Category: Tunes

Because my license is expiring tomorrow (because it’s my birthday!), my Mom and I went to the Secretary of State today. It was really busy there but since I am disabled, there were only two people in front of me. Once it was my turn, my Mom pushed me up to the counter and I told the woman that my license was expiring but I needed to change it to a state ID because I can no longer drive. She immediately began typing on her computer and gave us paperwork to fill out. As my Mom was filling the paperwork out (because I can no longer write well enough to fill out a legal form – my writing is mostly illegible, oversized scrawl) I took this picture:

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Something told me that this would be the last time that I would see my driver’s license complete. As we finished the paperwork, I went back to the counter and gave it to the woman. She did some more typing and handed me two pieces of paper to sign on a clipboard. I signed both pieces of paper and gave the clipboard back. She gave me one piece of paper and my Mom was going to fold it up but I stopped her because I wanted to read it. I probably shouldn’t have done that.

It had my name at the top and my driver’s license number that would become my state ID number and there was one sentence written above the line where I signed my name. This sentence was, “License canceled because of voluntary surrender.” As I read that and it sunk in, my eyes began to well with tears. I had tissue in my coat pocket so I was able to dab the corners of my eyes so as not to have tears streaming down my face in such a busy place.

As I kept wiping my eyes, my Mom told me that it was OK and she tried to calm me down and handed me additional tissue. The woman had me sign two more things and then she directed us to walk down to take a picture. Well, I was happy that my poofy hair would not be on my license anymore because it rained the day I renewed my license so my hair got really frizzy!

The new ID picture is just a picture of me and my Mom and I left. After leaving, we stopped to get some chicken schwarmas for lunch. As she pulled into a parking spot at Hamido’s, this song came on:

This song has always been my song to my Mom. Sitting in the passenger seat, I grabbed her arm on the inside of her elbow like I used to just after my Abuela died. (My Mom’s Mom) We both sat there in silence and I was the first want to start crying and my Mom cried too because she finally was able to pay attention to the lyrics.

My state ID will come to my house in two or three weeks. They punched a hole in my old license because it will be expired tomorrow but stapled the paper that states that I will be getting a new ID soon to it. I need to call my insurance agent to adjust my car insurance now that I am no longer a licensed driver. I don’t think I will do that tomorrow though, it IS my birthday and that might bum me out!

When my Mom allows me to choose the music we will listen to in the morning, lately, I’ve been choosing this song:

This song was released on June 22, 2010 as a single from Train’s album, Save Me San Francisco. That was around the time I started seeing Parker Whitaker in Plymouth. He was my MRT (Muscle Release Technique) therapist who I saw just before I started going to Barwis Methods.

There are so many good songs on this album but, If It’s Love is one of my favorite songs! It’s catchy and has memorable lines for sure! My favorite line is: “On a spinning ball in the middle of a space, I love you from your head to your face“ which demands to be yelled out as loud as I can!

Right after I finished yelling those lines, as my Mom drove the car she asked the question, “What about the top of your head? I told her that, “face” rhymes with, “space” and talked about artistic freedom. Every single time I belted out those lines with the song, my Mom would always ask, “ What about the top of your head?” I would tell her that I had already explained it and, “Way to ruin it Mom!”

As we listen to this song in the mornings now, I always ask that question after my favorite line. Then I kind a laugh a little bit. My Mom did not remember saying that but I let her know that she completely ruined the song for me! (NOT REALLY! I STILL LOVE IT!!!) I also LOVE the memory of hearing her say that as we drove to Parker’s so many years ago!

This morning when my Mom came over and helped me out of bed, I sat in the kitchen drinking my kiefer and I felt pretty badly! She told me that I did not look good and that my eyes look bad! Well, they feel bad! She was puzzled because it wasn’t snowing and I just kind of shrugged a tiny bit and played her this song:

I was in seventh grade when this song came out but I could not think of a more perfect instance to play it. Hopefully, it will get better as the day wears on… We will have to see because it’s, “One of Dem Days!”

