Author: Jen Rios

I started off with my stands with Brad and Larry. My first down was my strongest. As I sat resting a bit, Larry reminded me of making a sound whenever I stood at Barwis. I had completely forgotten about this!  He asked what sound I made  and as I stood and pulled my shoulders back and my knees felt sturdy; said it, *BINK*.

He started to laugh and as I sat down, he told Brad all about it. He said it sounded so silly amidst all of the blaring music and people working out to hear the sound I made.   We all laughed and I thought of Adam.   I told Brad that I only said it when I felt sturdy in my stand and then I would tell Adam that I could, “Stand  for days!”

My first two stands that day were pretty good and my last two stands weren’t so good. I was so excited that at least I was standing! Or, attempting to stand when it came to my third and fourth down.   I laid back down on the table and Brad started me working my knee. I did left foot raises   And then Brad walked around to the other side of the table and put the foam roller underneath my right knee and had me raise my foot on the right side. It was so much easier! I could do it so much better! That made me feel better because  it let me know that my difficultly  raising my left leg wasn’t so much that I have MS but it was because I had surgery.

I was tired after all of this and Brad told me that I was going to get some well-deserved ice and stim.  I smiled and agreed with him. I laid back as the stim. machine was going and thought about Barwis. I was so afraid I was losing so much strength because I haven’t been there in so long but today, I realized all is not lost. All that work I did was NOT for nothing. I still have some strength! Granted, I have lost a lot but I hope to get it back quickly once I am back to Barwis.

I thought about the fun I would have  standing with Adam and the fact that Larry remembered it with fondness also, made me all the more happy!   All the work I did at Barwis seems like a distant memory    I hope to go back there soon; but in the meantime, I will just *BINK* at ATI!

Once I got on the table, Brad worked my knee a bit and told me that when I was finished with the exercises; I would stand. When I heard this, I didn’t believe that I could do it. He worked my knee out a bit and  had me raise my foot and push my leg out and pull it back in. He called Larry over and then it was time to stand.

I was reminded of my failed attempts at standing with Michael end it made me really nervous!  I wasn’t sure how this would go. My knee is feeling better but it’s still aches, so much so that I have to take some Tylenol and  slightly grit my teeth through the pain.  Brad put a gait belt and me and Larry stood behind the table.   I’m not sure if he knelt on the table but I think so because he was close. Brad pulled me up to standing and surprisingly I was able to!

I didn’t feel that it was like a Barwis stand but Brad says I did pretty good! After I sat back down on the table, he told me to make sure to lean forward with my shoulders can’t keep my shoulders back when I am standing. My second and third downs were shorter because I could feel myself getting tired but I was still able to stand.   As I sat on the table after my third down, Brad reminded me to put my shoulders back as I stand and to lead with them when I am coming off of the table. My fourth down was really good!

Brad and Larry laid me back down on the table and I got set up with ice and stim. I really looked forward to it! I was throughly tired!  I was more physically exhausted this time, rather than mentally.  I laid back and let the cool ice pack  and the pulsating electricity calm my knee.

I got four downs when it came to standing. I told Brad about my attempts at walking at Barwis. Regardless of yards, I got four downs.  I wasn’t completely impressed with my stands but I was excited that all was not lost with me not being at Barwis for so long!  I didn’t have an impressive drive  with my four downs but it’s a beginning!

Oh Brad and Larry got me on the third table and as I laid back, Brad bend my knee and started shaking it.  These shakes were deliberate  so I asked him what he was doing. He explained to me in  such specific scientific terms that I tried my best to understand. He explained it with such ease and I was finding it difficult to comprehend.

I was reminded of when Adam told me about proprioceptors.  When I looked that term up, I read a short excerpt about them and took a test about what I had just read. I failed it. So I guess I’m not cut out to be an athletic trainer or physical therapist.  Heck, I AM cut out to be a teacher (have the degrees and certificates to prove it!). but I’m not even that anymore!   Forgive my momentary self-pity, my apologies!

Anyway… I marveled at Brad’s knowledge and told him about it. He just laughed and continued shaking my knee a bit and then I did my PNFs of sorts.   He had me kick my right leg up. I did three sets of these and then he had me push my leg out and pull it in. I was actually pleased with myself even though it’s not very  impressive.

I got set up with ice and stim. and as I laid back and stared at the ceiling.  I had a strange feeling come over my entire body. It was a familiar feeling but one that I haven’t felt for a long time. I stared at the ceiling and it took a minute for me to realize what it was. I was  extremely mentally tired!

This is the feeling I used to have at Barwis all the time! I haven’t had that feeling in a long time because I haven’t been to Barwis in a long time!  But this was my first time feeling it at physical therapy. I was exhausted but excited by my exhaustion, if that makes any sense.

Coupled with this mental exhaustion is physical exhaustion even though I didn’t do much physical activity; anytime I am trying to reconnect my brain with  movement in my legs, it’s completely exhausting!  I laid there and my brain felt kind of fuzzy but I smiled within myself knowing why I was so tired! It made me excited that I am trying to get my brain to make my legs move.  I had some  success and because of that, I felt accomplished and happy.

As soon as I got into my car, I completely zonked! I  didn’t wake up  until we were almost back in Dearborn and my brother was in the car and I had no idea he was.   He needed a ride to the car dealership to pick up his rental because he was getting work done on his car so we were dropping him off before I got home because I live near the car dealership.

I felt groggy the rest of the night but it made me happy because  it meant I was doing hard-core work even though it doesn’t look like it to other people.  I felt I was working on more than just healing from surgery but also working my way back to Barwis.

So, Thursday my face was still a bit flushed and my knee did not throb like it has been for so long! I was excited to tell Brad about this and he told me to wait until it doesn’t hurt for about two weeks and then call Dr. Frush’s office to see about going back to Barwis.  Especially because now, I am going to have to figure out a way to pay for physical therapy out-of-pocket.

He worked on my knee for a little while and it is really nice that my legs aren’t that spastic. Then, we worked a lot on movement. He had me kick my leg out and then squeeze  my glutes.  He put my leg in traction and that felt really good!   Then, he brought over that Styrofoam buoy thing and we started doing things that I remember doing at Barwis.

He bent both of my knees and had me push them out and pull them in like I used you at Barwis.   It felt really good to be doing these exercises. I was hopeful but, I was TERRIBLE at it!  I used to be good at these things!  I could pull my knees in easily and push them out just as easily. Getting them to move at all was extremely difficult!

As I laid on my back and rested between sets, Dan stood over me and shoved his fingers into both of my ears. I was happy to see him!  It feels really good that my knee does not hurt because the Cortisone is sticking. I am hopeful but I know that it is possible for my knee to start hurting again when the Cortisone wears off; hopefully that is not too soon.

I would like to get back to Barwis because I really can’t afford to pay for physical therapy.   I am hopeful to regain muscle control once I am back at Barwis pain-free but I know that it is going to be a very long road and it is going to be difficult to redo all the work I have already been doing for the past four years.   I am not going to pretend like it is going to be easy because I know it won’t be but being hopeful is all I can be, right?!   Is the only way to be. I hope.