Category: A Bit Of Randomness

Today, as I sat with my hands balled into fists on either side of on my waist and my leg outstretched for my Mom to put the patches on my knee for my tens unit, I mumbled something just barely audible. I was staring off into space and trying to get the strength I needed to continue the day. My Mom asked me to say it again and I did.

I told her that, “It is tiring to live in this body.” I continued staring off into space as she told me, “I know. I am sorry.” I think it was the rain throughout the night that is making me feel awful, but I DO feel awful! I just sigh and hope that tomorrow is better but I already know that is NOT likely.

Continuing with the focus on things that people don’t realize I can no longer do. 

I miss, being able to blow my nose.

Something that I realized kind of recently and it makes me sad is that I do not have the strength in my body/lungs to blow my nose anymore. I mean, REALLY blow my nose. It is something that I never realized and now, it makes sense.

I have been told that, “All Rioses sound the same when they blow their nose. I think it was a friend who told me that when I was younger. They were speaking of my immediate family. I remember commenting that, “That’s ’s NOT good because I am the only girl!!” But sadly, it IS true. I sound just like my brothers when I blow my nose! It has been a huge HONK for a long time!

I remember the math teacher from across the hall when I was The Reading Specialist. My classroom/office was located on the second floor and she would laugh every single time I blew my nose and she heard it in her classroom! I also remember telling my students on the first day of class as I gave them the lowdown of being a student in my classroom. I used to tell them that I am going to have to blow my nose a lot and it is loud! I’m not embarrassed! I’m just telling you that because I have to, “Take care a binness!” It would get a laugh on the first day of class but I eventually showed him that it was true!

But now, I do not have enough strength to muster up a good nose flow. I only can blow my nose when I sneeze. Then, the air is forced out of my nose. I have figured out that I sneeze twice and if I don’t catch it one of those two times, very rarely do I get a third shot. I have and keep a folded piece of toilet paper in my possession. Usually in my hoodie pocket in the front.

I can’t have a box of Kleenex around me because as Kleenex get used, I can NOT pull it out of the box easily because I can’t control my hands that much anymore. But, I have always been just a little bit, “Ghetto.” I used to hold a Kleenex box raffle in the beginning of the year to get my students to bring in boxes of Kleenex. And for each box, they would get a ticket. Then, I would ask the class what they wanted for a prize. Usually, it was a large bag of hot Cheetos. I would keep a roll of the one ply toilet paper they had when we ran out of Kleenex and I would tell them that, “If you are not proud, you can use this!“ as I put it on my table. We usually ran out of Kleenex boxes in February.

I was thinking about this with some fondness. I actually sleep with three rolls of toilet paper on my nightstand to use during the night. At least one roll ends up on the floor by my bed every night but sometimes all three end up on the floor! I think it’s crazy that I can no longer do the simplest things. Maybe the word should not be crazy but, “sad” instead. But it makes sense. I can no longer fill my lungs up to sing so why would I have enough strength to fill my lungs up to blow my nose?!

I am really not sure how to begin this blog post. I guess that I should start with my limitations:

I first need to say that I no longer can regulate my body temperature. I spend my days switching from wearing a hoodie to taking a hoodie off all day long!

Another limitation I have is chewing my food. It has become extremely difficult! So much so that the foods I eat are very limited and I drink my breakfast and lunch every day and I have been doing that for months now. If anyone wants to buy me Atkins shakes, (I would NOT be adverse to it! I drink the Dark Chocolate Royale. Because those bad boys are expensive!) 😜😜😜

Now, with that being said, today was the day that I could answer my Mom’s question in the affirmative. Yes. The answer is yes! Now, let me tell you the question.

A little while ago, I ordered some T-shirts in a size medium. I used to wear size medium when I was 28. I gradually moved up to a large and after I stopped working, I was an extra large for a short time, (NOT that I am proud to admit that!)

As my T-shirts and my sweatshirts we’re getting too baggy for me, my Mom told me to order new T-shirts and a sweatshirt. Over the years, I have found that the nflshop.com and Fanatics.com make excellent sweatshirts and T-shirts. They are comfortable! So, I went on Fanatics.com and looked for some T-shirts because the weather was getting warmer.

Being on disability, I need to make my money stretch! I agreed with my Mom that I needed new T-shirts because they were getting too big for me. So, I looked through this site in the middle of the night a couple months ago.

I graduated from U of M Dearborn and can clearly remember the speaker at my masters degree graduation ending her speech with, “Go Blue Forever!” To tons of cheers from the gym in response. So, saying that I purchased shirts and sweatshirts from either the nflshop.com or fanatics.com, I tend to look at the U of M apparel most. I do, however, buy a shirt from them every year during March Madness to whatever school knocks Michigan State out of the tournament.

For the last two years, they have also knocked Michigan out but I still rock the shirts because they also knocked Michigan State out! Sean tells me that I am petty but I don’t care! We talked about the fact that I have an alma mater and that most of the clothes have a Jordan logo on them.

So, remembering that I am on a fixed income, the fact that vintage Michigan T-shirt with just the word Michigan in maize written across a navy blue shirt was on sale, I bought four of them. I think it was a month later that I bought one sized medium sweatshirt with the same maize lettering and a navy blue sweatshirt.

