My last blog post was somewhat of a downer! I really don’t like to frame it like that. So instead, I am going to write about a new sensation that I got today. Wouldn’t you know that this new sensation is also in my, “Poop leg.”
This song did not come to mind right away but now it is there. This new sensation has only happened five times today, so far.
So, this is what’s going on now; It has felt like I have had a Charlie horse or an INTENSE cramp behind my knee at the bottom of my thigh. It is painful and it lasts about 15 to 30 seconds. Accompanied with this sensation is my body jerking in reaction to the pain.
I’m grateful that it only happened this afternoon and I wonder when it will come again and how long it will last but you know that this song is playing in my head regardless of how much pain I am in!;
Today marks 21 years and two months to the day from when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I saw this meme yesterday on Facebook and I figured I would share it here because that is what I am going to talk about:
When I first saw that meme, I thought that it did not look as painful as nerve pain actually is!!! I say that because that is what I am dealing with right now.
I remember probably two years after I was diagnosed and I was already on Canadian crutches that my brother asked me once “What hurts?” And I remember we were seated at our Parents’ table at their house and I looked at him and said, “Just my nerves.” And he kind of nodded and accepted my answer. I think I was drinking something because I took a drink, swallowed and added, “There are hundreds of nerves in every inch of my body!”
I like these following three memes better because they show how painful it actually is!:
Because, it’s painful. Almost unbearable. Don’t forget that I likened my pain to Silas from The DaVinci Code hurting himself:
I wrote about Silas on February 1st of this year. That’s when I first started experiencing excruciating nerve pain in my right thigh. It woke me up from a dead sleep and felt like a screwdriver being shoved into my thigh all the way to the bone! But in the past month, it has changed from a barbed wire cutting into my skin to a tight strap around my thigh. Now, I have the blackest bruise you can have on the entirety of the outside of my thigh!
It’s the darkest bruise that hurts to the touch. My mom was adjusting my compression socks and she kind of pinched the outside of the sock to pull it up and it immediately resulted in tears springing to my eyes because it hurt so much!
Last night, I cried myself to sleep and I didn’t even know I was doing that until I had to flip my pillow over because it was wet. I was thinking about how long I will have to bear this pain. It seems like it will be a long time but I am hopeful for this at the precipice of MS Awareness Month:
as I was getting ready for bed last night, I listen to music while I am puzzling and then I keep playing it as I take my contacts out and brushed my teeth. I pause the music when I am brushing my teeth because I can’t hear it with my electric toothbrush. But you best be sure that I turn it right back on when I am flossing! I heard this song and it took me a back because I had seriously forgotten about this artist. I did NOT sing along but I mouthed all of the words because they STILL are etched in my brain from high school!!!:
I surprised myself that I knew all of those words still because I didn’t even remember the artist but then it got me thinking and I searched for my ULTIMATE JAM from high school and I listened to it and remembered singing it at the top of my lungs wherever I was at!!! What I wouldn’t give to be able to sing again but I can still remember what it felt like and for as long as I can, that will have to suffice…
Since getting Leia in August 20 20, I really don’t have a large role in her care. I do not take her for walks and I do not feed her. I just pay for her. And I’m OK with that because I have never had a daughter and so I get to buy her pink things! I have grown very fond of her and I wonder what she thinks of me but she does come to my aid all of the time as if she could do something. I just love her. When my Mom is giving her pieces of apple, she will be sitting at the table and she will cut some for herself and she will give Leia pieces as well. When my Mom is finished giving her pieces of apple, she will hold her hands up and say, “All done.”
I am writing about this because a few days ago, my brother, Dave, dropped milk off to my house before he went to work. He came in and he was dressed in his uniform so his gun, belt, and his vest were visible. Leia is afraid of black things. She freaks out when seeing black garbage bags at the edge of the street. So, my brother, Dave was dressed in black and he came into the house and walked toward me and as he leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek, she barked. Twice. It wasn’t until after my brother left that my Mom told me that she was protecting me because my brother was all in black.
That made sense to me. My brother came over again yesterday because my Mom made pot pie so he stopped in before work to get a piece. When I heard him at the door, I made sure to make eye contact with Leia and put my hands up like my Mom does and I told her I was okay as my brother came into the house. I did that so that Leia would not bark at him and she did not. I like thinking about #MyGirlL as my protector.
