Category: Barwis Methods

It was the 3rd Annual First Step Foundation Golf Outing for Barwis Methods. I have missed Barwis more than I can say! I have not been there since September 20th because of my knee; I feel the difference in my core  and in my leg strength. It saddens me and I can’t wait to go back! I was invited to go to the dinner because I do not golf but I still wanted to be a part of  the festivities.

I woke up Monday morning and opened my eyes. It was going to rain. I felt it in my body and I felt it in my knee especially. As I heard the rain falling on my awnings,  my concern rapidly escalated!  As the rain continued, I called Barwis Methods to make sure the outing was still on. Holly told me that it was still set  and I started texting with Deb. I got ready to go but my body hurt a lot! I was told that dinner was still set for 5 o’clock but then changed and it was going to be at 3:30.

Sean, my Mom,  and I were going to go. The country club was an hour away from my house so when the dinner was moved up we hurried up and got going. We got to Oak Pointe at 3:38.   When we got there, the dinner was moved up again so it was finished. As soon as I got into the dining hall and I surveyed the room, the first person I saw was Dr. Frush!   He got up and shook my hand and told me that he, “wondered if I would be there.”   I told him that I have not left the house except to go to physical therapy but I was not going to miss this! We took a seat at the table by the door way and the presentation began.

Brock Mealer, Claudia Klein, and Mike Barwis spoke. Everything all three of them said was poignant and solidified  for me, the reasons I was at Barwis Methods.  It was Parker Whittaker who told me about Mike and the work he does in the first place. I remember being surprised when Parker told me about Brock Mealer.   I didn’t think Mike could help me. The next time Parker brought it up, he had to say, “Jen,  you are going to go to Barwis Methods this summer.”

I started there on June 12, 2013  and that is the only place where I feel comfortable being in my wheelchair because EVERYONE  there knows that it is temporary. They all are helping to make it so! As Mike spoke, I cried! I have cried at these things the previous two years and was hoping not to this year but his words were perfect  so naturally, I cried!

When the presentation was over, my mom was able to snag us some food. As I sat there eating, Larry Foote was leaving  and because we were seated at the table by the doorway he saw me, came over, and hugged me!   I told him about my meniscus tear and surgery and we talked about my first day at Barwis when I saw him and recognized him. I laughed at the nerve I had about our conversation about the Steelers in the Super Bowl!   Hi told him that nobody believes me that I met him so he told me to pull out my phone so we could take a picture! I told him my eyebrows weren’t done because they weren’t but…:

 As I finished eating, Elle came over and hugged me, Deb came over and hugged me, Mike came over and hugged me, Meghan came over and hugged me, and Nick came over and hugged me!   I was nervous that no one would receive me well because I hadn’t been there in 10 months but EVERYONE received me well and made me feel wonderful! Barwis is TRULY a family and my home!

I finished eating and Brock  and Haley came over at the end and he hugged me too!   I completely felt the love there and it is a feeling that I have been missing for so long! As we are leaving, we talked to Connor too.   I am not a golfer so even though there was rain, it didn’t matter to me because I was so happy to be there, hear are all of the speakers, and receive all those hugs!

  

Click the picture to read article regarding the Golf Outing.   I have also shared the video interview on my Facebook timeline.

My brother had commented a while back that my legs were more “bendy.”   My whole body has felt different since not being at Barwis for almost 10 months. My core is not as strong and Dr. Frush commented on how atrophied my legs are. It’s strange to feel what a difference not being at Barwis makes. As we passed Barwis to go to ATI (it’s right next to it) I looked at the signs with longing and tears filled my eyes. I was so glad to be able to go to the Barwis golf outing  in a few days!

Brad told me that my tone was almost nonexistent. I agreed and said maybe it’s the stress of going back to work is not there anymore but if I think about the stress of not being able to pay my bills, that tone would come back.  I just kind of chuckled and concentrated on what we are doing. He said he was going to bend my knee and take some measurements today.

He bent it and measured about 109° but I knew I could go further. I remember that Dr. Frush had said the goal was going to be 120°.  Brad bent my knee a second time and I felt the pull on the front of my knee.   It didn’t hurt but  I felt tightness in  the front of my knee. Brad got that protractor thing out  again to measure it and it was 123°!

I made the goal! I have a couple more weeks until I see Dr. Frush  so maybe it will  get even better! Brad straightened my leg and got the belt to do some traction on me. That felt so good! Getting the 120° felt really good too!!!   We finished with ice and stim.  And as I laid back on the table I felt that I was making progress! It took two months after surgery, it still hurts, and I know that I have a long way to go still but for right now, it felt good!

