Author: Jen Rios

I cried.

Yesterday, just before my Mom put the pads on my knees for my tens unit, my knee made the biggest crack! It wasn’t just  a’pop;” it was a HUGE crack! My knee was bent and it felt funny so I shook my hands and asked my Mom to straighten it out in an almost breathless panic.  As she did, it cracked louder than it ever has before! It was immediately accompanied with two of my screams just as crests stung my eyes.

There is no medical explanation for this for all the times I’ve been to see Dr. Moore since my surgery. I just saw him last Thursday and I will post about that a little bit later. So, I didn’t feel well yesterday following the big crack with my knee and it was raining!  So you know, I’m just gonna blame it on the rain!:

I thought this song as I heard the rain outside and I knew that, “The  rain don’t mind and the rain don’t care. You know you got to blame it on something…” I’ve figured out that when I am in this much pain, it’s best to just sleep.

I was in a very deep sleep but I dreamt about when I woke up from surgery. I didn’t even open my eyes and said, “My  knee hurts!”   I then looked over to a nurse on a computer and asked if I just had surgery. When she told me yes, I asked why it felt like  was crying.  She told me that’s because I was. I asked if that was normal. She told me that it was. Well, I woke up from my nap yesterday and my knee felt exactly like it did after surgery! Why on earth is this happening?! I looked at the lights on my tens unit that I keep clipped to the front pocket of my hoodie.

They were barely let up green. That’s why my knee hurt! I needed a new battery! I have already bought three batteries! These batteries are $9 a piece!   My Nom came back by and I showed her my tens unit. I was sad. My knee hurts! She hugged me and I cried.

Millionaires

I convinced my Mom to buy us a mega millions lottery ticket Tuesday night. I got so excited to be a $1.6 billionaire!   I figured that I could scrounge together a dollar and if she matched my dollar to get the ticket, we could buy one mega millions ticket and possibly be the winner of a $1.6 billion jackpot!   I started to laugh as I dreamed of what I could do with all of that money.

I told her we probably would be taxed $500 million but that really didn’t matter because we’d have  more millions to spend!  I told her that it would be just like The Script’s song  and began singing it for her! She didn’t know what song I was talking about and I offered to play it for her. I told her that it wasn’t one of my, “Wah, Wah.  Cry, cry”  songs and I’ve pulled it up on Apple Music as she put the pads for my tens unit on my knee.

She didn’t like this song even though it wasn’t one of my, Wah, Wah. Cry cry songs.”   I didn’t care because I liked it! She showed me the ticket and Tuesday and I found out Tuesday night before I went to bed that we didn’t win, we didn’t even match one number!  We do not live in South Carolina!  My Mom got a little irritated that we could have bought a gallon of milk with that money but I said that it was an investment in our future and it was fun. I never buy a ticket unless it’s like $1 billion anyway!   It’s fun to dream!

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #33

I hadn’t been out of my house for probably around a month but it was Sean’s first quarter  conferences,  so I made sure my tens unit was on and I had to go. My Mom and I got chicken Schwarnas afterward.   I absolutely love having grown up in East Dearborn!  Because I can fully appreciate Middle Eastern food!

There’s a place right by the school and we sat in the car to eat them.  She went in to the restaurant to go grab them and when she came out, this song was on the radio. I was kind of surprised that I knew all the words still and that I didn’t have a hard time bulging them out. I was  surprisingly on key as well!

My Mom got back into the car and didn’t mind that I was belting this song out at the top of my lungs. When the song was over, she kind of sighed and said, “Yrah, one of your Wah Wah, cry cry songs!”   Yeah, I guess so! And, it might be official that I  I am older because I stick to the 90s on nine or  The early 2000‘s radio. They were songs that were cool when I was in high school!

Book Ends

The same time that I thought about that, “Hands Clean” song by Alamo’s Morrisette,, I also thought about my ALMOST Forgotten Tune #7:

I listened to this song a lot during my first days at WMU and the first days in my dorm.   Yesterday morning, I saw this video on my YouTube feed;

These two songs served as bookends of my time at WMU.  I had to click on the video when I saw it and I was immediately transported back to my dorm! I listened to Dido’s Album as I drove home for the last time from Kalamazoo.  I had to click on the video when I saw it in my feed. I was immediately transported back to my dorm  and my time at WMU.

My time there, although it was so long ago, it definitely feels like a LIFETIME ago because so many things in my life have changed!

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #32

I thought of this song yesterday and I’m not sure why.  It probably had to do with washing my hands.   I remember that this song got a lot of radio play but I couldn’t really remember more of the songs  from the album. I borrowed the CD from a friend’s daughter. I will have to download it later. It came out just after Sean came home from the hospital so I’m trying to remember what was going on when I had a small baby and was still an undergrad.

Yes, it is DEFINITELY a lifetime ago because my son is going to be 17 soon!   I haven’t thought about Alanis Morissette as an artist for a long time but now I’m going to have to.

Platinum

So here’s the deal, I say things  repetitively and absentmindedly for a while after te first time I hear it.  Especially if it’s a song!  I’m not even aware that I am doing it when I am and I’m not sure why.  I’m sure it says something about my mental state but Sean even does it. At least, he used to when he was about two.

My Mom took Sean on a walk in his stroller with my brother. They walked pretty far away from our house and when they turned back  to begin walking back to my parents’ house.  Sean was repeatedly saying, “You and me.”   It didn’t bother my Mom but it annoyed my brother. I didn’t think anything of it but then a few days later, we had a toy from a Burger King kids meal that head pictures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl.

