I was puzzlin’ last night and this song came on as I was completing this puzzle:
it was free! I do love Gerber daisies though! When this song came on, I was taken back to my last classroom adjacent to the cafeteria where I would hear the gym class playing music all the time! I remember one time in the beginning of the year, Mr. Curl, the PE teacher, was explaining his class and it was a pretty good explanation and because I didn’t have a class first hour, I opened the door to hear him better and he was doing jumping jacks the entire time he was talking!!! I cannot tell he was exerting himself at all! I was quite impressed with that and I told him. When I heard this song, I was reminded of that exchange:
My Mom said this to me the first night that she had to tend to the problems that I am having with my feet. I’m trying to remember how long that has been and I am not sure but she has been washing my feet and putting medicine on at night for a while! I remember the first night she started doing this, when she was finished and turn the light off, she told me that I was, “Tender-footed” when I asked her why this was happening.
When she said that as she turned the light off, it reminded me of the schoolmate I had for my 12 years of education at St. Alphonsus. We weren’t close friends but we played basketball together and has all of the same classes. We went to Catholic school so we were tracked. We were on the Honors track. I remember when we were in grade school that she said some thing about girls being, “Tender-headed.” I didn’t know what that meant and she said when they really freak out when your hair is brushed. She said, you know like when you were a little girl.
No, I do NOT know what that is because my Mom just brushed my hair however she wanted and I just dealt with it but that’s a topic for another discussion.
Back to the story:
in high school, she braided my hair. During Physics class. She braided mine and our friend Kelly‘s hair. That is awful for me to say but that’s what we did but we all were getting excellent grades so that was no problem. I kept my hair in braids for about a week. I even had them during the Senior dance at school:
Kellu still had her hair braided but I had taken it out. I sent this picture to Sean not too long ago because it’s a total 90s picture because you can see the pager in my pocket. I thought my hair was braided for this one as well but I guess that’s a different dance. I know I wanted to share this picture but I wanted to research a few things before I explained myself.
That was me in high school. I remember having a conversation at Barwis with my trainer, Phil, and I told him that in high school I was, “Chub Rock City” and he didn’t know what that meant. I had to explain it to him. I just said that’s what my brothers used to call me when I was a kid.
So, because I wanted to share that picture that I thought my hair was braided in, I had to post an unflattering picture of myself so I wanted to get the answers. I texted my brother this:
And I’ll just leave some of the responses I got here:
So I had to embarrass myself to let you all know that that’s what I was called in my childhood just to be able to post this picture because I thought my hair was braided but when I find the picture of my hair also braided, I will be a Chubb rock!
But then that also lends itself into things that I’m dealing with right now. I have been drinking both my breakfast and lunches for a long time. I don’t remember when I started but my dinner menu is even smaller now. Because I have the first two levels of dysarthria, chewing is a problem for me. It’s too difficult!
My Mom doesn’t really understand why I am so uncomfortable with all the weight that I am steadily losing. I just got a script for new compression socks because my current ones are too big so they are not offering enough compression to feel good. But, when I have been called “chub rock” for so long growing up, of course it feels that way!
I just got the script and we figured out that we are going to get our teeth cleaned on the 16th so we rented a van so that day we can drive to the place to get fitted for my new socks. So my legs will be feeling crazy for a while still.
I didn’t even put my contacts in today. I think that I will watch Burnt because I don’t need to see to know what’s going on! I can probably recite it verbatim at this point… I love this song!
I guess that I just need some music therapy right about now…
I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel today because my feet are getting better but they still don’t feel good at all! I was thinking in my mind about what I was going to write about today. I even did familial research.
(I texted to my brothers).
I think our family group text chain is silly and we are all in our 40s which makes it even more silly! But not the group chat with my Mom, just with us siblings and I imagine that my brothers group chat is even more whatever…
I was going to push through because I’m not feeling well but then it rains… I hope to feel well enough to write tomorrow… My brothers are a hoot!!!
I was playing solitaire tonight and I was listening to music. This song came on and I had to stop playing solitaire and look at the lyrics. Then I played this song a second time. How did I miss this one?! I love her! She sings my walking song!:
I completed a Google search and this song came out in 2013. So much of my life was different back then! I was still working, still driving, and still in a manual wheelchair. But back in 2013, I think my abilities had just begun to slip…
I went down the rabbit hole of information about her in my Google search and I saw this that made me smile. She’s Catholic just like me:
I no longer go to mass in person but I think this is my new favorite song even though it is so old but… so am I now!:
I wish I could still sing! But at this point, for me, there is NOTHING beautiful about having MS.
