Author: Jen Rios

“Yes I am.”

I’ve been thinking about my aunt Rita a lot lately.

She died of cancer four days after my 8th birthday and four months after my Abuela’s death, her mom.

My Mom recalled and told a story from her youth to me. My Abuela was getting plumbing work done from a neighbor and friend of the family. He was a Canadian-Indian man who spoke broken English with a very thick accent. He was gruff.

He ended up doing work in the bathroom and had my Abuela corral all of the kids. He wanted to speak to the kids (My aunts and uncles). My Mom is one of nine kids. Mr. Giasson asked all of the kids their names. Once he got to my aunt Rita and after she answered, he said, “So, you’re the mean one.“

My aunt was just a teenager then but she unapologetically and without hesitation simply said, “Yes, I am.” I laughed when my Mom told me this story. I told her that maybe I get my feistiness from my aunt! My mom assures me that I get it from my Dad.

For anyone who has known both of my Parents, I am more like my Dad than like my Mom. I once told my Mom that I wished I was more like her and she simply replied, “Yeah.” Like my Dad, I also, “Don’t take nothing off nobody!”

I loved my aunt Rita so much and hearing this story makes me love and miss her even more! It’s only now that I am a grown-up can I really know and appreciate just how strong of a woman she was and the fact that she was unapologetically, “The mean one.”

Reminders

It was rough waking up this morning. The weather is wreaking havoc on me and I just felt, “Off” today. As I waited for my Mom to come over, after I woke up and called her; I listened to, “Electrical Storm” as is my new routine.

I checked my YouTube feed as I waited for her. I came across this song and was immediately reminded of high school. I was driving in my car with the window down and singing this song at the top of my longs! I shared it on Facebook before I clicked on it and placed my phone next to me and kind of laid there almost listlessly as I waited for my Mom:

I laid in my bed without singing. I just listened and remembered my able-bodied times for high school. I think it’s kind of crazy that I have to remember being able-bodied. It really stinks that I no longer am! I was a little bit sad when the song ended and I scrolled through my YouTube feed.

I came across another song that lives in my memory. It’s a more recent memory of being an adult and even living in my house; so it’s not that long ago. Back then, I could barely sing along with this song but remembered washing the dishes to that song and/or falling asleep to it in my bed before my renovations while I still had to wake up in the morning for work:

Immediately after I listened to this song, my Mom came over. She helps me get out of bed and as soon as I was seated in my chair, I was reminded of how bad things have gotten. I appreciated those memories before I got up out of bed and realized how much it stinks having MS and then I became aware of how badly my knee STULL hurts.

A Thumb War

The other day, my niece, Alyssa, was at my house in the morning and she took her shoes off. She didn’t have socks on so my Mom gave her an old pair of Sean’s socks. They were his dress, school socks from fourth grade. The socks fit my niece who is 13.

We sat in my kitchen and I explained to her that by the time Sean was in fourth grade, his feet were bigger than mine. One time, I had two plumbers come to our second apartment and work on my bathtub. One guy told me that I must have a lot of kids. He said that because I kept my Chucks under the desk that was by the corner of my living room.

I didn’t understand what he meant by he said but as they were working, they called me into the bathroom to ask me a question. I stood in the doorway and the same man who said that I had a lot of kids saw me wearing Chucks. He realized that those shoes under the desk were mine. At that time, I think I had 12 pair (All different colors of course!). How do you told him that I only had one son.

I wear a boys’ size 3 in Chuck’s. Sean did not even have those socks when we lived in our second apartment (that’s how they were still in my house). So, Sean has been bigger than me for a long time!

As I am planning this graduation party, I think about how little he used to be. My youngest niece, Cataleya, also came over today and Sean could not get over how small she was. I told him then he was even smaller! He was a preemie and today I realized how small he really was!

His growth has really been getting to me lately. Of course he’s bigger than me! I am only 5 feet tall! A few days ago, we were in my living room and I can’t remember what we were talking about but we ended up having our hands clasped together and Sean suggested that we have a thumb war.

OF COURSE I lost!!! Check out the size disparity. My thumb is the thumb on the left if you didn’t know.

Tune #18 Inspired by GMFB

This morning, Kay and Kyle were at the breakfast table on GMFB. Michael Robinson joined them and he has been on before but he had a goatee today and he had the same graying pattern as my Dad. I liked seeing that.

