When my Mom and I went out to Target Wednesday (which I am still recovering from!). I wrote about how we saw my friend and former colleague, Mr. Wright. He looked sun-kissed! I asked him where he went because I knew he had to have gone somewhere warm. He always did that during the breaks when we worked together. He told me that he went to Las Vegas.
I smiled because that sounded like a place he would go! He told me he came back after they took all of his money! Right after I smiled and told him that he looked sun-kissed, he in turn looked at me and said, “And you look so white!” As a Mexican person, I don’t think I’ve ever really hear that! I just started to laugh because I didn’t want to be a downer and tell him that I really haven’t seen the light of day outside for pretty much two years!
I hide from the sun so much now that I can’t ever imagine being sun-kissed again! I so much enjoyed seeing him though! We slid back into an easy conversation as if we saw each other every day like we used to do when we worked together! It really made me think about and miss all my former colleagues! We. (the OG’s) were a really close knit group! I am basically a shut-in now.
Mr. Wright hugged me and my Mom upon greeting and again when we parted ways. He smelled really good, like he always did! I enjoyed that smell every time I turned my head to the right for the whole time we were at Target and for the rest of the day!
My son and I recently talked about past Easter celebrations from his youth. My brothers and I would make up plastic eggs for our kids to find in an Easter egg hunt. It worked out where we would decide a few weeks before Easter that each sibling was responsible to provide 100 eggs to for the kids to find.
Sean was blown away that we were all in our early 20s doing these things for our children. I always filled the Easter eggs I was responsible for with Sean’s favorite chocolate and quarters! I laughed when I told Sean about how exciting it had to be for the kids to find an egg with a whopping 2 quarters! My brother, Dave would provide the “Golden Eggs!” I think it was one egg that was golden in color that contained $5!
Sean never got the “Golden Egg” when we held hunts for the kids so it got me thinking about the fact that I wanted to have one more Easter celebration for Sean! My son is 17 so next year, he will technically be an, “Adult” in the eyes of the law. I think I am just feeling nostalgic so I wanted to have one more Easter basket! Sean doesn’t care either way! He hasn’t cared that he hasn’t had an Easter basket for the past couple years because I have not been working. I wanted to change that!
So yesterday, I just received my Social Security check and paid my bills so I had a little bit of money to get him some Easter candy for a basket! My Mom loaded me into the car to take me to Target to get some! The first thing that I noticed once we got into the store was that Target looked so much different than I remember it! My Mom told me that it has been changed for a few months but I wouldn’t know because I rarely leave the house! She pushed me in my manual chair to get all of the specific things for Sean.
While we were in Target, I saw my friend and former colleague, Jonathon Wright! I was so happy to see him! He looked at the items in the basket on my lap and told me that he was glad that I am eating healthy! I laughed and filled him in on what’s going on with Sean! I was really happy to see him and I was immediately transported back to a time when I first started working with him and teaching English. I was still walking on crutches and driving back then as well. It really seems like a lifetime ago now!
Once finished shopping, I could feel myself getting fatigued! My Mom stopped to get us a shawarma for dinner and as I waited for her while sitting at the car, I realized that my knee was killing me and even my feet hurt. When she came back into the car, I told her about it and I was a little puzzled by it. She told me that I have NOT been in my motorized chair for too long!
It’s saddens me to realize that this was true. When I leave my house roughly once a month for a haircut and eyebrow wax, I am out of my chair probably a total of 30-45 minutes. Shopping at Target, it was longer. My knee was killing me! Once I was home, I reclined my motorized wheelchair and basically passed out till close to 11 o’clock. I was bothered somewhat because I wanted to write my blog post about seeing Mr. Wright and trying my hand at venturing out to Target.
I thought of a picture I posted on Facebook recently:
The MS fatigue was REAL to me yesterday but I think more important was the fact that I realized yesterday how much my motorized chair is a necessity now! My legs need to be elevated to NOT hurt so much! So, me passing out after getting home yesterday was completely an MS thing but my knee hurting so badly it’s not! This, “Double Whammy” really stinks! And it is where I find myself!
Yesterday, I had to do some Easter shopping because this may be the last year Sean gets an Easter basket! He hasn’t had one in a couple years because I haven’t been working but this year, I wanted to do this for my Beeb.
My Mom loaded me into the car and we left. This song played right when I got into the car!:
This song has been my jam for almost 20 years! I thought it was going to mean it was a good omen but… I will write about it in a bit.
So, I’m feeling like poop today but as I sit and watch a cheesy Hallmark movie (which I LOVE!) that I have never seen before, the guy talked about Night swimming. Of course I thought of this song and had to share it! I have not thought about this song in over 10 years, probably about 14…
I chose to read this book because my Mom talked about it years ago and I have never read it.. I thought of that James Blunt song:
Because this book was written so long ago, I really have to concentrate on the language chosen. I appreciate this fact because it helps my brain and makes my mind think harder! It may take me longer to read but I’m down for that!
I spent the whole day reading and ignoring the green, leopard print splotches in order to finish this book! I would definitely recommend this to everyone! It’s a good flick on Netflix even though it’s different from the book.
