During my senior year of high school, I drove my friend to school. On her 17th birthday, I arranged things with Mr. Flint (the first teacher to arrive to and open the school) that he would let me in early so I could decorate her locker for her birthday. After the locker was decorated, I went to pick her up from her house for school. I had the CD player all queued up and when she got into the car, I played, “Dancing Queen” as we drove to school.
As with all music I listened to back then, it was turned all the way up and I sang along with every song I played while I was driving. I enjoyed seeing her face when we walked into the school and she saw her decorated locker. She was puzzled as to how it got decorated and I told her how I did it and that I came to school early to decorate it before I came to pick her up. That was so long ago but I still remember it with so much clarity.
Well, today is the 17th anniversary of being diagnosed with MS. I DEFINITELY do NOT feel like a dancing queen even though I’ve listened to this song a few times. I’ve been quiet all day. My family really doesn’t understand how devastating this day is/was for me. It was the day that my life changed forever and I didn’t even realize how much it would change 17 years ago. I was a carefree kid who listened to loud music and sang along when she drove. Things are so different now! It seems like being a “carefree kid” is a lifetime ago. Yes, it was a long time ago but being a “carefree kid” without MS changes everything.
This is the last year that I will be able to say that I have had MS ALMOST half of my life. Next year, I will be 36 and it WILL BE half of my life because I was diagnosed when I was 18. After that I will have HAD it longer than I HAVENT HAD it. People don’t really understand the severity of that distinction.
Next year, it WILL BE half of my life but today it is ALMOST that. I have difficulty remembering the “carefree kid” who didn’t have MS because it is so different from the woman with MS that I am today. She DID exist though and I am reminded of that on my 17th anniversary because it makes me think of that ABBA song. I will just have to settle for being a dancing queen in my head because I physically cannot be one today, I haven’t been able to be one for almost half of my life.