Author: Jen Rios

The snow was CRAZY yesterday!!!  I was late to work and when I finally get there; I wasn’t sure what I was going to do because there was SO MUCH SNOW!  I called the school and told them that I needed help.  Ms. Donna came out and got my bags and the leg rests to my chair.  Mr Cooper and Mr. Schwartz came out to assist me in getting out of the car.  I opened my door and exclaimed, “I didn’t know we were in a snow globe!”  They laughed.  Coop pushed me into the school.  By the time we were in the building, I was covered and my wheels were caked with snow!  The main office is just off the door and Coop announces that, “the snowman is here!”  We laughed but it WAS a BIG mess!  The custodian shoveled around my car and helped me get into my car sat the end of the day.

I pull into the parking lot at Barwis into my normal spot and my car kind of gets stuck.  It sunk in all of the snow.  I opened my door and saw all of the snow and knew there was NO way for me to get out.  I pulled out and decided to check out the disabled parking on the other side of the door to Barwis.  It was even worse on this side!  So I go back to my normal spot.  I texted Phil and told him that, “I have no idea what I am supposed to do!!!”  Just as I sent this text, I see Connor running out to my car with a shovel.  My savior!!! (not in a blasphemous way) because he was coming to save me from ” danger, harm, or failure” as Merrian-Webster online says.  He came to my car and started shoveling.  I asked him where his coat was (he was only wearing a hoodie) and he kind of scoffed and said he DIDN’T need a coat.  Must be a guy thing because Phil NEVER wears a coat when he takes me out to my car.  I asked Connor if it was in his job description to shovel.  He kind of laughed and told me, “to take care of client’s well-being… Yeah, I guess it is.”  I was able to get out of the car and Connor got the leg rests to my wheelchair out of the trunk.  He handed me the shovel and told me that he would push me.  I told him that I’ll be Pocahontas and sang “just around the river bend” and started moving the shovel like it was an oar.

Connor pushed me all the way in and I started the ritual of wiping my wheels off.  Phil begins stretching me at the Keiser machine.  When he was stretching me, I asked him if he will see it as a tribute to him when I am walking.  He looks at me and furrows his brows and asks why it would be a tribute to him.  I tell him, “because you’re doing this” and point to him stretching my left leg.  I told him that he was teaching me how to walk again.  He kind of shrugged.  I told him that I used to have this same conversation with Jesse.  He asked when Jesse said and I told him that Jesse told me that he already sees it.  Phil agreed with that statement and told me that he sees it too.

Then it was time to do this thing!  Lindsay was helping.  I got 7 yards and then 4 and then 6.  It was 4th and 3 and I had already got 17 yards.  I was going for it!  I told Phil that I could see the red line.  Phil told me it was actually yellow.  I told him, “Not for 4th down!”  Oh, I know MY football!  Larry helped me and Phil this time.  Nothing.  I couldn’t get my feet to move.  I punted instead.  At least Phil and Jesse can see me walking.  I’m having difficulty seeing that right now.  Must be the cold.  I think I’m hibernating or something.  At least I can still get yards off.

TOTAL YARDAGE = 173 and 2 steps

I’ve talked with a friend who has an autoimmune disease as well.  She has Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA).  We decided a long time ago that rain makes our bodies hurt!   When it rains, I tell her: “Rain, rain/go away/come again/NEVER!!!”  We laugh because we know that it is impossible but it WOULD make our bodies feel better!

This year is the first year that the cold has REALLY gotten to me!  It bothers her as well.  We talk of the fact that we get chilled to our bones and how everything is in SLOW motion in the cold.  It’s REALLY difficult!!!  She said to me once, “It’s very humbling to NOT be able to control your body.  It really let’s you know where you stand in this world.”  I remember that statement really resonating with me because it is ABSOLUTELY true!!!  It is SO humbling and it really stinks!!!

Yesterday at Barwis, Phil came out to get me again.  I got in and I saw Brock and Chris sitting in the chairs by the mirror.  They both smiled and said hi to which I replied, “hi guys!” in a sing-song voice.  I felt like it’s that TV show Cheers or something.  I like that home-y feeling “where everybody knows [my] name.”  I wiped my wheels and that dad asked me if I was going to do “600 [squats] today?”  I told him that I was going to do 605 and we laughed.  Phil stretched me at the table yesterday.  He was sitting on the table and I was in my chair.  He grabs my leg and starts to stretch me.  I was completely confused!  I laughed and told him how it was reversed and “I’m in my chair and you’re on the table.  Usually it’s the other way around.  We switched roles!”  He looks at me and says, “yeah, you’re gonna stretch me today.”  I bet it would be easier for me to do that than it is for him to stretch me!

