My YouTube feed has been filled with nothing but news stories for a while considering all that is going on in the world. Well, on May 13, “Big brother” figured out that I needed to eat a little bit of a break so I randomly received songs from my favorite band! They knew that I needed a pick me up! I have shared all of these songs on Facebook but I thought to compile them here in one place and for you guys to enjoy! You’re welcome!:
Okay, so, today is hair washing day. As my Mom and I were in the bathroom and as she was washing my hair, Leia made her way over to the hallway just outside the bathroom to, “Be with us.” She laid on the hallway floor just outside the bathroom as my Mom washed my hair.
Now, I don’t want to put my girl on Front Street but I am going to put her on Front Street. The, “Her” I am talking about is, “My Girl L,” also known as Leia. My Mom stands in front of the bathroom sink as I sit on the toilet seat for her to do this. She is closer to the door and as she rinsed out the washcloth she uses to get the soap out of my hair, she said, “Stinky!” I looked at her questioningly just as she told me. “She farted.” Immediately, the stench in my nose! I crinkled my nose and waved my hand in front of my face. That’s gross! I never thought I would have to be exposed to this but I have a dog now and in less than a month, it is apparent to me that I love her!
My Mom took her outside as I blow dried my hair in the normal, “3 act play” format. When they both came back in, Leah came up to me and put her head on my thigh. I petted her head with my right hand as they held the blow dryer with my left. She really is a cutie! I love her!
So much so that I created an account today:
Once my account was created, I had too much fun perusing the state and I spent too much money on things for her. It’s a good thing that I did not have tons to spend but I did get her a few chew toys and some treats. I had WAY too much fun shopping!
I shared this picture on Facebook yesterday and have been thinking about a blog post I would write in conjunction with the picture:
I went to Washington DC one Memorial Day weekend with my Parents and two of my brothers when I was about seven years old, I think. Back then, I didn’t understand the magnitude of the holiday, especially for my Dad as a Vietnam veteran. Now, as an adult, I have much more of an understanding after extensive reading and watching documentaries and movies.
I remember going to the Wall with my Parents and my brothers. I didn’t fully understand what was going on. I remember that there were a lot of people there and my Dad had a serious look on his face. In fact, that was the only time I saw my Dad cry in my life. When I say that I, “Saw him cry,” I mean that I saw my Dad put his thumb and index finger under his glasses and over his eyes. He held his fingers there for a while and the only reason I could deduce that he was crying was because his fingers were wet.
I also remember my Parents consulting the large book at the beginning of the Wall. Apparently, my Dad was looking for a specific name to no avail. When he gave up his search, he and one of my brothers and I went somewhere else. My Mom stayed there with one of my brothers to continue their search. I think my Dad, my brother, and me hung out at some other monument. After some time, I remember my Mom and my brother returning to my Dad, my brother, and me. My Mom handed my Dad a piece of paper with a tubbing of the name.
I vaguely remember my Parents talking and my Dad taking the paper and walking away. I remember my Dad walking away with his head down and looking at the paper. It was kind of a, “Forrest Gump” walkway to me.
My Mom took a picture of him walking away and I remember seeing that picture years ago. I asked my Mom about that today and she remembers it. She no longer remembers the name of the man and thinks the rubbing may be in her Bible but she’s said that she remembers the story. I asked her to tell me and she just gave her head the slightest of shakes with a serious look on her face. I can totally respect that I didn’t ask any further questions.
I am thinking about and missing my Dad a lot today! Maybe I will see that picture again one day. If not, I still remember it with the utmost reverence.
So, I awakened this morning and heard my Mom outside with Leia so I grabbed my phone and started absentmindedly scrolling through Facebook. I saw this post and it made me catch my breath and I shared it.
I am immunocompromised and I kind of liked seeing it. With everything going on with COVID-19, it has made people take me into consideration more because I am immunocompromised. My Mom has been holed up in my house with me for three months and I really can’t see an end to it.
Thinking about that was too heavy for me first thing in the morning so I continued to scroll and then I saw this one:
Seeing this mug made me chuckle and I added the words, “If my Daddy was still here!!!” and shared it. My Dad used to tell me to, “Grab my guts,” and to, “ Suck it up and be a man about it“ to which I would always reply that I am NOT a man! He would then tell me that it didn’t matter.