It was cardboard and when you pushed it one way, it was Shark Boy and when you pushed it the opposite way, it was Lava Girl.   I sat on the kitchen floor and played with it with Sean, I pushed it one way and then the apposite saying, “Shark Boy, Lava Girl.”   Sean joined in with me after a while and said, “Shark Boy, Wava Girl.”

Sean was sleeping later that day and I sat at the dining room table doing my homework. My Dad was also seated at the table and my Mom was in the kitchen. I don’t remember which homework I was doing but I  absentmindedly started to say, “Shark Boy, Wava Girl”

So yeah, that’s when I discovered that I do that!

Anyway, the other day, my Mom had the alarm set on her phone for something and it ended up going off.   I  had never heard before but it was the cutest sound!  I mimicked this sound drumming the fingers of both of my hands on my thumbs and moving my hands from side to side. I was having fun!

Today, as my Mom put my tens unit on, we talked about some pretty heavy stuff.  To relieve the tension, I told her that we need to just hear her alarm!  She laughed and  told me that she would only set it if I didn’t repeat it, “1 million times.”  I laughed and pantomime md zipping my lips. A little while later, I got the first two notes out before I clasped but of my hands over my mouth.

I don’t have an android, but rather an iPhone so I can’t get this alarm but I added it here so you guys can hear it:

Isn’t it super cute?!

I’m NOT Cool Enough for YouTube

I have subscribed to two women’s channels on YouTube so far.   These women are also fighting MS.  One woman, who I subscribed to a long time ago discusses problems that people with MS face  and I am familiar with a lot of these problems!  The other woman who I just followed a couple of days ago, is talking about her story.   I can say from personal experience that it’s liberating to speak of your story!

Both women are single mothers like me and both women are younger than me. I started my blog in November 2013. I know that was a bit late but I think this medium is the most comfortable for me. I enjoy writing.

Both of these women whose  channels I have subscribed to wear make up and look nice. I, on the other hand, do not. I don’t remember the last time I wore make up except for the one time a year when Sean and I take our holiday pictures for our card.   For me, it’s just easier to NOT do that!

It also helps that I can dictate the text of a new blog post into my phone and when I cannot speak properly, it just takes me longer to type.  I just think I’m not cool enough for a YouTube channel. Sean laughs because I didn’t get my first cell phone until I was 18 and in college. I always preface that statement with the fact that sell phones did not exist before that.

He has told me that I am not cool enough for Instagram so I just will except that I am not cool enough for YouTube either.   Besides, I have 2,533 subscribers to my blog! Thanks, by the way!   Maybe one day, just not today!

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #31

I think it was watching Chase Winovich sing along to this song that reminded me of this song and 1999.  My Junior year; the best time of my High school career! Sean is a Junior now. In Winovich’s words, after tonight‘s “smack down,” “The “Revenge Tour” has officially commenced.”   I love football!

I am old and how did he know this song?!:

 

The Simpsons

The Simpsons first became a show in December of 1989. I was seven years old. I remember the first episode; my brothers and I will still quote Homer saying, “Pardon my galoshes!”

During my first year at Western, I lived in Harvey Hall. If you look at the picture below, I would be the second door on the left.  I was still accustomed to eating dinner at 6 o’clock as a lot of other students were. I’m not sure how it happened but I was part of the group who all sat in the back corner of the cafeteria next to the TV. We all sat there to watch The Simpsons. We weren’t friends; I’m not even sure I knew the other people I sat with but we all were just there to watch The Simpsons.

I couldn’t remember the name of the other hall that shared a building with us. I asked Google. Then, I came across this video that showed what the rooms look like! My roommate and my bed were placed differently but we had a purple rug very similar to the one that’s in there! It was kind of crazy for me to see the room because I haven’t seen it in almost 20 years.

I began thinking about The Simpsons because my Mom and I were talking, (about what, I am not sure) but it came up that I would think my “go-to” junk food would be donuts. The  honey glazed, chocolate dipped donuts from Tim Horton to be exact! Now, I don’t really get them very often but I did immediately after my injury and before my surgery because it hurt so badly! It still hurts pretty badly! In our conversation, I said, “Mmmmm donuts!” just like Homer Simpson. I began to laugh and she did not know what I was talking about. My brothers and I were watching the TV, but she wasn’t; so she would know the quote!

I showed my Mom the above video and laughed and laughed. We already have used this quote in conversations that we have had since.  She was the one who said, “Mmmmmm  donuts!”  We both laughed!   I haven’t gotten donuts since I told my Mom about Homer Simpson but we still can laugh and laugh about it!

Stopped Me in My Tracks!

My brother stopped by  my house to help my Mom with transferring me.   The three of us talked for a while once I was safely in my chair and he showed me a picture he had. It was a picture of a picture. I know I have seen this picture before but it made me gasp and completely stopped me in my tracks! I remember taking this picture! Back when we still lived with my parents and I could still walk. I still can remember how soft Sean‘s hair felt on my neck.

I asked Steve to text me the picture and I saved it in my phone. I saved it in the “favorites” of my pictures.   When I went to retrieve it for this blog post, I saw this picture that is also in my “favorites”:

This picture also  made me gasp and stopped me in my tracks! I miss my Dad SO BADLY today!!!