Author: Jen Rios

The Reason

I have been thinking about this for a while. Based on my last post, I will explain a little more. Granted, being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when you are 18 is QUITE traumatic but that is not even the reason that I watch movies over and over again!

I think I was NOT thinking about it because I didn’t WANT TO acknowledge the fact that my vision is going/dimming/fading just like that horrible doctor said 22 years ago! I did not want to handle it when I was 18 but now, when I am 40, I have no choice.

Having had MS for 22 years now, when I wake up, I put in one drop of eyedrops before I put my contacts in every day. Once my contacts are in, I put my glasses on which are $9 glasses from Amazon but I have a prism over my right eye to allow me to see single objects clearly.

I have another set of eyedrops that I put two drops in each eye when my eyes get dry (which is quite often!). When I watch the same movie multiple times, I do not have to strain my eyes to really focus on what I am looking at, I already know what’s going on in the movie. My eyes are relaxed each time I watch Hocus-Pocus in October and Love Actually in December!

I guess this was just to explain the method to my madness and this song fits as well (AND it’s in my head):

An Oldie But Goodie…

I’m not feeling well right now and I was thinking of a movie to watch. That’s what I do. I rewatch movies all the time! I’m not really sure why I do that, Sean tells me that it is a sign of trauma when you rewatch movies. I told him, what do I have to be traumatized by?! Being diagnosed with a chronic and progressively debilitating disease is when you’re 18 it’s NOT traumatic at all?!

My Mom decided to lay down and I turned the TV on and still couldn’t decide on a movie but then this was on the hallmark channel:

Love, Romance, and chocolate. I’ve seen this one many times And even though it’s a bit premature for Valentine’s Day, but it’s an oldie but goodie.

January 2023 Faves

I am nothing if I am not consistent! Today is New Year’s Day:

You’re welcome!!! I have recently been thinking about this CD and I bought it back when I was still able bodied enough to shower in the bathroom in my room. I eventually had to move to the main bathroom to use the handicapped railing. But these songs are in my head now and I’m thinking of winter time and our second apartment:

I remember that I was listening to the CD and the song title was scrolling along the dash and Sean saw Ed and his eight year old self asked, ”What are you? A dog?!” I think I smirked and told him that I liked this song!:


Bible in a Year

I made this decision possibly in October or November 20221. I knew that my 20th year of having MS was difficult! I also knew that I would not get through any more years without some help and I found it here:

I told Sean that I am going to get an, ‘A’ in listening to the Bible! I thought that I knew what the Bible was about having 12 years of Catholic education and being a Bible quiz champion, I thought it was going to be a piece of cake!

Man, was I ever wrong?! I like the fact that it was in my 40th year on this earth that I read the Bible and I have found that I have a peace about me and I will restart the journey tomorrow so feel free to join me because I will be praying for you as well!

#MyGirlL: Pink

I snapped this picture of Leia a couple weeks ago when she was fully on steroids:

She was just listless and she looked at me as if to say, ”Really?!”

She is gradually stepping down from the steroids now and taking one pill every other today until it’s gone but she’s already pink! I don’t know what we are going to do for her! But we have to do something!!!

12.28.22 Endurance OR Real-er

I re-posted my last four posts from my blog that I posted today. It is my anniversary! NOT a good anniversary but a milestone marker just the same.

I spoke with Sean a couple weeks ago about this new anniversary and he began singing Taylor Swift to me. I couldn’t even continue singing and I told him, “Not for this.”

That is a huge thing for me! I would play for him Abba every day for a month before he turn 17 when he got ready for school. But I think regarding me and my disease, I can’t joke or laugh or sing about this anymore.

All I know is that year 21 was extremely difficult!!! I often would tell people that, “Year 21 ain’t no joke!” because it has not been at all! It all started with pressure sores on both of my heels in April that lasted until November and then morphed into a trifecta of MORE difficulty! My speech, my vision, my eating. That I still need some time to work through!

I’m thinking back to the day when I try it out for some year-round swim club at Levagood Park. Mr. Bill was standing by my Mom and he told her that I could swim all day if he asked me! He told her that I had endurance!

This anniversary is hitting me a little harder and I hope to tap into my endurance that I apparently have because I’m pretty sure this year is going to get real-er.

Gearing up for a Milestone

It was a rough one for sure too I have a three for and then Christmas Eve and Christmas day was just one day in between. I am exhausted!!! But it’s the kind of exhausted that you just can’t shake.

I have had this exhausted feeling I would say for the past six years and it’s making me not remember not being so exhausted! But, I am gearing up for a milestone now.

On Wednesday, I will have had MS for 22 years. I don’t know how to feel about that. All I know is that year 21 wasn’t messing around ! I’m a little concerned about what year 22 will be but I have a couple of days to think about it…

“Not Getting Another”

I have had this memory in my head for a number of years but it seems fitting to speak about it right now.

I think this had to be my second or third year teaching and I was hitting the Atkins diet hard and I don’t drink coffee. It was the Monday after daylight savings and I was sitting at my desk talking to another teacher drinking my Cherry Coke Zero at about 7:00 in the morning.

The building manager was walking around to the classrooms to change the clock before school started on Monday. He was the type of guy to speak his mind no matter what the situation was or how it made the other person feel. So, he walked into my classroom and saw me drinking my pop and he said, “Drinking pop is going to give you arthritis!“

I was mid-drink when he said that and once I swallowed and put my pop down, I looked at him and said, “I already got one disease, not getting another.”

I figured I should write this before the holidays come but I thought about that back in October. I am 40 years old now and a ‘rule follower.’ I scheduled my very first mammogram in October because it was during Breast Cancer Awareness month! Seemed fitting to me!

I had my very first mammogram in October and WOW!!! I cried and was told I would get results in a couple of days. The results came back, “inconclusive.” It was necessary for me to schedule a repeat scan.

Because I am a ‘rule follower’ and a scheduler, I did that immediately but in my mind, I was thinking about that day when I told the building manager that I’m not getting another.

We figured out that my Mom needed to accompany me into the room to get my scan and I need to be in my manual wheelchair to get that done. Once we were finished with the scan, Aimee (The nurse running the machine) told us she was going to check with the doctor and come back to tell us what to do.

It was at that moment when my Mom realized that this was pretty serious and something I had been thinking about since October. We said a few prayers together and Amiee give us the all clear.

I didn’t realize until we were driving home that I was being dismissive because I didn’t want to think about it but I’m glad that I don’t need to right now. There’s so much other stuff going on right now in dealing with the first disease I have…

Karen’s Tears

Deb and Marra, I just watched the Diane Sawyer interview 20 years later with the Love Actually actors on Hulu and I really liked it! I liked the fact than Harry and Mia are just a flirtation. The director‘s wife cleared that up in 2015. It’s a good thing I did not see the movie until 2019!

I told my Mom a couple of days ago that Karen crying is so ABSOLUTELY heart wrenching!!! I told my Mom that Emma had to be thinking about something sad because those tears look so real! And then I saw this video:

Karen’s tears always make me stop in my tracks! Even though I have seen the movies so many times by now!