Author: Jen Rios

“Enjoy the Silence”

I thought about a memory I had from probably 2009? It was Ash Wednesday and I had just gotten into the teachers lounge to make a bell work assignment for my students for the beginning of class.

Another teacher was doing the same thing at one of the two computers. She asked me what I was giving up for Lent. I remember that I proudly told her that I was giving up swearing! She was impressed and I told her that it will be difficult but I want to try!!!

We talked more and mid-conversation, the bell rang! I wasn’t finished with my work yet! I yelled an exasperated F-bomb and then told my colleague that I was going to have to pick something different.

I thought about that for this Lent and I thought that I could do it this time because I am really feeling God now. I said the D word three times on Ash Wednesday. I had to think of something different but then I remembered that Fr. Mike said in one of his homilies that it’s okay to change your Lenten offering and he invited us to start Lent in silence.

I can do that!

That’s what I’ve done. I didn’t listen to Apple Music or even play any of the games I have on my phone. Pentecost is June 8 and that concludes the Easter season so I think for now, I’m just going to enjoy the silence.

It’s extremely powerful and I’m really loving it!

3 Van Rentals?!!!!

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow. This appointment is specifically to talk about how much weight I have lost in the past six months. I will see how much it is now after I get weighed. I will get a referral for nutrition regardless.

This is really starting to get serious and I don’t like it at all!!! I have two doctors appointment next month and a haircut. That is three van rentals?!!!!

That’s Kind of Exciting!!!

I awoke this morning with a start at 6:30!!! I looked at the clock on my phone and asked myself groggily, “Where am I going?!” I asked myself that a number of times. Probably three.

Then, the answer became clear to me. Nowhere. I let that answer sink into my head for a little bit longer and told myself (kind of irritatedly), “Jen, go back to sleep!” that’s a new thing for the past three months. It’s so difficult for me to get out of my house and to my appointment That it takes me a moment to realize that I don’t have to do anything anymore. I don’t like that!

I think I got out of bed at around 12:30 this afternoon. It’s Recovery Day #1 and also pillage day. Yesterday, we had to turn the air-conditioning on during the day and then during the night, I was too cold so we put the heat back on! We will be playing this game until the rather breaks completely but this is the first time in nine years that I don’t have to have an air conditioner in my window!?! That’s kind of exciting!!!

75% Completed

Well, we did it!!! My skin tags are gone on the front of my neck and we had tamales!!! I still tell myself that they are NOT pork. Pork isn’t good for me to eat.
I’m exhausted, but we are 75% completed! I just have one more appointment on Tuesday! I never once thought that my life would be like this, but it is…

3 Times

I have always loved going to the Stations of the Cross! I even brought Sean along with me when he was young. I haven’t been to stations of across in so long! I think Sean was a freshman. He graduated five years ago.

But on the Pray40 Hallow app, I went 3 times!!! Jonathan Roumie, and Jeff Cavins are in Jerusalem, walking the actual way of the cross that Jesus walked!!! That feels so powerful for me and maybe that’s why I watched it three times?!

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Deferred Gratification

Today is holy Thursday. That is my favorite day of the church year! I have gone to so many holy Thursday masses and I have cried at pretty much every one. I finally remember when Mr. Flint washed my feet in my religion class! Surprisingly,I got something new out of father Mike’s homily today.

But, there was another reason that I was looking forward to holy Thursday because I finally was able to get my air-conditioning fixed today!!!

I have awakened all week to an alarm. It’s definitely wreaking havoc on me and I have to wake up to an alarm tomorrow as well, a really early alarm! I have a doctors appointment at 10:45 in the morning. It is so hard to get up and out of the house! But we are doing it and I am determined! I will totally crash this weekend!

Rob got here about 11 today with an assistant named Randy and they left at about 1:30. At about one, he told my Mom to turn the AC on to 60°. He worked a little while longer and I was sitting in the living room, eating my lunch and my nose got cold!?!

He also told my Mom that it was going to be 75° on Monday so it looks like we got it fixed in the nick of time!!! my AC died in the summer of 2016 and my brother got me two window air conditioners for both my bedroom and Sean’s bedroom.

I thought that I would be able to get it fixed before now but it’s all about deferred gratification! A professor told me about that in one of my classes and he said that all of us ‘college kids’ have ‘deferred gratification’ because all our friends are getting what they want now and we are getting an education. Or something like that. It was a long time ago!

I was excited that the appointment was set for my AC! I thought that I would shed one single prideful tear down one cheek. It’s always my right cheek when that happens. But let me tell you what happened when I heard that power tool.

The tears began welling in my eyes immediately and streaming down my cheeks! I put my hands in my sweatshirt arms, and pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes to stop crying. My shoulders were shaking and. everything! I really can’t believe that I ‘ugly cried,’ but this deferred gratification feels SO good!!!

1/2 Done.

My hair is cut. Eyebrows waxed.

Central A/C installation tomorrow.

Early dermatologist appointment Friday. My skin is changing…

Internist on Tuesday. I wonder how much I weigh now.

I already saw my first doctor for this month and with my haircut finished, I am 1/2 done.

I Wasn’t Prepared for This…

Today is the eve, eve of ‘go time.’ That’s a thing now because my Mom picks up the van in the evening because now it is harder to leave the house. I wasn’t prepared for this.

For February, March, and April, I have three appointments which means three van rentals. But in April, I have four because my doctor wants to see me again because I have lost so much weight) I got used to just one doctor appointment a month with a haircut. But now I have serious appointments. In May, Sean is coming with us. He took off work. It’s a CT scan at 8 o’clock in the morning!

I really wasn’t prepared for this. I think with my disease progression, it has taken my smile away. Maybe I am just determined because this week is ‘go time’ for sure! But the silver lining is that on Thursday, I will get my AC fixed! Deferred gratification! It only took nine years.

Palm Sunday

Today is Palm Sunday and I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to mass on Palm Sunday as a child and taking Sean as a child as well but this is the first time I can remember crying during this mass. For holy Thursday, that’s a given but I don’t understand why I cried at the beginning of the week.

Something is working inside of me right now and it feels big! I have heard Palm Sunday mass so many times and I really can’t understand why I was crying but I’ve got a lot at steak this holy week.

It’s ’go time,’ on Wednesday. I.have two appointments (Wednesday and Friday) and one more next week. I am getting my air conditioning fixed on Thursday. That’s pretty Exciting! It’s been nine years. I’ll ‘splain ya later when it’s fixed.