So, yesterday I felt a bit wonky. Probably because I am not doing well with dealing with my disease progression. 21 years seem to be a little bit much for me! My Mom had laid down for a nap so I was going to watch something on TV. I turned the TV on and just saw the opening scene of this gem! This is my ABSOLUTE favorite Hallmark movie!:
Subconsciously, I compare ALL Hallmark movies with this one! `
Think I like this scene the best because it shows that they belong together! They got married
This was the first movie that I was watching that Sean commented on wondering what it was about. I have been watching the same movies over and over again for his entire life! I don’t know why thought it would be different! He commented on it when he was headed to his room and he turned his head to say something to me at the same time that I begin mouthing the song he was singing in the movie. I love the words that go along with this scene in the movie and her name is Sarah in the movie and her favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip ALSO!!!
And they have belonged together the whole time!
I love these are the final scenes with them getting married!!!
I don’t know how many times I have seen this movie but I’m sure it’s somewhere around 200 or so…?:
I had a difficult morning today! I was going to write about the fact that I am afraid of it and I do not like my, “New normal.” It seems that it’s taking me longer to wake up and move around and be coherent and that scares me. Things are becoming more difficult for me to accomplish. That really stinks!
I made my way to my living room still not feeling well but I knew that I needed Chapstick. I started laughing once I looked at what I will now call my, “Bag of Chapstick.”
The memory is a little hazy but I remember two students being close to my desk. One of them knocked some things off of my desk and the other student somehow exclaimed some thing about, “You dropped her bag of lotion!” I had never heard that before but I laughed kind of a lot! As I laughEd, he said, “Well, that’s what it is! And it really wasLet me explain:
I think it had to be The winter of 2007 or 2008 and my disease had just begun progressing into things that I didn’t even realize but now I know. What was happening in the winter of 2007 or 2008, (well, really BOTH of them!) What is that my hands would get really dry and when it was cold, they would subsequently crack and eventually, they would bleed. At that point, it was clear that I do not like heavy lotions on my body or even my hands. so, my hands would be dry most of the time and in the winter months when it was cold, they would crack and bleed. Sometimes it would start as early as mid October and would go until late February.
to counteract my dry hands, I went to the health food store that say would buy my organic things from. They had a bunch of different lotions and I told the sales person to tell me the lotion to use if I do not like the feel of lotions on my hands. They showed me the specific one and allowed me to test it. It was really light on my skin and I bought one. It was kind of pricey. Hey it had a strange packaging to it, it was shaped funny. it was a hard plastic tube that opened from the bottom and it was shaped kind of like a ball just before the opening and then it had a thinner handle Toward the end opposite of its opening.
I think I had left the tube in my car overnight so it cracked and I wasn’t done using the lotion yet! I put it in a Ziploc gallon bag and just let the lotion seep out inside of the bag. It WAS very expensive on my single mother, teacher’s salary. I had to make it last! It was the only lotion that felt good on my skin. retrospectively, that probably wasn’t the most sanitary option. I use that lotion for a long time but I didn’t buy another one until my hands cracking and bleeding again became a problem. I went back to the store and bought another lotion to deal with my hands that were dry and bleeding. I was in a different classroom then and it was extremely cold in the winter in there. The lotion cracked while I was teaching in the class. I was close to the kitchen in the cafeteria and I got another Ziploc bag to put the cracked lotion tube in.
Now that I no longer work, my hands do not crack and bleed in the winter anymore. I am not out in the elements very often these days. I really appreciated that today that I was able to remember a fond memory from my teaching days and that amused me! Now, I am on a fixed income but I would not say that the chapstick was “Extremely pricey” like the lotion was but it’s more of a “Principle of the matter” for me. Now that I no longer work, I finish chapstick completely! I have posted pictures of completely used chapstick tubes on my blog before! So, even though it wasn’t pricey, I HAVE TO finish it! I remembered my, “Bag of lotion” so now I have a, “Bag of chapstick.” I am almost finished with this tube anyway. I dropped the cap yesterday and I think it rolled under my TV stand for the cable box.
I heard this commercial last night before the YouTube video I was watching played. I know that I have posted about this song before but I heard it again this morning! I remember that song being my jam and I couldn’t place what year it was. I googled it and Fade Into You came out in 1993. I was 11 years old! Back then I was known as, “Jenny.”
So, since I heard this commercial twice I had to post it here so I can listen to the full song whenever I want!
This is the last post I will write before Christmas. I have had a couple of MS-y days so I was unable to write it earlier but, when I watch the Rams game on Monday Night Football, I listened to the music before the commercials. I jammed to these three songs and thought, “This is MY music!” And I am almost 40! These kids need to get their own music!:
Now, I was an adult when this song came out but I remember teaching and my kids LOVED this one so I did too!:
And when this one started, I couldn’t believe it because this man has been dead for 25 years! They definitely need to get their own music!!!
