Author: Jen Rios

Sean had a confirmation meeting Tuesday so I was unable to go to ATI.  Luba was back on Thursday and she worked with me.   She asked me about agreeing to talk with Brad and I nodded. Brad brought over a clipboard as Luba stretched my leg up, I recounted a few of the facts I share with my students in the beginning of the year as they fill out a questionnaire.  Mint Chocolate Chip is my favorite ice cream.  U2 is my favorite band.  I LOVE football. When I said that, Brad stopped me and we talked about football for a while.  He asked if I liked college football and I told him that I didn’t watch as much as I wish I did.  I LOVE talking about football!

Next, he asked me about my diagnosis.  I’m pretty comfortable talking about it and I recounted the appointment with who would be my first internal medicine Doctor, the ER visit, the hospital stay, and not being able to walk.  Then I talked about breaking my ankle and my Dad dying.  I told him about how “easy” it was to teach from a chair and how now I work at Barwis Methods to try to get OUT of my wheelchair.  Brad scribbled things down as Luba pretty much just listened quietly and worked my leg.

Then we changed gears a bit and Brad explained questions he’d be asking from a questionnaire and based on my answer he’d ask a follow-up question.  Brad explained that my answers would help them (OT’s) know how to help me.  It was how impaired certain abilities have become and how important that ability Is to me.  As the questions progressed, it started to get difficult for me.  A LOT has become impaired and those things are VERY important to me.  It was DEPRESSING!  It was depressing but illuminating for me.  At the end, I told Brad that he could best help me by getting me a maid and a chef to help with my impairments at home.  I explained that I’ve been coming to Barwis for over 2 1/2 years.  I’m a distance swimmer.  In reality, I’m patient.  I’ve lost some of that wanting to walk so badly, but it’s not TOTALLY lost.  It’s worth the wait.

It seemed like forever since I had been to ATI.  Just Kristen and Brad were there because I forgot that Luba was on vacay.  Once on the table, Kristen grabbed the goop and began rubbing my leg out.  As she rubbed my leg, I began to ramble and I pretty much didn’t stop.  I asked her how my leg felt and she told me that she could feel my leg becoming less “grainy” and that my bruise has really begun to fade.

My leg doesn’t hurt constantly like it used to.  It only hurts a little bit when I transfer out of my chair which unfortunately isn’t very often.  We were having constant conversation that I can’t even recall what we talked about but the conversation was continuous.  My time was up and Kristen went over to wake my Mom up (seems the ATI tradition that she takes a seat and falls asleep).  Luba marvels at it because you can hear the blaring music from Barwis but she puts her head down and has to problem falling right to sleep.

As Kristen did that, Brad came over and told me overheard our conversation.  He’s in OT (Occupational Therapy) school and he asked if I wouldn’t mind being interviewed as a subject for a paper he’s doing.  Sure! I don’t have a problem with that!  It’s only taken 15 years, but I’m comfortable talking about my disability.  I told in that I’m here Tuesdays and Thursdays so we would talk the next time I came in.

Well, I felt HORRIBLE on the 23rd and 25th so I cancelled ATI.  That horrible feeling continued on the 1st of March.  These 3 cancellations were completely weather-related.  They were frustrating but necessary.  My body hurt so badly!  These ATI cancellations were frustrating because I feel it’s hindering my progress but it can’t be avoided.  I wish it could, but that’s not the case with having MS.  There are ups and downs.  These were “downs.” ???

In order to get an evaluation done, I saw Luba on Friday the 19th.   As I laid on the table, Luba asked me a bunch of questions and took measurements of my leg.  She told me that wasn’t going to be a lot of difference from yesterday but there was progress from the first day I came here after I saw Dr. Frush.  The progress is evident to me.  My leg is not as swollen and most of the pain is gone.

Getting activation back in my leg yesterday helped me so much!  This activation was different from the activation I’ve felt at Barwis but it WAS activation.  I haven’t lost that.  Seeing that my brain still communicates with my lower extremities is huge!!!  I never banked on regaining that communication (2 1/2 years ago) and once I did, I also never thought it would take so long.  I’m glad the communication was found again!  (In the beginning and I am even more glad to see that my torn muscle did not lose that communication completely).  This tear as well as the other one, hampered my progress a bit but I see that I am STILL progressing even with this latest drawback.

