legs – not so much!  On the table, my legs arched AGAIN and my quads burned in pain.  Methodically, Mike worked and stretched my legs to relax them.  This time, my LEFT leg was my “poop leg” and was NOT relaxing!  He apologized that I was not standing or walking today but I understood.  It will come.  Just not today.  I was just SO happy that my legs finally relaxed and weren’t screaming and burning in pain.

He stretched me until my time was up.  My legs felt so good that I was nervous how they would feel the next morning (this morning and they feel REALLY GOOD and I slept well last night).  I told him about Jesse and Phil being “ice-breakers” and wondered aloud if he would be one as well.  Connor took me out to my car again and I got in ALL BY MYSELF – AGAIN.  I texted Phil because I was SO excited.  He said that I did a, “Good Job” and that it’s good and I’m already getting better.  I told him that I have turned a corner.

But, I may have turned a corner but who REALLY knows where this path leads?  Ultimately, I WILL get to the end which is walking but this a VERY intricate maze I currently am in.  I’ve turned corners before just to be faced with a difficult obstacle.  I don’t know all  that this maze entails but I signed up to solve it a LONG time ago… So bring it!

Yesterday, I felt pretty good at work.  My legs were relaxed on my drive in and remained that way all day at school.  It wasn’t until I got off of the freeway at Sheldon that I could feel my legs start to tighten a little.  I was still able to transfer out of my chair and get mostly up the ramp.  I had decided to wheel up the ramp backwards (it’s a bit easier) but Megan saw me struggling and pulled me in the rest of the way.

I got on the blue table and laid on my back and I truly began to feel how tight my legs had gotten.  I couldn’t lay flat on the table and my legs kind of bowed in an arch in the air.  Mike began stretching my ankles out to loosen them up.  Before I laid back on the table, he said he wanted to get me standing and maybe walking on Friday.  He asked how that sounded to me and I thought it sounded wonderful!!!  But my body had different ideas.  It started to become apparent to me that standing wasn’t going to happen when my legs would resist Mike’s stretch and involuntarily bend at the knee.  Mike would look at me and say, “Aww Boooo!”  Which I began to say as well every time my legs did it.

As Mike was stretching me, the high school group was running timed sprints.  A LOT of them!  Dan was calling out the time in seconds as they ran past me.  I could see their sweat drenched shirts and their red, sweaty faces running by.  All of them (both boys and girls) were panting and gasping for air as they kept running.  I told Mike that I could NEVER do that!  Push myself THAT hard!  But just as the words were out of my mouth, I realized that is what I do EVERY DAY.  I have sweated only a few times where I feel like I’m going to be sick at Barwis but I have worked hard EVERY TIME I come!  Even when all I do is try to move my foot out wards because it has become crossed with the other foot.  Well, that stinks!!!  I wish I had something more to show for my efforts!!!  I told Mike about Jesse’s “accident” analogy that he told me SO LONG AGO now and Mike nodded.  It really stinks that it STILL is so true!

Mike finished stretching me out and Megan and Connor took me outside.  I got into my car alone.  Connor helped me to get my feet in.  He didn’t chant Phil’s “bends” but it still made me laugh.  It was something about “bending my iron legs.”  I drove irritated that my legs didn’t feel as relaxed as they did last week. As I was in the house getting ready for bed, my son asked me if it was raining because he heard the cars outside riding on slick roads.  It was.  No wonder I felt SO tight!!!  I told Mike that weather was a big factor and it IS!!!  It rained this morning too.  Humidity was at 72% today.  It did NOTHING for ,my hair and even less for my legs!!!

Yesterday, I was able to transfer out of my car to my chair, open the door, and wheel about 90% of the way up the ramp and on to the turf on my own.  Mike saw me and came over and pulled me in the rest of the way.   When it was my time he told me that we were going to go over to the table.  I asked which one.  The white and blue one were available.  He told me to choose whichever one.  I chose the blue one and told him of how I was reminded of an Asian tea ceremony when I first saw it.

