Author: Jen Rios

Last night, my Mom took Leia with her to clean her house. She came in and went to the bathroom to wash her hands as I was seated in front of my TV, she comes out and grabs my head with both hands like she’s a Baptist minister! I was shocked I didn’t know what to say so. She lifted up her hand on the right side of my head but then clasped her hand back down almost like a slap. I didn’t understand what she was doing until she said, “Oh, I hate them!“

I knew that she had to be talking about a mosquito and I kind of laughed that she grabbed my head. She looked at me and then scurried back to the bathroom and came back with the toothpaste tube and glopped on my forehead, or more so my temple. I actually forgot about it and went to sleep with it still on the side of my face. It’s a good thing that I sleep on my left side. She wiped it off this morning and took this picture:

I suppose that I am somewhat allergic to mosquito bites as well. I think it’s strange that this happened because my porch is filled with mosquito plants because my Mom hates mosquitoes so much!

I bought Leia this feeder shortly after we got her:

But, after her check up where she was called, “A Chunk,” I bought her a puzzle feeder to get her weight down:

Purchasing this puzzle feeder was a little bit difficult for me. The puzzle feeder only came in purple! Purple is MY color! Her’s is pink! I decided to let that slide because I want her at a healthy weight as well! The puzzle theater is on the floor in the kitchen by her other feeder.

My Mom will still fill her water bowl in her feeder and she drinks after she eats her food out of the puzzle feeder.
The people at the vet told my Mom that she is going to be very thirsty and drink a lot. My Mom fills both bowls with water now. She has to fill them both three, sometimes four times a day! No, here’s the, “Too cute” part:

Often times during the day, I will hear her lapping up water from her bowl. I happened to turn my head to see her drink out of one bowl, pause, drink out of the other bowl, pause, and then go back to the first bowl! Well, they are both for her! I think it’s good that she’s using all available resources but I think it’s too cute and maybe that’s just because she’s our dog

I like to watch random documentaries on TV. Last night, my Mom was laying down because she is so exhausted from the cleanup from her house, so I started watching, “The Eighties” on CNN. I like watching that because although I was born in 1982, many of those songs were super familiar to me having my oldest brother, Ray, being 9 1/2 years older than me. My second oldest brother, Steve, is seven years older than me.

My Mom eventually woke up about halfway through the documentary. I thought it was crazy that VJ,s that I remember seeing 25 years ago look so much older! My Mom, without skipping a beat and with a statement that would make my Dad proud, said, “Get off that channel!” When I heard that, I started to laugh because it was 80s music on MTV that my older brothers were always told to change the channel!

I saw myself laying on the green carpet in my Parents’ living room close to the cable box under the TV so we, one of the “three little ones” could change the channel when one of my Parents walked in the room. She just heard the music and I wasn’t even watching MTV! But, I’m 39 years old, I think I can watch it if I wanted to!

Last night, as I put my chapstick on before I went to sleep, I felt the sharp plastic edge beginning to come through the chapstick. I continued using it today as well because, “My Mama didn’t raise no fool!”. There’s some thing about using an entire tube of chapstick until the end. It’s a big deal! I like being able to do that because it’s a simple pleasure that I can accomplish easily! My lips get really chapped now and I constantly put on chapstick all day long! This is what my chapstick looks like another one just bit the dust:

I was just finishing up a Pomegranate chapstick. I figured that I could use it up before I started my summer flavors. Now, these are my chapsticks for the summer:

Today is, ”Cheese Day” and I am MOST grateful for that. I’m grateful for that and for it being a Thursday because that’s my favorite day of the week. I received this email 43 days ago:

Today is 43 days from May 19. It is the first day in 16 years so I will not be a certified teacher. I was certified to teach seventh grade English in 2005 and I was certified to teach reading in 2010. This kind of breaks my heart because I always thought that I would retire from teaching in my 60s. It’s terrible that MS has changed all of that:

I used to be a teacher. Now, I am uncertified. It really bums me out!!!

The woman who sized me for new compression socks last Thursday, called my Mom yesterday. We ordered one pair to see how they work out and then we will order others if they do work out. I used to have multiple pair but overtime, they would snag and just wear out. I have had just one pair of socks for a number of years! They are pretty pricey and you need a prescription. I was able to get a prescription for them from my neurologist even though it was my knee surgeon who prescribed them originally but the fact that they work so well for me, my neurologist prescribed them.

They arrived today! My Mom washed my legs today and I have my new socks on right now. My Mom took pictures of my old socks and seeing them compared to my new sucks look it’s quite shocking! When I first started using a wheelchair, I just used the generic orthopedic wheelchair that you were given when you have a cast.

I would use the chair until the brakes were out or the armrest fell off. I just ordered a generic one online. It wasn’t until I finally caved and was sized and ordered a custom manual chair that made me think that I had been missing out for about a decade before I got one! I guess I have done the same thing with my compression socks.

First of all, they are not cheap by any means and with the pandemic, I wasn’t seeing doctors in person so my Mom and I just made do with what we had! She would see the holes in my socks while I was still wearing the sock and they would work for a while more. She took pictures of how my socks look now and I am so grateful that the new socks arrived today judging by the size of one of the holes!:

When I first started going to Barwis Methods, Mike Barwis told me that my leg hair would start growing again because of all the blood flow I would receive. I had noticed that my leg hair was not going in as much but then, it started to grow again and I had to shave more often than I had in years! Well, I’m back to not shaving my legs anymore because hair does not grow but I say this because these new compression socks feel like I have just gotten under clean sheets right after I have shaved my legs! Those of you who know, no how GREAT that feels! I STILL remember how that feels even though I haven’t felt my legs for 20 years!

My Mom’s basement flooded Saturday morning. I am lucky so far that my basement has not flooded. She has gone to her house every day to clean up the enormous mess after we complete our routine. I told her when she left on Saturday that anything that is mine, she can just throw out! I haven’t lived there for 16 years so I can do without anything that is there.

She came to my house last night with the bag and went straight to the bathroom after she took Leia out to go potty. She told me that she has bad news and even worse news. In that bag she had a wet wedding album of hers. I felt badly for her as she took the album apart and separated and cleaned each picture. Yes she was doing this, it took a while and then I asked her “What’s the even worse news?

She brought a wet picture to me that I remember taking and I was grateful that it was saved from the flood:

I stared at this picture for a long time and continued to cry. I think it was a couple years after my Dad died when my Mom got these pictures developed. I’m not even sure why we had a camera there and it probably was just a roll of film and my mom‘s refrigerator. I remember when it was first developed and the first time I saw it I looked at our faces and I remember not being able to smile when the person taking the picture (and I don’t even remember who took the picture) said, “Ready?”

My world was so cracked at that point in my life! Our faces struck me and my Mom told me that this picture shows our grief. Seeing it last night tall really got to me! It REALLY shows our grief but seeing it yesterday, I noticed so much more! I was still walking with crutches back then and it shocked me to see myself standing! I was standing tall and I haven’t stood so effortlessly since then!

I texted this picture to two of my friends last night. I wrote that it’s, “Me and my Parents” I’m still super affected by seeing this picture. I am so grateful that it is not lost forever but I had not thought about this picture since we took it and seeing it a couple years later. I think my grief is apparent today as well even though it’s so many years later. I think the tears coming out of my eyes is my REAL tell though.