Author: Jen Rios

I Forgot

I have had very long hair since I was a child. I remember seeing a picture of me in my school uniform laughing when I was in second grade with my head tilted to the side and my side ponytail showed my hair down to my shins. I wasn’t very tall but my hair was pretty long anyway. I remember I came across a picture from high school that was a nice one that showed how long my hair was:

I’ve written before about how I chopped all my hair off on my 26th birthday:

I think this picture was taken a couple years after I turned 26 but my hair has not been on my neck for the past 12 years. Well, here it is now:

The summer after I cut it, I could run a comb through it after my shower when it was still wet and then shake my hair with my hands and that would be that. Fast forward 12 years and four months in quarantine later and my hair is longer now and I cannot have wet hair any longer. My disease has progressed far enough where my sensory disorder no longer allows me to have wet hair for a long period of time. I would be too cold. My hair takes, “A three act play” for me to dry it completely, because I have to pause multiple times in order to not overheat now that my hair is so long.

This morning, as my Mom washed my hair, it was really knotty as she ran a comb through my hair to see if all the shampoo was out. She asked me if I combed my hair this morning and I replied, “I forgot!” I’m so out of touch with having long hair that I seriously forgot that is something you need to do every day! Running my hands through my hair will not cut it at all now!

Extreme Chew Toys

I received another package from Chewy today. Leia has torn up all of the chew toys that I have bought her! For my last order, I clicked on the, “Extreme” tab when choosing toys. It seems that she requires extreme chew toys. She likes it:

This chew toy held up today and I hope it lasts a lot longer!

Terror OR, “Good Teeth”?

So, it’s no wonder that I have been holed up in my house for the past four months because I am absolutely terrified of this disease! I am certain that my broken immune system will not be able to handle that at all and I don’t want to think about what that really means. Being terrified of the virus has always made me think of this scene from The Sword and the Stone:

As the death toll mounted, I couldn’t bring myself to share my thoughts about COVID-19. It was disrespectful! I saw this map this morning while watching the news:

Seeing this map rekindled my terror!!! But I have a dental cleaning appointment tomorrow. I have gotten my teeth cleaned every six months since Sean started getting his teeth cleaned. I liked it when he got a little bit older and I was able to book our appointments simultaneously so he could get his teeth done at the same time I got mine. Now that he has graduated from high school, I no longer have to make his cleaning appointments and my Mom is going to take me tomorrow because Dr. Fox just told me that I’ve always had good teeth so I want to keep that up!

I shared my original thoughts on COVID-19 by sharing this video because it is keeping terror at bay! Or at least out of my mind while I exit my house for the second time in those four months to get my teeth cleaned.

Me and my Broken Immune System

I’ve read a lot of opinions about what exactly is wrong with my immune system and why it is attacking my nervous system. #MSsucks!!! Regardless, after I finished my silent tears in my driveway with my mask and sunglasses on, I took a moment to think about the fact that I was completely overwhelmed at having left my house yesterday for the first time in four months:

I thought of this song and how I told Mr. Wright about it while I was still working. I told them that I liked it and suggested it to him after hearing a live version on the radio the night before. He listened to it and told me that they were,“A boy band.” I laughed but I really liked hearing the live version of this song. Maybe they are but I dug it!:

Tunes. Tears, and “Good Teeth”

I hadn’t been in my car for four months and once I was loaded clearly into it (a really BIG ordeal), I turned the radio on. I bought myself ask somebody do you when I graduated from grad school. I have an extremely eclectic presets in my car and this was the first song I heard:

This song reminds me of the Olympics and eating at Logan‘s roadhouse with Sean. I took this as a good omen! Mom was reminded of my car radio ADD as a constantly changed the presets. She just let me change the station at will because she knows that I really don’t get out of the house often and especially now! I was EXTREMELY terrified to even be out of my house! As I change the stations, I heard some vintage Maroon 5 in Taylor Swift and I liked that. On the right there I heard this Bruno Mars song:

My Mom really didn’t like that song but on the way back, I heard:

We were about halfway there before I start really being attention to the radio and started to realize the magnitude of being outside. I begin to cry. I didn’t wipe my face and I knew my Mom couldn’t tell that I was crying anyway:

Once we get into the dentist, it was different with the masks and the questions but it really was the same because I have been going to the dentist for the past 30 years! Sean has gone there for the past 15 as well. Dr. Fox talked with me and my Mom showed him the gross pictures of my mouth before he began his exam. Just before he started his exam of my mouth, he told me that he did not think we would find anything because I have, “Always had good teeth!” That made me smile because I don’t know that he has ever told me that before.

he gave me a thorough exam and put my mouthguard in my mouth which still fit. He talked about possible electric toothbrushes because I explained about being heavy-handed and scratching my gums occasionally. He had Joan get me another toothbrush and since my Mom was with me, she got one too because Dr. Fox’s her dentist as well!

As we waited for the toothbrushes at the front desk, he begin writing in my file and he and my Mom talked about my brothers and my dental work that we all had there. As he was writing, I’d let him know that he was the first adult I met who was also left-handed! He laughed and said that he has been for the past 40 years as well! My Mom talked about my Dad and my brothers and my dental work again and he talked about my good exam again and I responded that, “My Dad would be proud!”

Once we got home, I waited in the car as my Mom went inside and attended to Leia because we had crated her. Something we haven’t done since we first got her. I stared off into space and vaguely remember hearing the music but not listening to it and I began to cry again because this whole thing was pretty overwhelming! I had the terror of being outside amid this virus but also I had thoughts of my Dad and all of the time we spent at that dentist office. It really did feel like, “Home!”

Terrified OR #Matchers!

So, sometime in my earlier days of being the Reading Specialist at my school, I started to experience TMJ. I was seeing Parker then and I remember telling him that I had never been punched in the face but that’s how my jaw feels! He worked on my face muscles and made them feel better. He told me that I should talk to my dentist about getting fitted for a mouthguard to help with the pain because I am most likely I’m grinding my teeth at night.

i’m sure that Dr. Fox was able to see me within a week. As a teacher who had just finished her masters degree and had just become the school’s Reading Specialist and was being given the task of learning and implementing two reading programs to the school, what an earth did I have to be stressed about?!

So, because of my teeth grinding at night, I started to wear my newly acquired mouthguard every night. It’s been part of my routine for years. But then, probably a couple weeks ago, I woke up to large blood blisters on my upper gums on both sides of my mouth. I didn’t know they were blood blisters until the one on the right side of my mouth burst. It’s pretty gross to taste a mouth full of blood!

When we called the dentist, I gave her my history of having the mouthguard and she was not surprised at all and said I may need to adjust it or get fit for a new one. I made the appointment for yesterday.

Now, I haven’t been out of my house since February 19th. After months of watching the death toll rise, the thought of leaving the house terrified me but my newly developed mouth sores terrified me a little bit more! I had no choice but to get it checked out!

I recently ordered a second pair of sunglasses because they were really comfortable and did and excellent job of completely blocking out the sunlight from my eyes. My Mom wanted to borrow them yesterday because it was sunny so we were #Matchers! The masks that my best friend had made us, we were #ExtraMatchers!!!

4 Months

I had to leave my house for the first time in four months (to the day) to go to the dentist. I will explain my dental problem later (probably tomorrow) because I am so tired. It really is a strange, new, “Normal”:

I was out of my house for a few hours and the whole ordeal involved some good music, tears, and lots of hearing my Dad‘s voice:

I got this mug from my cousin, Kimmy, not too long ago. Those words are what I heard my Dad say to me.

A Distant Speck in my Rearview Mirror

So, last night, my Mom and I w arched 13 Going On 30. I haven’t seen that movie in like 15 years or so. I think I was a junior in high school when it came out. I forgot how much I dog and still dig this song!:

It was when this song was playing in the movie that I realized that 30 is a distant speck in my rearview mirror! I am rapidly approaching 40 and 30 seems so long ago! When I realized this toward the end of the movie, I thought of this song as well:

No, this song was my JAM for sure hand for so many reasons but I remember also thinking that 30 was old! If 30 is old, I am SO MUCH older! I’m totally okay with that regardless! At least I thought of some really good tunes yesterday no will be able to access them anytime on my blog!