Author: Jen Rios

It was the 3rd Annual First Step Foundation Golf Outing for Barwis Methods. I have missed Barwis more than I can say! I have not been there since September 20th because of my knee; I feel the difference in my core  and in my leg strength. It saddens me and I can’t wait to go back! I was invited to go to the dinner because I do not golf but I still wanted to be a part of  the festivities.

I woke up Monday morning and opened my eyes. It was going to rain. I felt it in my body and I felt it in my knee especially. As I heard the rain falling on my awnings,  my concern rapidly escalated!  As the rain continued, I called Barwis Methods to make sure the outing was still on. Holly told me that it was still set  and I started texting with Deb. I got ready to go but my body hurt a lot! I was told that dinner was still set for 5 o’clock but then changed and it was going to be at 3:30.

Sean, my Mom,  and I were going to go. The country club was an hour away from my house so when the dinner was moved up we hurried up and got going. We got to Oak Pointe at 3:38.   When we got there, the dinner was moved up again so it was finished. As soon as I got into the dining hall and I surveyed the room, the first person I saw was Dr. Frush!   He got up and shook my hand and told me that he, “wondered if I would be there.”   I told him that I have not left the house except to go to physical therapy but I was not going to miss this! We took a seat at the table by the door way and the presentation began.

Brock Mealer, Claudia Klein, and Mike Barwis spoke. Everything all three of them said was poignant and solidified  for me, the reasons I was at Barwis Methods.  It was Parker Whittaker who told me about Mike and the work he does in the first place. I remember being surprised when Parker told me about Brock Mealer.   I didn’t think Mike could help me. The next time Parker brought it up, he had to say, “Jen,  you are going to go to Barwis Methods this summer.”

I started there on June 12, 2013  and that is the only place where I feel comfortable being in my wheelchair because EVERYONE  there knows that it is temporary. They all are helping to make it so! As Mike spoke, I cried! I have cried at these things the previous two years and was hoping not to this year but his words were perfect  so naturally, I cried!

When the presentation was over, my mom was able to snag us some food. As I sat there eating, Larry Foote was leaving  and because we were seated at the table by the doorway he saw me, came over, and hugged me!   I told him about my meniscus tear and surgery and we talked about my first day at Barwis when I saw him and recognized him. I laughed at the nerve I had about our conversation about the Steelers in the Super Bowl!   Hi told him that nobody believes me that I met him so he told me to pull out my phone so we could take a picture! I told him my eyebrows weren’t done because they weren’t but…:

 As I finished eating, Elle came over and hugged me, Deb came over and hugged me, Mike came over and hugged me, Meghan came over and hugged me, and Nick came over and hugged me!   I was nervous that no one would receive me well because I hadn’t been there in 10 months but EVERYONE received me well and made me feel wonderful! Barwis is TRULY a family and my home!

I finished eating and Brock  and Haley came over at the end and he hugged me too!   I completely felt the love there and it is a feeling that I have been missing for so long! As we are leaving, we talked to Connor too.   I am not a golfer so even though there was rain, it didn’t matter to me because I was so happy to be there, hear are all of the speakers, and receive all those hugs!

  

Click the picture to read article regarding the Golf Outing.   I have also shared the video interview on my Facebook timeline.

It took two days of constant icing to get over hanging out at my cousin, Shannon’s, house. But it was a great time and I wouldn’t change it for the world!  My knee hurt more, yes, but I think it may have been an MS thing because I was so excited to go in the first place.   I didn’t go anywhere or do anything on the fourth, I just remained in the recliner with my feet up and knee iced  as I have been doing since surgery.

My physical therapy schedule was changed to Wednesday and Friday this week because of the holiday.  Brad had Monday and Tuesday off and he would be working on Saturday to recoup the hours. As I was getting ready to go to therapy, I was not in the recliner so I was seated and brought my right foot closer to me. As I moved my foot,  I heard a large POP  in my knee.  ABSOLUTELY scared the BEJEBUS out of me!   It took me a moment to realize that it didn’t hurt.