I rescheduled my physical therapy appointment for Tuesday because the Barwis dinner was on Monday. I had such a great time that I kept telling my mom she would have to scrape me off of the ceiling because it felt so good that I was flying high!  My body felt the residual effects the next day.

Not only did my knee hurt from sitting so long in my wheelchair and not icing my knee in the recliner; my whole body  seemed to be  opposed to all the fun I had the day before! Lately, I have figured out that on days that I have such a great time  and I am so excited, I have to pay for it the next day, sometimes the residual effects last for two days.

I got on the table at ATI and told Brad all about the wonderful time I had at the golf outing in spite of the rain. I told him about seeing Dr. Frush  there and about the residual effects I was experiencing in my body today. He could feel it and my calf was especially tight so he worked on that for the majority of the time. It had been a while since my leg twitched in  resistance to him rubbing it out but that is exactly what it did!

He continued working and gradually my leg relaxed a little bit.  So much so, that he bent my knee and we did some lifts  where are use my knee to kick my foot into the air. Now, he  has to help me to do this  by guiding my foot up but it felt good to be able to move my knee without pain because of all the rubbing he did.

I  told him that  I was surprised and that it was pretty cool that I was moving my knee when it was bent and he agreed. He said I did pretty good  and did a lot of that on my own. Larry set me up for ice and stim and I recounted the events from the Barwis dinner and  showed him the picture I got with Larry Foote.   I had such a nice time and the residual resistance that I was feeling  in my body today was COMPLETELY worth it!

I was thinking that  my body would feel better by Thursday.  I had physical therapy on Thursday and that gave me two days to recover from my excitement from Monday. I could feel my body gradually starting to relax Wednesday evening.  I was hopeful for Thursday and feeling back to normal aside from the pain in my knee that is slowly getting better… and then it rained!

Having  had MS for so long, I finally have recognized that the rain truly affects me! It rained all morning as I got ready to go to ATI. I moved my appointment up in the day to 2:30. As I got out of the car in the ATI parking lot, that Alanis Morissette song, “Head over feet”,  popped into my head!

What can I say?! I was 13 when that song came out and Alanis is fully ingrained in the soundtrack of my life! As soon as the door opened, I felt it! Except it wasn’t the “love [that] is thick and swallows me whole” but rather the air.   It had stopped raining but it was very humid and I could not breathe in the air!  My body still hurt!

I got onto the table at ATI and told Brad about the rain and humidity. He  put me in traction first to kind of relax my body and it really worked! Then he worked on my calf and he told me he didn’t feel as tight as it did the time before.  He eventually got my knee to bend and we got set up to lift my foot again.

As I started to attempt to lift my foot, it felt like someone was holding it down  against the table. I remember feeling this way a couple of times at Barwis and it frustrated me here too! As I was lifting my foot, I recognized Brad’s choice of words for me to repeat lifting my foot. He would say, “Again”  and I thought of Nick saying “kit”  and smiled. I had done so many more of these PNFs  at Barwis but here at ATI it’s different. At Barwis, I am training my muscles to work better but here at ATI, I am trying to get my muscles to BE better “again.”

Sean saw my knee last Saturday  as he changed by ice. He was disgusted! He told me that it looked like someone had shoved a screwdriver into my knee, twice! So, my surgical ports  are still not healed!   More than two months after surgery, they still look angry red and “disgusting.”   But at least they are not bloody anymore!

My knee hurt yesterday and Brad started with traction first because it hurt so much!   As he pulled my leg, Megan came over from Barwis!  She came over to cool down because Barwis is not air-conditioned. I was a bit cold at ATI so I was wearing a hoodie in the middle of the summer! Megan came right over and hugged me!

We talked while Brad pulled on my leg that really felt good!  I told her about my knee still hurting but I hoped to be back to Barwis soon.  I told her how Dr. Frush had suggested that I may transition back to Barwis after my next appointment which is Monday  and how I was doubtful of this because my knee still really hurt!

When Brad was finished with the traction, he unsnapped my pants so Meghan could see my surgical parts and how gross they still look.  I told Brad what Sean said and he told me they were starting to look better. He has seen how totally gross they have looked since surgery.  I do not remember my last knee surgery taking this long to heal.

It looks like there are two red plus signs on my knee still!   I’m tired of my knee still hurting so much because it really does! Brad rubbed my knee and calf out and I was kind of spastic which is disheartening!  I really hate how long it is taking to heal! I miss Barwis so much but Dr. Frush told me months ago, in September, not to go back to Barwis until my knee stopped hurting. I can’t believe it still hurts!