I laid on my back and he began stretching my legs.  I felt pretty good at work and on my drive to Barwis but as has happened before with Adam, I tighten up as soon as it’s my time at Barwis.  He stretched me A LOT and was able to loosen me up.  He had me move to the end of the table and told me that he was going to stretch my legs up really far as I was seated by the edge.  I asked, “Like a Rockette?!”  He kind of laughed at this and replied with a, “Sort of.” Or something like that.  He had me raise my right leg first (my “poop leg”) on my own.  It didn’t go very far and I told him that the Rockettes won’t recruit me.  He told me, “Not yet anyway.”  He stretched both of my legs out pretty good and was able to stretch my leg over his shoulder by the end as I laid on my back.  I remember Jesse and Phil doing this and it hurting SO much more.

I told him about “Walking Wednesdays” and my camo socks.  He asked how Jesse got me walking and I told him about my crutches and two people on either side of me as spotters.  He said that I’m going to do it again but with Mike and Mike on either side of me.  I asked kind of excitedly, “You mean a Jen sandwich with Mike bread?!” He also kind of laughed at this and said something like, “Whatever you want.”  Megan and Connor came over and Megan sat next to me on the blue table and Connor said he would take me out to my car.  Mike went over to the chairs because his 6:00 group was there and Connor told me that he would be right back.  Megan helped me into my wheelchair  and then Connor came back and wheeled me over to my coat crazily spinning me in circles.

Outside, I was tired but I mentally went over the four step process that Phil always used to tell me for transferring out of my chair and into my car.  Stand. Grab (the open door). Turn (Swivel my hips). Sit (in the driver’s seat).  Connor was there to help me (I usually have trouble with the “Turn” part) but this time I did it ALL BY MYSELF!!!  I bent my knees and Connor had to push my feet in the car a little bit.  On the way home, I thought about how good my legs were feeling and managed to tear up a little AGAIN because Mike was talking about me walking soon so I thought about Phil being right.  “I WILL walk, just not with [him].”  I’m such a crybaby!!!

I was late to Barwis yesterday.  I called Conner and told him that I was still coming but was running late.  Connor met me outside and helped me transfer and pushed me inside.  Mike was at the squat machines by the Keiser machine and I realized that I had never been over there.  Mike was cleaning up.  There was chalkdust all over the floor and I asked him what happened over here.  He told me, “squats.”  Then he pointed to the piles of white dust and told me it was chalk.  I was reminded of my only story involving chalk.  I told Mike.  I told him, “I used chalk once.  (Helps grip the bar). I got it all over me, Adam, and Chris (an intern).  Then Adam told me that I can’t use it anymore.”  I smiled at the memory and Mike told me to go to the blue table.  (Garret was on the white one).

Mike helped me onto the table and told me that he was going to take my shoes off and that he was still getting a baseline for me.  I laid on my back as he began stretching me.  I asked him how I felt and he told me that it was better than Monday.  He was pleased with how much range of motion I was getting and I was too.  I could slowly feel my legs beginning to relax.  He told me to scoot to the edge and he were going to do hypers.  I knew how to do this!  First position.  He was going to push my shoulders down like Phil used to.  But it wasn’t like Phil used to.  Mike explained how we were going to do it (I explained the ballet positions to him anyway because I ALWAYS needed to start in first position with Phil).  Mike was impressed with my hypers.  I guess being Phil’s personal bop bag all those times helped!

We ended with me sitting at the edge of the table and having to put my foot (with my knee straight) on Mike’s knee with his help of course!  We started with my left leg.  (Mike knows all about my “poop leg” and told me that was why we were starting with my left.).  The right leg (or “poop leg”) DID resist but Mike got it under control.  Mike told me that it was “Awesome!” I could feel the awesomeness too!

I feel really good about the torch being handed over to Mike.  He really knows his stuff and is passionate about his role as trainer at Barwis for all the young athletes and for me too!  He reinforced my belief that Barwis IS the place I NEED to be!  But as I pulled away, tears still streamed out of my eyes.  I miss Phil.  (I mean Adam) but it IS awesome that I am in good hands!!!