I  told Brad about the POP.  What I was doing to make it POP, how it sounded, how it scared me, and how it really didn’t hurt.  I told him that it sounded like knuckles cracking  in the middle of my knee. It didn’t hurt but the sound scared me. It didn’t feel like anything that broken when it POPPED.  He listened and told me that it was just air pockets in the synovial fluid in my knee.

I told him that that sounded really cool! He laughed and likened it to cracking your knuckles. He said it was more startling than anything  and I agreed because my knee has been hurting for so long, to hear that sound, it sounded like damage was being done but took a minute for me to realize that it did not hurt. Always, in the back of my mind, I wonder about my feeling of pain in my legs.  I am in a wheelchair and I really can’t feel the true extent of pain in my legs.  I think that is what  makes this whole knee injury so much worse because it has been excruciating since September 21st!   After surgery, it still hurts a lot but not as badly as it did before surgery.

I always wonder if it is hurting more than I feel it is. But it hurts badly enough even if I am not feeling all of the pain  so I guess that really doesn’t matter!  It’s become routine for Brad to put me in traction at therapy and that feels really good!

We ended  with ice and stim.  And that feels equally as good! I don’t like how my knee can’t always feel that good when I am not at therapy. I’ve asked Brad before if it was because I have MS that it is taking so long to feel better.   He paused for a moment and thought and then slowly nodded his head. All of the hardware is fixed in my knee but, because of my MS, it is taking longer to feel better.  Well, doesn’t that just stink! Gotta love that MS and by “love,” I mean “hate.”

As Brad worked on me, we talked about the change in the schedule for next week because of the holiday and our plans for the long weekend.  Since surgery, I have not been out of the house except to go to physical therapy. On Sunday,  I had plans to go out to my cousin Shannon’s house in South Lyon. This was our second annual cousin get together and I was excited! She’s not my  blood cousin but we grew up together so she has always been my cousin!

Brad told me about a couple of barbecues with friends that he was going attend with his wife and how his parents were camping so he might see them over the weekend. Aside from Girl Scout camp when I was young, I only remember camping once  when I was pregnant. Now, I can’t do the outside thing; being warm  and bugs and stuff! He explained that his parents go “glamping” instead of camping. He described their camper which is basically a house with the fireplace in it and it needs to be pulled by his dad’s F350.

I told Brad about Shannon, Sean, and my selfies that we started taking 15 years ago when Sean was a baby before camera phones. Here is our first one:

We took another one a couple of years ago when we got together for the first time at her house.:

 

I told Brad that if I had to go camping, I would much rather go glamping like his parents do.   As he hooked me up for ice and stim.  I wondered how I would do at Shannon’s this coming weekend. Sean would be driving out there to get hours in because he just got his segment one permit. We were taking my ice packs  and my pain meds  with us in case my knee started to hurt.   It did hurt and I got tired but before we left we had to take our annual selfie with Sean. I was really tired when we took it and it shows but I absolutely loved hanging out with my brothers and  Shannon and her sister (her brother Chris couldn’t make it) and their  families.   Our most recent picture:

Over the weekend, I was trying to help a little bit with my transfer to the bathroom A few times, I put the slightest bit of weight on my bad knee to help. I woke up Monday morning and my knee  was swollen. I really thought I was making good progress and I was a little bit bothered  that apparently I wasn’t.

I couldn’t believe that my knee was still not being close to functional. I had just put the slightest bit of weight on my knee  and it swelled up in reaction to that. It’s frustrating! When I got to physical therapy, I told Brad about the few times I put a little bit of weight on my leg.

I got on the table and as he unsnapped my pants, he saw how swollen my knee was.   He bent my knee and really worked on it hard! I asked him why it was so swollen and he said, “Because it’s a surgery…” I cut him off by laughing kind of hysterically. Duh! It had only been less than two months after surgery!  Dr. Frush told me that I still had another two months of pain ahead of me so why wouldn’t I have swelling too?!

