I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’m reminded of a conversation I recently had with my fully vaccinated son. I don’t remember what we were talking about but he told me that he remembers me loading up my manual wheelchair into the trunk of my car and using the car to steady myself to get to the driver’s seat. I remember doing that as well! He kind of had a look on his face that I understood what it meant. It was a look that remembered abilities I used to have and a look that is somewhat sad because I no longer have them.
I told him that Dr. Elias’s job has got to be depressing! He told me that he doesn’t know that doctor and I said that he probably wouldn’t. Dr. Elias was my neurologist for 15 years. He has since retired and I am going to see my new neurologist who works in the same clinic. He recommended her to me on and I am seeing her this Friday.
I told him that Dr. Elias used to have me walk down the hall and he would watch my gait. He also would have me lay on the exam table and tell me to take my shoes off. He would have me take my left heel and scrape it down my right shin and the same for my right heel. I only remember doing this three or four appointments before he had me stop trying.
He had me stop trying because I was unable to keep my heel on the opposite shin and move it. That was just evidence of my lack of muscle control in my legs. I explained this process to Sean by using my arms as an example. I put them out in front of me and used the heel of one hand to scrape the opposite forearm.
I see that now, as a wheelchair user, I posted a couple pictures on Facebook that were touching for me:
throwing my manual wheelchair in my trunk after shopping was one thing but I will never have muscles like that guy! I do not have that strength at all or even close! I don’t have the possibility of having that kind of strength now either!
MS has ravaged through my body for the past 20 years and it still ravages through my body as I write this post. Even though I cannot partake in the accessibility for a beach, I still want accessibility for wheelchair users who can use it! It’s, just for me, it’s so much more…