Anyway, they all were talking about the four players who received a 99 rating in Madden 20:

As impressive as all these guys’ stats and highlights were, the biggest thing I took away from it was Kay telling Kyle they were going to talk about the 99 ratings and he said, “Luft Balloons?” That made me laugh, A LOT! Then they cut to commercial so I quickly tweeted him this:

It’s usually 90s references that make me laugh. That’s MY era but this song is also familiar to me because I have older brothers. So here is this one too and yes, it’s been my head ALL DAY LING!!!

“Our Very Own Higglytown Hero”

The chain in the tank to my toilet flusher broke last night. Sean was at work and worked until late and he was still sleeping this morning. My Mom pulled the lid to the tank of my toilet off so she would be able to flush it. I started to laugh and told her about a memory that just popped into my head.

The spring semester before my senior year as an undergrad, I figured out that if I took 23 credits in the following summer semester and then took 12 credits in the fall, student taught in the winter, and took three classes the next summer, I would be able to get a full-time paying, “Big Girl job” for the 2005-2006 school year so Sean and I could move out of my Parents’ house I discussed my plan regarding the school credits with my Mom. I explained how it would fit in with my plan to be out of my Parents’ house before Sean started kindergarten.

I remember thinking I was going to die halfway through that summer semester before my senior year. It worked out that I took 12 credits and then 11 credits in two 7 week “mini-sessions” in the summer semester. My Mom and I discussed that we would NOT tell my Dad my plan and that he would think that I was just taking a normal 12 credits in the summer.

My Dad died not knowing any of this. So, Sean and I moved into our apartment on August 1, 2005. I think it was a week later that I had three classes in another, “Mini-session during the summer semester just after I had already walked for my undergraduate graduation. (I was in a wheelchair because I had broken my ankle while student teaching). The infamous graduation picture that we will re-create at Sean’s graduation:

The maintenance manager came to our apartment to fix the broken chain on the toilet in our first apartment that caused it to run continuously when Sean came home from my Parents’ house. So here Sean was, three years old, and there was a strange man with his hands in our toilet. He was extremely confused! I told Sean that he was our very own, “Higglytown hero”:

There was a show that Sean watched it at my Parents’ house on Disney Junior. They were Russian dolls

and the show was about all of the trades people who help them solve whatever was wrong. They were mail carriers, plumbers, electricians, etc.

I remember Sean relaxing when I told him about the stranger being, “Our very own Higglytown hero and I remember that Ed (The maintenance manager) was weirded out because he thought I said, “Uglytown” so I had to explain the show to him. I haven’t thought about, “Our very own Higglytown hero” in years! This all happened about 14 years ago… All of this because the chain in my toilet tank broke.

You Know What I Miss? Volume 6

Continuing with the focus on things that people don’t realize I can no longer do.

I miss singing.

I always sang pretty loudly throughout my childhood and even after I had Sean. I sang often in both of our apartments and the beginning years of living in our house. I have been told by some people that I was pretty good. Sean told his preschool classmates that I was in a band. He told them that I was in a band with his, “Aunt Shannon.” I grew up with her and I call her my, “CousinT.” She is an unbelievable singer and she sang throughout high school in school musicals and different choral groups.

We would both sing at the top of our lungs along with the radio or we would sing along with the soundtrack of a musical. I’ve taken the BEST road trip with her because she makes the best mix for us to listen to! Our singing together was fun and easy!

I have pretty much memorized the entire Sara Bareilles album that just came out. However, I don’t belt it out along with her. That would be too tiring! Sometimes I mouth the words or I sing them in my head along with her.

It’s been a couple years since I’ve really sang along with any music that I listen to. Music is a pretty important part of my life and it kind of hurts that I no longer have the stamina to really belt the words out!

I wonder if I ever will again because I know that your vocal cords are muscles but I just don’t have the strength to work them out especially when it doesn’t sound like it used to! This fact is kind of sad because I am home alone a lot so it really doesn’t matter who hears me except, I hear it. The fact that it doesn’t sound good makes me even more sad.

I’ve been listening to this song a lot. I always thought I would be a wine drinker but alas, that’s not very good for people with MS. I will just silently sing along to this song in my head… :

“A Lifer”

A few months after I began working at Barwis Methods, Jesse chose to leave. He was taking a jab elsewhere closer to his family. He had already been priming Adam to begin working with me after he left. On the last day we worked together, I told him I would miss him and he told me that I will always be there because, “[I’m] a lifer.” He meant that I would be working out there forever.