Luba stretched my leg outward and then upward putting my leg on her shoulder.  I did some PNFs while she stretched them and I was content.  Tired but content.  Luba hooked me up to the stim machine and when the stim was finished, Luba took the patches off of my leg and my Mom came over to help me off of the table.  Unfortunately, it’s a two person job now with my injury but as we were getting situated for the transfer, my Mom noticed Luba’s bracelet and commented how pretty it was.   She told us she had gotten it from a patient.  It had a charm on it that said, “Guardian of Healing.”  That was a perfect bracelet because that is exactly who she is!

As I laid on the table, Luba commented that my leg looked smaller.  That was good t hear.  So this is progress.  My leg is slowly on the mend and that makes me feel better.  My legs don’t curl up as badly as they once did and I understand why now.  Luba slowly stretched my leg outward and just as slowly brought it back in.  After some time, she pulled my leg out ward and held it there.  She asked me to pull my leg inward and she had to help me get my leg next to my left one.

That really stunk for me.  I immediately wondered if I had lost what I had gained at Barwis.  That was a pitiful PNF!  She pulled my leg out again and asked me to pull it back in.  I gritted my teeth and pulled with all of my might.  Once my leg was in, Luba told me that that one was A LOT better.  I let he know that first is ALWAYS the worst and the second is the BEST!  We did this a few more times and then she had me push my leg outward a few times.

I tired out and she put the patches on my leg for stim.  She started the machine and told me that it was good to get activation.  That activation was different from Barwis activation because she didn’t offer tons of resistance as Mike Rhoades, Nick Montoni, Mike Morfitt, Megan, or Sue did but I held on to the fact that I still was able to activate my legs and that to me felt good.  I was tired and laid my head back grateful that my progress to date wasn’t lost but just on hold.  My brain can still communicate with my leg muscles.  I had just re-learned this in the past two years but I haven’t forgotten in spite of my torn groin and hamstring because Luba and I were able to get some activation today.

I got to ATI and I entered through the Barwis doors as is my habit.  I miss going there where I can feel like I am actively working toward walking.  I didn’t anticipate it being such a long road filled with setbacks in the form of torn muscles but  I just have to deal with what comes and going to Barwis gives me hope.  Mike Barwis is surrounded by good people (Dr. Frush) who led me to ATI.  I appreciate going there because Luba knows that I work at Barwis and knowing that she knows that makes me feel comfortable.

I laid on the table and she rubbed my leg for a long time with some cold goop.  She was able to get a further stretch out of my leg.  She was able to get it over her shoulder.   She pulled my leg outward and back in methodically and asked if Mike Barwis had given me a prognosis for walking.  I shook my head and recounted the first evaluation I had with him over two and a half years ago.  He told me that all of my muscle groups were firing and I took that to mean something positive.

She hooked me up for some stim and I thought about my first weeks at Barwis and how EVERYONE had faith that I would walk again.  Jesse’s response was an adamant, “No question!”  I remember I asked Jon and Adam and they both said that I would.  I also thought about Dr. Frush telling me that my muscles look good and that I am an excellent candidate for the work that Mike does with the First Step Foundation.  It’s been a LONG road and not an easy one and one that is far from over but I have to believe in ME too; torn muscles and all.  As Luba took the patches off of my leg, she told me that next time we would work on getting some activation as she patted my “poop leg” that has torn muscles.

i had to cancel/reschedule my Monday ATI appointment but I was able to get an appointment on Tuesday.  Luba opened the door or us as my Mom pushed me into ATI.  I noticed Luba’s hair immediately!  She is a brunette now!  I told her that I liked her hair and she laughed and said, “[She] is a brunette now.”  We both are Brunettes.  She used to be blonde.  I told her the we (Brunettes) REALLY have more fun!  Luba’s late days are Tuesday’s and Thursday’s so I made appointments with her until March 8th.  I see Dr. Frush again on March 24th and he told me to lay off Barwis for a while.  I probably won’t go back until after I see Dr. Frush agin.