We head to the Keiser machine and I stand.  It was on my second stand that I did 12 and a quarter squats.  I told Phil that 12 1/4 is better than 10 1/2!  He said to go back to the table after just that one set.  Um.  Okay.  This time, I was the one sitting on the table.  I did some leg extensions and Phil really worked my ankles; especially my left.  My left ankle has really been turning in and on its side.  I asked Phil why it’s doing that, now.  He said that it’s probably the cold and it’s really tight.  Grrr!!!  ANOTHER reason to HATE the cold!  He worked on both of my ankles and would gingerly put my ankle down before he would work on the other.  I asked why he was doing that and he told me it was so my legs wouldn’t jerk back up.  They would if he just let them fall.  That made sense and it was probably true.

As Phil was doing this, I looked behind him at three high school girls working out.  I guess they were doing some kind of plyo (plyometrics) or something.  They were jumping up on the medium-sized blocks.  Talk about humbling!!!  Plyo training is the MOST impressive thing to watch for me!  I NEVER could jump that high!  EVER!  I remember sitting by the blocks and Jesse asking me if I thought he could jump the biggest box.  We were talking about it.  I was being honest and told him, “no.”  He looked at me incredulously and jumped up onto that box.  So, I stand corrected.  Jesse CAN jump the biggest box – really, I’m sitting (I don’t stand very well… yet).  So, I sat there and watched these girls do something that I can’t do and it’s completely impressive.  For right now, I am consciously fighting with my body to get my feet to turn out and be flat.  Right now, it feels like it is MORE difficult than plyo.  When is this weather going to let up already?!  I think that snow after Christmas is pointless.  Snow in February is just cruel.

Reese came out to help me into Barwis, but I was SO wrapped up in my book (I’m almost done) I told him that I’ll get in by myself in a bit.  We talked about football for a little while (Go Broncos!) and wished each other a good weekend.

Phil stretched me out a little bit and set my feet and told me to stand.  I barely moved up from my chair!  My legs remained bent and I realized that my hips were so tight that I was not able to stand.  Phil asked me if that was me standing?!  He had me sit down again (I didn’t have THAT far to go!) and he stretched me some more.  I was not bothered by this fact, I kept saying,  “first is the worst; second is the best!” I must have said it like 8 times. Phil said he was going to hurt me if I said it anymore. But then he set my feet and I stood with a loud *BINK*. It was A LOT better. He told me to start doing some squats but my feet were set too far under the bar so he had me sit again. He stretched me some more.  He was working really hard because my legs were so tight. He was shaking! I wanted to take a picture of him but he wouldn’t let me.  He set my feet and I stood with yet another *BINK.*

I started doing squats. Eric came over and told me that I should kick Phil and his face because he was seated right in front of me as I’m doing my squats.  (He was TOTALLY joking!) I think that that is physically impossible for me to do at this point. So I completed the squat I was working on and *BINK*ed and said, “600.”  Eric I asked, “600?!” I look to over and his direction, and said “really… it’s 4.”   I was able to do 10 and a half squats. I did these almost 11 squats in quick succession *BINK*ing everytime!

Phil pushes me over to the table but it was in use. He had me stay in my chair and he stretched me some more. He told me that will probably just stay in the chair because he was going to work my ankles. My left foot has been turning on its side so I am putting pressure on the outside of my foot.  I have blisters on the outside of my foot and my pinky and ring toe.  They’ve popped.  It hurts.   Phil started with my left ankle and told me to turn my ankle out. I found it was EXTREMELY difficult to do. So he switches to my right ankle which my right leg is historically my “poop” leg.  He told me to turn it out and I was REALLY trying but it did not move. He said, “that was sh**ty.” I started laughing and he said, “just being honest” with a straight face.

