Author: Jen Rios

“Claw Nails 2”

I took these pictures on October 11, 2019:


This shows how much things have changed since then because I asked my Mom to cut my nails a couple days ago because they were getting too long. I Took these pictures today and yes, I still have the same sweatshirt!:


The first pictures showed up on my phone which made me think about having long nails. Adam used to call them, “Claw Nails” when I was at Barwis because they would get so long. When one of them would break, I would cut the all.

But, fast forward a year and a half and I no longer have enough control of my hands to make it work for me. My long nails used to pop my contacts out of my eyes quickly. But now, I ask my Mom to cut my nails every two or three weeks because they hurt my eyes as I tried to put my contacts in when there is the slightest bit of nail sticking out above my finger..

But I think is that, ”Claw Nails 2” is a bust because I no longer can keep my, “Claw Nails’ when they grow.

A Fond Memory

Last night, the first song that came on when I had shuffle for my Gavin Degraw playlist was this:

So many fond memories are attached to this song! I am living in my first apartment with Sean and I’m still able to drive. I lived in that apartment for my first year of teaching. That was back when Sean wanted, “TV that stays in the TV! Not just DVDs!” I didn’t get cable until we got our second apartment. I couldn’t afford it back then with my first year teaching salary.

I went to sleep last night hearing this song and smiling at the simplicity of my life back then! I never thought it would be as difficult as it has become and dealing with my disease. I absolutely love that a song can take me back to an easier time and when I was more able

f Love hearing songs thatcan bring back these fond memories for me and it reminds me that I did have a life that was more able because sometimes, that’s a life that is hard for me to remember!

I Forget

My MS friends posted this one on Facebook:

Given how I feel from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep, I do NOT feel normal at all! I forget that I LOOK normal because I FEEL furthest thing from it!

“Happiest Time of my Life!”

I’ve been really thinking a lot about this today. Today marks eight years from the first day I went to Barwis Methods. A friend texted me this a while back:

I feel so far removed from my time training at Barwis. This year, it really is hitting me harder! I meant that when I said that my diamond virus was the happiest time of my life. Aside from academic goals and the birth of my son, that was up there, FOR SURE! I was only there for a span of 1,196 days.

I was so hopeful back then when I first started going to Barwis. I was hopeful that I would be up and walking eventually. Then I was injured and recovery from an injury is long and difficult! I remember every day I spent at Barwis with fondness!!!

I am enclosing this picture because it’s two of my trainers who I don’t talk about a lot. Megan Sonstrom and Mike aMorphitt:


That day was my photo shoot with the MS Society. When I left that night, I had my Mom take a picture of me and Sean because I had gotten my hair and make-up done. I love this picture of us!:

Administrator Perks

I saw this post on Facebook earlier today:

I have done this numerous times but let me take it one step further, Back in the days of listening to CDs. Once I bought a CD, I would listen to it in its entirety ready to fully get the Full experience before I listened to the specific song I’ve bought the CD for.

But now, rather than listening to CDs, have playlists on Apple Music, it’s a little bit different. To be fully immersed in the artist, I will hit, “Shuffle” and just wait for my song to come on! But then there are days like this where I haven’t heard this particular song in a really long time so, I will just post it here and then I will be able to listen to it whenever I want because I am the administrator of this website.

“Dodgeball Friday”

I have been hearing this song in many different circles. When I go down rabbit holes in the middle of the night on YouTube I see lots of videos of contestants on The Voice singing the song. I know that I have posted this song on my blog before but I am especially reminded of Mr. Curl when I was teaching out of a classroom adjacent to the cafeteria/gym.

I call it a classroom because it is where I taught my classes for reading but really, it was a storage closet for the PE teacher. Mr. Curl ran his physical education classes where it sounded like they were having so much fun! On Fridays, it was established that it was, “Dodgeball Friday.” I would hear this song often toward the end of my teaching career but I did not know it was nearing its end at the time. All of the PE students figured out that if they screamed for the entire time while they played dodgeball, they would do better! At least, that’s what they did which made teaching reading a pleasure on Fridays!

