Author: Jen Rios

Ruby

My Dad used to sing this song to my Mom all of the time, especially when she went to get her hair done:

I even put this song on the final mixed CD that I made him for the last birthday he had with us. He was 55. My Dad used to sing the just refrain often. He would just say, “You painted up your lips and rolled your tinted hair.” I never knew until years after he had died and I have gifted him that CD that there is an extra word in that line! It made me smile because my mom also uses rollers to kill her hair.

I never knew until years after he died that the Vietnam veteran in this song who is paralyzed said that, “ If I could move, I’d get my gun, and put her in the ground.” ???!!!

When I heard that line, my eyes wideNed and I beseechingly asked my Mom, is he really going to kill her?! My Mom just laughed and told me that he was. I NEVER KNEW THAT!!! I told my Mom that it is a horrible song but we listened to it a few times last night as I was getting ready for bed and I still smiled when I heard the line my Dad used to sing and just ignored the fact that my Dad was singing a song about killing his wife!

My smile continued after this song ended as I thought of my Dad fondly and him singing. My mom played another song that reminds me of my dad but all I can do when it started to play was cry! She played this one:

My Dad really liked Johnny Cash and even though I’ve never had beer for breakfast, neither one nor two, I smiled at this song too until I heard the line, “ In the park I saw a daddy, with a laughing little girl that he was swinging.” Then, I began to cry. My Dad never swung me on swings but I AM his little girl! I really miss him!!!

Frida Kahlo

My Mom asked me if I wanted her to pluck my eyebrows today. That’s the second time she has asked me and I really don’t care about it. I told her that I will not cheat on the woman who has been waxing my eyebrows for the past 17 years and I have no problem with my unibrow. She asked me the same thing a few days which I also declined. She asked me this the day before my Facebook friend posted this gif:

Apparently, that’s what I look like but I’m not very phased about it. I told my Mom that I did not want to cheat on the woman who has been waxing my eyebrows for the last 17 years. I had another woman wax my eyebrows for about three years before that and I started plucking my eyebrows when I was 12 and started waxing when I was 17. So, I’ve been shaping my eyebrows in a long time.

My sister-in-law posted a picture of my nieces getting ready to play out in their yard and my older niece was wearing this shirt:

I texted my sister-in-law and told her that I loved her shirt and that there is nothing wrong with rockin’ a unibrow because that is what I’m doing right now! When my Mom asked me to pluck my eyebrows, apparently they look pretty bad so I searched the Internet as to why Frida Kahlo had a unibrow. on Wikipedia It’s sad that she kept it because that’s what her husband, Diego Rivera, preferred.

There were links at the bottom and I clicked on the one that talked about “The Unibrow.” This is what it said:

The unibrow occurs when both eyebrows grow together, seemingly without a break between them. … The unibrow is a true sign of individuality. Like those with thick eyebrows, you aren’t overly concerned with the way others perceive you. You are unique and one-of-a-kind.

After 26 years of taking care of my unibrow, now, the center of my eyebrows is not very pronounced but they have gotten pretty thick. Just about to my eyelids! But, I’m choosing to rock it because I can’t go anywhere and my salon is not open yet. I look like Frida Kahlo. Maybe I should get a shirt like my niece?

My Third COVID-19 Tears

I had a good cry out this morning. With the, “Stay-at-home” orders being lifted soon, plans are being solidified for graduation commencement for Sean. They are still in the early stages but what I have learned today was then we will have a, “Socially distanced ceremony” in August. This fact made me cry. What this, “Socially distanced ceremony” will entail is to hold commencements on the football field and NOT the high school auditorium as it has always been.

What this means is that it will be outside. In August. In the heat. Having had MS for 19 years, I KNOW that I will not be able to handle that! I also think that my tears were because I have worked so hard and sacrificed A LOT to put him through 12 years of Catholic education. The commencement was supposed to be the icing on the cake! The cherry on top! We were supposed to reenact my graduation photo:

I am just about positive that I could NOT sit there and smile in the heat! My Mom saw my tears and told me that we would work on getting me there if I wanted to go. Well, OF COURSE I do! I’ve earned it! She talked about having a cooler and bringing a cooling vest or cooling beads for me.

I couldn’t think too much about this because I was overwhelmed but we have time to figure it out and in that time, I will pray for a cool day in August. It really stinks that 20 years later, it is STILL super obvious that graduations and me do not mix! But, if I think about it too much now, I will cry again…!!!

June 2020 Faves

I didn’t post these yesterday because, I don’t know, I was busy doing nothing with my long hair and bushy eyebrow! Last night my brother, Jimmy, stopped by and we had a socially distant pizza party. With my Mom and I in the house and Jimmy sitting in a chair on the porch. I told my Mom right when the, “Stay at Home” orders came that if this lasts a long time, I will relax my diet which I have because it is STILL a thing. I haven’t been listening to music but rather, I am glued to the TV. Occasionally, U2 songs well show up in my YouTube feed and here are the last two that I shared on Facebook:

And sometimes when this all gets too stressful, I turn the TV off and jam to my Sara Bareilles playlist. I never hear this song at all and it’s my favorite so I will put it here so I can listen to any one of these three songs whenever I want to:

Excitement!

I received an email today that my Chewy package had been delivered:

It was only a partial order but I got super excited when I saw this email! I told my Mom that some of her toys had arrived and she laughed at the excitement in my face and went outside to disinfect the package and get the toys.

This is the first one I gave her:

She was really into that for a while! But, alas, a peanut butter flavored chew toy is NOTHING compared to her own buttt!!! 😂😂😂

The second item that came was meant for outside but my Mom gave it to her anyway:

She liked this because she could dig chewing a tennis ball but when my Mom squeezed one of them in the kitchen, Leia’s ears perked up and she got excited! Then my Mom walked over and squeezed the ball in her mouth. Again, her ears perked up and she got excited! She only could get a little baby squeaks out for a while but now she has mastered it! Right now, I think it is adorable but I wonder how long that will last!