When Sean was 12, I would tell him to NOT to open any packages that arrive! And I remember one Christmas, I think he was 13 or 14 when I ordered free weights for him. Two sets. I ordered a set of 15s and a set of 25s They came in two boxes, one with the set of 15 pound weights and the next box had a set of 25 pound weights. Needless to say, neither I nor my Mom could carry them into our house. We left them on the porch and when Sean got home, I told him, “ Merry Christmas! Those are a couple of your presence. They’re too heavy for me or Abuela to carry so just bring them in. So…” But now, I have progressed to 100% online shopping. I laughed when I saw this on Facebook:
I have been completely tracking my packages! Uncharacteristically, I was late in ordering all of my Christmas presents. But because I have been tracking my packages,ALL of them are going to arrive on time, even my Christmas ornaments! I hope next year I feel more Christmas-y!!!
Sean came over a couple days ago and told me that he saw a Tik Tok video with a dog knocking over a Christmas tree! He told me that when he saw that that he said that I would totally lose my mind! He is 100% correct! I’ve had many of my Christmas ornaments for 20 years! I am a very sentimental person and I am completely certain that if Leia knocked my Christmas tree over and broke any of my ornaments, I would have to hate her! And because I love her so much, my Christmas tree still looks like this because she is just 2 1/2!:
No ornaments and I still have yet to find my tree skirt but this is it! given this is the second year of the pandemic, I’m really not feeling very Christmas-y, so much so that the Christmas ornaments I ordered this year are supposed to be delivered on the 27th. I’m OK with that though, they’re not going on the tree anyway and it’s a gift for me to open and open up on my 21 year anniversary of being diagnosed with MS that happens on the 28th.
Last night, my Mom bundled Leia up in a blanket in her bed to go to sleep like she does every night. She then was going to help me to get into my bed. Upon transferring from my wheelchair to my bed, I faltered a little bit and a groaned an, “Oh!” three times as I trying to get my footing as my Mom guided me into my bed. Leia, upon hearing my groans, jumped out of her bed and ran into my room. I saw her do this over my Mom‘s shoulder and I smiled! My sweet girl! My Mom turned her head after I was safely laying in my bed and she rubbed her head and called her, “Beautiful girl.”
Since I was laying on my bed, my Mom went back to Sean‘s room to put Leia back into bed with her blanket because my Mom already knew that since Leia jumped out of her bed to help us, the blanket was sprawled all across the floor. Once Leia was all tucked in, my Mom came back to stretch my legs and this song played over and over in my head and I thought of listening to this CD when I was going to work at 7-Eleven in the early morning in the summer after high school:
My speech pathologist messaged me a list of words to read off of. It was very similar to the lists of words are used to give my students to read to me. The purpose of me doing this was to see what they were able to read. For me, the purpose of Meira giving me these lists is to see whether or not I am able to say them. I still need to read the third list tonight but I am looking forward to it.
I talked to my best friend today and told her that I need to talk on the phone. She has heard me sound drunk before when we spoke on the phone so she is completely all right with me talking with her. I have spoke to Sean on the phone a couple times today and I asked him how I sounded and he told me that he can tell that I am working on it! But, Meira says if I practice a lot, I may NOT lose my speech. I will hope for that because so much is so difficult for me now! Now, chewing food and speaking is difficult.
The most recent difficulties I have been experiencing startle me and I wonder what else is there to become more difficult if not no longer able to complete. This really scares me. But I have to read my third list and I am tired! I can’t believe talking is tiring for me!!!
I had my first successful virtual visit with my speech pathologist today. I was scheduled last week but I couldn’t logon so she just ended up calling me and we spoke about what we were going to work on. I was able to logon today after calling tech-support this morning. She was having difficulty logging on so it took a moment but we spoke via video chat.
I really like her and I’m comfortable with her. Today, we worked on annunciation of words and she gave me an acronym to remember. She told me that in my level of dysarthria and having multiple sclerosis that my, “Normal” is, “Slurred.” That statement blew my mind tremendously!!! I actually started to cry as I let that sunk in. We only talked for about a half hour but I was thoroughly tired! The fact that my, “Normal” sounds, “Slurred” to people without MS difficult is ato get my mind around! She told me that I am missing a feedback loop and that’s from having MS.
She gave me homework to do before next week. I have told her that I only text to people and I do not talk on the phone anymore. She said THAT will be my homework. I HAVE TO talk on the phone! I am a little bit nervous because speaking as she says is very, “Effortful.” I have to think about who I will talk to but says that the more I practice, the easier it will be for me to do this. but right now, I am way too tired to talk to anyone!