I’m kind of over this pain and swelling in my knee! It has been over nine months that I have endured this and it really stinks! At least the pain after surgery is not as bad as the pain before surgery.   That pain was excruciating!

Today, my friend Renée took me, Sean, and her daughter to the Secretary of State to get the kids’ permits.   Now, I have not left my house since surgery other than to go to physical therapy; but given that I am the sole legal guardian of my son, I had to go to sign for it with my proof that we live where he says we live  and that I am responsible for him.

My son is BEYOND helpful all the time! He was MORE helpful  today because he was getting his permit. He helped me into  the front seat of Renee’s car and the drive there was shorter than it is to get to ATI.   Renée  ran in with all of their documents to make sure we had everything before Sean got me out of the car. Once  it was certain that the kids had all  necessary documentation,  Sean got me out of the car and Renée wheeled me into the Secretary of State.

It was empty! Absolutely empty! This has never happened to me!  We were there for about five minutes, just long enough for Renée to snap this picture of me and Sean.

   

When Sean handed me his permit to sign, I started to cry. I can’t believe that my baby is getting his permit! He is growing up too fast!   This all seemed a bit overwhelming to me! Now, given that I have undiagnosed PBA, I started to laugh as tears welled up in my eyes. I could feel myself smiling from ear to ear and I felt so silly.

I’m grateful that we were in and out so quickly because my knee began to hurt more than it was before we went there! I was uncomfortable in my chair and I really just wanted to put my  leg up and ice my knee.  Just after we returned home, my mom came to take me to ATI. Sean helped get me into the car and as he did asked my mom if he could drive.

Surprisingly, she said yes so Sean and my Mom loaded me into the backseat so my mom could sit in the passenger’s seat and Sean could drive.  He  did well but he drives too fast.  He took a turn too fast so my Mom had him pull over and she finished driving the rest of the way to ATI.   As we got into ATI (Sean  stayed in the car)  and Brad met us at the door,  my mom exclaimed that we were not good!

I laughed and told him that I was good but she was not. She told him all about Sean driving there! Because she needed to relax,  she sat in the white chair next to the table and we talked with Brad and Alaina  about learning to drive. It was entertaining and everyone had stories, some of them horror stories, about learning to drive.

Brad started off by rubbing the inside of my knee and I told him that yesterday the outside was hurting like it did before surgery. I asked him why and told him that it made me kind of nervous because I thought Dr. Frush had shaved the outside of my knee because it was a bit frayed.   My Mom asked him if I was going to need another surgery and he shook his head. He explained that the places I said hurt were muscular and there was nothing broken but there was still tightness in my knee so that is why it was hurting.

He put my knee in traction for a long time and that felt so good! I told him that it felt so good!   When he was finished with that, he bend my knee and kind of tapped on it like he did the last time for a short time and then he had Alaina hook me up for ice and stim.

As she was doing so, she told my mom that she was going to a Train concert at DTE this weekend.  My mom told her that I saw them and I just looked at Alaina and told her it was in my younger days.  I told her they put on a good show because they do and didn’t want to spoil the beginning for her but I told her that it’s pretty cool.

As Brad and my Mom got me back into my chair, my Mom told Brad that she was going to drive home and that she was not going to let Sean.  When we get the car, she told Sean that he could drive. I don’t like sitting in the backseat  of my car but I know that I could not direct him in the front seat.

Now, kids have to  input their driving time into an app on their phone. He didn’t and put it on the way there but he set it to record for the way back. We were almost home and then it started to rain. Like,  torrential rain! It scared me! But Sean was a trooper! He did very well and pulled over when it continued and my mom and he switched  places. He has to log 30 hours of driving before he can register for segment two class.  It is his first day and he has 38 minutes. When we got home, I told him that he drives too fast but he did well.