I lifted my foot a few times end it took a few times for my leg to relax and allow my foot to be raised. After we did this a few times, Brad pressed and my butt and had me tighten it a few times. I asked if he could feel anything and he said he could a little bit and I told him it was because my butt is too big.

He laughed  but it was kind of nice to feel it a little bit. My muscles were tightening like they used to, on command. It was kind of like when I was at Barwis  only less but it made me feel hopeful that I can get muscle control back because I  haven’t felt  that since surgery; all I have really felt is pain since my injury!

Next visit  is my last visit before going to  see Dr. Frush  and I only have a few more visits left until my insurance will refuse to pay anymore. My insurance is running out anyway since my termination from work but Brad told me that insurance will only pay for 25 visits regardless of what Dr. Frush says.

I asked Brad if it would behoove me to continue to come to ATI if Dr. Frush extends therapy.   He nodded and I said I would figure out how to pay for it because I don’t want to leave therapy prematurely  because  my knee doesn’t feel ready to go back to Barwis anyway. Read hooked me up for ice and stim and I thought about how my knee is taking it’s time to heal and my surgical ports still look bad.   I am tired of my limits after surgery and I am tired of my knee hurting  since before surgery!

I woke up Thursday morning in pain. Again! It’s not the excruciating pain I experienced before surgery but it’s still pain. It’s  a gnawing, aching,  constant  feeling.   I thought that 2 1/2 months after surgery, it would be better.  I also didn’t think I would have to ice it around the clock like I  still am. It’s taking it’s time!    I am concerned by this fact.

I was late to my ATI appointment and I worked with Luba.  We cut the ice and stim time and she just worked on my knee  the whole time. She hadn’t worked with me in a while and she said my knee looks a little  better. She asked me what my pain level was and I told her it was a 4.   It just seems to be taking its sweet ol’ time  to feel better.

She said that was surgery and when my time was up,  she told me that this session was my last appointment that insurance would pay for.   She gave me a paper to fill out for financial assistance and scheduled a few more appointments with Brad because I still need  physical therapy.  I’ll figure it out.

I see Dr. Frush on Monday before I see Brad and I am concerned. Concerned that I will not be able to go back to Barwis yet because my knee still hurts!   I asked Luba about the length of time it’s taking to heal and she told me that everyone is different and I have other factors going on.   My “other factors” being having MS among other things.

I had my scheduled post op appointment with Dr. Frush  yesterday.   When he came in, we talked about me seeing him at the golf dinner for Barwis Methods and Mike Barwis and the work he does.  It was really nice seeing Dr. Frush there! He rolled over on that little round chair and examined my knee.

He told me that my ports were starting to look like they were healing and I told him that  it still hurts but I noticed that too after I told him about Sean telling me that it looked like a screwdriver was shoved into my knee twice because it looks so gross. He looks so gross.   He laughed and straightened my leg and then bent  it to see my range of motion. I told him Brad got it to 123°. I’m so proud of that!

He looked at my knee and asked me if it hurt everywhere he pressed. It hurt almost everywhere he pressed!   The only place it did not hurt was when he pressed on my kneecap. The work Brad did was good! My kneecap was not hypomobile!

After he pushed on five or six places in my knee he looked at me  and told me that the ports were beginning to heal  but the insides of my knee were still rebuilding. When he said this, I automatically thought of the Barenaked Ladies song, “Call and Answer.”  

Probably because my roommate, Angela, at WMU really liked them and I would hear that CD  skipping often in the middle of the night. This was in 2000 so was pre-drug bust and all that stuff. So this really shows my age but it was good music when I was a freshman in college!  Then he told me he wanted to give me a Cortisone shot. I talked about how it didn’t work pre-surgery but  he said that he wanted to give it a try because my knee was still  hurting so much.

He left to and a nurse came in and got everything ready to get the shot. He returned and I told him it was going to be the magic , heal-all Cortisone shot like in Varsity Blues because it was post surgery. He laughed, rubbed alcohol on my knee, sprayed it with the  numbing spray,  then shot me, and put a cute little Band-Aid on me.

  

Now, first and foremost, I want to remind you that I have  warned you many times before that I have ugly  knees  and this picture doesn’t make them look any better because I zoomed way in.  Knock knees are not cute!  If you look closely, you can see my ACL reconstruction’s car  in the middle of my knee and  sort of one of the ports from my meniscus repair that’s on the mend in the right of the picture.   How ’bout I did not realize I had a birthmark on my knee until this injury. I think that Band-Aid is cute and I think it would be cuter if it were purple; but I think that’s just me.  He told me he wanted to see me in two months and reminded me that it is going to take 4 to 5 months for my meniscus to heal properly. I am only 2 1/2 months post op.