I read this article while laying in bed this morning waiting for my Mom to get to my house and I have been thinking about it all day long. I sat in my kitchen and told my Mom about it when she got here as I sipped my Kiefer.
Photographer helps Selma Blair get coffee
By: Derrick Bryson Taylor
Who says the paparazzi are only bad?
On Thursday, Selma Blair, who is battling multiple sclerosis, was out and about in Los Angeles when she was helped by a photographer-turned-good-samaritan.
According to Backgrid, the “Cruel Intentions” alumna, 46, was having a day of beauty at Bungalow Salon when she wanted a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, she was not able to find parking close enough to her preferred spot, Alfred Coffee.
A kind photographer, who she is reportedly on good terms with, came to her rescue and retrieved her coffee.
Blair was said to be happy and feeling “normal” as she went about her day.
She was also stopped by a stranger, who also went to University Michigan. The pair sang their school fight song before parting ways.
In recent weeks, Blair has been leaning on the support of family and friends including Michael J. Fox. She has not only opened the doors of her home for an intimate interview, she recently did a candid makeup tutorial for people with MS.
The biggest thing that stuck out to me was the last line, …”she recently did a candid make up tutorial for people with MS.“
I actually have never thought about how sad this is.. Sean had to be in second grade the first time I went to work without wearing make up. We were still living in our second apartment and I was still driving. I used to drive to my Mom’s house to drop Sean off so she could take him to school heading west and I would head east from her house to go to my school to teach.
On the drive to her house, I couldn’t understand why I was smelling my face cream so strongly. It was the moisturizer I put on right after I washed my face. It wasn’t until I made the turn onto, “Break-Neck Mountain” (Long story as to how that intersection got it’s name) that I realized I was NOT wearing make up. I dropped Sean off and proceeded on my way to work.
I was still teaching English back then and I stopped off into the teacher’s lounge and my good friend and colleague, Lauren, was there. I had been wearing dark, oversized sunglasses for a long time because of my Optic Neuritis and my sensitivity to the sunlight. I waited until the door to the teacher’s lounge was closed and I looked at her and told her that I forgot to put my makeup on this morning and then proceeded to raise my sunglasses and ask her if I looked okay.
She told me that I looked fine, that I didn’t look any different and that was the last day I wore make up to school. For me, I never wore a lot of make up but because I am in adult woman and was a professional, I needed to look the part. When Lauren told me that I didn’t look any different without makeup, that was license for me to NOT do my make up and sleep an extra 15 minutes in the morning!
As years went by, Sean and I were living in our house at the time and he was probably in sixth grade when I told him, “That I technically am too old to NOT wear make up, but …” It was just too difficult for me even to try! I used to wear dark brown liquid eyeliner and I noticed that in my freshman year of college, before my diagnosis, my eyeliner would end up getting thicker and thicker because my hand was so unsteady. I didn’t understand that I was losing control of my hands.
I stopped wearing eyeliner after my diagnosis and I think it made me a little bit sad. In fact, I take that back, I would wear liquid eyeliner once a year for Sean and my Christmas card picture. My Mom would apply it for me.
My Mom always told me that highly educated women didn’t wear make up for the most part and I agreed with that because as a 2 degreed woman, I didn’t wear make up.
Today, as I read that a, “make up tutorial for people with MS“ was needed; it kind of startled me. I pretty much have known all along that putting make up on after my diagnosis got increasingly harder. When Lauren told me that I didn’t look any different without the little bit of make up I used to wear, I was okay with that. Now, I couldn’t put make up on if I tried! I don’t think I’ll be trying anytime soon!
When I did the photo shoot for the magazine, Momentum for the MS society, they brought in a hair and make up woman especially for the shoot. I remember when Dan saw me, he smiled at me and told me that I looked pretty. I liked hearing bad! I remember it felt so foreign on my skin to me, like I was wearing a mask that I just wanted to takeoff!
I guess today, after reading that article, I am a little bit sad. I’ve known for a long time that I cannot wear make up because I do not have the hand-eye coordination to put it on but thinking about the fact that there are special considerations that would need to be taken in order to put make up on because I have MS just makes me sad.
*Wait, I just saw a portion of that tutorial and it made me laugh. She gets it too!
I broke my left ankle in March of 2005. I was still walking, living with my parents, doing my student teaching, about to graduate from undergrad, and had a boot on my leg. My ankle was proving to take a very long time to heal (Thanks MS!) and it was painful. My Dad reminded me one evening in the hallway outside his bedroom that, “The blood of strong Mexicans runs through [my] veins.” He told me that with conviction that evening to let me know that I had the strength to get through this even though it was taking a long time for my broken ankle to heal and it was so painful.
My knee has been popping out every day for the past four days. I was told that my Mom is, “Hard-Core” because once it pops out (mostly upon transfer), she will raise my ankle up and hold my knee as it pops back into place with a loud, “pop” and a combination of a gasp, a scream, and/or tears from me.