The question my mom asked me thinking it was absurd was that, ”Are you always going to wear Michigan T-shirts? (Because I have four of the same shirts now and a sweatshirt that looks the same). I was unbothered by the question and I looked at her and matter-of-factly said, “Yes. The answer is, ‘Yes!’” I changed out of a large Michigan sweatshirt and a medium Michigan T-shirt to a clean, medium Michigan sweatshirt and a medium Michigan T-shirt.

I sent this picture to Sean last Wednesday:

He put this picture on his Snapchat story and said, “My Abuela spoils my dog!” But let me just set the record straight and say that it was ME who bought Leia the raincoat! I bought it last year when she first came to us after a Facebook friend and former colleague posted this picture of her Mazzie:

As soon as I saw that picture, I got on Chewy and HAD TO order one for Leia! I don’t have a daughter and I will never be able to buy pink clothes and have them in my house and I hope that grandkids are far off still so as my grand dog, she deserves the best! (and she fills the void). I can buy her pink things!

Leia wasn’t having anything to do with the raincoat last summer and I told Lynn how disappointed I was because she wouldn’t wear it. She told me that it took a while to get Mazzie used to it as well.

So this year, Leia has decided that she dislikes the raincoat LESS then she dislikes the rain! She didn’t go out for walks in the rain last year but now that she’s older, and she will put the raincoat on, and take a walk in the rain. My Mom tells me that she hops over the puddles like a “Little pony.” That is some thing I really would like to see but I can’t believe it because I have seen her hop around the backyard like a pony.

Sean said that it looked like Leia was not having any part of the raincoat! My Mom sent the photo to her sister and my aunt said that we should teach her how to smile. I spent yesterday calling her and saying, “Cheese!,” and smiling. It didn’t work. She didn’t want any part of that either. It’s a work in progress and she’s still young!

I saw this video in my YouTube feed because Big Brother KNEE that my soul soul needed this! I had never seen this version of the video before but I have since been trying three or four times to put the video here on my blog and it’s not allowing me. This is what it says;

So, I put the official music video here see you can hear the song that my soul needed to hear! A song that brings back vivid memories of living in my dorm room on the fifth floor of Harvey Hall and driving my car down E. Pine Dr. to get off campus. This song, for me, chronicles at a time when I was carefree and didn’t know I was taking things for granted. You know, things like walking and driving.

This song takes place long before the Reality and pain would rtt in! I left Western’s campus for the final time a few weeks pregnant and I didn’t even know it yet.

I awakened a little bit early this morning and I need to address a couple of things: I saw a post on Facebook that showed the Festival of Redheads that takes place in Ireland!!! I loved it and shared it and commented:

I love seeing that because I have always wanted red hair for my entire life! Check out these pictures!:

The fact that this was in Ireland just made it even better for me! Imagine how that sounds?! All of those Irish accents!!

But then, I was texted that to aunt Uncle which is also something extremely dear to me! And reminded me of why I will NEVER get on a commercial plane again! I started reading this article and began to cry and I continued crying for a while after I finished reading it!:

https://apple.news/AgM01m2FjQvOMy9qv3jPtFw

I couldn’t copy the picture but I heard you all to click on the link and read about the treatment of wheelchair users! I also cried because I will never be able to witness the Festival of Redheads! Anyone with access to a private jet, if I can borrow it to go to Ireland for in the Festival of Redheads (even though I do NOT have red hair) that would be great!

Yesterday was my annual appointment with my neurologist. From the second I opened my eyes, I felt tense. My Mom came into my room to help me out of bed and asked what was wrong. I told her that, “I’m nervous!” She asked me as she grabbed my ankles, “What are you nervous about? Are you afraid they are going to tell you that you have MS?!” I had to laugh at that! There was really no reason for me to be be nervous.

My Mom has described my neurologist as, “Kind.” She really is! It’s not that my other two neurologists were not but it’s comforting that she IS. Historically, I have only gone to the neurologist once a year because my insurance counted those visits as specialty visits so they cost more. But now that I don’t work, I am on Medicare and Medicaid because I am disabled. Maybe I can see her more to monitor the progress of my disease.

She filled all of my necessary prescriptions and my prescriptions for durable medical supplies that I need at this point. Overall, it was a really good visit! She asked me if I have any new symptoms and I spoke of my swallowing difficulty and my speech problems at times. She typed a lot of things into her computer and told me that I will receive calls to schedule a, “Swallowing test” and a consultation with a speech therapist. She told me that based on those results, they may suggest diet change and can possibly pay for my protein shakes because that is what I drink for both breakfast and lunch. She also told me that I will receive a call to schedule an MRI. At the end of the appointment, Suzanne came in. She has been my MS nurse for a very long time! She will be retiring next year.

After the appointment, we stopped and got Swarmmas because they are delicious and I got a mini thin mints blizzard because that is also delicious! After that little bit of excitement, I had to get home. This heat is killing me!!! My blood pressure was a little elevated because I normally am a 90/50 but it still was within a normal range. I was the last appointment in the neurology clinic and was the only one there. Because everything is so different with checkpoints and stuff. Maybe that was the cause of the elevation and my blood pressure. But let’s not forget that this heat is KILLING me!!!