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I woke up this morning feeling better. I can breathe easier. That relieved me, but let me tell you how I got there:

I could only put my finger on it this morning when I was no longer anxious. I didn’t even recognize that I was so anxious until I am not. I kind of had an inkling yesterday evening.

I put on my, “The Daddy Mix” last night and I tried to channel my Dad. That playlist will 100% make me cry every single time and I was feeling that I needed to let some tears out to make me feel better.

I put the playlist on shuffle so I would not know what song was coming until it came. Sure enough, I began to cry! I just let myself cry and let the tears roll down my cheeks.

I didn’t listen to the whole playlist, but I definitely heard a number of tearjerkers! I really like the fact that I woke up feeling better today. Now I know what I need to do in a couple of weeks.

I am getting my calculus zapped on July 15. That doctor told me that I will be under for 1 to 2 hours. I read my MIchart results and I was under aesthetic for one hour and 14 minutes this time.

So, I will be in a different clinic for this procedure, but I’m going back to gastroenterology in eight weeks to repeat my procedures. Hopefully, the colonoscopy will be a go, and I’ll be able to see what my gastritis is looking like as well. I am currently taking two prescriptions from the doctor and three prescriptions from Zerbo’s.

One of those prescriptions from the doctor is for Prilosec. I told Sean that and he asked if that was for old people and I told him that I am old now, but it’s for sick people and that’s me now too.

I woke up crying this morning. I woke up crying from my endoscopy as well. It was different this morning, (really this afternoon) when I woke up crying because I was in my room all by myself instead of having multiple nurses (who were strangers) bustling around doing things.

Now, when I say that I was crying, it was not one glistening tear on my cheek. It was a deluge out of both eyes! With multiple tracks of tears streaming down my face. Today, I just let them fall and did not care until I needed to blow my nose.

I just don’t know why this is happening? I remember when I woke up from my last surgery, (that was my second knee surgery). There was a nurse working on a computer to my right and I just said with my eyes not even open, “My knee hurts.” And then I opened my eyes a little bit and asked if I had knee surgery. She said, “Yes” and I went back to sleep.

Waking up, crying, kind of it’s not sitting well with me. I completely understand that it is something neurologic. 24 years ain’t no joke, I am finding out and I will ask my neurologist, Dr. Cerghet in August. That’s when I have my virtual appointment.

I remember that I would used to only see my neurologist once a year, in August. That was the end of my summer and before I started work. That’s the only check-in I did medically. I just reviewed with my Mom the upcoming appointments for the year and I have multiple appointments (with different doctors) everymonth! I wasn’t ready for this.

I just see my neurologist virtually because she’s not going to cure me. Now I’m homebound. I wonder if I will wake up crying tomorrow as well? I amSTILL so shocked for my procedures that I don’t even think I have been begun recovering yet. Hopefully that can start tomorrow?

I was telling my Mom about Anne Hathaway’s performance in Les Misérables. I told her that she’s sang beautifully, but I have no intention of watching that movie again because it was so heart wrenching!!!

Last night, I showed her videos of Anne Hathaway singing and Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman singing as well. This reel showed up today:

And somehow I cried too, watching her singing this with her shorn hair, which is just like mine now… would I describe what I’m living as ‘the hell I’m living’? It’s not fun to say the least and this weather is not helping. I have an appointment next week…

This morning as I groggily, ran my comb through my hair. There were no knots. Wait. What?! My hair is so short now. I have hair like a nun.

I do not like this at all, but it is necessary for me to have hair this short. I look like sister Mauritia.

She was a nun who worked in the office at my grade school. Me and my Mom were talking when I first told her that I have hair like a nun. I told her that I look like sister Mauritia. She was the meanest nun ever!!!

My Mom says that she was not mean, she was direct and she just didn’t care. I told my Mom that the translation is that she was terrifying! I was terrified of her! She even had the white whiskers on her chin. She was so mean that it was scary!!!!

My Mom told me recently that when she was the PTO president, she wanted to make a bulletin board in the hallway of all the teachers as children and then she would have a student guess which teacher was which child. So she asked sister Mauritia for a picture of her when she was young. She declined and did not participate.

Then my Mom told me that Sr. Mauritia told her that she had something for her to see. My Mom beautifully walked over and Sr. Mauritia showed her a black and white picture of a child smiling at the camera with Shirley Temple ringlets! Sr. Mauritia, the meanest nun at Saint Alphonsus has ringlets?!