The other day, as my Mom and I were getting me ready for the day, I moved in such a way that put some strain on my right knee as we were getting me ready. It really hurt! I looked at my Mom and told her more than I asked her but it was a statement and a question rolled into one. I said, “I have a bad knee now.” It was a statement and a question because I could not believe that that is true. My Mom just answered me with a simple, “Yes.”

My knee popped out this morning and when my Mom came over to help me out of bed, my knee popped back in as she was helping me to transfer into my motorized chair. When my knee pops out now, (because it does often), I no longer gasp when it happens but rather, I scream! Often, tears will accompany that scream and it’s been one year, 10 months, and one day since my surgery.

A few days ago, I was sleeping in bed when I kind of rolled over to my back and it popped out! It was probably around 4 o’clock in the morning and my eyes shot open and I called to my Mom! She wasn’t at my house (OF COURSE!) and she laughed when I told her when she got to my house if little bit later. She told me that she must be a good caregiver for me to call to her! I will never dispute that, EVER because as much as it hurts me to realize that I have a caregiver, I couldn’t have a better one than her!

MS is difficult and add it to that, the pain STILL in my knee, just about makes it unbearable! I’ve been thinking about the fact that just after I told/asked my Mom about me having a bad knee and when she answered with a simple response of, “Yes.” I’m not sure if I cried but it was a sad realization! My Mom saw my face and told me that, “The game ain’t over!“

I KNOW it is NOT but it IS difficult! I find myself, “grabbing my guts” even more now and often with tears streaming out of my eyes. I knew what she said was true, and MY TRUTH but it still was a little difficult to hear! As I agreed with her assertion, and I thought of this song:

This morning, on GMFB they talked about the 2019 combine. They showed old footage of football players running the 40 at their respective combines. It really bummed me out! Two years before I injured my knee which has been another two years, I used to train at Barwis to walk the 40. I knew that when I did it, I will put it on Twitter with the hashtags, #RunRichRun and #StJude. That was my goal!

I was going to walk 40 yards with my crutches. That’s what I trained for at Barwis! My trainers, Adam, Nick, and Michael, knew I was going to do that. But today, I was bummed out because I was watching all these 40s and seeing commercials for Rich Eisen and I knew I wasn’t going to do that anytime soon. My knee STILL hurts!

I was too tired this morning to tweet at anyone on the show but I still checked Twitter on my phone. A woman who has been in my MS chats with me posted an abridged version of this video.

Talk about being bummed out! Sean says that I do not sound that bad at my worst but there are times where I can’t speak very well, just like her. When my Mom got here, I played her the video and cried! At this point, only Sean, my Mom, and my friend, Renee have heard me speak like that. I called in Sean late to school because of an orthodontist appointment one day and I spoke like that in the message I left for the attendance office.

That kind of embarrassed me! As we were beginning to complete our routine, My Mom could see that I was really bummed out and told me that I could choose the music we listened to today. I chose this song, my walking song!:

I chose this song as my walking song back in 2013 when my cousinT, Shannon, accompanied me to Barwis, back when I thought I would be walking soon! I didn’t know then how things would play out years later and I am not walking! BUMMER! I haven’t even done the #RunRichRun 40 yard dash! This song reminds me of Barwis and my hope of walking! As we were getting me ready for the day, my knee popped out! BUMMER!!!

My Mom has been changing up the music we listen to during our morning routine. She doesn’t like my music so I let her decide what will listen to She decided on Justin Bieber‘s, “Sorry” today. When I search it in Apple Music, we can hear this song over and over again which doesn’t bother either one of us.

That is a random song for her to choose, I know, but it is a Barwis song.! In 2015, I was going to Barwis strong thinking that walking was on the horizon, not too far away. She actually had to remind me that it was a Barwis song years ago. Even though I LOVED seeing her sway her hips and move her arms to the music and mouth the words but that is NOT what this blog post is about.

Just before my Mom attached the pads to my knee for my tens unit, she talked to me about living in Oklahoma with my Dad. I’ve known my whole life that they used to live in Oklahoma at Fort Sill when they were first married (where I just read that RBG and her husband lived also). I’m surprised that I do not know all of the details because I never have asked my Mom before.

