In 18 days, it will be 22 months since my knee injury. It still hurts me every single day! I wake up in pain and I go to sleep in pain. It is a constant ache even today that I’m am still trying to get used to. Sadly, I have gotten used to the fact that it’s always going to hurt.
Recently, I have noticed that my knee cracks like an old person. Because I am NOT working out at Barwis Methods, I have lost strength in my legs to keep my feet off of the floor; as I move around my house, consequently, my feet drag on the floor now. Whenever I change directions, my foot kind of gets caught up in the direction change, my knee will crack. It feels like that crack is coming from the back of my knee. It sounds like knuckles cracking. I crack my knuckles but instead of feeling that relief when the knuckle cracks, this kind of hurts a little bit. This cracking happens kind of often during the day.
So, I’ve been dealing with this constant ache coupled with this new cracking for about a month. It always throws me for a loop when there’s a different kind of pain or pain I haven’t experienced in a while. The case in point I am speaking of happened the day before yesterday when my Mom was changing my compression socks.
I started wearing compression socks about three or four years ago. I had one pair that I would wear for a couple of days, take them off, wash them, let them dry, and put them back on a couple of days after I took them off. I could go a few days without wearing compression socks before my ankles began to swell. I didn’t wear compression socks in the summer because it was very uncomfortable with the heat.
Now, I say I would take them off and put them on and by saying,”I” I mean, “My Mom.” Fast forward three or four years to my health today: I have to wear compression socks 24 hours a day. If I do not have them on, my feet turn purple and hurt. I have two sets of compression socks now. One to wash and one to wear. Taking compression socks off or putting them on is no easy feat! My Mom is quite adept at doing it, however. To get my socks off, my legs and feet washed off, and my new socks on takes about an hour.
We have figured out that the best way to do this is in my bathroom. I sit on the toilet seat so the tank can hold me up because I have lost all of my core strength that I had regained at Barwis Methods. My mom sits on the edge of the tub so she is seated a little bit lower than me and can pull my leg onto her lap. It is also easier to wash my legs off using the tub and a wash cloth. Furthermore, when this, “Changing of the Guard” takes place, I have to take my pants off because my compression socks are thigh highs. So, it is only fitting that I am pants-less in my bathroom and not just hanging out in my house.
So, my mom did this a couple of days ago and she had just finished putting my right leg sock and shoe on (my feet can’t touch the ground just in socks because that feels terrible and I freak out. I need the traction of my shoe). As she put my leg down off of her lap, my knee popped out which it hasn’t done for a very long time. it startled me so much because I hadn’t experienced it in a couple of months and I gasped. Usually my Mom can just pop my knee back in quickly. But for some reason, it would not pop in. As she kept trying to get my knee to pop in I begin to cry. It was an “ugly cry” I am sure. I sobbed! It hurt so badly!
My knee is ruined! 22 months after my injury, it’s still painfully popping out. My knee is COMPLETELY ruined! My Dad used to say, “Roont”. When my knee finally popped back into place, it especially hurt after that! I thought about the countless doctors appointments I’ve been to, physical therapy, the surgery, more physical therapy, the procedure to scrape my tendon, more doctors’appointments! Once back in my wheelchair, I just thought about the fact that my knee is roont!
*** A sidenote, a silver lining even, amid all of this ruin, as my mom was changing my socks, I was barefoot and just for a moment the side of my heel of my left foot touched the floor ever so slightly and it felt cool. I don’t know if it was cold and I didn’t want to test the fates but perhaps all of the thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs I have received regarding not being able to feel the cold of my bathroom tiles on my feet are being answered! Thanks God!!!***