He said that I would be bruised for 3-4 more weeks and sore for another 6-8.  I am a bit sore.  When I took my sweatpants off to work with Luba in my shorts, she immediately noticed that my right leg was bigger and discolored in my groin.  She had me lay on the table and measured my legs.  My right leg’s circumference was 6 cm. bigger than my left.  STILL!  Then she measured my range of motion with her protractor thing.  She took a lot of measurements.

Filling out the paperwork before we begin is a little tricky because I am wheelchair-bound so it is tough to say how my injury interferes with my normal daily activity.  It’s nice that Luba understands what I do at Barwis because they share space.  That is why I went to ATI.  That and coming in, I got to see Nick, Deeds, and Mike Morphitt.  I was going through withdrawal and I’m NOT ashamed to say it!  Luba stretched me out and I got stim on my leg before I left and that felt SO good!  It’s like last time I hurt my leg, I guess healing is going to take longer than I expected.  Dr. Frush does not lie so unfortunately I think I will be sore for 6-8 weeks.

I’d been texting with Mike Barwis since I felt the “wonky”ness.  He told me that if the wonky-ness persisted; I should see Dr. Frush.  My appointment was last Thursday.  Dr. Frush has changed offices but the new office still has the “super-sized” chairs for basketball players

and that still made me laugh and it was somehow comforting.  I was called back and me and my Mom were ushered into an exam room.  I answered a few questions and was taken to another room for an x-ray.  I immediately was faced with the task of transferring from my chair onto the table for the.  Enter my Mom to help.  It’s ALWAYS a humbling experience to be faced with a task that I physically can no longer do.  I used to be able to but currently cannot.  As I laid on the x-ray table, I noticed that both of my legs we straight.  This fact was different from the last time I laid on the x-ray table with an injured leg.  Even though I needed help physically to get on the table, I saw that I’m progressing with my straight legs.

My Mom helped me into my chair and we headed back to the exam room to wait for Dr. Frush. Jennifer came in first to ask some questions about my injury.  She remembered me from last time and she commented that I was back.  I told her that I have another leg.  I had previously torn my left hamstring and it was my right groin that hurt now. I showed her the discolorization on my leg.  (I wore my tear-away pants that I haven’t worn in years just so I could show them my leg and still stay kind of warm).  She told me the doctor would be in shortly.

Dr. Frush came in and told me that my x-rays were negative but he sat in a chair close to mine to check my leg out.  It was still a bit bruised and he pressed various places on my leg and asked if it hurt.  Most places didn’t but some did.  He checked my range of motion and then he asked if I remembered when I had my ACL surgery (it was on my right knee).  I told him quickly that it was January 10, 2000.  Then he asked if I remembered who did it and I laughed.  OF COURSE I DID!!!  I told him, “Yeah, Kyle Anderson!” I continued to laugh and added, “Because I was in love with him!”  It was his and Jennifer’s turn to laugh.  They KNEW him!  Dr. Frush told me that he (Dr. Anderson) had just finished being the Lions’ Doctor this past season.  To save myself a little embarrassment, I told Dr. Frush that I was 17.  But, I really wasn’t that embarrassed.  In my 17-year-old brain, he was HOTT!!!  He told me that I needed an ultrasound and said I should layoff Barwis for a bit.

My Mom and I went to breakfast and were set to return for my ultrasound in the afternoon.  Upon our return, we were ushered into a different room.  The Radiologist came into the room with an intern and I didn’t catch either one of their names.  The ultrasound started and the Radiologist began speaking a different language, a medical one.  The other Doctor completely understood this language and they got Dr. Frush in the room to see the ultrasound.  Once Dr. Frush was in the room, the different language continued.  The ultrasound was extensive and I didn’t completely understand this medical language.

Dr. Frush summed everything up for me though:  I have 2 hematoma in my leg.  One in my groin and one in my hamstring.  I will be bruised for 3-4 more weeks and my soreness will last 6-8 more weeks.  He had already given me a new script for new compression socks and physical therapy.  (I go back to ATI on Monday).  I see Dr. Frush in 6 weeks.  Once the doctors left and I got dressed, I asked my Mom if there was a picture of my leg still on the monitor and if it looked like a hematoma.  She said that there was a picture and as she turned the monitor so I could see, she said, “It looks like the ocean.”  She was right.  I didn’t understand the picture and it DID look like the ocean.