Author: Jen Rios

Having had MS for just over 20 years now, I am no stranger to, “Can’t”s. Over the past two decades, I have seen many abilities diminish or be completely gone. A lot of these are very slow progressing so I’ve had time to deal with and process them. I’ve taken these, “Can’t”s in stride because there is no other way to handle it.

It has been almost three years since I taught in the classroom. I’ve had almost three years to process the fact that I am no longer teaching in the classroom but it is definitely NOT easy. I miss my ability to teach every day.

When I wake up in the morning, I’ll check my phone as I call my Mom to tell her that I am awake so she can help me to get out of bed. I will check any texts I have missed throughout the night and my emails as well. Checking my email this morning startled me. I read this email as soon as I opened my eyes:

The email told me that my teaching certificate will expire in 177 days. I have been a certified teacher since the spring of 2005.

And in 177 days, I will no longer be a certified teacher. Reading this email made me catch my breath and it was a little startling.

I haven’t been in the classroom for almost 3 years but this kind of hurt! I am no longer in the classroom because MS has decided to take that ability away from me as well. I always thought I would retire from teaching about 30 years from now. Instead, I was forced to stop teaching almost 3 years ago. My certificate expires on July 1, 2021

There is no point to renewing my certificate because I am no longer able to teach. This morning, I was startled and I will say that this, “Can’t” hurts a little bit more because if I could, I still would.

It has been established since right after we got Leia that she is not allowed in my bedroom. That was established very shortly after we got her and after two or three accidents that she had IN MY ROOM as she was getting used to the house and us. I do NOT forget so she’s NOT allowed in my room!

So, last night, (actually pretty early this morning) as my Mom helped to get me into bed, Leia stood in my doorway. It’s pretty involved transferring me out of my wheelchair given that my Mom and I are the same height. We have figured out how to do this and it just takes a few steps.

My Mom told Leia to, “Sit” as she was getting me out of my wheelchair. As we were making the necessary adjustments, we heard the click of Leia’s feet on my hardwood floor and when my Mom turned her head, she was just in time to see Leia sit upright.

What we have noticed, is that when Leia is told to, “Sit” and she really doesn’t want to, she inches her butt forward. The clicking was her front paws.

My Mom and I stopped to look at Leia and laughed because she had inched forward about a foot into my room. We laughed when we saw her and My Mon said that Leia likes to play, “Mother, May I?” I laughed as my Mom finished getting me into bed and she took Leia out of my room.

I remember my first job at the athletic clothing store, “Superstars” in the mall. My manager’s name was Chandler and we were alone in the store one weekend morning and he was in the back and I was seated at the cash register. I sneezed just as he opened the door from the back.

We were still alone in the store and he walked up to the cash register and looked at me incredulously. He asked me if it was me who just sneezed. when I told him that it was, he told me that I sounded like a 90-year-old Italian woman. I laughed and told him that it was just me in the store.

I sneeze pretty loudly and blow my nose just as loudly! It’s definitely NOT lady like but I always remember him saying that about me being old Italian woman.

Well, Leia has been living in my house for nine months now. I had yet to hear her sneeze. That is until yesterday. It was a little baby sneeze. But what can I expect from a dog who is about 36 pounds?! Of course she would have a baby sneeze! It was super cute but I think most things she does is super cute anyway. Except when she needs a bath because then I just call her, “Stinky girl.”