I think I am getting the rest of my order tomorrow so I get to be just as excited tomorrow as well! Many of my Facebook friends and fellow dog owners told me that Nylabone is a good chew toy and Kong is a great toy! They all were DEFINITELY correct!!!

Thanks, Daddy!!! 💜💜💜

So, my YouTube feed is filled with horrible news again with all that is going on in the world! As I was scrolling through it, I found this video:

I remember seeing them perform the song when I went to their concert with my brother, Steve, and a few colleagues from work. I remember Bono talking about why he wrote this song and dedicated it to his dad, Paul Hewson. I dug his reasoning for writing this song and this was less than six months before my own Dad would die.

I listened to their 18 Singles CD on my way to work for a long time.

I had just started my second year teaching and it was still dark when I drove to work. I would listen to this song continuously on my way and sing along and sob. I would put my sunglasses on as I walked into my school on my crutches in the morning when it was still dark.

I wore my sunglasses when I got my work done before school started so my eyes would not be read and puffed up in front of students, when I began teaching.

I really liked seeing this video in the middle of all the terrible news stories of the events taking place now. As I watched it, I remember driving and listening to it in the dark and crying. The tears came back today as I listened and remembered that time. I choose to think that my Dad had something to do with it showing up in my YouTube feed and for that, Thanks, Daddy!!! 💜💜💜

World MS Day 2020

When I woke up this morning, I realized today would have been my Dad‘s 69th birthday. As I sat in my wheelchair in my living room and tried to wake up, I celebrated this day by posting it on Facebook and began to mindlessly play Solitaire on my phone as I tried to wake up. It took me a moment to realize that not only was it my Dad‘s birthday, it was also World MS Day:

When I realized that was also today, I put my favorite Sara Bareilles song on Apple Music on my phone:

I absolutely LOVE that song and it reminds me of, “Walking Wednesdays” at Barwis Methods and when I was actively working on walking.

Even though World MS Day has only been a thing since 2009, I will have had it for 20 years this December. I got onto Facebook and immediately saw this and completely agreed with it:

I told my Mom this morning that I could not believe that my Dad would have been 69 today! I cannot believe that 14 years will have passed this August

and then exclaimed that my Dad is old! My Mom immediately took issue with that statement because she is 67. I told her that my Dad is a year and a half on and then her so she will NOT be old for another year and a half! In fact, I don’t think I will EVER think that my Mom is old!

In my brothers and my Mom’s group text today, my Mom texted us all to remind us all that today is my Dad‘s birthday and he would have been 69 even though he was 55 when he died. Then my Mom texted that she is a cougar because she is 67. That text made me laugh!

I wish that World MS day was not a big deal for me but for the past 11 years, it has been. In fact, for the last 19 years. So there’s that and I miss my Dad! I am wearing a V-neck white T-shirt just like my Dad used to and I always think of getting my Dad Oreos, lemon drops, socks, and T-shirts when I was young that was orchestrated by my Mom. I made my Dad a mixed CD for his 55th and final birthday he had with us.

A Month and a Day

Yesterday was one month that we have had our Boxador, Leia. Here is the picture I was emailed when Amanda from Good Karma Puppy Rescue let me know that she was available for adoption.

Sean decided that he wanted to adopt her and because he is not 21, I adopted her for him. It was my graduation present for him because he has lost out on so many things during the end of his senior year. So yesterday was a month! She is a sweetheart! She’s a really laid-back puppy and she is completely housebroken. I ordered a harness a while ago but it ended up being too big for her so last night, we got a properly fitting harness:

It was late when we got it in the mail but we had to try it on her. In the picture, her tail was wagging because she thought she was going out for a walk. It was late and I kind of felt bad for her but she got to wear the harness this morning for her morning walk and potty break.

I think it’s absolutely crazy that in one month, I am a, “Dog person!” because I really am now. My Chewy order arrived for her this morning as well and she COMPLETELY tore up one of the puppy chew toys! Looks like I will have to peruse the site further to buy more toys because her jaws are too strong for puppy chew toys. I still have a lot to learn about being a dog owner her at least someone who loves and cares so deeply for one!

Jackson Pollock

I’ve written before how Sean thinks that I only watch 10 movies over and over again. I will not dispute that fact because it is completely true! If I really like a movie, I will watch it 1 million times! I thought of this yesterday because currently I am in my The Accountant phase. I’ve already watched it about six times during this cycle. What is this movie did was introduce me to Jackson Pollock‘s work:

Christian Wolff (Ben Affleck) had this painting in his trailer and Daena Cummings (Anna Kendrick) recognized it immediately. I remember that painting having a lasting affect on me and when I watched The Longest Yard (not sure which movie I saw first) but in that movie a bunch of Jackson Pollock‘s work ends up being auctioned off to Luke Collins (Clint Eastwood’s son).

So, watching The Accountant yesterday made me think about a project Sean had made in school a couple years ago. He hooked it on to a hot I have in the living room. That hook is for a picture frame I had for a very long time. The first picture I hung was from Sean’s First Communion. I updated it for his Confirmation but when my living room was painted when my kitchen doorway was widened, the room was painted and I have not gotten around to hanging the painting deck on the wall.

So, Sean brought his project home a couple years ago and hung it on the wall where his Confirmation photo was supposed to be.

When he brought it home and hung it up, I told him that it looks like Jackson Pollock‘s painting. He told me that’s what he was thinking of when he did it! I guess my crazy idiosyncrasies have someone of an impression on him too.