My Summer-y Flavors 2021

I started my summer flavored Chapsticks July 3. My original Summer-y flavor post last year, had these flavors:

But I discovered that although it looks like a fun rainbow selection, the yellow one is really the original peppermint flavor. That one is a little more wintry for me! I changed out one Chapstick for another one and this is my new Summer-y flavor selection:

I changed out the yellow Peppermint one and added it to the container with all of my Cucumber Minty that I got not too long ago. So this is how it works, I can’t waste the flavors so I’m using them until they are gone. The flavors I have in this container are: Pomegranate, Strawberry, Watermelon, Sweet Mandarin, and Cucumber Mint.

So, I started with Pomegranate on July 4 and like I did last year, I only use a flavor for one day. I apply my chips to quite liberally! I didn’t really understand why I was doing this at first but now I see tons of posts about people complaining and asking about getting chapped lips to a point where they crack and bleed. So I guess that’s an MS thing, dry lips.

I can easily remedy this by using Chapstick. The fact that I have 1 million different flavors it’s just for my own enjoyment. I looked on Taarget’s website and they don’t have the package with all of my winter flavors out yet but I did see a Strawberry Sorbet that sounded interesting! But, it was $3.49 and I have other chapstick that I HAVE to use before I can use my Cucumber Mint all of the time!

Given that Thursday is my favorite day of the week, I stop the order and only use Cucumber Mint on Thursdays! I do like to have Order in my life still and the fact that I can do this makes me feel like I have order even though so much of my life has been affected by having a MS, at least I have soft lips with my Summer-y flavors!

A Little Bit Painful

I think it’s crazy how random songs pop into your head out of the blue and because you have memories, specific memories, attached to that song and with people you no longer know. It makes things just a little bit painful! I can’t seem to get this song out of my head but I still like it even though a little bit of pain accompanies it. I figure if I post it maybe it will leave:

A Good Memory with Laughter!

My Mom called Sean this afternoon and put him on speaker as she was asking him some questions or something. We both got on the call and Sean asked me a question. Actually, she told me about a song and asked me if I remembered when I allowed him to sing along with it and swear?

As soon as he asked me that, I started to laugh and so did he. I remember this instance quite clearly! We were driving to my Mom’s house and something really great happened. I can’t remember but we we’re in the turn lane as the song came on and he asked me if he could sing along with the words. I remember smiling and agreeing that he could sing along. In other words, I gave him permission to say, “Hell.” I don’t remember what good thing happened but I told him that he can only do that this one time with me!

When my Mom heard that, she was totally appalled! She asked how old Sean was and we both continued laughing. Sean told my Mom that the song came out in 2008 and this was probably in 2009, maybe 2010. Sean was either eight or nine years old at the time. My Mom’s mouth was agape as Sean and I -continued to laugh! Sean had to hang up and my Mom continued to chastise me how terrible thing that was to allow him to swear it’s such a young age. I can take it though, there is nothing better than sharing a good memory with laughter. The fact that Sean still remembers that specific incident warms my heart and makes me laugh! The fact that it has to do with music is just a bonus!

“A Mom Song”

Sean texted me this yesterday and I have decided that I really like it:

I never owned any Rob Thomas CDs but this one got A LOT of radio play! I’m sure we heard it in the car often! I really like that he is old enough to recognize, “A mom song” and one that is not one of my top three! My top three favorite performing artists are: U2, Gavin Degraw, and Sara Bareilles. My Mom says that I listen to, “Wah-wah, cry-cry” songs.

Thinking about it now, I suppose that it’s true but for a good reason! I couldn’t allow myself to be an overly dramatic young woman dealing with heartbreak while raising my son by myself! I chose to feel and express that sadness vicariously through songs!