I’m pretty sure that everyone I went to school with back, then, felt the same way because we were kids and she was mean and scary!!! I have hair like when she was a nun at my school now. #MSsucks!!! 😒😒😒…

This weather is absolutely brutal!!!

I can’t believe that it has been so warm for so much of this day! I got a headache today. I hadn’t felt the screwdriver in the right side of my head for a long time, but I felt it in full force today!!! Thank God that my air conditioning is fixed!!!

it’s difficult to breathe.

I awakened to it being 80° outside today and it stay there for a while and went up to 84°. This is how it makes me feel:

This is only the beginning and I’m hearing this song in my head because my brain is fuzzy and it kinda hurts:

I am just hearing the lead singer, Danny Donoghue sing, desperation because that’s how I feel right now!!!

This is only day two of this weather that has finally come and it’s staying and it really stinks! My Mom is picking up the van tomorrow for our haircuts on Wednesday and it’s supposed to be raining. That really stinks!!!

I have been thinking about this since we watched Hope Floats a couple nights ago. I heard and remembered some great tunes when watching this movie. Tunes that I listened to when I was 16. That was strange to me because I clearly remember being asked at Lonestar Steakhouse and Saloon if I listen to country music.

I clearly remember, smiling and saying no, as I shook my head thinking that that would be a dealbreaker in me being hired. It wasn’t a dealbreaker and she said to me, knowingly and without looking at me, “You will.”

And I did! I told my Mom that I guess thatI have always dabbled in listening to country music. I listen. to it in waves. And maybe that comes from my Dad because he liked country music. He wasn’t super overt about it, but I grew up listening to Johnny Cash and Charley Pride.

I remember jamming to Deana Carter and Shania Twain in high school. I owned two Dixie Chicks CDs.

I don’t know that I will watch Hope Floats again for a while, but it was really nice to think about all the great country music. I’ve listened to over the years

I saw and read an article about Dearborn yesterday. As I read it, I sobbed! I couldn’t really understand why I was sobbing and it took me a minute to realize why. I think I need to tell this story before I tell you about the that made me cry!:

I worked at dfcu for my sophomore year of college. There were four other part-time towers who were college students at U of M Dearborn as well!

Three of us worked at the Livonia branch (I had classes with Catherine and Joannabut Craig was in a different college but sometimes we would see him at the CASL building). On Saturdays, other part-time tellers would come to Livonia to work because it was open on Saturdays.

Another teller, her name is Laura, she went to U of M-Dearborn as well. She actually lived in Dearborn too. We would talk on our lunch breaks and toward the spring, she told me that she was going on the hajj.

I was surprised! She was older than me, but she was only about 22 or 23. My neighbor two doors down was my friend and she was muslim. I loved her mom‘s cooking!She talked to me about the hajj and all the rituals in the meanings big deal this was! I wished Laura luck and I was happy for her! But then we didn’t see each other for a while.

I was leaving the bathroom stall at dfcu at work and I’m met Laura at the sink to wash our hands! Of course, I asked her about the pilgrimage she looked so elated! She told me it was wonderful and I asked her about the seven times around the Kaaba.

This is the reason why I was crying and this is why I am still crying as I am trying to write this and why I cried when I told Sean about it! She told me that she felt like she was flying!

I read yesterday that the mayor of Dearborn was in Saudi Arabia on personal time to complete the hajj!:

https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/wayne/2025/06/06/dearborn-mayor-abdullah-hammoud-hajj-pilgrimage-saudi-arabia/84064053007

As I was reading this article, I thought of Laura flying and I started to cry. Actually, I sobbed! I’m not Muslim, but I grew up in East Dearborn so I was around a lot of muslim people. Tomorrow will mark the end of the Easter season at Pentecost and I am 43 and this is the first time that I have felt this close to God!! it’s kind of amazing and I think that’s another reason that I sobbed!

Since getting my air conditioning fixed, and my ducts cleaned, I thought summers would be so much easier because I no longer had a window box unit.

Well, not so much! I have to restart my Claritin because I think that’s a seasonal thing not so much the ducts thing.

I have to tell you that since my ducts have been cleaned, it gets so cold in my house so fast and it gets so hot in my house just as quickly! Both Sean and my Mom have noticed an air quality difference!

This is my first summer in nine years that I won’t have a window box air conditioner. And that feels strange, for sure. The weather being so strange given that it was 82° one day and today it was in the 50s is doing a number on my body! I am so drained.

4 appointments and 4 van rentals for April and 3 more for May.

I am exhausted.