It’s only recently that I i’m starting to understand what he meant. In so much of my immunocompromised life, I have to, “Be a man about” and I’m grateful that my Dad taught me that from when I was very young. Even though I didn’t pay attention to that back then because I never thought I would have to,”Be a man” about anything, but I actually do and I hear my Dad’s voice often when faced with something difficult… EVERYTHING is difficult nowadays!
if I had the money, I would buy this mug because mugs are my thing but it reminds me of my dad telling me to, “Be a man” and now I have to every moment of my life!
So, I have needed to use do you use medical supplies for the past 19 years. Once I got my first and only, “Big Girl” job, my health insurance paid for it. Once I stopped working, I had full Medicaid benefits. Then, they stopped. I have only recently learned that my full Medicaid benefits stopped once my son turned 18. My Mom and I have been on the phone for hours and hours trying to figure this out to enable me to receive my needed medical supplies. My Mom has been serving as my proxy since we have been sheltered in place at my house.
I needed her to be my proxy especially today because it was raining and I was miserable! Because we leave my front door open for Leia to see out of, I was reminded of my final day working because I heard the water on the car tires swishing as they drove by. I remember that sound as my Mom drove me to what would be my final day working. I didn’t know that it was my final day working but I knew that my knee was in excruciating pain and I could not handle it! As my Mom turned the corner from my house, I began to cry.
I have dealt with the pain of having MS and being in the rain but with my torn meniscus not surgically repaired yet. it was too much! I silently let my tears stream down my face until I got closer to my work. I was going to have to, “Grab my guts” and just deal with it in front of my students. Well, how I felt that day is how I felt this morning as well.
Thank God that my Mom was speaking for me as we were transferred from extension to extension trying to get the proper person. We were on the phone for close to two hours and it did a number on me! I had no idea what a, “Spend down” was until today but, it’s NOT good!
I will have to pay for my daily needed medical supplies until my deductible is met. It will be many months until I do that and that stressed me out! So much so, I drank my breakfast today. But I say that I drank my breakfast, I mean that I had a protein shake; NOT that I got drunk! Drinking a protein shake is a lot easier for me then chewing when I feel so badly!
After we completed our routine today, The rain continued and I very much felt it in my body! I drank my lunch today as well. I feel just awful today! I scrolled through Facebook for a short time and saw this picture shared by my friend and fellow MS Warrior:
Today is the day I COMPLETELY feel like this! It didn’t help much that after all of the phone calls, I still needed to pay a lot of money considering being on disability, I only get a little bit of money each month, for sure! I think the rain just compounded my frustration but it can‘t rain every day and I am taking advice from Milli Vanilli right about now to get me through:
Late this morning, as I was trying to get my body to wake up, I scrolled through my YouTube feed and found this song:
The only time I really heard this song was in the movie Acrooss the Universe so I kind of enjoyed watching this clip and seeing and hearing the Beatles so young! My cousinT, Shannon, is a huge Beatles fan and it also made me think of her!
I texted her Tuesday night because my Mom wanted to watch Mr. Holland’s Opus. I had seen the movie before, a long time ago, so it was vaguely familiar. Toward the end of the movie, when the high school is putting on a review as their senior play, it got me thinking about when I performed in a review for my school play during my senior year.
I asked Shannon about that because we both painted a bunch of stools black for the play. We did this at night and it took us a few times because there were a lot of stores to be painted! She sent me this picture in response to my text:
I laughed at this picture and knew that she remembered! So after I shared that Beatles video on Facebook, I realized it was Thursday! So I had to post this picture as my #TBT!
As my Mom washed my hair today, she suggested that we call Shannon. I was completely down do you that! My mom and I both had great conversation with her. She clarified that this picture was taken after the performance and we took it because we were so proud of the paint job we had performed on so many of the stools!
We laughed and talked until it was time for me to blow dry my hair. She even knew that in order for me to blow dry it, it’s, “A three act play!” I have smiled since talking with her and I think that is why my Mom suggested that we talk to her on the phone. I was feeling a little bummed out today and my cousinT, Shannon, was the perfect boost for me!