She told me that my Dad did not want to live in military housing so he got an apartment for them. My Mom talked about how forlorn my Dad saw her look when they entered the apartment. The previous tenants we’re guys so my Mom told me that it was really dirty! She has told me before that the kitchen was the brightest room in the apartment.

It was yellow. She told me that after she cleaned it up by scrubbing it down that she cut out a design on contact paper and put them on the cabinets. They were vines and flowers. I like to hear her tell the story and I ask her if she has any pictures and she does not. BUMMER! I like hearing stories about this part of her and by Dad’s life that I know nothing about!

As she described cleaning the kitchen and making it bright. she raised her hands on either side of her face with her fingers spread apart and said in a singsong voice, “Sunshine!” I immediately thought of this song:

It’s funny how all things always point back to U2 for me but I really like hearing about their time in Fort Sill.

I saw the movie, Garden State for the first time a while ago and last night, I thought of the scene because that was when I got,” In it.”

Last night, as I was falling asleep, I thought of my first day at WMU and how I was so afraid. I was remembering being curled up on my bed that first night and listening to Third Eye Blind in my room very quietly because I didn’t want to disturb anyone else. I thought about that song before I fell asleep and this morning, I had to look it up and play it on Apple Music.

I was still laying in my bed as Sean got ready for school and I was, “In it.” I played this song a few times before my Mom came over and helped me out of bed.

After I was seated in my wheelchair, my Mom left to take my nephew to work. I switched the TV on to find out that GMFB was a compilation of previously viewed clips so I turned the TV off. I turned Third Eye Blind back on and continued to be, “In it.”

After we completed it our morning routine, my Mom left and I picked up the book I’m reading. I guess I was, “In it” there too because now I am just about 2/3 of the way finished with the book i’ve been reading for only three days.. I only stopped reading to eat dinner. (It’s Taco Tuesday today so we ordered tacos from a local restaurant. They are only a dollar today).

It reminded me of probably my second no third year teaching. For Christmas, the English department got a bunch of student books. We came back to school from Christmas break to find stacks of books on all of our desks. Before putting them on the bookshelf, I had to mark them according to their reading level. We all received two or three copies of all four of the Twilight books.

As the students were reading by themselves, I made the mistake of opening up one of the books and began reading. I got into the car after work (my brother, Jimmy, and I worked together at the time) and I told him that I was frustrated because NOE I HAVE to read the series! I didn’t want people knowing how much of a Reading nerd I was! I finished all four books in five days.

I was just so wrapped up in the story likr I am today. I finally watched a little bit of TV as I ate my tacos but once I was finished, and turned the TVoff and continued reading. I guess that I’m, “In it!”

This morning, (well, really it was the afternoon because I spent the morning watching John Dingell’s funeral mass on TV. It was at The Church of the Divine Child, MY church! Sean and my Mom shoveled my front sidewalk. Sean did not have school today because of the funeral. I not only wanted to see my church on TV because I haven’t been there in way too long but I also wanted to hear Joe Biden‘s eulogy!) my Mom helped me get ready for the day like she does every day.

Sean and my Mom came into the house just as the funeral finished. As my Mom and I got ready to get me ready for the day, my Mom asked me to put some music on. I asked her what kind of music she wanted to listen to. I have tons of playlists in my Apple Music account that Sean and I share.

My Mom told me, “I want to hear that one song where they sing on top of a record store and it’s a surprise and there are tons of people in the street.“. My Mom was talking about U2, “Where the Streets have No Name.” I quickly grabbed my phone and told her that she did not have to tell me that twice! My Mom does NOT like my music so to hear her wanting to hear a song that I really liked was really cool!

As we worked, we listeed to this song on loop. OF COURSE I had to sing along with it! My Mom didn’t mind that I was belting out the lyrics that I have completely memorized. The song played many times before we were finished getting me ready for the day.

So, my Mom did not mind listening to, “that one song,” and I didn’t mind listening to it either! I let her know that as we listened to that song over and over, I am in her living room with the green carpet that used to be there. I told her that it pwas crazy that I feel like a child, probably seven or eight years old. Maybe my Mom will choose that song to listen to again some day! That will be exciting!