I arrived to Barwis early.  I was okay on my way there but things got a little difficult for me when I turned the corner to get to the back of the training center where I park.  I didn’t see Phil’s car or Eric’s car.  The lot looked empty and it made me sad.  I told myself to, “not think about it and just do it.”  I have heard that phrase from my Mom A LOT.  I transferred to my chair and wheeled up to the door.  The ramp proved to be just a little steep for me and I was having some difficulty.  Sophie saw my feet and came to my rescue.  She pointed out the “new guy” (Mike) to me and told me that he was quiet.  I saw Megan and she said the same thing.  Hearing this from 2 different people made me nervous.  I didn’t know what to expect.

I saw him working with the high school group talking about weight-lifting form and he seemed right at home.  I wondered how he would feel working with me.  When my time came, he came over and shook my hand and told me to head over to the plyo boxes.  He was reading a write-up that Phil had provided.  I wonder what it said.  I made it a point to only refer to him as Adam so Mike would know who I was talking about.  He read the paper and made some apologies that he was rusty.

It was not evident to me that he was “rusty” at all and his stretching was very familiar to me.  As for the quiet part, that wasn’t evident to me either.  We talked about all kinds of stuff.  Maybe it was because I ramble when I’m nervous but we kept the convo up.  I made sure to tell him that I know the word, “proprioreceptors” and told him about the online test that I failed.  I told him that I called Adam, “Phil” (in case I slip up) and he asked why.   At the end of my time, he told me that we would do hypers.  He had stretched me on the white table this whole time and had me lay on my stomach with my legs dangling over the side.  I have done this before with Jesse and Adam.  Jesse had me do this as Adam held my hands the first time that I worked with Adam.  Mike had me raise my legs.  I did (not very far) and he asked, “Is that all you got?”  I answered, “That’s all I got.”  I decided that I like Mike because that is something I say often.  “That’s all I got.”  It made me smile that he used the same wording so naturally to ask if that was all that I had.

Connor took me out to my car.  He NEVER has done this before!  I wonder if Adam told him to do this.  I got into my car by myself.  As I write this, my butt hurts today so I feel safe in Mike’s care.  I knew I liked him.

I pulled up to Barwis a little bit early.  It was Phil’s last day.  I don’t dig change.  I pulled up to my spot and began to cry.  Sam Smith didn’t mind.  Once I composed myself, I texted Phil and told him that I was there.  I began to get my legs out of the car and to lower my chair from the chair topper.  I saw Phil come out out of the corner of my eye and I had to draw in my breath and almost bite my lip so I wouldn’t cry.  I had him help me get out of my car because my body felt foreign to me and this was the last time that he would do this.  He wheeled me in to by the chairs and I waited.  I was early.  I talked to Dan and asked him about what I would do on Monday and about who my new trainer would be.  This all makes me nervous.

Phil came over and pushed me to the plyo boxes.  Phil grabbed my left leg and began stretching me out.  I could see the clock from where I sat.  5:17.  I asked Phil if he thought I was progressing.  He nodded and told me that I was stronger.  Then he added that I just need to put everything together then he looked at me and finished by saying, “to stand the f*** up.”  I began to laugh at this statement.  Oh Phil!  I looked at the clock again.  5:26.  I told Phil the story that my Mom has told me many times before about the day that my Dad had to report for deployment to Vietnam.  She told me that they drove EXTREMELY slow, the snow crunched under the tires.  She told me that her and my Dad’s song was playing on the radio.  This was the first time that I understood what she felt like.  I was pleased that time was going by so slowly but as Phil left gor a moment, Megan let me know that it was Eric’s last day too.  What?!  Eric came and sat next to Phil on the plyo boxes and we talked until my time was up.

Phil took me outside and I got into my car by myself.  As I sat in my car, Phil gave me a hug and I squeezed him in return and told him that I wasn’t done hugging him [back] like three times.  We talked a little and ended my time with Phil with him, “Joystick”ing me.  I drove out a Barwis’ parking lot to the light on Plymouth Oaks and Sheldon and turned the radio on.  Meghan Trainor came on and I thought of Phil’s little dance move and began to cry again.  I’m not that strong to NOT cry.