Okay, so I wrote a little while ago about Leia being called and answering to, “Little girl.” She’s really cute about it and anytime my Mom calls me, “Little girl,” (Which is often), she is right there, wagging her tail and then sitting down and waiting for my Mom to tell her what to do. My Mom calls her, “Little girl” and Sean calls her, “Pretty girl.”
I am a 38-year-old woman. I’m totally okay with my Mom calling the dog, “Little girl.” I have no problem sharing the title and it makes me laugh to watch her react to me being called, “Girl” because she thinks that my Mom is talking to her. Last night, when my Mom was getting ready to help me into bed, she called me, “Gorl” and head to add, “Not you” directed to Leia because she was talking to me.
I think that mixup is funny but yesterday morning, I had to share my titles and I don’t think it was so funny. I need to explain a little background before I explain what happened yesterday morning.
Background that any of my brothers can attest to:
Whenever my Dad was directing my brothers to complete some tasks, (Yard work or something) he would give them jobs to do and I would ask him what I could do because I want to do a help as well. His answer was the same every single time, he told me to just, “Sit there and look pretty.” My brothers still make jokes about that, even to this day!
So yesterday morning, my Mom took Leia out and gave her breakfast. She was in the doorway of my room and said, “You just sit there and look pretty, girl.” I was still laying in bed waiting for her help to get out and into my wheelchair. I remember about seven years ago I explainEd what my Dad used to say to my colleagues. I told them about what my Dad used to tell me and what I was going to do at parent teacher conferences because I did not have a classroom or students like that.
I remember my colleagues being amused at what my Dad used to say to me but that memory is very dear to me and when my Mom said it yesterday morning, I just answered, “I will!” because I assumed she was talking to me. Well, turns out, she was NOT. She was talking to the dog!
I am not going to lie that I felt a little bit bruised for a while realizing that I had to share my title I have never had to share that title! I think it’s crazy that I am 38 years old and now, I finally have to! It was it is startling realization I came to yesterday morning but I have come to that realization. I will willingly share my turtles with the dog!
Because she is so cute, I shared this video on Facebook a little while ago and I absolutely love it!
Sean took this video out in the yard and I have watched it over and over again. I can’t believe that I am, “A Dog Person” now but I am accepting it and I will share my titles with her because she is so darn cute and she is part of my family now!
I’ve written before about the fact that I cut my hair short on my 26th birthday. It had been down to my waist all of my grade and high school years.
I cut it at the end of my senior year and then let it grow out to just past my shoulders.
On my 26th birthday, I cut it all off! I haven’t had hair on my neck since then.
I have kept my hair this short for the last 12 years. That is, until now. It’s not like I want to grow my hair out but I haven’t had a haircut since the middle of February. I am kind of slow today after coming off of two days of rain but as I blow dried my hair in its normal, “Three act play” format end it got me thinking. My hair is really long by my standards right now and it made me think of Atreyu from The Neverending Story. more specifically, his hair:
I thought about it during both intermissions is a dried my hair. I asked my Mom to take a picture of my hair and she did:
It’s exactly like I thought as I ran my right hand through my hair as my left hand held the blow dryer. I look like Atreyu!
Okay, so, this song comes in and out of my head often through the years. I can see myself staring at a wall of jerseys as I sat by the register at my first job. It was Superstars in Fairlane mall. I still have my uniform shirt and I think I saw Sean wearing it not too long ago.
So, this song was big for a while I worked at that store. I would hear it often when WJLB played on the radio and through the sound system of the store. I couldn’t remember who sang it but I knew most of the words the woman sings. Thursday night, I couldn’t sleep so I went to Lyrics.com and searched the words I knew. Turns out, this song was in the movie, Soul Food from the fall of 1997. That’s about the time I started working at Superstars so it seems fitting. My musical taste was a lot different back then and it is almost embarrassing for me to share this song but this was my jam wayback when!
Thanking about it as a 38-year-old woman, I find it almost indecent but I dug it so much in high school!