I am not sure which of my parents I am able to gather more strength from, it’s a combination of the two but I am trying my best to gather that strength today! My knee is throbbing and my legs feel tight and like they are curling up . My feet are pronating and all of this hurts too! It’s a result of not being worked out at Barwis Methods; and that fact hurts a lot as well!
I thought of this song that I used to listen to while still an undergrad and still driving:
I’m not sure if it’s just me going stir crazy in my house but my legs are more elevated and my wheelchair is reclined to alleviate pressure on my hips. I’ve been sitting back and watching, Legends of the Fall because that movie is always good for a few good cries. I figure if I let some of this pain escape my body through my eyes, I will be able to gather up some of the strength (apparently I already have) I need today to get through this!
My Mom and I didn’t listen to any music today but rather, we talked. I am not even sure what we were talking about but she ended it with, “That’s my remember-y!” Hearing that, I began to laugh! When Sean was about five years old, he used to say? “Remember-y” instead of, “Memory.” I half-heartedly tried to correct him but I thought that sounded so darn cute!
Recently, he was washing dishes and I sat in my kitchen to talk with him as my Mom was doing something at this stove. He was listening to music on his JBL speaker. He only listens to Motown when My Mom or I are around because he doesn’t have to censor the music he listens to. “Superstition” came on by Stevie Wonder.
Both my Mom and I started to laugh and Sean just shook his head as I flailed my arms over my head. He returned to washing the dishes and simply said, “It’s not funny.” But, it ACTUALLY is! I’m sure I have written about this before but my Mom and I took Sean to his first movie. It was, Happy Feet. That song was in the soundtrack and always reminds me of him being very small (about 3) and sitting in the seat with his legs stretched out forward and his feet it just came to the edge of the seat.
I bought him the kids’ size popcorn and drink and that was on his lap. I put the drink in the cupholder and I’m glad I did because about halfway through the movie, I think it was a sea lion who jumps out and tries to eat Bumble. I will admit that it was a bit scary but Sean threw both of his arms in the air and popcorn flew EVERYWHERE when he jumped!
My Mom and I began to laugh after I consoled him and made sure he was okay. As we all were in the kitchen and my Mom and I were laughing, Sean simply said, “It’s not funny” as our laughter continued. I told him that, “It’s a GREAT remember-y!”
When I said that, he interjected emphatically that, “[That word] makes sense! He told me that when you remember something, it is a memory so, “Remember-y” fits! He told me that he stands by that word! I just smiled at remembered him being small saying that word and being afraid at the movie!
Talk about a, “Throwback Thursday!” I have thought about my sweet baby boy at that age all day! I was a bit nervous about writing about these, “Remember-ies” but I’m pretty sure that Sean does NOT read my blog!
I thought about a picture that I’m sure I have somewhere in my camera roll and it’s of Sean about the age of seeing that movie and using the word, “Remember-y.”
But I think I like this picture better because the Pistons just made it into the playoffs with last night’s win! I watch the game with Sean who is 17 now.
A few weekends ago, Sean made himself breakfast and came to my room as I was trying to awaken from my groggy state. He had a plate of scrambled eggs, beans, and rice. The beans and rice were left over from the Taco Tuesday four days before. He came up to my bed and sat in my wheelchair and ate his eggs and told me that what he was eating was, “Low-key delicious!“ I asked him what he was eating and he told me.
I immediately thought of my youth! I thought of beans, eggs, and Texas! I told Sean that what he was eating was NOT low-key and that I used to eat it all the time when I was in Texas!
The leftover rice has way too many carbs but he gave me the idea of having beans with my eggs. I am technically not supposed to eat pinto beans on the BED diet but the thought of those three things was too delicious to pass up! So yesterday, for Taco Tuesday, I made sure to order a small side of beans and rice. The rice because Sean likes it and the beans because I wanted to have some with my eggs this morning!
This morning, my Mom made me, “Hard eggs” which basically is sunny side up eggs that are almost cooked completely through with just a little bit of yolk. She heated up some beans for me as well! As I ate them, I am mediately thought of Texas!
I was six the first time my family went to Texas and the weather change was strange for me to say the least! It was SO HOT! On that trip, we stopped in Oklahoma to meet up with his old war buddy, Van and his wife, Beverly. It was the strangest thing for me to see my Dad and his friend from young adulthood walk toward each other and they both puffed their chests out and sucked their guts in at the same time! I never saw my Dad laugh as much as it did when we were with them! My Dad was always happiest when we were in Texas!
Now that I think about it, I think I only went to Texas with my family three times in the summer and once for Christmas (Talk about weird! We barbecued on Christmas!). Because I saw my Dad so happy there, I have the fondest memories from there! All my “Texas relatives“ as I call them have a VERY SPECIAL place in my heart!
I think that is why when I watched the NCAA tournament with Sean, I really cheered for Texas Tech! If I’m being honest, it really is because they knocked Michigan State out of the tournament by winning but I bought two Texas Tech T-shirts after that win just the same!
I was in need of new T-shirts anyway so why not get some Texas T-shirts?! They were on sale so I got two. They arrived yesterday. So today, as I ate my breakfast and thought of eggs, beans, and Texas I also am sporting my Texas Tech T-shirt!