So, eI’ve been in the funk with the problems I’ve been having with my feet and I’m trying to get myself out of it. This song allows me to focus because I remember that girl and I really do miss her!!!:
But then I started listening to my, “Daddy Mix” and I just…
His birthday is coming at the end of the month and he would be 71. I’ve been really listening to these two specific songs I think that will always evoke emotion from me:
This is a memorable day for me! Even more so now because I live in my memories because my current state is kind of difficult. I will always remember these dates for the rest of my life. On May 1, 2001, I found out that I was pregnant with Sean. I had him seven months later and he stayed 31 days in the NICU.
But then, and May 1, 2005, that’s when my favorite picture of Sean and me was taken:
I clearly remember that day and I wanted to re-create that picture at Sean‘s high school graduation but that didn’t happen because I did not attend his high school’s abridged commencement ceremony because Cove it was reaching back then and I am immuno compromised. This was The picture we got to take the day of his graduation:
Somewhat of a modified re-creation but everything in my life is modified now…
I have not realized that I have been in a funk for a while. Since I went to the doctor for my feet. So, a couple days before that as one really started to hurt and then I found out some answers. Now I just have to wait. But here’s the thing, my body does not heal quickly at all! I’ve told you before that I can handle internal pain but external pain, yeah, not so much.
i’m posted that I was completing puzzles in silence and I posted these two puzzles:
But then I completed three more in silence:
I had just excepted that I was just going to do this in silence because my mind is so full because the pain in my feet is putting my brain into overload. But then I saw and completed this puzzle:
When I completed this puzzle, I completely thought of this movie and it made me want to watch it again and listen to music again.
I have just finished filling my pill box for this coming next week. Currently, I am taking 21 pills a day. I bought myself the 21 dosage pillbox A couple years ago. I fill it on Saturdays after I have had my first two doses for the day. It takes me three rosaries to fill it. But today, I really started thinking about when I had that doctor appointment to get approval for Social Security/Disability.
I remember going to the place to get evaluated by a doctor. I was not nervous at all because I had already known that my working days were over at this point. I remember that it was cold. Not snowing but cold. I don’t even remember when I went for that appointment. I always seem to not remember specific dates about extremely important things. Maybe I do that on purpose or ‘on accident/on purpose.’ I don’t know!
I had already stopped driving because my vision and depth perception had already begun to diminish. When I was called over to complete the vision test, I was not embarrassed or surprised that all I could read were the first three lines. That was five years ago and I’m pretty sure that I could read even less now! I have since began wearing glasses with a prism over my right eye. I still wear my contacts (-7 prescription) but without my glasses and that prism on, I begin to see cross eyed.
When we first came in, the woman who was evaluating me before I went back and spoke with the doctor had me sit at a table where they were two napkins and a pile of quarters. I think that there may have been four or five. I don’t really remember. She told me to pick up one of the quarters and place it on one of the napkins. I was surprised at how difficult it was but I successfully completed it with a lot of effort!
I thought about this today because I have a routine of filling my vitamin box. I still use two of the ramekins that I got when I bought a complete Pyrex set for my first apartment. when my Mom came over that first day, she looked at all my Pyrex and told me that she would, “Have it.” I remember being surprised at that statement but I’ll let her leave with the box when she left our apartment. Sean and I went back to Target the next day and bought another box.
I keep those two ramekins on top of my pillbox with my therapy putty placed inside the smaller one. It’s really good that I gave her a complete set when I moved in to my first apartment in 2005 because just recently, I hit the table that has my pillbox and ramekins on top fell over and broke when I hit the table with my power chair. I was completely bummed until my Mom brought another set over from her house! It was from the box she told me that she would “Have” from my first department in 2005! And now, almost 17 years later, it is back in my possession.
Today, as I filled my pillbox, it became quite apparent to me that my abilities have diminished greatly. I pour one of my vitamins from the bottle into the bigger ramekin and then I take two fingers and pick one up to put in my box. I noticed today that I have slowed down a lot in doing this because I can’t really control my hands as much as I used to so it takes a while. I have to be deliberate in my movements.
As I watched my fingers move very slowly, I remember my Parents joking with each other as my Dad‘s vision started to go. They would joke and my Dad would say that he is just going to be a, “Bead counter” I did not understand that reference and I asked them about it and they told me about a Sidney Poitier movie, A Patch of Blue. I just recently saw that movie and I thought it was horrible! I can’t believe that people actually treated blind people like that! I’m glad that I didn’t become disabled until after the ADA was established!
I’m not blind… yet. And my hand-eye coordination is definitely subpar! I appreciated thinking about my Parents laughing together and that warmed my heart. I don’t think I could be a a very good ‘bead counter’ anyway…