Today marks six years to the day since I began going there. It will be three years since I have been there this October. October 20, 2016 was the last day I worked out there and I was injured on October 21, 2016. Yesterday, Sean, my Mom, and I went to the fifth annual First Step Foundation golf outing and luncheon. We have gone to every single outing! We don’t play golf but we go for the lunch. I guess I am, “A Lifer.”

We ended up getting there a little bit late but we were there in time to see the video they put together of all of the First Steppers. As I watched, I began to cry. I could smell the gym seeing these people working out. I miss that place SO MUCH!!!

All of the major players came to speak to us. We saw and talked to Alex Callahan and her family as soon as we came in, Brock (My Mickey Mouse), Tom Biljan, and Deb and Claudia Tasha with me after the program. I loved seeing all of them! Before we left, my Mom and Sean waited with me to talk to Mike. He gives the BEST hugs!

I not only got one a hug but I got two! His hug is so tight and firm and I feel his good intention every time he hugs me! I went there in my motorized chair and he asked when I would be back at Barwis.

He looked unphased when I told them that I have lost all of my core muscle strength since being in my motorized chair but the knee pain is insane! He looked at me matter-of-factly and told me with conviction, “We’ll get them back!“ Then he added that, “We’ve done it before!”

Hearing him say this to me with such conviction made me feel so much better! I still haven’t quite figured out how I am going to get back there with my knee hurting so badly after the injury and I am having a hard time recovering from surgery but I was hopeful! For the first time in a long time!

He hugged me again as we were parting and my mind started working on how to get back there! I can’t wait to be, “A Lifer” again!

Morrissey/Tommy Page

So, it’s no secret that I’m not really digging Sean’s longer hair. But it’s just hair! This morning when he woke up, He looked like Morrissey. I told him that and he didn’t get the reference so I showed him this picture:

After he got out of the shower and got ready to accompany my Mom and me to the Barwis golf outing and lunch, he looked like Tommy Page. I showed him this picture:

He kind of laughed at the Morrissey picture but he agreed that he kind of looks like Tommy Page. It’s just different. It’s gonna take a while to get used to! Today, after the Barwis golf outing and lunch, I searched Tommy Page’s songs. I remember seeing this episode of Full House when I was younger:

Sean thought Tommy‘s hair is way longer than his is right now. Then I started singing a Morrissey song. This song recording was before he went solo but it was the song I was singing. I still remember the words!

I told Sean that I was going to write a blog post about this and he told me that I was, “Going to write about his hair that is like hair from the 80s and 90s. The worst hair possible!” I don’t really think so but those two guys are who his hair reminded me of today!

Win-Win

My niece, Alyssa, has been stopping by my house for a few days now. She is just going to be starting high school so she can’t drive yet. After we hang out for a while, my Mom drives her to gymnastics. She is an excellent gymnast who has been doing it for most of her life!

I love speaking with her because, like me, she loves to read! I had so much fun speaking with her about books today and we figured out that we have similar tendencies when it comes to reading. I told her it’s because we are both, “Rios girls.” We both laughed at things we do that in are similar like we both love the smell of books and putting the bookmark in your book and then turning the book over so you are staring at the top of it to see how much you have read. She does the same thing!

My Mom recently bought me a bookmark that sits in a book that is taking me a really long time to read! I use my friend’s Christmas card from last year where it shows pictures of her kids as my other, “Bookmark.” I received a book in the mail yesterday and I needed to find a third, “Bookmark.“

I looked around my living room to see some sort of paper to use as my new, “Bookmark.” The picture of my Dad and me and my high school graduation is my new bookmark! I am ABSOLUTELY loving the book I got in the mail yesterday! I have been reading it all day long!

Every so often though, I have to put the picture of my Dad and me into the book and close it to give my eyes a little rest. MS really stinks! I only give myself some time until the green leopard print fades before I can pick up the book again! This is really a, “Win-Win” situation though! Each time I pick up at the book to begin reading again, I get to see the picture of my Dad and me at my high school graduation that I just ran across a few days ago!

Each time I place the picture back into the book, you KNOW I have to turn it over so I can see the top and see how far I have read! Just like Alyssa! That makes me smile! I only wish I could read the book faster!