I feel that I need to tell on myself. This is a confession of sorts. Last Sunday, my Mom was putting medicine on Leia in the evening. I was still using my shortbread cookie Chapstick. I thought it was getting close to the end and I want to see how far I had left to go until I was finished. I pushed it all the way up and saw that it was not very much, probably about an inch and a half. I knew I would have that done in no time but then, I tried to Unwind the Chapstick and it did not move! I saw that it was A little bit shorter than the cap. I thought I could just put the cap on it:
I was being impatient and I should have just I waited. So once I put the cap back on, it clicked but I felt the chopsticks smash into the top of the cap. I pulled it off and the whole top pulled off of the plunger and I just had Chapstick in the cap. It was a mess! So much so that I knew I couldn’t do anything so I just got irritated and threw it away! I tried to add a picture of my winter chapstick pack now that it is completed for the next few winters. I am using the vanilla bean Chapstick until the weather breaks. It’s something to look forward to. that AND my birthday!
I have since stopped crying when I watch the Super Bowl halftime show and I have been having problems with my cable anyway so I just listened to Mary J on my Apple Music account:
I was processing mail so I wasn’t near my phone so it just played similar songs and I was back in middle school (high school for some of the songs). I really enjoyed being that young again! This one is from middle school basketball season:
I think I was a dramatic sophomore for this one but I still remembered all of the words even though I did not sing them, I sang them in my head:
I was older when this song came out and it was definitely one of my jams! I think I was already working at the mall then;
I was puzzled when I heard this song because I couldn’t understand why it was mixed in with songs from when I was young;
I was puzzled because I clearly remember singing this song at the top of my lungs when I lived in my second apartment and Sean‘s dad had taken them for the afternoon. I no longer can sing along but I remember them coming in as I was mid verse. Icouldn’t understand why she was in the playlist randomly:
But then I looked at my phone because I was turning the music off. Oh yeah, this is how I remember her looking Wayback in the day but she has been making music for so long now I know the older Alicia Keys.
Further proof that I am getting old! It’s just about birthday month and my birthday is only 12 days after the commencement of that so I will be 40 years old!?!
It’s a #DirtyHairDontCare Day for me AGAIN but last night, we listened to Journey as we washed my legs and I clearly remember watching this video laying on my Parents’ living room floor back when we had green carpet. I watched the video today and it was just GREAT as I remember it!
I have always loved having a routine. I remember growing up that both my Mom and my brother thought it was strange that I was okay being alone. My brother asked me once, “What are do you do all the time in your room?” My answer was simple. “Read.” But now that I have had MS for 21+ years, unfortunately, reading is NOT that easy anymore.
I always think about that horrible doctor who told me that I had MS and the fact that she told me that like this`, “Look, you have MS, you are going to go blind, and then you are going to die” before spinning her on her heel and leaving. I HATE that this is 100% true. My eyes ARE failing but I am not blind… yet. It is really crazy how much I have to modify or discontinue doing things that I used to enjoy. I loved to, “puzzle!” But now, my hand dexterity and hand-eye coordination do not allow me to do that. Now enter technology. I CAN “Puzzle” with my Puzzling app:
I need to, “Puzzle” on my phone because I usually, “Puzzle” after I have taken my contacts out for the evening and my Mom is taking a nap. This particular puzzle took two days to complete! That’s a long time for me! But, it is complete now.
I heard this song as I was, “Puzzling” two days ago. But after a while, I realize that I need to concentrate a lot while completing this puzzle so I finally completed it yesterday in silence. When I heard it, it’s one of my jams and it was from back when I was still teaching. This came out in 2010 and that’s when I got my masters degree so I was the Reading Specialist. I remember liking it because I liked the band but that seriously, it’s insane to do! I was well past thinking that a drunk guy professing his love for me what’s something good. Even back when I was 28:
I was so excited to hear the ding on my phone that let me know that my Super Bowl 56 shirt had arrived! I am so excited because I wanted my man to win and he and his team did it like I knew he always could!!! My mom and I laughed as she took pictures to document my new shirt!!!
I had a crystal clear memory as I was drinking my lunch pro Tien shake today. I was instantly reminded of sitting in the stands at Dearborn high school and hearing this song and seeing my son and all of his friends dancing to it in the end zone after they had scored:
I also remember hearing the opening with guitar of this song and then it was interrupted with the announcer. I told my brother that I knew what song it was and I told him it was U2 and once the announcer stops talking, the song continued and I was correct!
