Category: A Bit Of Randomness

When my Mom came into my room this morning, she turned the light on, and I said, “This are hard.” This statement comes from a book that we had in our house when I was a child:

I’m not even sure who’s book it was. My Mom agreed immediately, and said, “Every day!” That’s what we say because it is really hard every day now! I seriously cannot wrap my head around the fact that it is so hard now! I actually was able to make my visual field test appointment today for May though. My life it SO SMALL now!!!

It was not easy to wake up today. But it was easier. When my Mom got to my room, Leia followed her. I heard her feet just after my Mom turned the light on. I said, in a monotone voice, “It’s my turn girl, go away.”

My Mom said something about me being mean but I reminded her that this is the MOST traumatic event of my day, getting out of bed, and that I most likely will cry every single day!

I didn’t cry today, but I was on the verge. Most days tears just leak out of my eyes, almost involuntarily I think because I wake up so groggy! I tell my Mom that it’s only going to get worse from here on out. Because it will. That stinks! #MSsucks!!! 😒😒😒…

Today, after I was out of bed, and my Mom gave me the detox I take each morning for my urinary tract health. I listen to a 20 minute rosary and then she gives me my Ceylon cinnamon also for my urinary tract health.

Having my detox first thing in the morning is a little bit much. It tastes like Albuterol. I have to take it with hot water. But the Ceylon cinnamon it was a little bit MORE than a little bit much.

Thinking about it, my Mom is my apothecary. She mixes all of my naturopathic/preventative things that it seems I will take for the rest of my life!

This morning, she hands me my one cup measuring cup that has the cinnamon and just a little bit of water with it. I have to stare at it for a moment because I’m still trying to wake up.

It takes me a moment to brace myself for this disgusting ‘mouthful of dirt’ that I’m going to have to swallow. It’s no longer really hot like it was when I first tasted it but I have been having this ‘mouthful of dirt’ for so long now. And for the rest of my life it seems.

Today, she looked at me and watched me brace myself before I took the shot of cinnamon water. As I drank it all down, she told me that I was hard-core! She puts a little bit of water in the measuring cup after I drink it, so as to get the residual cinnamon in the cup. Once I drank that down, I looked at her and said, “Of course I am! Look who my Parents are!”

She just kind of smiled in agreement as I started saying my next rosary to wait to drink my nutrition shake.

Right now, my head is spinning and I can’t believe how much I am reeling at how unable I am now!!! It looks like 24 years of having MS is even MORE of a motherb*tch then I thought!!!

I told my Mom that I am totally okay with how much she needs to nap because I am asking her to do a lot now! I told her that I’m ‘leveling up!’ With this ‘leveling up,’ she has to do a whole lot more!

I really don’t know what I was thinking! I saw myself throwing my wheelchair into the trunk of my car at work when I was 65. I think it’s crazy how none of that happened and I am so in-firmed now. I think I was 34 when I had to surrender my license and in December 2023, I learned that I am technically homebound. Because I really am! I try explaining that to my Mom but she doesn’t quite get it.

For example, in January I had an ultrasound which I can’t ask my doctor about yet because she’s out of the office. February I have my first. ‘third teeth cleaning’ at my dentist. My hygienist told me that she knows that I am doing my best, but she suggested that I moved to a schedule for a cleaning every four months.

I knew my Mom had made the appointment for six months with her hygienist for both of us already so I said that I would just keep the sixth month appointment that my Mom made.

Getting into the van, I told my Mom what Kristin said, and she told me that my Dad went every four months. I didn’t know that! I talked to Sean right after I got home and he let me know that health can go really bad(ly) really fast in your mouth! I made the appointment the next day. But it’s for February 25 so it’s five months since my Last cleaning.

in March, not only am I going to see my internist to get weighed, I also have to see a specialist because people with MS have problems with this specific issue. I’m a little nervous about that one… I really am ‘leveling up’ and I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming because I really didn’t!!!

Today is Saturday so I pillaged:

My Mom put Leia to bed and then she was folding clothes in my room. It takes me a long time to fill my pillbox now. I take a lot of supplements! I asked my Mom to weigh my pillbox with my kitchen scale after it was full.

It turns out that I take almost a pound of supplements each week! My full pillbox weighs, 14.74 ounces. That’s a lot! That’s totally inconsequential information, but I was just wondering, because I am taking more and more supplements because my body needs more after 24 years.

I was going to see my naturopath on the 21st of January but that was a polar vortex day so I did not leave the house! I will call Dr. Clark’s office sometime in May because I don’t have a June appointment yet. If I have to fill that slot with a different doctor, I have August available as well because I see my neurologist virtually, so I don’t have to rent a van.

I came to a realization today with all this precipitation and this cold. My existence is difficult now. That’s it. I told my Mom that today in a monotone voice because that’s just how it is now.

My cousin, Cathy, suggested this movie to my aunt Lola and my aunt suggested it to my Mom. We watched it today.

I really dug it!!! I will say that it’s strange for me to see such misogynistic tendencies in sports back then.

My Mom and I will probably give it a rewatch tomorrow!

I pillaged today because it’s Saturday. But about yesterday…

Yesterday was the first time that I have ever cried big, fat tears down both my cheeks when I’m getting out of bed. I usually just have stinging tears so I can wipe them away from the corners of my eyes without my Mom noticing.

My Mom asked me why I was crying and all I could say was, “It hurts!” kind of exasperated. Not a great start to the day! But I did see a Facebook friend and former colleague post this meme, and I really dug it and had to repost it myself!:

So, I watched Miss Potter yesterday:

I love this movie so much even though my Mom told me it’s not entirely factual but I still love it!!!

So, my doctor called my Mom. I have a “Calculus” in my bladder.

What?!

I don’t even like math! It’s a bladder stone, similar to a kidney stone.

She is speaking to a doctor from the urology team because she does not do this procedure. They will get back to me when know more. My Mom let her know my availability for this year.

I have been feeling a pain on my left side of mylower abdomen as of late. That’s probably what it is! I have had MS for so long and stuff is starting to happen… #MSsucks!!! 😒😒😒…

I still REALLY don’t like math!