Well, as of right now, it looks like the post-surgical Cortizone shot IS the magic heal-all!   At least for right now.   I woke up  this morning and for the first time my knee was NOT aching!   Yesterday, when I got to ATI, I had to cancel my appointment because Brad told me it was too soon after my cortisone shot to get physical therapy. He said we had to wait for the Cortisone to set in for 48 hours.  I go back to ATI on Thursday. I hope this Cortisone sticks because Brad told me I can only get four a year.   We will see, won’t we?

So, Thursday my face was still a bit flushed and my knee did not throb like it has been for so long! I was excited to tell Brad about this and he told me to wait until it doesn’t hurt for about two weeks and then call Dr. Frush’s office to see about going back to Barwis.  Especially because now, I am going to have to figure out a way to pay for physical therapy out-of-pocket.

He worked on my knee for a little while and it is really nice that my legs aren’t that spastic. Then, we worked a lot on movement. He had me kick my leg out and then squeeze  my glutes.  He put my leg in traction and that felt really good!   Then, he brought over that Styrofoam buoy thing and we started doing things that I remember doing at Barwis.

He bent both of my knees and had me push them out and pull them in like I used you at Barwis.   It felt really good to be doing these exercises. I was hopeful but, I was TERRIBLE at it!  I used to be good at these things!  I could pull my knees in easily and push them out just as easily. Getting them to move at all was extremely difficult!

As I laid on my back and rested between sets, Dan stood over me and shoved his fingers into both of my ears. I was happy to see him!  It feels really good that my knee does not hurt because the Cortisone is sticking. I am hopeful but I know that it is possible for my knee to start hurting again when the Cortisone wears off; hopefully that is not too soon.

I would like to get back to Barwis because I really can’t afford to pay for physical therapy.   I am hopeful to regain muscle control once I am back at Barwis pain-free but I know that it is going to be a very long road and it is going to be difficult to redo all the work I have already been doing for the past four years.   I am not going to pretend like it is going to be easy because I know it won’t be but being hopeful is all I can be, right?!   Is the only way to be. I hope.

Oh Brad and Larry got me on the third table and as I laid back, Brad bend my knee and started shaking it.  These shakes were deliberate  so I asked him what he was doing. He explained to me in  such specific scientific terms that I tried my best to understand. He explained it with such ease and I was finding it difficult to comprehend.

I was reminded of when Adam told me about proprioceptors.  When I looked that term up, I read a short excerpt about them and took a test about what I had just read. I failed it. So I guess I’m not cut out to be an athletic trainer or physical therapist.  Heck, I AM cut out to be a teacher (have the degrees and certificates to prove it!). but I’m not even that anymore!   Forgive my momentary self-pity, my apologies!

Anyway… I marveled at Brad’s knowledge and told him about it. He just laughed and continued shaking my knee a bit and then I did my PNFs of sorts.   He had me kick my right leg up. I did three sets of these and then he had me push my leg out and pull it in. I was actually pleased with myself even though it’s not very  impressive.

I got set up with ice and stim. and as I laid back and stared at the ceiling.  I had a strange feeling come over my entire body. It was a familiar feeling but one that I haven’t felt for a long time. I stared at the ceiling and it took a minute for me to realize what it was. I was  extremely mentally tired!

This is the feeling I used to have at Barwis all the time! I haven’t had that feeling in a long time because I haven’t been to Barwis in a long time!  But this was my first time feeling it at physical therapy. I was exhausted but excited by my exhaustion, if that makes any sense.

Coupled with this mental exhaustion is physical exhaustion even though I didn’t do much physical activity; anytime I am trying to reconnect my brain with  movement in my legs, it’s completely exhausting!  I laid there and my brain felt kind of fuzzy but I smiled within myself knowing why I was so tired! It made me excited that I am trying to get my brain to make my legs move.  I had some  success and because of that, I felt accomplished and happy.

As soon as I got into my car, I completely zonked! I  didn’t wake up  until we were almost back in Dearborn and my brother was in the car and I had no idea he was.   He needed a ride to the car dealership to pick up his rental because he was getting work done on his car so we were dropping him off before I got home because I live near the car dealership.

I felt groggy the rest of the night but it made me happy because  it meant I was doing hard-core work even though it doesn’t look like it to other people.  I felt I was working on more than just healing from surgery but also working my way back to Barwis.