Phil takes me out to my car which I got in ALL BY MYSELF again! We fist bump and he tells me that my stands and squats were good but my ankle was sh**ty.  Overall, today seemed like a good day (but NOT like Ice Cube) but the saying should be “first is the worst; second is a little better; and third is the REAL best.  At least it was for me.  We won’t talk about my ankles.

Yesterday, I realized as soon as I woke up (because I HAD to go in to work WITHOUT students) that I am really having a difficult time with this EXTREMELY cold weather.  My WHOLE body hurt and was crazy stiff.  It was SO difficult to move.

I was nervous for “Walking Wednesday” because of how my body was reacting to the temperature.  Phil stretches me out and then Lindsay comes over and we started walking.  Or just got a flag.  False start.  Phil stretched me some more and then I tried again.  I got 7 yards.  Then 5.  Then 2.  Then 3.  I originally  thought I had 22 yards and Phil thought it was 17.  I thought about it and then realized in the middle of last night ( I woke up because I was warm under all of my blankets) that Phil IS right.  I don’t think I could get 8 yards on my 4th down.  What can I say?  I teach reading!  Math is HARD!!!  I’m going with Phil’s ruling on the field because 4th and 3 is A LOT different from 2nd and 8!

I punted.  I don’t have much faith in my O-line.  One day I will.  Soon.  But it did feel really GOOD to get at least ONE conversion!  I was satisfied.  I want to be walking NOW (see?! REALLY bad at the patience part!) but Phil told me as we went out to my car – YOU’RE WALKING!!!  True.  Chris told me today before I started that it takes a LONG time.  He said that I have to be patient.  I will chalk “Walking Wednesday” #15 as a lesson in patience.  I REALLY stink at these lessons!

TOTAL YARDAGE = 156 and 2 steps

This word (the title of the post) originated sometime in September or late August.  It was before Adam was “Phil” and Jesse was the lead guy working with me.  I would come into Barwis and Adam would ask me how my legs were feeling.  I always would say something about my legs being tight or hurting or something.   (I was being honest).   Adam told me that he just wanted me to come in and tell him that “I’m fanf***ingtastic!”  (He’s  somewhat of a potty-mouth).  I never could say this honestly.  …Until yesterday.

I get to Barwis a little bit early because I did NOT go to work yesterday because my foot (my left) was messed up and I went to the doctor’s office to have them take a look at it.  I really don’t mess around with problems with my feet because I have reduced blood flow in my legs (that’s why it took six months for my broken ankle to heal) so it can lead to bigger problems.  There was A LOT of slush in the parking lot so I called Dusty to have him send Phil out to get me.  I felt I was going to slip if I tried myself.  Phil runs out and helps me out of my car.  Once in Barwis, I can leisurely wipe the snow and slush off of my wheels.

Phil stretches me at the Keiser machine and I was a bit nervous because my right leg felt really tight and my left foot was hurting a little bit.  I wasn’t sure what kind of showing I was going to have.  Phil sets my feet and tells me to stand.  It was REMARKABLY easy to do!  My right foot was reluctant to join the party at that point so he had me sit again and he stretched my right leg a bit more.  He sets my feet again and I tell him to hold on to his socks.  I stand with BOTH of my feet on the floor and *BINK* with ease.  Then we started doing quarter squats then half-squats using my wheelchair as a reference.  I’d squat until my butt hit my wheelchair and then he would tell me to stand.  I’d *BINK* EVERYTIME!!!  We must’ve done this 12 or 15 times.  Then he tells me sit and rest and agrees that I am STILL a “sock knock-er off-er” when I ask.

For the second set of squats, I was going to keep count.  I did 11 then had to rest.  He asked me something (I don’t remember what) to which I reply, “because I just did 11 squats!”  He comes back with, “why didn’t you do 12?”  Oh, okay.  Challenge accepted!  I did 15 the next set.  I told Phil that it was a bit anti-climactic that he is NOT super excited!  But I WAS super excited for the both of us!!!  We were doing the squats pretty quickly and I figured that it sounds more impressive if I call out a BIG number upon standing.  So, on one of the squats I stand and say “694!”  I was throwing out big, three digit numbers for each squat I successfully completed with a *BINK* as if that was the number rep I was on.  We did one more set of squats (I did 7) then we did stands.  It felt REALLY  good to stand and squat SO well!!  I’ve kindof been in a funk lately, so this was exhilarating!  When I am getting ready to leave, a dad of an athlete (she must be in high school) asks me if I really did 600 of those [squats]?  I smiled and laughed a little and told him that “I did like 11 but 600 just sounds like a better number.”

