Author: Jen Rios

As I ate my saltine crackers before my Mom had finished making the tortillas, I thought of my seventh grade science class. I think the teacher was Mrs. Novak? She wore Birkenstocks all year with socks and she was a naturalist. The first one I met.

That all does not matter now and we we were talking about chemical changes for our lab, we had to chew saltine crackers and then spit them into a napkin and test it because there was a chemical reaction going on there.

I thought of that lab because I remember some people did not participate but I did not mind spitting out my cracker. I have no idea why I thought about that! Maybe some St. Alphonsus OG can help me out?! I graduated eighth grade in 1996.

I thought about that because chewing a single saltine cracker is extremely difficult. I let my saliva break it down so then it’s easier to gather in my mouth and swallow. I added saltine crackers to my monthly Target list that I get shipped every month. Medical supplies, Atkins shakes, and now saltine crackers.

I first met with my nutritionist on October 12. It was a virtual appointment and I see her again the day before Thanksgiving.

I have been drinking two protein shakes for breakfast and lunch for probably a couple years now. Chewing has become so difficult and I can eat some normal food for dinner, but that is pretty much limited to eggs, beans and tortillas.

We specifically talked about this because I have been losing weight and I am not trying. I have been noticing that I have been starting to feel faint before my dinner. We decided to change up one of the protein shakes with overnight oats. My friend Renee, introduced that to me and it seems to be working out well for me given my chewing limitations.

So, today I did not have some ready for lunch so I had two shakes and man, am I faint as my Mom is making dinner! I was able to eat some saltine crackers as I waited.

Now, this is a very foreign occurrence for me! I have been ‘low carbing’ it for most of my adult life! I have known since 2007 that carbs are not my friend but given my dietary limitations, I have to have crackers that gives me just a little bit of energy that I need.

It feels extremely strange to actively consume carbs but I need the energy because this MS fatigue 21+ years ain’t no joke! I never thought that eating would be difficult and I think it’s sad that I am losing weight and I’m not happy about it because I’m not doing it on purpose even though I always did it on purpose for my life before MS…

I just checked the stats on my blog and it told me that my total views as of right now is 29,930!?! Next November is my 10th anniversary and I’m kind of blown away that that many people will read what I have written. Almost 30,000 people?!

On a different note, today is October 28, 2022. I think it is a sign of my disease progression and the fact that I can no longer regulate my body temperature because I’m wearing a winter hat for the first time with this winter and it’s not even winter yet?!

Today worked out to be a ‘no contact wearing’ day and I do not know what’s going on with my right eye! It looks kind of buggy! I see my neural ophthalmologist November 17. Maybe something’s going on with it now?!

My Mom took this picture of Leia this morning and she took it just after a bunny who was hiding beneath the leaves right under her nose, scurried out and that picture is her realizing that she missed it!:

I really like this picture of Leia! She looks so shiny! She has switched over fully to her new food which is salmon and grain. The best part about this fact is that it is $60 cheaper than her last food!!! I was able to swing that for an entire year and it has gotten pretty expensive with inflation; but it’s looking like I won’t have to anymore!

I had a choking spell today. This one made me a little bit nervous! I had to beep my horn to get my Mom to come and pull me forward by grabbing both of my hands and pulling me forward until I caught my breath.

This choking spell really made me nervous But as I caught my breath and started to breathe easier, I saw that Leia was right by my side! She is beautiful!!! When I sufficiently caught my breath, and my Mom had left to put laundry on, I thanked her for coming to [my] Rescue!

So, I have been experiencing ‘real time’ ability loss. The loss that I am currently experiencing is a little bit different than constantly dropping my pen in my last classroom where I would tell the student who sat there that they would have to pick up my pen a lot. This is MORE than that!

I think I really noticed it a few days ago and my Mom kind of got irritated until I explained to her what was going on. What I am experiencing now is more complete hand strength deterioration. I cannot hold on to basically anything now!

I was realizing that I was having a problem with my hand strength because brushing my teeth was becoming extremely difficult! I was brushing my teeth too hard so you can figure out what was happening when I spit.

I ordered an electric toothbrush last October and it ended up dying because I was holding it and pressing too hard on my teeth. Now, I have a new electric toothbrush, (that my brother bought for me) because I can’t afford another one seeing that I am on a fixed income.

But yesterday, I had to fill my pillbox. I talked about a modified pillage which was me very slowly putting each pill in its proper place. That process is extremely deliberate now so much so that Leia gives me the ‘poop face’ as I do it because it has been a couple Saturdays since I have dropped any pills.

Any movement with my hands is very deliberate now and I have been squeezing my therapy putty all year. So, I have to be deliberate whenever I am holding anything. I guess my whole life is modified now! I’m really not sure how I feel about that…

I pillaged by myself today but I have a movie to watch now so I will explain myself tomorrow. I didn’t spill any of my pills! Not a one!!!