Sophie helped me into Barwis yesterday.  My legs were a bit tight so she pulled them out of my car for me.  She also pushed me up the small ramp to the inside.  I waited by the chairs until Phil came to get me.  He got the plyo box situated and grabbed my left ankle to pull my leg up to his lap.  He looked at me as he did this  and exclaimed, “Are you sh*ttin’ me?!”  I laughed.  I didn’t think it was a real question, just an exclamation of how tight my legs were.  What can I say?!  I’m a little stressed out.  Wednesday will be the last time I see Phil.  I’m a bit bummed.  I was bummed when Jesse left and I have known Phil for 5X as long! He stretched me at the boxes for a while longer and then told me to go to the blue table.

I noticed the new blue table a few times ago but had never been on it.  It’s lower to the ground and is wider than both the black and white tables.  It would look like we were going to sit around it and have an Asian tea ceremony except for its royal blue pad on top.   Phil told me to get on it and waited while I adjusted my chair a few times and then put one of the armrests up and tried to shimmy on to the table.  It wasn’t working out so well so Phil got frustrated and just picked me up and placed me on the table.  I didn’t like this table.  Phil stretched me while I laid on my back and then told me to lay on my stomach.

Before I had Sean, I used to sleep on my stomach but I stopped that when I was pregnant (OBVIOUSLY!). I remained a back sleeper until a few months after I started coming to Barwis.  As I gained more control of my body, I morphed from the “fetus” to the “yearner” and then graduated to the coveted (for me), “free fall”er.  I posted all this information in the “A Bit Of Randomness” strand on my blog.  “The Daily Positive: What does your sleeping position say about your personality?”  I write this because I am a “free fall”er so laying on my stomach should be no problem… Or WAS a “free fall”er.  I went back to being a “fetus” – Gee!  What on earth do I have to be worried about?!  I WONDER?!  Anyway, I write this because as I got on to my stomach, it was my turn to ask, “Are you sh*ttin’ me?! Because this hurt crazy badly!  (I didn’t say that because I’m not a potty mouth like Phil) but I thought it for sure!!!  Phil cracked my back and then put me back in my chair.  He hurried and just put me in the car because it was FREEZING!!!

As he stowed my chair, he likened him leaving to Michael Jordan retiring.  I didn’t let him give me the explanation and told him that if he talks about it I will cry.  Instead, he, “Joystick”ed me and went inside.  I thought about the fact that the next time I see Phil at Barwis will be the last time as I drove home.  I didn’t cry but my chest hurt… A LOT.

I brought Sean with me to Barwis on Friday.  He got me into the building and we waited by the chairs.  Phil walked through the glass door that separates the front with the gym and he started play pounding on Sean similarly to how my brothers greet Sean.  Sean has come with me to Barwis a number of times and he and Phil seem to get along well.  Phil stretched me at the opposite end of the plyo boxes as Sean sat on the higher boxes.  The stretch is painful but I know it is much-needed.  As I was being stretched, I looked at Sean sadly  and said that this what Barwis is reduced to now.  Just stretching.  Sean has witnessed me working extremely hard and being more productive previously at Barwis.  Saying this to him was difficult for me.

After the stretch, I headed to the stander.  Sean had never seen me in the stander and watched as Phil got me in and strapped.  He watched as Phil cranked it up.  Once I was in and standing, they started messing around.  I had to say (at least twice) as I pounded my hands on the stander’s tray, “Now, Boys!”  I think I was more worried about what Sean and Phil were doing rather than any pain I was feeling.  Boys will be boys I suppose.  I stood in the stander twice for 15 minutes.

TOTAL TIME IN STANDER = 141 MINUTES.

Phil took me out to my car and helped me to get in.  His variation of the “bends” this time was, “Bend your damn legs!”  Hmmm…  He said that right in front of Sean!  He wished us a good weekend, shut the door, and went back inside.