When I stand at the bar, I am able to find the exact spot where I feel like I am completely in balance.  I told Phil that I could stand for days!  And I was standing for a long time for awhile!  Phil left for a minute while I was sitting.  The camera guys were there (Barwis is doing a TV show coming up) and they ask Phil to demonstrate the Vertimax (one of the machines that athletes use there).  They told him to jump a few times and I call to him to “do 12!”  He tells me to “stand up!” and I did.  When he was taking the bands off and getting off of the Vertimax I call out, “I’m STILL standing!” I continiue standing and it is apparent that I have reached my limit at that point.  I continue to try anyway and feel good that I am going until fatigue. My quads are shaking!

Phil takes me out to my car and I am able to get into my car ALL BY MYSELF!!!  I look at him and say, “That was fanf***ingtastic!”  I completely meant it!  I felt my eyes light up when I smiled as people have told me that I do when I am REALLY happy.   I sat in my car in silence (running because it is FREEZING but NO radio) and text Jesse, Mike, my cousin Kimmy, and a bunch of my friends.  It WASN’T even “Walking Wednesday” but I was SO excited that I had to spread the news anyway!  My legs feel like shaky jell-o and I feel adrenaline surging though my entire body!  I think I sat in front of Barwis in silence and drinking my water for like 40 minutes.  I was trying to decide if I was going to cry because I felt TONS of emotion built up inside of me and didn’t know how it was going to come out.  As I get onto I-96, it is apparent that I am NOT going to cry so I smile.  It was a crooked smile that really looks like a frown but it’s a smile that my Dad used to make ALL THE TIME.  I felt myself making one of his faces and that made the smile-frown more pronounced.  My Mom told me that it was my Dad smiling with me on the way home when I told her about it.  I like how that sounds!  I’ll take it!  I REALLY “grabbed my guts” this time, Daddy!!!

Reese helped me into Barwis yesterday.  I got in and wiped my wheels off that were full of the snow that was coming down. I asked Phil before we began if I was going to get harnessed again today.  He snapped “I don’t know!”  I told him, “Don’t be mean to me again, Adam!”he kind of laughed at that and he stretched me a bit at the Kaiser machine. I was nervous about standing because my right leg was SO tight. I asked why it is doing this now? It hasn’t done it before. He told me it might be the cold that is causing this because it’s been SO cold for the past few weeks. Then he set my feet and told me to stand.

It was immediately difficult and I was envisioning that person standing behind me pushing my hips to the floor. Phil was sitting in front of me and he said as if to read my mind, “No one standing behind you pushing your hips down! Fight! Keep fighting!” I think that was what I needed to hear. I continued to fight and continually did quarter squats to try to get myself to stand upright.  Eventually, I got myself to *BINK.*  He told me to hold it there and keep standing. Both of my feet were on the floor this time and I was standing upright. It was SO difficult! I would stand until he told me to sit and rest. We did this a number of times and he would press on my lower spine to help me a little bit so I could *BINK.*  I felt myself shaking, both my arms and legs. It was SO tiring!  But, I would continue to stand until he told me to sit. My eyes were closed and I was picturing new pathways being set in my leg muscles so I continued to stand.  It felt really good and I think that I knocked my OWN socks off! We fist bumped and I stood a few more times. I was COMPLETELY tired!

I am sitting on the table and we did leg curls and extensions. We haven’t done those in a very long time and it made me feel like I had a good showing at standing so I could complete this task as well. After we did some curls and extensions, Phil had me lay on my back and he stretched me for a while and then he told me to raise my knees (one at a time) to my chest and I STILL could do it!

I was I was SO tired yesterday. But it felt really good that I was doing better than I did on Wednesday. It’s almost like now I feel myself on the rise again. So that excited feeling of anticipation when you’re sitting in a rollercoaster and it’s click, click, clicking to the top. That’s how I feel right now.  I know that it will stink going down and I don’t know how long it will last.  But it’s nice going up right now. I’m excited.  I wonder if I’ll get the guts to raise my arms?

Seems  as though it might be…